Death By Diet

As you know, we have put our dogs on diets because our little one, Lucy, was so fat that the vet worried she might break her own legs (see The Lean Weenie). Dieting then seems like it is a responsible action for a pet owner to take. But you are wrong. Instead, I think we are slowly killing Lucy with her diet. At least that’s what she thinks.

We’ve cut down from 2 cups a day of regular dog food to just 1 cup a day of diet dog food. Lucy thinks we have turned our backs to her and kicked her to the curb to die a slow death. She has taken up permanent residency beside her empty food bowl. She just sits there next to it and whenever someone comes into sight she barks at them. You can almost hear her saying, “Hey! Feed me!”

(This is Lucy sitting next to her food bowl, barking at me. Notice that she is now too large to even fit on her dog bed.)

I equate this is a child yelling at their parents and so I choose to ignore her “requests.” When we ignore her, she does the only other rational thing she can think of. She attacks Molly. Usually when she does this, Molly is sleeping somewhere, chewing her bones, or just generally minding her own business. Whatever she is doing, she is certainly not expecting to be mauled by an 18 pound chihuahua. I called home this morning to see what Chris was doing and he said, “I’m letting Lucy out of time out.” I asked why she was in time out and he said, “For eating Molly’s face.”

I don’t know what to do with this fat, little dog. Doesn’t she realize that we are saving her life, or at the very least her four toothpick legs? Doesn’t she know that we are putting her on a diet because we want her to live longer so we can be with her? Doesn’t she see that I’m so devoted to her than I blog about her as if she is a living person?

I don’t understand how she can be so ungrateful, but I can tell you one thing. She can just bark her little, tiny head off and wallow next to her empty food bowl as dramatically as she wants. I’m not feeding her more food. She’s going to get healthy and live a long, happy, bone-chewing, apple-eating life whether she wants to or not!