Pomp and Circumstance

I went to school today to pick up my cap and gown because – HURRAY! – they are actually going to let me graduate in May. I get to the bookstore on campus and found my place in the loooong line of tired, graduating students. When I finally got to the front, I was met by this highly attractive European undergraduate student.

Well, hellooo….

I smiled sweetly and said I was here to pick up my cap and gown. He looked me up on the list (while I silently panicked that maybe there had been a mistake and they weren’t actually letting me graduate) and he found my name. But then he said,

“You have an Organizational Management degree? How strange.” Not exactly the words you want to hear as you are a week away from graduating. Suddenly, my attractive European friend was not quite so handsome.

“I don’t have robes for the Organizational Management program. I have Education, Social Work, and Law. Which one do you want?” Which one do I want? How about the one I worked for! He is not attractive at all. I don’t even like his accent now.

“Well, none of those are my degree, so what else can I do?” I ask.

“Um…you can have a PhD robe if you want.” Now is he unattractive and stupid and if he doesn’t stop talking in that accent I’ll strangle him with that tassel.

“Well, I’m not a PhD candidate either,” I say slowly, as if I’m talking to a child.

Blank stare from my foreign friend.

“Is there, maybe, a manager here that I can talk to?” I ask.

“I’m the manager,” he says. Ugly, stupid, European brat! GIVE ME MY ROBE!!

“Okay, well. I guess I’ll take the Education one and just call my department tomorrow. Thanks for your help.”

“Yeah,” he replies.

And there you have it, friends. The future of America.