Regression, Digestion, Mid-Western
This post is only about regression. The other two words are there for no rhyme or reason. Actually, they are there exactly for a rhyme, but that’s not the point. The point is that this post is about regression.
Specifically, regression of the digestion.
Specifically, regression of Bean’s digestion.
Specifically, THE KID KEEPS HAVING ACCIDENTS ALL OF A SUDDEN!
Bean has been potty trained for well over three or four months now, at least. He potty trained fairly easily. Mostly because when the time came to potty train him, I waited until I didn’t have a newborn to take care of. I also waited until the daycare was ready for him to potty train, too. There was no point in us doing it at home but then sending him to school in diapers all day. The way our daycare handles it is four kids at a time are intensively potty training. That means that they are wearing underwear, but they are constantly being taken to the bathroom until they learn. Once one of those four is officially potty trained, they move them up to the “potty trained” list and they add another un-potty trained child to the group of four. Personally, I think that’s a great system because it makes sure that the children who are learning the concept get more attention and focus. It really helped Bean.
By the time I synched up with the daycare and all parties were on board with potty training him, he was more than ready. He was asking to go potty and crying when we put him in diapers.
We went cold turkey with him pretty much. Except for nap times and bedtime, he was in a diaper all day from the time. It wasn’t long before he was able to go through nap time without having an accident, so he started staying in his underwear during that part of the day, too. And then, about a month ago, he started waking up dry in the mornings and so we decided to let him try sleeping in his underwear. He had two accidents, but that was it. And both of them happened in his doorway, as he was getting up to tell us. Ever since then, he’s been completely out of diapers.
But then randomly, two weeks ago, he started having accidents again. He would occasionally have accidents before. Not often, but occasionally if he got playing really good and didn’t want to go, he’d have an accident. But two weeks ago, he started having accidents almost every day, and sometimes multiple times in a day. And the weirdest part was that it didn’t seem to bother him. Before, if he had an accident, it was beyond the end of the world to him. He would be so upset with himself, no matter how light and cheerful Chris and I tried to make it. You could just tell he was SO disappointed when he had an accident. But lately, he doesn’t really seem bothered. Now, when I pick him up from daycare, he happily yells to me, “Mom! I poopied in my pants!”
He went through this happy thing once before and I discovered that he was happy because accidents meant he got to change into different character underwear (he’s so clever!), but we nipped that by buying several pairs of plain white underwear. Then, when he had an accident, he had to wear white underwear instead of fun underwear. That stopped those accidents in one day. But this time he doesn’t even care if he has to wear the white underwear.
When this first started, he had a little stomach bug, so I thought maybe that was the problem. But then the stomach bug cleared up and the accidents continued. I picked him up from daycare today and he had had TWO accidents already. I can’t even remember the last time he had ONE accident at daycare. Even his teacher was a little confused.
So, imaginary friends, tell me what’s going on. I know regression when potty training is fairly normal, but I’m not sure what to do about it. Do we put him back in diapers? Do we keep letting him have accidents? Do we get on to him when he has one now? Cause, I’ll tell you honestly, that’s my first reaction. I get really irritated because he KNOWS better. But then I stop and think, “Geez, Katie! The kid’s only two and a half! It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose!” Or is he????
I’m confused. Help.
25 Comments
Christy
I wish I had the knowledge or experience to answer this but I don’t. My beginners nursing mind wants to ask you more questions like, what happens before and after the accidents and are they mostly #1 or #2? On another note, I just wanted to say that I would like to pinch all of your cheeks. Thank you.
Nana
Don’t go back to diapers! Potty training is like a swimming shark…no stopping…just keep moving forward. Kids go through phases. They come and go. Just keep moving ahead.
JenD
I’m with Nana!!! Total phase….give it some time and it will work out!!!!!!!!! Bean, give your poor momma a break ok?:)
holly
I say go with positive reinforcement. Every day/or half day/or hour (whatever you think he needs) give him something special for not having an accident.
Melissa
I think regressions happen because the child is growing in some other way (think growth spurt) so other demands need to be met. The accidents will stop, just wait it out!
