Buggin’ Out Over Job Interviews
Yesterday I had a job interview. I’m not giving too many details on the ol’ bloggerooski here because I don’t want any of you loons calling up the hiring manager and being like, “Dude, don’t hire her. You’ll just been encouraging her Target addiction every time you give her a paycheck.” I will tell you that the position is in higher education, just like I was doing in Connecticut. I thought I had a pretty good shot at this job actually. And my interview with the two managers was going really well. Until my ear started itching.
It was my left ear. And it was just a little itch at first, on the outside just at the start of the ear tunnel.
(NOTE: I do not know the names for the parts of the ear so I will make them up. This is why I am not applying for medical positions.)
So, very casually as I’m listening to one of the two interviewers ask me a question, I reach up and scratch my ear nonchalantly-like. No biggie. Just a girl on a job interview scratching her ear.
Only, then the itch gets further down my ear tunnel. I’m still trying to concentrate on this long, complex question they are setting me up to answer, but my ear is itching and I just scratched it, so I can’t scratch it again yet because then I’d look like a dog with fleas. So, I continue to sit there trying to think of a good answer to their question all while concentrating on NOT scratching my ear again.
But then, the itch goes even further down my ear tunnel and I think to myself, “Is it possible for your ear drum to itch?”
And then I think to myself, “Only if there was something on it to itch it.”
And then I think, “Something like a bug!”
And then I think, “OH MY GOD! WHAT IF THERE’S A BUG IN MY EAR?!?!”
The whole time I was having this inner dialogue with myself, I was also speaking. I have no clue what I was saying or what question I was even answering. For all I know, I was telling them how much I hate working with students and that I think higher education is a waste of time and money and that we should all just become CPA’s. Who knows.
As I am having inner dialogue AND answering interview question, I am ALSO forming a plan on how to catch the bug that might be in my ear now. I remember from my childhood growing up on the beach that if you bang on the side of a boat, dolphins will come because they like the vibrations.
(Don’t ask my why I thought to equate a bug and/or itch in my ear to dolphins. It just made sense at the time.)
So, I decide I need to get my hands to my ear as fast as is nonchalantly possible and begin to tap on the outside of my ear tunnel and maybe those vibrations will entice the bug and/or itch in my ear to come back out and leave me and my ear drum alone.
At this point, I have finished my unknown answer to their unknown question and the other guy is now starting to tell me a little more about their program. I should be listening. I should be paying attention. This is critical information to gather and respond to during a job interview. But instead, I am concentrating on bug hunting in my left ear.
I casually cross my arms (which you should NEVER do in the job interview, by the way…sign of hostility…) and then I raise my left hand up to my face. I tilt my head over to the left and cradle my cheek into the palm of my hand, sort of cocking my head to the side as if I am really interested in what this man is telling me. Then I stretch my fingers out along my cheekbone until the tip of my middle finger is on that part of your outter ear that sticks out into your ear tunnel.
(Are you guys following me here? Keep up, people. Bug hunting in ears is complicated.)
And then I start tapping. Very casually. As casually as you can tap an ear during a job interview. I just sort of tap, tap, tap and I focus on the bug and/or itch that has planted itself on my ear drum.
With a plan of attack underway, I try to once again focus on the job interview, but I tune in just in time to hear the guy say, “…What are your thoughts on that issue?”
(crickets, crickets, crickets)
“Well,” I begin,” you raise some excellent points…” and from there I began talking about the economy. Don’t know why. Just opened my mouth and the Recession poured out. And just as I was trying to tie the economy to public education programs in some sane and logical manner, I FELT THE BUG AND/OR ITCH MOVE AGAIN!
So now, I start tapping harder and I lean my head even more to the side, hoping that the bug and/or itch will just fall right out.
But then I think that if it IS a bug (at this point I’m leaning more towards the possibility that it is just an itch after all), what the crap am I going to say if I’m sitting in an interview and a bug falls out of my ear onto the conference room table? What is the correct response to that situation? THERE ISN’T ONE! So, I quickly snap my head back up straight and I clamp my hand over my ear completely so that if it is a bug, he can’t get out of my ear tunnel.
As this is unfolding in my left ear, I have somehow managed to bring my interview answer back around to higher education after all, though I am awkwardly talking about gender biases in the admission process (WHAT?!?!?) with my left hand completely covering my left ear. Which, incidentally, is a difficult position to pull off casually.
I figure by now I have made a complete fool out of myself and so why not just give up and shove my entire finger down my ear and have myself a good scratch? Just put myself out of my misery, seal the deal on this clearly horrible job interview, and end the itching in my stupid left freaking ear.
So, I do.
I shove my finger down in my ear and just start scratching. Big scratching. Bold scratching. The kind of ear scratching where you are pumping your entire arm.
And it’s good.
It feels so good.
So unbelievably good.
I’m having a holy experience sitting in that conference room scratching my inner ear and talking about the importance of Facebook to freshmen (WHAT?!?!?).
