Love and Marriage in the Grocery Store
On Sunday, Chris and I went grocery shopping for the week. Since we discovered that having a child costs the equivalent of running a small country, we have really been making the effort to pinch pennies where possible and one place I’ve found to do this is at the grocery store. A little extra time with the Sunday newspaper, and I can save us a nice little chunk with coupons. My mom got me a great coupon organizer and before I go to the grocery store now, I sit down with my shopping list and pull out what coupons I will need. It takes probably a good half hour longer for me to get ready to go to the grocery store, but its worth it to see my grocery bill drop at the end when they scan all my coupons. Its like a runner’s high for food lovers.
So on Sunday, I go through my routine, invest the time in clipping the coupons, organize my shopping list, pull out my coupons…yadda, yadda, yadda. The grocery store that we go to has a market style produce section and on really nice days, they raise the front wall and it opens out into the parking lot. Suddenly, you aren’t just in a Big Y, you are in a Parisian vegetable market. I’m a sucker for markets, too. I’ll buy food I don’t even like just because it looked pretty outside at a market. Anyway, Chris and I are standing at the corn stand, schucking some corn and bagging it up when all of a sudden a huge gust of wind blows and my coupons go flying out of my grocery cart and out into the parking lot. Seeing money and my time go sprawling across the blacktop, I start frantically calling to Chris, “MY COUPONS! MY COUPONS! HELP ME GET MY COUPONS!”
Chris freezes, ear of corn in hand.
“What coupons?”
“My food coupons!” I yell, as I continue bouncing through the parking lot, chasing tiny slips of paper.
“Yeah, but what coupons?” he asks.
“I told you! My grocery coupons! Can you help me, please?” I screech.
At this point, Chris is still standing at the corn stand, still holding the ear of corn, just watching his large, pregnant wife try to shimmy up under cars in search of the 25 cent off of Dove Body Wash coupon.
“Yeah, but what coupons?” he repeats.
Seeing no more coupons in sight and only having recovered two of my twelve that I brought with me, I turn my frustration and anger on Chris. Who is STILL FREAKING STANDING WITH THAT DAMN EAR OF CORN IN HIS HAND. I do realize that I am in public and so instead of screaming obscenities across the parking lot like my first instinct wanted me to do, I slowly get off my hands and knees where I had been trying to fish a coupon out from under the rose bush display, and I storm over to that stupid corn stand.
“What does it matter WHAT COUPONS?” I hiss. “You can’t just help me pick up my stupid coupons when I ask for your help?”
Now, Chris is pissed. I am pissed. We haven’t even made it out of the produce department yet, and we aren’t speaking to each other already.
The next stop is the soap aisle where I had a 25 cent coupon for Dove Body Wash for Chris that was now probably stuck to someone’s tire out in the parking lot. So, I stand there smugly and say to him, “Get what you want. I don’t have a COUPON for this anymore.” And I stand there as I watch him struggle to pick out a body wash.
He picks up on bottle and opens the lid to smell the scent. You know how when you want to smell a lotion or body wash or something, you put your nose right up to the bottle and then kind of pump the container a little to blow some of the scent out? This is what Chris was doing. Only, I noticed as he was pumping that the soap was actually coming out of the container. Each time he pumped, the soap gathered a little more at the top and his nose got a little closer to it. He was completely oblivious. And I sat there in silence. Waiting.
He gave it one last big pump and sniff, and his entire nose sucked up about a dime size drop of body wash. It went all over him. Up his nose, on his nose, on his lip, on his shirt. There was body wash everywhere.
I died laughing. Couldn’t contain myself. I wanted to help him. I should have helped him. But all I could think about were my coupons floating out there in the parking lot somewhere and Chris standing there with that stupid ear of corn in his hand.
You know what that is called? Coupon karma.
20 Comments
Jennifer
HAHAHAHAHA! Perfect. I would have done the same thing.
