Oh, the Injustice!
Today my doctor attempted suicide sitting in her office right in front of me. She incenuated that I was putting on too much weight. I am only assuming then that she must have had a death wish, in which case her statement was an attempt to end her own life. I felt bad for her. What could be so bad in your life that you would attempt to end it by telling a pregnant woman she had gained too much weight? Must have been something big, that’s all I’m sayin’.
She was nice about it. And, if you want the honest truth, I’m the one who brought it up. She mentioned THE NUMBER and then moved on in our little check-up. But I couldn’t leave well-enough alone, could I? Nope. I had to ask her to go back to my weight gain and give me her medical opinion as to whether or not I had gained too much weight. Her medical opinion – which would have been sound advice to me had she not two seconds later attempted suicide by telling me that I was too big. I never trust medical opinions from those who are suicidal. Its just a personal philosophy of mine.
Nevertheless, she was the one wearing the white lab coat and I was the breaking the scales in her office and scaring small children, so its hard to argue all that much. The problem now is how to lose it or at the very least not gain any more. I can’t really move around all that well because of the swelling in my legs, so exercise and/or movement is difficult. This means the only thing I can work on is my food intake.
Now, I joke around a lot about Girl Scout cookies and whatnot, but I actually am fairly health conscious. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I do loves me some cookies…and cupcakes…and brownies…and all things chocolate, sweet, or delicious. But I don’t really go crazy. Unless you count the little episode I had with a box of Hostess cupcakes last week. But I don’t count that. Everyone knows Hostess cupcakes have magical super powers and I can’t be held accountable for any actions taken that involve magical powers overriding my mortal metabolism.
Sadly, this means that what few goodies I had been allowing myself, I will now have to cut out all together. Its just me, my Bean, and a bag of mixed veggies from here on out. And I am none too happy.
Also contributing to my none-too-happiness is the swollen ankles/high blood pressure mumbojumbo. My doctor’s words were, “Get it under control in two weeks, or I’m putting you on bed rest.” Now, 32 weeks ago I would have been elated by the thought of a doctor telling me that I couldn’t go to work. How cool is that? Its like the best doctor’s note ever! “Katie can’t come to work for the next eight weeks because she has to lay in her bed all day. Signed, An Actual Medical Doctor in a White Lab Coat Wearing Crocs.”
Uh, yes please.
But the problem with the bed rest thing now is that I don’t want to use up all my days off work just laying around the house before the baby even gets here. Every day I’m laid up at home NOW, that’s one less day I get with the Bean LATER. And I kind of like the little guy already, and so I’m pretty sure he’s going to be even more fun to hang out with later. When he has skin and lungs and all. And besides all of that nonsense, who wants to lay around at home in bed when you aren’t even allowed to eat crap food??? That’s just ridiculous!
So, here I sit. Alone with my pregnant predicament. No sugar and fix the swelling. Surrrrre. I’ll get right on that. Right after I throw my Hostess cupcakes in the trash can.
10 Comments
Lori
I just ate a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg in your honor!
I hope that you start feeling better. You sound like you are experiencing a lot of discomfort and I hope that you are able to take leave when you are ready–and not when your suicidal doctor tells you to.
Jenn
Oh no, I am so sorry! I thought the whole point of being pregnant was running around, eating whatever you want and telling people to shove it, because you are eating for TWO!
Stephanie
This was out of control hilarious! For petes sake control yourself!! Just kidding. I too will eat a reese’s peanut butter egg in your honor…I seriously will. Good call Lori
Marla
Hi. I’m new to your site, but I will now ‘follow’ you.
This is a hilarious post, but I really do feel sorry for you. Junk food is amazing and I thought that was the point of being pregnant. I hope you start feeling better soon.
