Our Weekday Morning Routine

A few weeks ago, I polled people on Instagram asking about what blog post ideas you’d like to see. A huge number of people wanted to know more about our family routines and schedules, which I find amusing because I love hearing other people’s routines and schedules, too! So, today I’m sharing our family’s weekday morning routine.

6:30am – Bean wakes up and heads down to the family room to play video games. Our rule is that the kids can have screens in the morning until 7:30.

7:00am – Gracie wakes up and usually lays in her bed or watches something on her laptop in bed.

7:30am – Chris and I get up. He gets ready for work while I pack the kids lunches. The kids come up to the kitchen and fix their breakfasts, feed the dogs, and unload the dishwasher (I load the breakfast dishes after everyone leaves the house for the day).

8:00am – Bean leaves for school on his bike with a group of his friends. He is on safety patrol, so they go a little early.

8:20am – Chris and Gracie leave for the day. He drops her off on his way to work.

There you have it. It’s as simple as that to keep your family organized and running efficiently.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Here’s what the ACTUAL version of that ideal schedule looks like on any given day:

6:30am – Bean wakes up and heads to the family room to play video games, which wakes the dogs from their slumber.

6:35am – Daisy paws me in the face. I paw her in the face back. She paws me more aggressively. I snap at her to “GO LAY DOWN!”

6:40am – Daisy paws me in the face and this time has brought Big Molly with her for back up. Big Molly growls her old lady growl at me. So, I lovingly put my hand over Chris’s sleeping ear and then yell at the top of my lungs, “BEAN!!!!! OPEN THE DOG DOOR!!!!”

Every. Morning. You guys.

6:50am – Big Molly is back at my bedside. Growling and cursing at me. She wants breakfast. “NO! Go find Bean!” I snap. I say this every morning, despite the fact that neither of my dogs knows what it means to “go find” anything.

7:00am – Gracie comes bursting into our bedroom, completely oblivious to the fact that Chris and I are still trying to sleep, and announces the injustice of the morning at full volume, as if we are in the middle of a conversation. “HE IS HOGGING THE TV AGAIN, MOM! MAKE HIM GET OFF OF IT!” Now it’s my turn to growl.

7:15am – Big Molly’s back. Daisy jumps on the bed with all 60 pounds of herself and pushes her way in between Chris and me, where she can lick whoever’s face is closest. “GUYS!!!!” I yell at the top of my lungs (again, delicately covering my beloved’s ears because God forbid HE gets woken up…*eye roll*). “FEED THE DOGS!” The dogs know those magic words and they literally bounce down the stairs to the kitchen.

Every. Morning. You guys.

7:30am – Chris and I finally give up trying to sleep and he gets in the shower while I head to the kitchen where I spend approximately half my lifetime searching for lunchboxes from yesterday while the kids argue over who gets the last two frozen waffles.

(MOM HACK: Waiting until the next morning to unpack lunchboxes is a great way to find lost lunchboxes because the smell of rotting banana peels and yogurt cups that your children insist on bringing home every day of their lives instead of throwing them away in the school cafeteria will lead you right to the lunchbox!)

7:45am – I yell out in a panic, “BEAN! IT’S 7:45! YOU’RE NOT EVEN DRESSED! YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE HERE IN 15 MINUTES!”

Every. Morning. You guys.

7:46-8:00am – I yell upstairs periodically any variation of the following phrases, “BRUSH YOUR TEETH!” “BRUSH THEM GOOD THIS TIME!” “DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?” “BUT DID YOU BRUSH THEM GOOD?”

8:00am – Bean leaves the house. Gracie goes upstairs to “get dressed.” I put the breakfast dishes away after finishing lunches.

8:05am – I head to Gracie’s room to check on her. Find her pirouetting in her room wearing only jewelry. God save us all from this child. “Gracie! Get dressed! Find your shoes! Did you brush your hair? Where is your jacket from yesterday? DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH?????”

Every. Morning. You guys.

8:15am – Chris emerges from the bedroom, looking well rested, clean shaven, well dressed, and like an effing GQ model. I still haven’t peed yet.

8:20am – I shove Gracie, her backpack, her lunchbox out the door and snag a good kiss from Chris before he leaves, too. Gracie runs back inside and empties out POCKETS of little toys that Chris made her take back in the house.

8:30am – Everyone is gone. The house is a disaster. The dogs are barking outside because no one ever opened the damn dog door. I can’t find my phone.

GOOD MORNING!!!!!