4th of July Bummers

4th of July was a bust this year for our family. Which is such a bummer because I love the 4th of July. Give me some sunnies, a pool float, and a Diet Coke, throw in some fireworks and maybe a cheeseburger or hot dog, sprinkle in some apple pie with vanilla ice cream or rocket pop… I mean… I have simple needs, you guys.

Alas, not ONE of these things made their appearance this year. Well, I had a bun-less cheeseburger for dinner, but that was IT, you guys.

Instead, I spent half my day getting tested for Covid. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

For the past week, I have had such bad allergies. I am positive it was from that Saharan dust cloud because everyone and their mother in the Southeast has said they’ve had the same symptoms – itchy eyes, runny nose, sore throat. Classic allergies. But then, on Thursday night, I started to feel a little worse. I got a super bad headache that I just could not kick, even with allergy meds and Tylenol. And Friday afternoon, I started getting the dreaded shortness of breath.

It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I had to take deep breaths when I talked and my chest was hurting when I laid down. No good, my friends. No stinking good.

So, Saturday morning, also known as THE FOURTH OF FREAKING JULY, I headed to an urgent care center for testing. I won’t go into details on the test itself, except to say that I imagine they must need a sample of my brain in order to run the test because HOLY HELL did they stick that little Q-Tip up in there good! The sweet, cute, young pup of a doctor started to stick it up my nose and I instinctively started leaning away from him. And also crying.

He just stopped with the stick halfway up my nose and was like, “You’re leaning back…”

“I know!” I snapped. “Just keep going!”

“But you’re crying,” he said, horrified.

“I KNOW! JUST KEEP GOING, JUNIOR!”

Okay, so I didn’t say Junior, but I do think I said a few unmentionable curse words. I can’t be sure, though, because I was too busy watching the bright light at the end of the tunnel and calling Jesus’s name to pay attention to silly things like curse words shouted at a baby doctor.

After all that fuss, he still didn’t get it up in there enough. So he had me lay back on the clinic bed and he tried the other nostril to no avail. When he said he was going to have to go back to the first nostril, there were more curse words, I believe, but I can’t be sure. I definitely know I said, “JUST DO IT!” about 942 times.

Anywho, I now have to wait 3-5 days to get the results, so our family is home quarantining again. The weird thing is that we have basically been quarantined anyway. The only way I can think I might have gotten something is from Chris? He has been going to work for the past week, so maybe he brought something home? Or maybe I got it while grocery shopping? Or when we went out to dinner at Olive Garden this week in a complete moment of weakness when I yelled at my entire family who didn’t want to go, “WE ARE GOING OUT TO EAT BECAUSE I NEED TO DO SOMETHING NORMAL IN MY LIFE.”

This, consequently, may have resulted in a junior doctor stabbing me in the brain, so CLEARLY dinner out was a good idea. *face palm* Also, if I get Covid from Olive Garden and didn’t even get to eat a damn breadstick, I’m going to be pissed.

KETO + COVID = 4EVA

I’ll keep you guys posted on my Covid test. I should know results by Tuesday…

That was one reason the 4th of July sucked. But even if I had been feeling better, it rained here pretty much all day. And by rain, I mean there might have been a tropical storm that I had no knowledge of that blew through. There was so much lightning and thunder. Poor Daisy thought it was Armageddon. I couldn’t even try to convince her that it wasn’t, given the state of our world the past few months. She didn’t even know about the fireworks happening later that night yet. Poor thing.

Chris saved the day (kind of) by taking the kids to get some piddly, dinky driveway fireworks late in the afternoon after the rain. He likes to wait until almost dusk before heading to the firework tents to see if they will give him everything at 90% off or whatever. He’s nothing if not thrifty… But, in keeping with the sucky 4th of July theme, they went to seven different firework tents and there was nothing left but poppers.

So, that was our 4th of July. Pretty much in theme with 2020 so far, it majorly sucked. I can’t wait until next 4th of July when we can all cough on each other, share beers, and light stuff on fire like normal.

‘Merica.