In the end, it wasn’t a bug after all. It was just an itch. A terrible, horrible, incredible itch from hell in my left ear. The interviewers said they’d be notifying candidates who would be continuing on in the interview process next week and that they’d be in touch. But they probably won’t. And I don’t even care. I’m just so relieved that my ear stopped itching. Unemployment is totally worth un-itchy ear drums.
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40 Comments
Megan (Best of Fates)
I now feel as though I need to use my newly discovered knowledge to catch me a dolphin.
Now if only one would come to Northern Virginia.
Hmmm…
Do dolphins like bacon?
I mean, everybody likes bacon, right?
I might need to cover Northern Virginia with bacon, just to be sure.
Also, you’re hilarious.
And partly to blame if you hear of a Virginian bacon catastrophe.
Megan
Megan Elizabeth…your hilarious!! I love your comments and when I saw you were first on this one I nearly died laughing before I even read what you had to say!!
🙂
Jen
And now the people on my flight think I’m crazy for laughing like I am. Alone. And also now itching my ear!! 😛
Alaina
Oh man…I would have died! Inner ear itching is the worst….did the interview guys notice at all? I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Alicia
Hey….they probably would have done the same thing! I can totally identify with the itchy ear thing. My inner ears itch all the time and it can drive you batty if you don’t scratch it! Hope you get the job!
Maggie
What impresses me the most is that you were able to keep talking intelligently through all of the itching and scratching. I hope they recognized your crazy multitasking skills!
Ali
Hysterical!
Sara
Too funny! If you get the job, in about six months or so you should arrange some sort of happy hour with the express purpose of getting a few drinks into these guys so you can ask them if they knew you were attempting to remove a bug from your ear.
Andrea
Hello! Let me just tell you….I’m a teacher on summer vacation, and I have just spent the last 4 entire days reading your entire blog and simultaneously falling in love with you and your family! Not to sound like a stalker or anything of course, I just couldn’t stop reading! Probably for the following reasons:
– I grew up near Middletown, CT, so it was neat hearing about your CT experiences (I loved Lyman Orchards too!).
– I’m part of a ‘young married couple’ (married since March 15, 2008) and appreciate how real you are about your relationship.
– Your stories about the way you and Chris interact sounds nearly identical to me and my husband.
– I secretly want your old house in CT. (We live in NC…)
Seriously – I think you’re hilarious and my husband now thinks I’m obsessed 😛 Does this make me sound totally creepy? I’m really not – I promise!
Just letting you know I’m a brand-new fan…and I hope you get the job!
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Oh my you have me cracking up.
How awful!
I feel like job interviews are the perfect place for little bodily issues to make themselves known. Like hiccups. Or an itchy throat. Or excessive sweating. Or excessive swallowing. Or an itchy nose. It’s enough to make anyone neurotic, just trying to plan for those eventualities!
Kendra
Those dumb ear itches! I’m glad your ear finally got some relief.
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
Oh that’s a horrible place to be itchy! I’m surprised you made it that long before you shoved your finger in there to scratch it!
Jen C
I love your attempts at nonchalance! too funny! i once did an interview with 15 (yes 15 bug bites) on my legs and unfortunately was wearing panty hose (which i have never worn since). I was in AGONY!
and now my ear itches…thanks. good luck! hopefully they think your weirdness during the interview was thoughtfullness and even quirky. who knows?
Mallory
Katie, you are hillarious. I’m sitting here at work, laughing hysterically at my desk, and co-workers keep walking by and giving me weird looks as though to ask why I am laughing so hard by myself. …and to top it off my ear started itching, so then I had to mimic the exact movements you described.
Jen at Cabin Fever
Oh my. I have a job interview on Tuesday for my first real nursing job. Lets hope I don’t think of this post and get an itchy ear myself!
Still… I hope they call you back. 🙂
Cabin Fever in Vermont
Maggie
Is the phenomenon of answering interview questions in complete sentances all while having an inner dialogue not amazing?
I always feel like I leave an interview with vivid memories of what I was thinking…but never of what actually came out of my mouth. I’m sure you did very well and likely they were not nearly as aware of your ear-bug crisis as you were : ) Good luck!
Heather in ND
My ear iches now. Really, really bad.
Meredith
OH WOW!! Do I have a story for you: Last year, while I was riding a bike back from a beach in Vietnam, I had a bug get stuck in my ear. Scared the. CRAP. out. of. me as there aren’t really hospitals or clinics there. Luckily (unluckily?) it was still alive and after much buzzing and 20 minutes of OMG this bug is going to bury itself in my brain and make babies in there and my brain will be eaten by bugs, it finally flew/ fell out. It landed on ground, DEAD. I think I won that one. Me:1 Bug: DEAD.
Marla
You really should have stopped and loudly yelled, “OMG, I think there is a bug in my ear. Can you check?” That way, they would have known that it wasn’t a common occurance and that you didn’t have flees. 🙂
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Susan @ Simply Suz
“I think higher education is a waste of time and money and that we should all just become CPA’s.”
