The Binkiless Bean
For a week we have been preparing for this past weekend when we would finally take away Bean’s binky. We prepared by cutting back the binky usage to just bedtime and naptime and that was pretty painless actually. I don’t think Bean even noticed, really. But, boy oh boy, did he notice when we took it away for real.
At the suggestion of my mom, Bean’s daycare teacher, a lot of friends, a ton of blog readers, and just about everyone in the childbearing universe, we decided we would use the method of clipping the binky so it loses all of it’s suction. Then, when Bean realized it was “broken,” he could throw it away by himself. We had this whole dramatic scene ready to play out.
But I botched it up right away when I snipped the binky. I didn’t really put a slit in it so much as cut the darn thing in half.
Oops.
When Bean put it in his mouth on Friday night just before bedtime, he sucked on it for a minute and then took it out and examined it to find out what was wrong. Then he put it back in his mouth again, but when he discovered it was still broken he took it out and handed it over to me and walked away. And that was it. I tried to give it back to him so he could throw it away like we had planned, but he wouldn’t even take it. It was broken and he was done with it. End of story.
When we put him down that first night, he fussed a little bit but only for about 15 minutes and then he fell asleep. He slept all the way through the night and Chris and I were ecstatic. What was all the fuss about? This was going to be easy!
The next day naptime was a little harder. It’s lighter outside, Bean isn’t as sleepy, and we were a little worried. He fussed a little bit longer than the night before, but in about 20 or 25 minutes he was sleeping binky-free.
Saturday night was the hardest and I started to understand why breaking the binky is such a hard thing. Saturday night it took Bean almost an hour to fall asleep. From the time he was born, he’s been a good sleeper. You can lay him down in his crib wide awake and within a few minutes he will put himself to sleep. But he’s always used a binky to help him nod off. Without that binky now, it was really like having a newborn again. He just doesn’t know how to get himself to sleep now.
I’ve always been pretty tough when it comes to things like bedtime and such with Bean. I’m a cry-it-out, tough love kind of mom and I don’t feel bad about that. I’m pretty good at reminding myself that sometimes a little crying up front can lead to happier, healthier habits in the long run.
But this was different.
This time when Bean cried, it wasn’t because he wanted attention or wanted to be picked up or anything like that. He wasn’t even really crying too much. He was just wimpering in exhaustion and frustration because he didn’t understand why couldn’t go to sleep. He wasn’t asking for his binky and he didn’t even raise his arms to be picked up when I went into his bedroom. He just looked so confused. He wanted exactly what I wanted – to go to sleep – but he didn’t know how to do it. And that just melted my heart. I’m really glad we threw away all the binkies in the house because I totally would have given in on that second night.
But since we didn’t have a binky to give him, we stuck with the plan. About every 10 minutes, I’d go into Bean’s room and lay him back down if he was sitting up and then rub his little tummy or his head until he calmed down and got sleepy enough to fall asleep. Then, just before he went to sleep, I’d scoot out of the room. I deliberately didn’t stay until he fell asleep because what we were trying to teach him was how to put himself to sleep and I didn’t want him to become dependent on me being there to fall asleep. So, I’d sneak out. When he started fussing again, we’d let it go a little longer – maybe 15 minutes – before I went back in there, laid him down, rubbed his hair, and then snuck out. And I had to do it for almost an hour.
And it sucked.
There’s just no other way to say it. It just sucked. It’s one thing to have Bean fuss when he wants something that he can’t have, but it’s another to listen to him fuss because he just doesn’t know how to make something better for himself. That sucks and I hated every single minute of it.
By the time he fell asleep about an hour later, Chris and I were exhausted and so we went to bed early. Good thing, too, because Bean woke up all night long. Every couple of hours he would wake up crying because he couldn’t put himself back to sleep. And as if it was bad enough to be up every couple of hours, that middle-of-the-night-and-I-can’t-go-to-sleep cry was just horrible. It was a terrible little wimper and it just broke my heart all over again. So much so, actually, that I ended up sleeping on the couch outside his bedroom just so he wouldn’t have to be by himself.
