A Toddler Dinner Party
In the past few months, dinnertime with Bean has become increasingly…um…hellish? Disastrous? Unbearable?
D. All of the above.
Bean eats like most toddlers. He has a HUGE breakfast every morning. Usually he has two bowls of cereal, a banana, a piece of toast (sometimes two), and some yogurt. He’s like He-Man in the mornings. At school he normally eats all his morning snack and most of his lunch. His afternoon snack is when he starts winding down and he’s hit or miss as to whether he actually eats any. By dinner, he is not interested in food at all.
Our pediatrician said that as long as he’s eating a balanced diet most of the day, we shouldn’t stress too much about the light dinner. And I get that. But part of eating dinner is the sitting down as a family. That’s something I want Bean to learn is part of our household routine. Also, at daycare he’s getting balanced meals, but they aren’t SUPER healthy every day and dinnertime is how I make sure he gets some fresh veggies and fruit in his day. So, while I don’t require him to eat everything, he does have to sit at the table with us and eat a little bit.
And, therein lies the challenge.
I have been struggling with how to get Bean to eat without ruining dinner with temper tantrums (no small feat, I assure you…). Most of the time, he’s pretty good. I let him bring one toy to the table as long as he eats his dinner while the toy is there. Our dessert rule is that if Bean cleans his WHOLE plate, he gets a cookie. That actually rarely happens. Normally, he pokes at his meal for about half the meal while he talks to me and Chris. When he’s tired of sitting there (usually after 20 minutes), he asks to get down. If he hasn’t eaten enough, I ask him to take two or three bites and then he can get down. If he’s eaten a fair amount, I let him get down and tell him how much we enjoyed having him at the dinner table.
But there are those special nights when nothing works. He won’t eat anything and dinner looks like it’s going to be an epic fail in about 10 seconds. On those nights, we play The Game.
I accidentally came up with The Game one night when I was frustrated with Bean not eating his dinner. He had one of his toys on the table and I took it away from him because he wasn’t eating. When he asked nicely if he could have it back, I told him he could have it if be took one bite of veggies and one bite of chicken. He laughed like that was the greatest game in the whole world. So, I ran out to the living room and grabbed a handful of his favorite toys and put them in a bowl. Then, we started playing The Game.
The Rules:
– Bean can’t see what toys are in the bowl. It adds to the surprise when I pull one out.
– The toys much be pulled out with as much drama as possible. Extra points for silliness.
– The payment for each toy is based on the “value” of the toy to Bean. So, if it’s one of his favorite toys, he has to eat more food.
– The game ends when all the food is gone (which means I sometimes have to do several rounds in the living room collecting more toys) or whenever Bean gets fidgety.
– We only play the game once a week, at the most. It’s the novelty that makes it so fun to Bean.
Tonight I pulled The Game out because Bean hasn’t eaten a solid dinner for three nights now. This time, I had Chris video the beginning so you could see how it goes.
Getting toddlers to eat has to be one of the greatest parenting challenges. On those nights when I’m positive Bean is going to shrivel up and starve if he doesn’t eat dinner, this is my go-to game.
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46 Comments
Annie @ Annie's Cooking Lab
That’s so cute, and what a clever idea!
Alexandra
Katie ~ I am SUCH a bad blog follower and to be honest I haven’t really read your blog since I had my son 16 months ago (hangs head in shame), but tonight I saw this post on Facebook and I had to read it because I’m SURE that my little guy will be Bean in a few months….(hoping not, but I’m sure it’ll happen!). Cute game 🙂 Great idea.
Jen @ Caved In
Brilliant! The things we come up with in the heat of the moment…
Holly
I would eat a bite of carrot if you pulled out a cool toy from the box and I’m 49 years old!
(And I loathe carrots….)
Lydia
I just happened to click on to this post while I was waiting for my 2 year old son to finish all of his food. Dinner was served an hour ago… I am desperate for inspiration on how to encourage him to eat. He eats exactly like Bean. A big breakfast, a good lunch, an okay snack and a bite of dinner! Thank you for sharing your idea! I’m sure it will be a big hit with my son. He was watching the video and giggling. 🙂
Lorrie
What a great idea! I will definitely be putting this in my toolbox to use if we have difficult eaters. You are so creative with your parenting and Bean really responds well to you!
Melissa W.
Great idea Katie!! I have a 3 yr. old a dinnertime is still a battle from time to time… I’ll have to keep this one in my toolbox!! On a side note- while I was watching your video my 3 yr. old heard the noise and came over- so he naturally asked who Bean was- said his name was Michael- then he said “I want to go see him at his house, he will like me!”. I laughed and told him that was sweet and I’d see about it! So do another meet and greet in Atlanta so we can have a playdate! LOL! Love your blog!!