Jeanette
Whenever my girls had accidents, I would remind my girls that the princesses (on her underwear) don’t like to get wet or dirty, so she needed to try to keep them clean and dry. If they did have an accident I would say, “Oh poor Cinderella! She’s all wet!” It worked for my girls. I wouldn’t go back to diapers, too confusing. Hang in there! He won’t go down the aisle in diapers. 🙂
Meghan
I think it also can be part of a power struggle–him showing you that he has the power to poop/pee wherever he wants. Kids have limited control……that’s why things like eating, sleeping, and peeing/pooping turn into struggles because those are things the child can fully control! My hunch is that you keep on going and don’t go back to diapers, but I’d also not turn it into a power struggle opportunity……just clean him up, put on new pants, and keep going without letting him see that it bothers you!
Julie
You can not EVER go back to diapers. NEVER!
And sometimes, even when he is 4, he will pee in his underwear because of whatever thing he was doing at the time was more important every so often, but by then he’ll just go change himself and you’ll find him in different clothes later on. Or so I’ve heard. Wink.
Cheryl
Maybe a reward system for no accident days would be worth trying. With potty training we used a star chart, every time they went potty in the BR they earned a star, accidents were quietly cleaned up and not a big deal. The big deal were the successes and after a predetermined number of stars they would get a small prize (a coloring book,a trip to the library, set of stickers, new small toy, or whatever they were into.) At this stage of his training, using stars for day long successes with no accidents would make more sense. We put the charts in their rooms, bought small stickers , and after every success they would get to put a star on the chart. That was a big deal!
Marlene
My two cents worth? DON’T go back to diapers. DO make a fuss when he poo’s – ewww why does mommy have to clean this up? This is so gross when you are a big boy! Babies like Gracie don’t know better. Big boys do. Are you a baby like Gracie? Or a big boy?
And one of my girls make her kid wash out his poopy undies in the toilet! That didn’t happen twice! He was really grossed out! But the point was, why should mom have to do that when HE was the one that made the mess. He had to clean it up!
Katie M
Meghan is right, it’s a control thing. There are only a few things toddlers can control in their lives and they include potty and how much they eat (much to the chagrin of their parents…). A reward system is a great idea as well as not being upset at him for having accidents, but simply saying, “You’re a big boy. Big boys do not poop in their pants.”
lissa
Is it both peeing and pooping? Any pattern that you notice? What do you do with the dirty diaper? I’d suggest not making a big deal at all, but he should probably take some responsibility for rinsing out the undies in the toilet and then taking them to the washer. it will interfere with some play time and is a natural consequence for his lessened motivation. he is the boss of his body, but mom is the boss of the dirty undies 🙂
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
You know what I am SUPER excited about right now?
I don’t know the answer to this question!
That means I have finally, successfully blocked the memories of potty training Hayden. Yay me!
Lissa
I meant “dirty underpants”
All My Monkeys
Growth spurt – yeah. Control thing – yeah. Attention getter – quite possibly. Mommy getting mad – OOHHHH YEEAAAHHH!!! My 3yo started this about 3-4 mos after he was trained and I would get so stinkin’ mad (cuz mama don’t do so good with poops in the pants). But it didn’t seem to matter to him, and maybe even made it worse. It was when I was so tired of getting mad at him all the time that I just didn’t, and he actually asked me “mommy aren’t you mad at me?” that it clicked (plus I felt really really bad). Negative attention. So then I basically just ignored when it happened and cleaned it up like any other mess in the house. He still has occasional accidents, but I know those are real accidents – changes his pants himself – and not attention getters.
Annemari
My boy was the same. He eventually got potty-trained when he was 3 and a half. Don’t go back to diapers. My boy also did not mind making a poo in his pants. I eventually told him to clean his own underpants. You will just have to have patience. Good luck!
Nate's Mom @ Nate is Great
I vote it’s worth calling your pediatrician for advice. They’ve been through it *all* and might have some timely advice. Nate’s still in diapers (he’s the self-designated flusher for his friends when they go at school!) so I am no help here!
Audrey
I’m not a parent (yet), and I have no advice, but I did see this “potty party” and think it’s fabulous – you must check it out!! Have you heard of the idea before? Could it be that Bean just wants to throw down and “potty like a rock star”? http://www.karaspartyideas.com/search/label/potty%20training%20party
Carrie
My son went through something similar and we went to a reward system again and that seemed to do the trick (gummy bear for #1, matchbox car for #2). The trick for us was finding the right kind of bribery…errrr…I mean “motivator”. He couldn’t have cared less about stickers or M&M’s, but gummy bears?? HOLY GRAIL OF BRIBERY! Within 2 weeks he was back to his old self and staying dry/clean all the time.
