The Baby Whisperer
Its no secret that Chris is a great dad. I’ve made that pretty clear already. He’s attentive, fun, has good instincts, and approaches diaper changes as a challenge that must be overcome. He is exceptional. Its also no secret that the Bean is a Daddy’s Boy. From Day One Michael has been fascinated with his Dad. When Chris comes into the room, its like no one else exists.
What IS a secret is that I hate this. Hate it. Can’t stand it. Oh, I want to be the bigger person. I want to be the wife and mother who walks about proudly boasting about “her two favorite boys,” but I’m so not that person. I’m more the person who stalks around mumbling, “What’s so freaking great about Chris?”
I’ll tell you what I think happened. I blame my stupid c-section. During those critical first weeks when all that bonding is supposed to take place, I was laid up in a hospital bed unable to do anything other than down pain pills and green jello. This left the Bean to wander around asking random people, “Are you my mutha?” And Chris happened to be the one that said, “No, but I’m standing in for her.” During those first few weeks, Chris was the primary caregiver. He did most of the feedings since I couldn’t really hold the Bean for long stretches of time because of the stupid staples in my belly. When the Bean needed a diaper change, it was Chris who took care of him. When the Bean needed to be rocked and soothed, it was Chris who held him. It was really neat to watch the two of them bond so quickly, but I’m ready for that crap to stop now.
Sometimes when the Bean is crying and I can’t get him to stop, Chris just has to walk into the room and instantly he’s silent. And sometimes when I can’t get the Bean to burp after a bottle, Chris just has to pat the kid on the back one time and the burps are overflowing. Its like living with a baby whisperer.
Stupid baby whisperer.
I carried that baby for nine months! My body is the one that will never be the same again! I’m the one sacrificing my job and my social life to take care of the baby now! I’m the one who does the middle of the night feedings! I’m the mother!
WHAT ABOUT ME, BEAN? WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS? But the Bean doesn’t care. Do you think he’s said thank you to me once? No. I get no appreciation around here. In fact, sometimes when I’m holding him, I see the Bean looking around the room for Chris and when he can’t find him, he kind of looks at me with this disappointed smirk that says, “Eh, I guess you’ll do.”
Stupid boys club. Stupid baby whisperer. I’M FUN, TOO, DAMMIT!
And Chris isn’t helping the situation. He walks around about ten feet tall and I want to just kick him in the knees. Sometimes when the baby is crying and I’ve been trying to get him to settled down for, like, a million hours, Chris will stroll into the room and snobbily proclaim, “Well, I guess I should settle him down now.” Like he’s God’s gift to babies. Like he settles babies down in his spare time. Like settling down babies is just something he does for fun. Usually, at the point Chris decides to grace us with his presence, I am so frazzled that I haven’t been able to calm the baby down myself that I’m about at my breaking point. And then in walks the Baby Savior announcing his awesomeness and I swear if it weren’t for the helpless, crying child in my arms, I’d beat Chris with a frying pan. Its hard enough to realize that as the mother in the situation, you aren’t able to calm down your baby, but its even harder to deal with when your HUSBAND IS A GIANT ASS.
Stupid baby savior.
But I have a plan. Oh, yes. I’ve been cooking up a plan. What does the Bean love more than anything else in this world? His bottles. The kid loves to eat. So, I have started putting little drops of formula on my wrists and behind my ears whenever I hold the Bean. Like perfume. Now, when the Bean sees me, he’ll smell his formula and he’ll get all excited. I’m going to lure the Bean like you lure any man. With his stomach.
Take THAT, baby whisperer!
13 Comments
Beth
HA!!
Hilary
Don’t feel bad. My daughter has also been obsessed with her father since birth and couldn’t care less about me. She goes around the house saying “Dada” all day long, she cries when he goes to the bathroom, and the worst was this weekend at a friend’s Fourth of July party where she clung to her father and screamed bloody murder when I tried to take her so he could eat. Her own mother tried to hold her, not some random stranger!!! Everyone was looking at us like “why is that weird lady terrorizing that poor child?” Talk about feeling like crap! I’ve tried everything to get her to like me better (or at all) – nothing’s worked so far. Hope the milk idea is successful!
Eighmey
I promise that as the Bean grows older he will grow into a Momma’s boy phase. My son started out total opposite than yours (but I didn’t have a C-Section) and my husband would get sooo frustrated because he couldn’t do anything right by our child. Then at about 9-11 months our son suddenly became a total Daddy’s boy. He will even push me away if they are chilling out together and I come into the equation. Oh, and my son still won’t say Momma…and he’s 15 months old.