Julia
BEST.IDEA.EVER.
Nate's Mom @ Nate is Great
Way to negotiate, mama! Next time there’s an international crisis, you and a mystery box of toys should be called in!
Jen M
I have a 3 year old and dinner is so frustrating at times! What a silly, clever little game!
The Life and Times of Me (Waiting for Bulgaria)
Awesome!!!
Kat
you’re a genius Katie. Seriously, I think the awesome parenting award should go to you.
Sara
Nice. Our problem with our 4 year old is that he won’t stay in his chair during dinner. He sits on the edge and gets up at least 10 times every night. Anyone else have this.problem or a clever solution?
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Okay, I know this game is a result of frustration for you, but Bean is SO CUTE. Watching this is like a glimpse of my future . . . except not in my house, and not me or my kid. . . Also, so great to hear that mammoth breakfasts are the norm for toddlers. I’d picked that up from your blog before my guy was born and stored it away for, well, now. Question: Does Bean ever decide he has enough toys and just take off with them?
Jennie
LOL, I have to say that while I was playing your video the music from my own blog was playing in the background…Skinny Genes by Eliza Doolittle…REALLY makes the video EVEN CUTER (if that is possible 🙂 Try it…it’s fun!
Paige
You need to read any book by Ellyn Satter.
Jenna@CallHerHappy
I don’t think any of actually realize how creative we are until we have kids 😉
RJ (Kids and Cast Iron)
We go with the theory of letting her eat if she wants too. She is only eleven months old but we plan to keep things that way. I figure if she is hungry she will eat. I know some nights I skip dinner too and occasionally I just want the cookie and not dinner. Causes less stress but even if she doesn’t eat she still joins us at the table.
Abby @ I Used To Have A Brain
We worried about that more with our first, and have learned that our theory has changed over the years for our family. For us, if they don’t want to eat, oh well. They won’t get any treats later, and that is their only option for food that night, but if they don’t eat we don’t battle it. We do make them stay at the table with us until most people are done eating though. That said… your game looks SUPER FUN!
Rachel @ The Ongoing Planner
Looks like a very creative game! Great job to keep Bean at the table when you are working to make dinner time important.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Um, do you think you could come up with an alternate version for me to make me STOP taking bites of my dinner?
Cindy
I think that is a brilliant idea! Bean is such a little cutie pie and you are such a great mama!! I am really going to have to try this trick with Miss Riley (who is 3 years old)
Holli
Genius! Now I feel like I need to buy small toys. I just realized all Adehlei’s toys are not small enough to fit in a bowl/box. This derives from my fear of stepping on small toys in the dark. Btw, Bean is just getting more cute!
laurenbtrain
dear lord. i love how cute that boy is!
CARAGH
I don’t have kids. But that game kicks ASS!
Clare
I LOVE that!! Your gorgeous boy is just too cute.
I love how he takes just a nibble of the carrot first, then looks at you all hopeful that it would do. Way to go MC!
Erin
When my nephew lived with us he was Beans age. He did the exact thing! The game we played was really weird. I would call him Lester(which is not his name,but he thought was hysterical) until he ate enough food.
Whitney
A few years ago I had this issue with Evie and since I work with psychologists they pretty much told me the same thing, “Make dinner a game.” So, kudos to you for figuring it out without professional help!
Our game is actually pretty boring but it works so I shall take it and run with it. (We still do it and Evie just turned six last month…) She has to take the same amount of bites as her age. And each item requires that many bites. She likes counting off the bites. So, we’re up to six bites of each thing on her plate but usually she gets so into counting she eats everything on her plate. However, she’s very worried about how she’ll eat everything when she turns 100 she tells me….
Abby
Hey Katie! This may not be the response you want to hear necessarily, but the way Bean’s eating is actually ideal for all of us — more food in the morning so we have calories we need for our daily activities, and less as the day goes on and we become less active (i.e. asleep at night). Encouraging kids to eat when they aren’t hungry establishes unhealthy habits that are harder to break later in life… Anyway, just my two cents! LOVE your blog and read it every day 🙂
Melissa
Have you tried veggies at breakfast? My mom did that when I was a kid. I would eat a huge breakfast (cereal, fruit, yogurt, but no proteins or veggies) and I liked snacks and lunch but I hated dinner. I still didn’t love the veggies at breakfast, but I was so hungry from my picked over dinner that I would eat anything. That’s when I found out that I actually like spinach, broccoli,carrots, etc.
Katie N.