This is totally the best part: “Every day I’m laid up at home NOW, that’s one less day I get with the Bean LATER. And I kind of like the little guy already, and so I’m pretty sure he’s going to be even more fun to hang out with later. When he has skin and lungs and all.” Haha. Amazing. 😀
Heather
Oy…~ You are having the same pregnancy I had about six years ago, I think… Only I got the ‘bed rest’ schpeal at 25weeks in… I hate to report that I DID end up on BedRest at 25weeks but that I changed Drs at that point (had been going to a General Practitioner… BAD IDEA. Get a REAL OB/GYN if you haven’t already or better still, a Midwife!) and it was changed from Full Time Bed Rest to Part Time meaning I got up, went to work for four hours a day and then spent the rest of my time laying in bed. By the end of my pregnancy, I was Ginormous. (read 235lbs, I started pregnancy at 170, I now weigh 127, so see, it will go away… I even ended up thinner after kids than I was for like 5yrs before so there IS some good news being reported here) Did you actually have elevated blood pressure or is the Dr just ‘watching it’ because you’re swollen? I was swollen rediculously with ‘Pitting Edema’ (where you could make dents in my cankles with your hands and then they’d stay there for a 1/2 hr later, I called them Bonzai Legs) but I NEVER had High Blood Pressure. They checked me every week and it NEVER went up… So unless your’s is elevated, I wouldn’t worry yet. As for every week you’re home now is one less week or whatnot, if it’s ’cause you’re worried about Maternity Leave only being six weeks or whatever, they can’t start to ‘count’ that until you’ve actually GIVEN BIRTH. Bed rest doesn’t count towards it as far as I know. I know the cut in income will suck eggs if you have to go home and go on bedrest but if you do, it WILL WORK OUT. Just borrow a ton of novels from the library that you’ve been wanting to read forever and enjoy it. You won’t have time or inclination to read again after Baby comes for quite some time. Go with it… Whatever happens, you’ll be fine. Promise.
Warmest Smiles
Heather
Whitney
At my 26 week apt, my Doc said, “you need to slow down on your weight gain – only gain about 15 more.” I was SO offended. At that point, I’d gained 20 lbs. At my 29 week appointment, I had miraculously LOST almost 4 lbs and she said, “you went back on your weight, but that’s okay – you had a big gain the last time”. Hmmm. By WHAT SHE TOLD ME WHEN I FIRST GOT PREGNANT, I was right on track!! She seemed upset that I had lost weight and when I gain she told me to “slow down”. I wanted to scream, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME LADY?!?!?!?!”
Seriously don’t worry about it. I read in my weekly preggo e-mail that when our babes are born, 7-8 lbs are baby and 10-12 lbs are the placenta and afterbirth. I had NO IDEA it weighed that much. So in my mind, we will come out of the hospital weighing 20 lbs. less. 🙂
And I am SO WITH YOU on the bed rest thing. I don’t want to be put on it at all because I do not want to waste those precious days! In the beginning though, it did seem fun. And now the closer I get, I want to hold on to them. And my BP Is always higher than normal so who knows what will happen. Gracious.
We need to live near each other. We’d have so many things to talk about. 🙂 EVERY single thing you said in this, I relate to 1000%. I could have written this.
Liz, JM, and Leo
Oh hang in there lady! And don’t you worry about the weight gain – you are doing great and like others have said, it really does fall off after the baby. Doctors don’t understand that women are not all the same – we each gain dif’t amounts of weight during pregnancy – and I’ve heard everything from “I gained 15 pounds.” (Yes, I hate those woman too!) to “I gained 80 pounds.” And every one of those women lost the weight later on.
You just rest as much as possible and try (if you’re humanly capable of it, oh I know and remember the third trimester well) to take some walks if you can… it really does help.
Betsy
Katie you always make me laugh!!! I also gained “too much weight.” But who is to say how much you should or shouldn’t gain. I think you look fabulous.
Ginny
Keep on keepin’ on, sista… I’ll go for a walk with you this weekend and prop up pillows for your feet and give you carrots (and a cookie). 🙂
Can’t wait to see you TOMORROW!!
Toni Schneidt
Oh, do i feel for ya! Don’t worry about the weight gain. It’ll make the blood pressure go up. Yeah, sure, really, LOL That’s my story….I gained 50 pounds with my first, and none with my second, wierd, HUH? So, I lost it all with the first, and well, didn’t lose any with the second. LOL All that matters is if the baby is growing and has no problems. Eat what you want now, because you’ll have to share once the Bean is here. Too funny, we called our second Bean, too. I say sit, put the feet up, enjoy whatever you want! You deserve it after the not-so-peppy pep talk.