Sunday morning, I was ready to go to the store and buy 10,000 new binkies, dip each one in chocolate, and let Bean have as many as he wanted. But instead, we went to church. By the time we got home that afternoon, Bean was exhausted and so I laid him down for his nap and he went right to sleep because he was so tired from the night before.
Tonight is Sunday night and I just laid Bean down. He fussed for about 10 minutes and then fell right to sleep. I’m crossing my fingers that the worst is behind us and that he’s learning how to self-soothe quickly. Of course, who knows? Night #8 might be worse than Night #7. But we’re hanging in there. Tomorrow he’ll be binky-free at school and I’m sure that will bring a whole new set of challenges.
I just keep reminding myself that this is a good, healthy thing we are doing. And that it’s important to do it now so that he isn’t still adjusting to life without the binky when the New Guys arrives with a binky in his mouth. Hopefully by then, Bean’s binky will be a thing of the past and he won’t even bat an eye when he sees one laying around.
But, man, I tell you, it’s not easy doing the right thing as a parent sometimes. You don’t really care about right and wrong when you’re little one is wimpering in his crib, if you ask me. But we’re going to stick to it and hopefully we’ll be over this part in a couple days. Until then, I’ll be curled up on the floor outside Bean’s bedroom door. Wake me up if I start to snore.
22 Comments
Kate B
🙁 I hate the wimpering baby sound…breaks me heart. good for you for sticking with it! it will make things so much better in the long run! our little one (5 months) goes down with a tiny little blanket (one of those ones with the tags all over it). do you think that, or mr. bear, would be a helpful “stays in the crib for bedtime” soother? just something soft to hug. just an idea – good luck!
Alaina
Yikes…I don’t envy you at all…hang in there, and here’s hoping that night 8 is better than night 7!
Jody
You and I parent alike in that I’m a CIO kinda gal too. It sucks for the whole house but I have a great sleeper now for it. We took the soother away over a month ago and he forgot about it completely within a few days. We made sure the routine was the same for the entire week so nothing would throw him right off and he was totally off by the 3rd night. I hope Bean does it as quick!
Sara @ embrylovescookies
I feel your pain! I too spent the first couple of “cry it out” nights right outside my daughter’s bedroom door. I just couldn’t leave her. My heart aches just thinking about it. Hope Bean gets through this quickly for all of your sakes.
Casper
Maybe the new guy won’t want one… I know babies who just simply don’t want them, never have.
Sara M
My oldest stopped with the pacifier about 4 or 5 months before his brother was born (they are 22 months apart). We were going to go down the path that “pacifiers are for babies, not you since you’re a big boy”, but he just stopped taking it. We were only giving it to him at night and we were out of town for a weekend and forgot them (horror!). He did without for 2 nights and when we came back he didn’t take it again.
When the second came along, I was stocked with pacifiers ready to go, but he started sucking his thumb at about 3 days old and never took to a pacifier. So yours might be different too.
Tressa
I’m crossing my fingers for all of you too! I agree with one of the above comment, maybe the new guy won’t take a binky. Ididn’t give my daughter one, just for the fact of not having to break the habit later. The bottle and potty training was enough for me!! Good Luck!
Sarah @ Through the Picture Window
So hard! I am dreading getting rid of my daughter’s night and nap time binky. I can’t say you’ve instilled any confidence…
Mommy, Esq.
My kids are a little older (2.2 yrs) but we just did the Great Pacifier Castoff. It helped a little that they understood but naps have been rough. It took about 2 weeks but bedtime is better. Now Ned keeps sticking his hand in his mouth (2 year molars maybe) and I fear he’ll start finger sucking. I actually was wondering if you were going to break Bean of it before you had your baby. We have an infant and she gets a paci and Ned and Penny did okay with that – they give her back her paci and don’t keep it for themselves.
