A New Leaf
Yesterday afternoon when Chris came home from work, I surprised him with my outfit. It was something I would never wear. Something so far from my personality. Something so out of character that I may or may not have needed some adult beverages to help me get up the courage to put it on.
I met Chris at the door wearing….(gulp)…work out clothes. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
You don’t have to know me too long before you quickly pick up on my distaste for denim cutoffs and exercise. I profess both of these truths vehemently whenever I have the chance. And while I still have not come around to denim cutoffs, I am having to reconsider my allergy to working out. How will I ever be able to get my legs into denim cutoffs when I finally come around to them if I don’t get my arse to the gym?
When the thought popped into my head yesterday afternoon around 4:00, I went straight upstairs and dug out my old work out clothes from college and got dressed. That way I couldn’t change my mind. The minute Chris walked in the door, I would pass the Bean off and head out. Good thing I started getting dressed early because it took me about an hour to get back into my old work out clothes. Spandex is not very forgiving and lycra has a cruel sense of humor.
Around 5:30, I heard Chris come in the back door. So, I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen.
I could see him look twice at my unnatural attire. I could see the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. I could see him quickly correct himself and struggle to keep a straight face.
“Hi, Honey,” he said. “How was your day?”
“Are you laughing at me?” I shrieked.
“No. What would I be laughing at?”
“You know,” I spit.
“No. I’m not. Wouldn’t. Ever. I’m not,” he stammered, like a baffoon.
“Fine. Whatever. Watch the baby. I’m going to the gym.”
I’m almost positive I heard him bust out laughing when I walked out of the house. One can never be too sure when one’s husband is a giant immature ass.
My humiliation continued when I got to the gym and my membership card was rejected because it hadn’t been used in so long. Apparently my gym changed membership cards almost a year ago and since I hadn’t been around all that much…or ever…I had missed that part. So, the skinny little (beep) of a (beep) at the front desk with her curly blonde ponytail and perfect make up giggled and made some kind of remark like, “Welcome back!”
Whatever.
So, I get over to the treadmills, which is the only thing I’ve ever been brave enough to use at any gym. I’m walking and I’m walking and I’m power walking and I’m power walking and I’m not even breaking a sweat.
“Whose laughing now, blondie?!?!” I wanted to yell at the girl at the front desk. But I didn’t feel like I could justifiably yell out until I was running. So, I upped my speed. And I’m running and I’m running. And then I’m dizzy and I’m dizzy. And I’m nausaus and I’m nausaus. So, I start my cool down and when I go to wipe the sweat from my brow, I make sure there are people watching me. Cause I’m totally a gym rat now.
When I finished my cool down and started to get off my treadmill, my work out summary popped up. I had been on the treadmill for 35 minutes (take THAT, Blondie!) and I had run .97 miles.
WHAT?!?!? Half an hour on the treadmill and I hadn’t even gone a mile.
BLONDIE WINS, AGAIN! DAMN!!!!!
But I am undeterred. Nevermind that the Nike logo across the rear of my gym shorts is so stretched it reads, “NNNNiiiikkkkkeeeeee.” Nevermind my own husband pointing and laughing at me. Nevermind the petite blonde at the gym who just looks at a treadmill and loses 10 pounds. Nevermind my outdated gym membership card and my pathetic work out summary.
Nevermind all of that.
I’m going back today. And I’m going back tomorrow. And I’m going back the day after that. And the day after that. (You know…if I feel like it…) Because you never know when the urge to wear denim cutoffs will come over you and I want to be ready.
17 Comments
Sarah Hash
Good job! I like that both you and Whitney are turning over a new leaf today 🙂
Kristen
Good for you! I have been doing this thing called Zumba. It’s a fitness program that combines exercise and latin music, so you’re basically dancing. It is so much fun! Oh, and I noticed that you and Whitney have the same title for your posts today. How weird is that?
Deb
Wow, 35 minutes the first time back? That’s great! Going the 1st time after a long time is the hardest I think. Yay for you!
Haley
You show that blondie what’s up! Zumba is really fun, of course you stare at two perfectly fit Latino women with perfect breasts. I’m also a big fan of “30 Day Shred” by Satan, I mean, Jillian Michaels. She’s mean but her workout makes all sorts of my body parts look smaller.
Good Luck!
Laura
In case you forgot, you’re awesome. I just did half an hour on the elliptical and it kicked my butt. Pregnancy does wonders to a woman’s body.
Ashley
YOU GO GIRL! I give you full and total credit for going!
P.S. Your luckier than the blonde. You have a beautiful beanie at home!
Donna
Whoo hoo! The first time back is always the hardest. You might also consider a class or session with a personal trainer so that you will learn how to use the other machines. Have fun at the gym today! 🙂
Jes the Bes
Keep it up. If you make it part of your routine it just comes like second nature. You may feel guilty for the time that you spend at the gym, but your little man needs a fit mommy to run around with when he gets his walking shoes on.
Sandy
Nevermind that the Nike logo across the rear of my gym shorts is so stretched it reads, €œNNNNiiiikkkkkeeeeee. € Ha Ha Ha…YOU.KILL.ME!!!
Corie
Way to go GYM RAT….
Right there with you … 2 kids in 2 years… and the 1st day I went back over did and couldn’t go back for a week..lol
Jessica
You know… those “girls” at the front tend to keep their figure by doing things OTHER than working out. Like, I don’t know…puking.
Casey
You tell ’em!!!!!
Jeska
“Nevermind the petite blonde at the gym who just looks at a treadmill and loses 10 pounds.”
That made me laugh so hard.
Good job! Keep it up!
Sarah
Haha, I’m the same way with the gym. I really enjoy it when I go….just…that whole actually going part, gets me. I don’t even have real gym clothes. I just wear some guys soccer shorts and whatever top doesn’t make me look like a cow.
I second the Zumba, soooo much fun. And the old people wheezing make you feel better about yourself. lol.
I like yogalates too. Never thought I’d be a yoga person, but there it is. Loved it. Worked better than anything else did.
Miss M!
OMG – I just about died when I got to the part about Nike stretched across your butt! LMAO!
Emily
You go, girl!!
Stephanie
It could be worse. Your butt could read Neeeww Baaallaanncee. 🙂 You know, running is good for your libido…I’m just saying. 🙂 Keep it up, sistah!