All Boy
My very wise mother-in-law once told me she was always hesitant to use the phrase, “He’s all boy!” As a seasoned teacher for 25-plus years, Jackie has seen her fair share of “all boy” boys and she has also seen her fair share of parents who have used the phrase as an excuse for their son’s behavior.
“Oh, he can’t help but make a huge mess everywhere he goes. He’s all boy!”
“Oh, he can’t help his rudeness and tendency to beat people up. He’s all boy!”
And ever since that conversation with her, I have actually paid more attention to when I use that phrase to describe Bean. And she was right. “All boy” was sometimes an excuse.
“Oh, look at Bean throw his toys violently at other babies. He’s all boy!”
Instead, that should have been a time for me to teach Bean that we don’t throw things.
“Oh, look at Bean whack the dogs with that plastic golf club. He’s all boy!”
Instead, I should have taught Bean that we don’t hitting. It isn’t a big problem and I’m not making it into a huge deal, but it’s something I try to avoid.
The truth is that I want Bean to be raised as a tough and tumble little boy just like the next mom. I can’t wait to see him play soccer and football and hockey. I’m already excited about Boy Scouts. We’re taking him camping for the first time this weekend and I am so excited about playing in the dirt with him! Those are “all boy” things to do and I can’t wait to do them with Bean.
But there are a lot of typically un-boy things that I can’t wait to do with Bean, too. I can’t wait to take him to the theater. I can’t wait to take him to The Nutcracker at Christmas. I am so excited about piano recitals and art classes.
The truth is that I married the most all-boy boy I knew. Chris was a lady-lovin’, beer-drinkin’, football watchin’, hockey playin’, bar hoppin’ man’s man. He always has been. He just likes that stuff. And I love that part of him. But what I love more about Chris is the balance he has in his life. He’s not just some meathead. He works in theater and he enjoys going to see plays. When I worked at Yale at the School of Music, he started going with me to the symphony and he started learning more about it and enjoying it more. He doesn’t mind going to the ballet with me and he even likes art museums.
To Chris, being “all boy” doesn’t mean only enjoying traditionally male-gendered activities. It means enjoying yourself wherever you are. Sure, he will ALWAYS complain when I want Panera for dinner and he will NEVER in a million years pay more than $10 for a haircut, but when it counts, Chris isn’t just “all boy.” He’s all things. And that’s exactly how I hope we raise Bean.
But then I snap pictures of natural-born wrestling moves like this one and I think to myself, “The ballet might have to wait a while…”
14 Comments
Ashley
I’m glad to read about how raising Bean as a well-rounded guy is meaningful to you. I think some parents are afraid that if they expose their sons to what some people think are “female-oriented” activities, that their sons will be girly or less manly or some crap like that. But really, this is the kind of thing the women in Bean’s life will love in the future, just like you love it about Chris. It will make him a better man for sure. Thanks for posting this. 🙂
Alaina
Ha, that’s funny because T tries to pass off some of the stuff he does for him being “all boy”
Dandy
Holy moly- I’ve been absent a few months and Bean has gone and grown up!!! It’s totally and completely freaking me out! I’m due any day now with my own (actually i was due yesterday) and this is just making me smile 🙂
Jody
Hmm, wrestling move or beautiful en pointe from that squishy little toe? 😉
I married a man’s man too, a hunting-bambi-killer, fishing, camping kinda guy. Thankfully I am that way too so we mesh well. However, I love plays and have influenced him to have the balance and, like you, it’ll be nice to pass that balance on to our sons & daughters.
Nicole
That is so funny because I consider my husband a man’s man (He’s a mechanic who loves hot rods, beer, motorcycles, and fart jokes), but he also loves gourmet food (fancy bread, cheese, all that non-manly man food) and wine, and while he’s not into modern designer stuff, he has no problem shelling out big bucks for a great hair cut or a no longer produced vintage letter jacket.
But at the end of the day I think he is a balance, like you were saying. Just because it doesn’t fall in your designated gender category, it doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy it. I hope that how we raise our children as well.
Tressa
This makes me wonder….are you going to have another “all boy” or will you add a girly girl to the family!!!! CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT!!!! 😉
Erin
Thanks for this post. I have a 5 month old little boy and this post encouraged me!
molly
As a mom of two boys I have to watch this too. But I am SO excited to do all the boy stuff that I never got to do (I have 3 sisters, no brothers). I can’t wait to take them camping and fishing and have them join boy scouts. I would LOVE to be a soccer mom.
But then again, if they choose piano lessons over sports I’ll be okay with that too. I just want them to be happy in life. I’m there to lead them to the happiness they seek.
Trish
Yay for you. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one around that has to listen to their husband complain about Panera!
Sarah S
I have to say, if your “new guy” turns out to be a new girl you will have a much easier time of this. We have a boy and a girl close in age and she plays with trucks and wrestles and he plays with dolls and dresses up like a princess. It is one of the great blessings of having children of each gender.
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
I so like this…some boys are just so “all boy” that it feels like their limited.
Meghan
I took our 3 1/2 year old (at the time) son to the Nutcracker last year, and he absolutely LOVED it. Sat mesmerized for all but the last 15 or so minutes. I danced the Nutcracker for 10 years, and I loved taking him since I can still remember my choreography 20+ years later…..can’t wait to take him again this year!
Casper
I would agree, often it is just used as an excuse for bad behavior. I am sure Bean will be well rounded! Just like a girl can be “all girl” but still love sports.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I definitely didn’t marry an “all boy” kind of guy. Sure, he had the lady-lovin’, beer drinkin’, buildin’ stuff with power tools part down–but sports? Aaron doesn’t know a darn thing about sports. Aaron started out as an actor and was accepted to clown college. Aaron sews better than I do. I already have a feeling that our son will be playing sports (I feel like we have a hockey player on our hands) but I will be the one teaching him what offense and defense is. And I will also be the one teaching Porter about abstract expressionism and who The Beatles are. But Aaron won’t get off easy–I’m sure he will be teaching Porter all about physics and engineering (he’s already started.)