Demon Birds
This is my house.
This is the side of my house.
This is my bedroom window on the side of my house.
These are the demon birds that squawk at 4:30 in the morning who have built a nest in the attic vent right outside my bedroom window on the side of my house.
This is my closet in my bedroom.
This is the inside of my closet in my bedroom which is NOT separated by anything from the attic where the demon birds have built a nest and where they squawk at 4:30 every morning on the side of my house.
This is where my newborn baby will sleep in about six weeks and where the demon birds could swoop in and infect him with bird flu or rabies or polio or malaria or could carry him off in their talons once they have come in through the attic vent on the side of my house and through my closet in my bedroom.
And this is the man who could fix it all, but won’t. Because he doesn’t love me. Or our unborn child.
Any questions?
10 Comments
Katie's Grandma
Poor Chris!
Chloe
Poor Chris…
But I hate all kind of birds too!
Gina
No pressure Chris…none at all!
Chris
Eh… I really don’t mind the birds.
…and i love tormenting Kate. 🙂
Maureen
Ha. I’ve had bad luck with birds. There were the dive-bomb birds in Wyoming, the wake-you-up-really-early-in-the-morning-pigeons (nasty things), I was attacked by a bird once because it wanted to steal my cookie, and when I was kid my pet bird died and then my neighbor’s cat ate it.
Good luck with your bird problem.
Jes the Bes
I have one of those. He doesn’t love me enough to protect me from the mouse, chipmunk, bird, bat, wasp, and bee infestation of our house (or at least what I can an infestation).
Caroline
This post is hilarious. Probably not so much for you when you get your 4:30am wake up call but anyways…
As a birder, I can offer up some good advice. The best thing to do is give them somewhere else to go that is more comfortable and safe. Put up a birdhouse right next to the side of the house and put a bird feeder right next to it. Easy access to food and shelter and BinGo they will move on out. Eventually, you can move the house and feeder away from your house and they will follow. It’s important that you don’t touch the birdhouse though. Wear gloves if you have to, but birds are pretty picky and they hate the way humans smell.
Hope this helps 🙂
Courtney
I actually am having the same problems with birds in our attic. Right above our bedroom. Good luck with them. Hope it’s fixed before the bean arrives.
Megan
I just found your blog and think you’re hilarious! I love your writing style, thanks for sharing it!
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