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In My Dreams

April 19, 2011 /


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Sunday night, I had a very vivid dream that Chris and I were breaking up. We weren’t married and we didn’t have kids, but it was still awful. Chris was the one initiating it and I felt so helpless and out of control. I don’t remember why he wanted to break up, but I remember I was staying at my friend Sarah’s house until Chris and I decided what we were going to do. Chris was thinking through things and I was basically just waiting. And miserable.

Sarah decided to throw me a little dinner party at her house to cheer me up. At this party, there were these three really good looking men there and Sarah kind of nudged me and whispered that they were all single. I told her thanks, but I really wasn’t interested right now. Still though, during dinner one of the men struck up a conversation with me and asked me out.

As he was speaking, I had this horrific thought. What if someone had asked Chris out and he had said yes? Suddenly, the magnitude of what a break up would be hit me. Not only would I not be with him anymore, but someone else would! With that, I started crying all over again.

About this time in real life, Gracie started crying. It was about 4:00am and it wasn’t time for her to be hungry yet. Chris had gone and gotten her from her crib and was rocking her in our bedroom. Just like a mom, I couldn’t help but offer suggestions to Chris on how to get her to stop crying.

“Rock her side to side. Or try burping her. Or maybe she needs a diaper change,” I offered.

“Do you want to do this? Because I could go back to bed instead of being bossed around,” Chris snapped.

“No, I was just trying to help you.”

“Well, I don’t need any help!”

“Well, it certainly SOUNDS like you need some help!”

“Well, I don’t!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

And with that I rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep, leaving him to deal with Gracie.

When I closed my eyes, I was happy to find I was in that dream-like state where I could sort of control my dream. So, I put myself back at the dinner party. And this time, Chris and I were still breaking up, but I was now very irritated and angry with him instead of being sad. So, when the guy asked me out this time, I thought about it for a split second before replying, “Yes, I would love to go out with you BECAUSE MY HUSBAND THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!”

And that, my friends, is called revenge dreaming.

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