Kelly
I don’t understand how men can be so oblivious to the obvious. For instance, we were at a wedding on Saturday for a good friend of mine from high school. It just so happened that the maid of honor was my “arch nemesis” in high school. Her and her date happened to be sitting to next to us. My hubby, very loudly, said “Which one doesn’t like you? I can’t figure it out.” Five minutes later he commented on how “orange” one of the bridesmaid looked and refered to her as the “Big one”…her husband was sitting across the table from us. When I gently kicked him, he said “OW What was that for?” Captain obvious had no idea why I was turning blood red!
Casey
This is so funny. You never know how the little things are going to make you so mad. Then it’s sweet revenge when stuff like the body wash happens.
Julie
So funny!! I have been turning back to my coupon ways lately, and wanted to let you know about a friend’s website that usually has great coupons and ideas on budgeting. She’s on our local morning news every week with tips, and she even teaches classes here. A month or so ago she had a coupon for a free Thomas the Tank from TRU-I got an $18 train for FREE. Love me some free!!
http://www.faithfulprovisions.com
Jenn
No posts all weekend – I was starting to wonder if that baby made his grand entrance! Wow, a Big Y with an open market feel – so cool! Also, does it strike you as funny how people up here shuck their corn AT THE GROCERY STORE?!!? We do not do it that way in the South. You sit on your front porch with your family and shuck your corn. Weird Yankees.
Maureen
Haha, that’s awesome. Men ARE totally oblivious sometimes. It’s annoying and funny at the same time.
And I always shucked corn at home, but maybe I wasn’t far enough east to be a true “Yankee.”
Deborah
LOL! I’m impressed that he even tried to pick something out.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
I’d have done THE EXACT SAME THING. Although, also, public or not, my husband would have been pulverized if he hadn’t even pretended to put aside the ear of corn…
Whitney
Simply hilarioso. Oh coupon karma will get ya every time. 🙂
Anna in Ohio
LMAO, I’m pretty sure that every woman reading this was going, “What do you mean, WHAT COUPONS?!?!”…I would have had a break down, right there – public supermarket be damned.
Way to keep it (somewhat) together…and way to laugh your butt off at karma!
Nelia
Hmmmm. Hank’s the couponclipper in our coupledom. And he’s been known, from time to time, to wield “coupon karma” sword when we shop.
Courtney
Aw. I’m sorry. That sucks. One thing that I found helps me if I look up the grocery store ads online to see who has what on sale. Some places will even match prices. I’ve pretty much given up on coupons because they expire before I use them and half the time there isn’t anything useful in the Sunday paper. I hope you and Chris are now talking and forgot about the whole coupon thing because the soap incident was hilarious.
Jenn
I just started reading your blog and I love it! I felt compelled to comment here because the grocery store is my and my husband’s favorite place to fight 🙂 We go grocery shopping every Monday night and for one reason or the other, we usually do it in silence. I glad someone can relate.
Ashley
I JUST found your blog and love it!! Cant wait to see pictures of the bean!! Where do you get most of your coupons from?
Giselle
You have a great blog and this is truly hilarious! Some times men are just clueless.
Liesel
Ha! This is so funny. Sounds exactly like something my husband and I would do. Love it.
Amanda
Hi! I love your blog, and found a video that you need to watch. It reminded me of your stories about being cranky, and thought I would share. http://coolmom.com/2009/03/06/cranky-pregnant-woman/
Amanda
Camille
Coupon Karma is the BEST! He should’ve helped you. Stupid corn.
Hilary
First, I am a coupon junkie too! Second, my husband has been banned from ever going to the grocery store with me because he acts like a total child and always adds a ton of junk to the shopping cart. And third, whenever something like that (coupon karma) happens in our family, I angelically point out to my husband that God is punishing him.
Laura
The most HILARIOUS post yet!!!! SO funny! There is nothing funnier than watching someone squeeze thick liquid up the nose; especially AFTER something like the coupon fiasco!