Hey…easy on CPAs, Katie! 🙂 We’re some well educated folks! Most of us have bachelor’s & master’s degrees & have passed one of the most rigorous certification exams out there! Sorry … couldn’t resist! 🙂
Sincerely,
Suz, well educated CPA & faithful MC blog reader
Sara @ embrylovescookies
Buggin’ out?! I get it! Ha!!
Katie
This is probably the funniest job interview story I have EVER heard! Posts like these, that make me laugh out loud, only confirm how much I love your blog! Whether your posts are funny, serious, or sad they are still really well written! This is how I know your book will do great – you really are a wonderful writer!
-Katie
http://jaimeandkatie.blogspot.com
Dana
Both my ears are itching!
And I tried to see if I could nonchalantly tap my ear. That is tough! You are very talented. I think you should add something to the special skills section of your resume.
Jamie
Hilarious! I tried to decide what I would have done in that situation and I feel confident that I, too, would have ultimately crammed my finger in my ear and started scratching. It could have been worse. Just imagine if you’re lady parts were itching that bad!
Katie M
Next job you should apply for is an exterminator. Or maybe a professional scratcher. You know, the guy who has a long scratchy stick thing and tickles peoples backs (or ears) with. I’d hire you.
Lindsey
Hysterical!
Jessica @ How Sweet It Is
Oh em gee. I’m laughing my butt off. And I hate interviews. They actually give me hives. Maybe you had a hive in your ear.
Ashley
Oh no! That’s the worst! And yet it’s awesome that you can laugh about it. I think a bug ACTUALLY coming out of your ear would have been worse for both you and the guy interviewing you, right? Interviews are the worst!
Jesse
Oh my goodness! You should totally forward this blog post to them and throw yourself at the mercy of the court if you really want that job. They’ll probably laugh and hire you! Good luck with the rest of your job hunt!
Cindy
I am sorry, but you gave me a good laugh. Did they shake your hands(the hand that was shoved down your ear) at the end of the interview? ;p;
Nate's Mom
I have a love affair with q-tips. I know. You’re not supposed to use them in your ear. But I don’t care. If I were on a deserted island and could have one thing, it would probably be q-tips.
As for a bug in the ear, I was at the O’Neill Center for many summers. Rehearsals (and some performances) are out-of-doors. One reading was rehearsing in the sunken garden, under a beautiful tree on a really nice day. A bee (A BEE) flew INTO THE EAR CANAL of one of the actors and–get this–GOT STUCK. All she heard was buzzing (and, probably, her own screaming). Constant, constant buzzing. Mind you, I’m sure this was no picnic for the bee, either. The actor had to go to the ER and get the bee extracted.
Rebecca @ Piggy Bank Dating
You had me laughing out loud! I’m so glad you got a second interview!
Whitney
Oh how I love this story. The mental image of you arm pumping your itch is seriously amazing!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Now see, I think you should TOTALLY get the job now because obviously you are a master at multi-tasking and problem solving.
courtney
Once when I was giving a job interview to a pontential employee with my boss and a coworker I felt a bug in my bra (I teach school and had been outside about 15 minutes before – I do not usually have bugs in my bra). I jumped up in the middle of the person’s answer to an important question, started dancing around, and ran out of the room. I then got the bug out of my bra (ewww) and calmly walked back into the room. I proceeded to say, “Sorry, there was a bug in my bra”. My boss looked at me like I was wacko and so did the poor potential teacher. We ended up hiring her, although I’m not so sure she wanted to work with me after that.
Laura
That was absolutely hysterical to read. And also a bit frightening. This past winter I woke up one day to find that a bug had decided to find shelter in my ear. I would not wish that experience on anyone. Glad to hear yours was just an itch after all.
Lisa
Your post was absolutely hysterical! I just watched an old ER episode where Dr Carter had to pull a live cockroach out of a woman’s ear and I couldn’t help to think about that…sorry! I’m glad it was nothing but an itch though! I would have been thinking the same thing and trying not to freak out about it. Hope everything goes well!
Sarah
Ok, so are you peaking into my life before you write? Although, for me today it was an itchy eyeball. It’s itchy waaaay deep in the inner corner of my eye almost behind my eyeball. And how does one itch beHIND her eyeball? It’s driving me so crazy that my other eye has begun to twitch 🙂
The good news is, I already have a job and my bosses (ages 3 1/2 and 18 mos) are pretty forgiving of my insanity 🙂
Stefania
I had an ithcy nose… and I just came in from a rain storm and brushed the hair out of my eyes into something resembling the “what about mary” bangs. She couldn’t stop staring at my hair… all my questions were directed at my hair… Yup… worst interview ever. didn’t get the job but makes for a great story.
Megan
Ohhh Katie…you have tears streaming down my face!! That was hilarious!
Is it weird that my left inner ear started itching while I was reading this? Cause it totally did. What does that mean?
I hope you get the job! Or a job…really soon. Although maybe it’s a sign that you should stay home with the Bean.
🙂
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/