Bhuvana
My daughter is 15 months old and I want to wean her off the pacifier now, but it is so tough – the crying is just so heartbreaking, like you said. I’m not sure if we absolutely have to take it away right now, though I’m sure my pediatrician will scold me at our next appointment!
Stephanie
Oh I just went through this with my 2 year old. I wish I hadn’t waited as long, but I also cut the tips. He didn’t want it right away either. I too thought “perfect, that was easy” yes…the hard part was getting him to self soothe. The only thing I did different was I kept all of the “chin-chins” around the house. Tip cut off and all. So, whenever he got whiny and fussed out I would say “what…you want a chin-chin?” and it re-enforced him to say “NO”! It took about 2-3 weeks before he got used to it. Maybe about a month and a half before the whining stopped. He got ‘really’ attached to it. My fault for waiting so long. He’s my last and I didn’t want to put in the work. You’re right though…doing the right thing in the beginning is soooo worth it otherwise it ends up being harder in the end. Oh ya…I babysit a 6 month old who takes a pacifier and I initially hid it from my son so he wouldn’t have withdrawals, but when he saw it he was fine with it!
Ashley
That’s so tough! Hang in there, though. You guys are doing the right thing. Why is the right thing always so darn hard, huh?
Miss M!
We used the snipping method too, cutting a little bit more off the binky every couple of days. I swear to you that thing had less than half an inch of the clear silicone part left on it and he STILL would hold it in his mouth. I’m guessing it was between his teeth! He’d roll over in his sleep, and without even waking up, shove it back in place with one hand to be sure he had a good grip on it.
Jesy
You are lucky he didn’t just pop his thumb in his mouth. When my mom snipped my binkies she actually put them in the carpet where I left them so when I picked them up I was excited to see my binky but no “Sucker.” TERRIBLE movie by her part because I looked at her like “yea right Bi#$%” and stuck my thumb in my mouth. I’m 17 weeks prego and praying that my kids aren’t smart butts by the time they are toddlers!
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
So like I said, I’m catching up. I know I said poor Bean in the last one but now it sounds more like poor mom. Sounds like you’re making progress though!
Shelley
Great idea to cut the tip off! I got my daughter to drop hers like a bad habit by dipping it in lemon juice. She wanted no part of it after that!
Julie S.
I have a bad feeling that this will be us soon. We are actually on vacation right now, and without a rocking chair, so I am basically sleep training Brayden while we are out here. Ugh. Hang in there. You are right- a little crying now is better than bad habits later, even though it is hard and heartbreaking.
courtney
It’s so hard when you know they don’t understand, but you still have to do what’s best. It’s kind of heart breaking. Here’s hoping things are better.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Someday I need to blog about when we took Reagan’s binky away. It was one of the hardest weeks of parenting. Hang in there!
emily e.
Just yesterday we weaned our 2.5yr old! Yes you read that right, my 31 month old son is just now going without a paci. Since the very first night we brought our son home from the hospital hes been in love with his paci. But yesterday during an epic fit he threw it and it appeared to have gone out the car door. Bye bye Paci. He cried for it during pj’s and we reminded him he threw it out of the car and it was gone. Bedtime was difficult, I think he also couldn’t figure out how to get to sleep with out his most favorite comfort item but he hasn’t asked for it once today, yet. Hang in there!
Sharilyn
I hope you are right. When I started getting things ready for #2’s arrival, #1 was 2 1/2. As soon as she spotted that sweet little new born paci (and she hadn’t had one for over 6 months), pow! straight into her kisser. I was astonished. On the other hand, she didn’t resist when I calmly reminded her that she didn’t have a paci anymore and that one was to be for her brother. Who ended up hating them!
Sharilyn
Oh, and I forgot to add that we started substituting the bedtime paci with a lullaby tape and that worked great. Eventually by the time she was 3 1/2 she lost interest in the lullaby tape. But it did help with the soothing issue.