Hi Katie! I have to admit – I was fully prepared to disagree with this game (I kept hearing my mom’s voice echo in my head, “There are NO toys at the dinner table.”), but then I watched the video and this is just too cute. And effective! And, it really achieves both goals – Bean is eating dinner, AND you guys are all having fun family time together around the table. Thanks for enlightening me 🙂
Wendy S
Too cute! I will have to see what I can come up with for my 3 y/o daughter who prefers snacks any time of the day!
gcrane
we play a similar game with our 3 year old, tell him he needs to take 2 (or whatever) BIG bites…..when he inevitably takes a small bite, we say ‘That’s not big!’ he thinks it’s hilarious, and will keep on taking bites until he get a big forkful.
Casey @ The Baker Bee
Fantastic idea! My son is 19 months and his eating habits sound very similar to Bean’s. I make sure that his breakfast, lunch & snacks are healthy because he doesn’t really eat dinner. I don’t think he’s quite old enough for this game, but maybe I can come up with another game that will encourage him to eat.
Amy @ A Little Nosh
Love this game! So cute. When we tell my son he has to eat however much more to have dessert he says, “I don’t want dessert. It’s not healthy.” I don’t know WHO birthed this child because he’s surely not mine.
Joanne
We had a lot of these same issues with our now 4 year old triplets and their little brother who is Bean’s age. We do the “take this many bites” game sometimes as well! One thing I wanted to pass along that I heard a few years ago though really struck me. We used to do the same rule where you only get dessert if you clean your plate. But the info I read said that sometimes that helps kids set up positive and negative connotations of foods. They’ll start to see the cookie (or cake or whatever) as the “good” food, the prize at the end of the tunnel. And they’ll see the dinner food on their plate as the yucky bad food that they have to eat to get to the prize. That definitely made me reevaluate our dessert requirements! I want them to learn to love foods other than sweets! Now, we just make sure they try at least a few bites of everything on their plate. If they do, they can have dessert if they want it (though it may be a smaller one or something lighter like applesauce or raisins). I just didn’t want them thinking that the only good foods were desserts! Anyway, just my two cents! Love your blog (and I think this may be the first time I’ve commented as well).
Leslie
Katie – you have to read the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter…it is the best book I have read regarding feeding kids! Lots of “aha” moments, etc.
K@Venison for Dinner
So creative! My son is similar age to Bean so this might just be a lifesaver.
Julie S.
This is GENIUS! Brayden is horrible at dinner- mostly snacks during the day (fruit, crackers, cheese, yogurt) and his only veggie fave? Corn. I feel like I have tried it all! I am definitely trying this!
All My Monkeys
If you’re worried about getting veggies in, couldn’t you just serve them for breakfast? Carrots sticks would be easy, baked squash would be awesome. Heck, even broccoli. Bean doesn’t know it’s not “breakfast” food.
I sometimes do this, too, but I also wonder if I’m not creating bad habits. What if he has already had and the nutrition/food/calories he needs for the day, and now you’re just shoving more in so that you feel better? (And by ‘you’ I also mean ‘me’.) Some of my kids just want to get on to things they like better, so that doesn’t always work, but on the littles, I guess I’ve come to the point of just not pushing it. (But no snacks later, then, either.) And, I hate making mealtime a battle.
Congrats on getting him to sit for 20 mins. That seems like a miracle to me. 🙂
Carrie
Great idea! We use the kitchen timer (greatest parenting tool of all time!). My kids are older (3 & 5) but still have a hard time staying at the dinner table, especially after they are done eating, which is about 3-5 minutes and I have just barely sat down! So, when they are done eating and ask to be excused we tell them that we really want to sit and enjoy their company. They can only have dessert if they stay in their chairs sitting on their bottoms (this is a critical rule as mine love to sliiiiiide down and act like maniacs) until the kitchen timer goes off. I set the timer for 5 minutes, but plan to gradually start increasing the time so they learn to sit longer and longer. So far it has worked pretty well!
liz
Created…on the spot… like a true teacher! Love the idea!
Monica DeLaCruz
We have four kids. The first three are 13 and 15 months apart respectively. So, although, this may work lovely with one child I am not sure how it would fly with more than one. Our rule was (and still pretty much is) – eat it if you are hungry. If not, maybe you’ll be hungry at the next meal. Regular mealtimes and I love the idea of veggies for breakfast. We do that a lot with spinach in eggs and veggie muffins. I like your blog and this may be the first (or second!) time I’ve commented. :o)
Erin
This is so awesome! I am definitely stealing, ahem, borrowing this idea!
Janet
Getting your toddler to sit at the dinner table for 20 minutes is a major accomplishment! I’ve read that we should be happy with 5 or 10, and that they need to eat dinner by six if they’re really going to have a good go at it — so that makes family dinners hard. Family dinners are hard to do until later.
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