Brittany
My daughter did the exact same! We put her on a potty timer. So we set her to every 30 minutes the timer would ding, and we’d say “TIME TO GO POTTY – POTTY CLOCK SAYS SO!” Because she fought of my husband or I just told her on her own. Then we’d let her reset it. So then she began to get excited when it went off. Sometimes she would have to go. But we explained until she could keep her undies dry, the potty clock ruled. As she got better we would put a longer distance between the dings to and hour or an hr and a half. Until she just didnt need it anymore.
SUBURBANMOM2
My 2 cents. Potty training is an emotional milestone as well as a physical one. To be fully potty trained at such a young age (2 1/2 ) would be quite an accomplishment. Is there something going on at daycare with the ritual of using the bathroom that he may not like? When my son was 3 and attending preschool 3 mornings a week he confessed that he “did not want those ladies touching him” so he did not want to use the bathroom. The teachers helped the kids with the pulling up / down with pants, etc. and he was not comfortable with that. Also, nightime dryness is a different issue. My son was at first dry at night, but as he grew he began wetting the bed every night. He just began sleeping so deeply that he physically did not get the signal to wake up and go to the bathroom. He began sleeping in a pull up at night until that situation was rectified(which involved a urologist and medication, but your son is too young for you to go that route now. Chances are he will mature and get back to nighttime dryness) My pediatirian said it is very common to be potty trained during the day, but not a night, even if they appear to be successful at first. I had this issue with both my son and my daughter. good luck!
Michelle
So we started a star chart with Henry (2.5 years old) and it has really worked well for accidents with the potty. It’s for all behavior- but it also includes potty training (keeping dry). We start the day with 6 stars (we put them up together to reinforce the expectations) and if he can keep 5 of the stars, he gets to go to the treasure box at night. (note: when we started this, we had 4 stars as the benchmark for rewarded behavior so he would understand the concept. We then bumped it up to 5 and will soon go to 6 stars for a reward). The treasure box is the dollar bin at Target and party favors from WalMart! HE LOVES IT! Occasionally I’ll put a sucker or piece of chocolate in there.
At preschool, if he hits, he looses a star when we get home. If he yells- he gets a warning and then the NEXT time a star is taken away. You get the point! Here is the link to the star chart: http://www.amazon.com/Kenson-Kids-Reward-Responsibility-Chart/dp/B001BX0BF4/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1329515526&sr=8-4. I know it looks really cheap- but it has been great. Also, if he has 30 stars at the end of the week, we go to the toy store and he can pick one thing out (we regulate the item- ha!). It’s a special treat and he has to work really hard to get all his stars. We take the chart to the store and “pay” with it. GOOD LUCK!
Heathernader@hotmail.com
Peds nurse here… Okay, is it mostly urine, or both urine and stool in the accidents. If its both, that points to a likely emotional issue, because it is unlikely that both his GI system and his urinary tract are both suddenly having physiological problems all of a sudden at the same time. If he is only urinating w/ the accidents, then you want to rule out signs of juvenile diabetes- report any signs of increased hunger, increased thirst, increased urination, fatigue, or weight loss to your pediatrician.
The fact that it started with/ after a GI bug makes me suspect that it is an acting out for attention thing, especially since you said you let him know when you are upset about his accidents. At this age kids learn REALLYquickly just how to act for attention- and they will take positive or negative attention. I’d suggest my MIL’s strategy of “catch them being good”. So make a big deal about when he has an accident-free morning/ nap / day, and pretend it is no big deal when he has an accident. I agree with the others, a simple rewards system like stickers or gummy bears is a great way to encourage the positive behaviors you want to see (staying dry) instead of fueling the negative bEhaviors (accidents) with more attention. Good luck, and keep us posted! It is always SO nice to know if any of our advice is ever helpful to you.
Nancy
When my daughter regressed, I just put her back in pull-ups until she was ready again. I think the important thing is not to make a big deal out of it. If she asked for underwear, I would say, “sorry but underwear is only for kids that use the potty. So, you get a pull-up for now. When you’re ready to use the potty again, you can wear underwear.”
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I wish I had advice to offer. I *wish* we could get P-Bo to being so potty trained that he actually can regress!