Joy,  Just for Fun

Pass Me That Pen, Sweetheart

September 18, 2013 /

One night this week, I had to stop by Target on my way home from work.  I had the kids with me, which is always eventful.  Gracie was sitting in the little seat in the grocery cart, hanging out with my purse and counting all the pennies in my wallet while I went through the check out.

I needed to sign something for a refund, and, as the clerk and I were talking, I absentmindedly said to Gracie, “Can you hand Mommy her pen, Sweetheart?”  And I went back to yapping.

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As I’m talking, Gracie fishes the pen out of my purse and hands it to me.  I took it without really looking, and continued my very animated discussion with the sales clerk about the wonder that is canned lima beans. (She had never seen them before, but she had grown up with her momma making them all day on Sundays and she never had time to cook them like that but she sure did miss limas… shall I go on???)  So, I’m waving my arms around, pen in hand, elaborately explaining the fine art of simmering the beans for just the right amount of time.

“You’ll think they are boiling…” (arm wave, arm wave, arm wave) “…but they aren’t.”  (arm wave, arm wave, arm wave)  “You want to keep them like that until the top layer of the beans start to gently pull away…” (arm wave, arm wave, arm wave) “…and start to look translucent…”  (arm wave, arm wave, arm wave)  “And when that happens, you’ll want to pull them off the head and leave them to sit a while with the lid on so they steam a bit… (arm wave, arm wave, arm wave).”

At that point, I was ready to sign my name and so I brought my pen to my paper and my eyes focused in for the first time on what was in my hand.

And it wasn’t a pen.

It was shaped like a pen.

But it was definitely not a pen.

It was a tampon.

I had been waving a tampon around like a fool.  Wild gesticulations have never been more inappropriate, let me assure you.

The clerk died laughing as I shoved the tampon back in my purse and pulled out the CORRECT pen, signed my name, and hid my head in shame while slinking back to my car.

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Thank you, Gracie.

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15 Comments

  • Rachel

    September 18, 2013 at 11:57 pm Reply

    I love this! My 2 year old daughter will go through my purse, pick out my tampons, and run them over to me in front of random people. “Here mommy it’s yours!”

  • Sue C

    September 19, 2013 at 10:05 am Reply

    My son was having trouble in church one day, but finally quieted down (we are Catholic and were standing or kneeling or something). I wasn’t sure what was going on, but he was content and I wasn’t going to interrupt. We finally sat down and I realized that he had taken out and somehow soundlessly unwrapped the tampons in my purse and lined them up on the pew. Then I also realized that the director of religious ed was sitting right behind us. I haven’t been able to look at her straight in the face since the incident. Gotta love kids!

  • momiss

    September 19, 2013 at 6:47 pm Reply

    This is not exactly related, but ever since I found empty booze bottles hidden in my house I have kept an eye on anything unusual in the trash. Because boys don’t think things through well like that (!) and have been relieved to not find anything that would make me wonder.
    Last week we had had some company, one of which was a teenage girl. The next day I was in the bathroom and something strange caught my eye in the trash. I immediately grabbed it out, convinced I had just uncovered evidence of the boys doing–or having—something contraband in their possession, only to realize it was a new fangled (to me who hasn’t had periods for 10 years) tampon applicator.
    Was my face red! Sometimes we mothers can drive ourselves insane and we have only ourselves to blame.
    I hate it when that happens.

  • Jessica

    September 20, 2013 at 1:01 am Reply

    HA HA HA!!! That is hilarious and totally something that would happen to me. The question is did Gracie have any clue? She is such a hoot and I can so see her sweet little face handing you a tampon and thinking nothing of it.

  • Tabs

    September 23, 2013 at 6:14 am Reply

    So, I laughed out loud when I read this stort a few days ago, crscked me right up! Fast forward to today. My dad, my son (one and a half) and I were checking out at Target. Owen (my son) was siyting in the cart and being tather rambunctious. I let him hold my purse while I was paying and Owen was quiet which was good for the moment. Then my dad asks, “Do you want him playing with that?” I turn around and Owen has one of my tampons (wrapped thank goodness) in his mouth! Good times at Target for everyone!!

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