So don’t feel bad, this happens to all us Mom’s no matter how we gave birth to our kids. =)
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
The “favorite” status is fleeting. Babies are not terribly loyal. Your moment will come.
Try to be humble when it does. 😉
Donna
My husband and I have the reverse of your situation. Our daughter can be calmed by only me, most of the time. She will usually only leave my arms willingly to go to her nana’s. (I think that is the one that really stings for daddy.) I think it is just the way it goes the child is attached to one parent for some time and then migrates to attachment for the other parent. At least this is what I tell me husband and just think about it while there are so many stinky poopy diapers he will be held by Chris more so he will get to change more!:)
Jilene aka NONA
Just thank God you can get a break.
If not you would be the one and only and
you need a break too!!
Like some have said he will change his minds.
Hang in there but I do like your choice of formula behind the ears.
Vandy
Oh Katie, I hate to be the one to say it, and I don’t want to sound like the nursing Nazi, but if you were giving your Bean some boob, Chris wouldn’t have a fighting chance at the comforting and soothing! Even if you still gave him bottles, nothing beats the boob for comfort, mutual good feelings between baby and momma and life long health benefits. I had to write this, because ever since you said that you were not giving breast milk, it’s been bugging me and I just can’t help but wonder why you didn’t even try? Or did you? If you tried and there were problems, then I have no issues. This is coming from a woman who had so much milk that I pumped for my own comfort and donated the excess to a Mother’s Milk Bank. It helps babies who are premies, sick or intolerant to formulas and who cannot get milk from their own mothers for some reason. It just makes my boobs ache to think how you resisted putting your Bean to your engorged boobs after he was born. I think it would be a good post topic, to go through your decision on to breast feed or not. For me, two huge reasons for breast feeding, beyond the science, were convenience and it’s free!
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
The stomach is always the way to a man’s heart.
And be wary the post above me. My SIL nursed exclusively and her daughter was still a Daddy’s girl for the first few months. She loved her Momma, sure thing, but when Daddy entered the room, there was nobody else. She hated it too, but eventually (around 6-7 months, if memory serves, although it may have been a little later) the tides turned. Nursing is great when it works for you, but it’s a highly personal decision and, quite frankly, it isn’t the solution to everything. Babies and kids go through phases where they prefer one parent to the other, and who really knows what all the reasons are? You’re doing a great job all the same. Good luck with wooing the Bean via his stomach =)
momiss
I hate to sound like a nursing nazi either, but just the same way the “medical community” praised formula in the 60’s over God’s own plan, they have started “scheduling” C-sections like crazy once the insurance companies started paying for them. Much more convenient, no doubt, but it is simply better to let your body do it’s work in it’s own time.
I am glad everything worked out well for you, but NEXT TIME, I would suggest taking control of your own care and not trusting the Dr. simply because they are a Dr. Dr.’s now are no more than a face for what the ins. company says they can do. Sad but true.
FYI – I had a c-section because my baby was breech and facing the wrong way. And it was anything but “convenient.” – Katie
Missy
I have been following your blog for a little while now, and I felt compelled to post. I was a labor and delivery nurse for years, and Doctors do not schedule primary C-sections for the heck of it. There has to be a medical reason to section, such as being breech. There are many life threatening complications (to you and your baby) that can happen in delivering a breech baby vaginally. So, you did take control of your own care, and the care of your baby in allowing your Dr. to schedule a c-section. You did the absolute right thing!
Laura
I just read your post and it had me laughing like crazy. I just found your blog and it is hilarious. I love that you post about everything! I know that kids go through a lot of phases and I’m sure little Bean will be a mama’s boy soon enough!
Kathryn
I worked at a Christian camp and they only let girls work with the babies who were 5 years old and under. Sometimes the babies would cry and wouldn’t stop. When that happened, seriously, we would go and find a guy counselor and make him come and hold the babies. And it usually worked. Usually whenever a guy held the baby they would stop crying. It was really strange. So maybe it’s just something about boys! I’m sure he’ll go through a mamma’s boy phase as well! (-:
Zoe
Oh dear, a few of the comments you’ve gotten on this post are rather judgemental. That makes me sad 🙁
I’m sure you have your reasons for your c-section (breech, as you said) and for what you feed your son. And frankly, as long as your baby is happy and healthy, it’s nobody’s business but your own. And the bean most definitely looks happy and healthy!