Before the After
When we found out that we were going to be parents, the one comment people made that pushed Chris and I over the edge was always something along the lines of “Once you have children, you won’t even remember your life without them.” I know what people meant when they made these remarks. They meant that having a baby was so fantastic it made everything you did prior to having that baby seem insignificant. It was meant in a congratulatory way. Congratulations! Your life sucked before, but now you can really start living!
Every time someone would make a remark like this, Chris and I would steal little glances at each other and smile reassuringly. See, we loved our life before the Bean. We had literally grown up together and every day felt like some new adventure we were starting. As excited as we were about having a baby, there was this little “what if” cloud hanging over our heads.
What if everyone was right? What if none of what we had experienced before the baby mattered anymore? What if our history was instantly erased and replaced by this new little person? It was a fear that both Chris and I shared. We wanted this to be the next chapter in our love story. Not a revision of our love story.
The other day I found a box of pictures in our basement. They weren’t in any particular order, just a collection of random photos. I sat for an hour and went through all of them, remembering the funny details and stories that went along with them.
Take this picture for example:
Chris and I were juniors in high school. Chris came along on our family vacation to the Florida Keys. We camped on that trip. My parents had one tent. My sister and I had another. And Chris and Ginny’s boyfriend had the third. One night two wild pigs came tearing through our campsite and rolled into the side of mine and Ginny’s tent. We screamed and Chris told me later he had wanted to come check on me, but he was afraid he would have gotten in trouble by my parents.
Or how about this picture:
This was our senior Prom. I remember that when I went to pin Chris’ boutonniere on his tux, I accidentally poked through his jacket and made him bleed. My mom ended up having to pin it on for me. Chris thought it was funny, but I was mortified.
This was Christmas our freshman year of college. I was so relieved that we had made it through our first semester of long distance dating. I remember that Chris stopped by my parent’s house when he got into town before he even went home just to see me. When Chris’ car pulled into the driveway, I was sitting in my bedroom waiting for him at the window. I couldn’t wait to kiss him. This was also the first year that Chris was invited to decorate our family Christmas tree with us. That’s a BIG DEAL in our family. Decorating the tree means that you are IN.
This was Christmas two years later. We were juniors in college and Chris and I took a trip to New York right before Christmas. We were ice skating in Rockefeller Center after seeing the Rockettes one night and Chris suddenly stopped right in front of the big Christmas tree and got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. He said he couldn’t live his life without me. I cried. He gave me a beautiful ring. And then I fell on my butt.
This picture was taken two years later on our honeymoon in St. Maartin. It rained all day on our last day there and so Chris and I sat around our hotel suite eating pretzels, drinking Caribbean beer, and watching The Price is Right. I remember thinking that I hoped this was what it was like when we were 80.
A few months after our honeymoon, we drove from Florida to Connecticut where Chris would be attending graduate school at Yale. We drove into New York around midnight and I remember crossing the George Washington Bridge and thinking, “Oh my God. We are actually doing this.” I cried a little as I realized how truly far away from home we were, but Chris took my hand and told me that there was no one else he wanted to start a life with. And suddenly, I was home.
This picture was taken six months later during our first snow storm in Connecticut. It was about 7:00 in the morning and I woke up to find our town covered in a blanket of snow. Being from Florida, Chris and I were like little kids. I called in sick to work and he skipped classes that day. We stayed home and played outside all morning and then we had soup and hot chocolate for lunch and spent the rest of the day huddled next to our tiny space heater, freezing cold.
A couple years later after Chris and I both finished our masters degrees, we bought this house together. This picture was taken the day we closed. We were so excited that we went straight from the closing to the house to celebrate, but I had forgotten the house key. We were already locked out of our new house and we’d only owned it for about an hour. We had to turn around and go back to get a key from the attorney’s office. Chris said if that was any indication of what homeownership with me would be like, then maybe he had made a terrible mistake. I think I punched him.
Not long after that Chris and I were having dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant and I had a random, passing thought. What if I was pregnant? Out of the blue, just like that. I made Chris stop at a drug store on the way home so I could buy a pregnancy test. I remember that when we got home, Chris took out the trash while I took the test. Two minutes later, two little pink lines appeared. I yelled one word, “Chris!” And he walked into the bathroom. “We’re pregnant,” he said. And then we sat on the couch for three hours and didn’t speak because we were so surprised.
This picture was taken nine months later. It was the morning of my c-section and our family was downstairs loading up in the cars to head to the hospital. I went upstairs to our bedroom to grab my jacket and Chris came in a few seconds later. And I started to cry. Everything was about to change, I told him. And he grabbed the camera and said, “Well then we don’t want to forget this, do we?” We took this picture and two minutes later we were on our way to the hospital.
In truth, our lives have changed. And at times it does seem as if this new phase of our life has overtaken everything else. But that isn’t scary to me anymore because I know that this new phase of our lives is built on all that we have shared before. Things have changed. Chris and I have changed. Our lives are drastically different. But at night, my feet still find Chris’ under the covers and in the morning he still kisses me goodbye before he leaves for work. I still think about him at random times throughout the day and he still knows just how to make me laugh. So, while a lot has changed, some things are just as they have always been.
Like this picture:
This picture was taken just two nights ago. The baby was sleeping and the dogs were finally quiet. Chris and I were curled up on the couch together, watching a movie and making each other laugh. For a split second, I almost forgot about everything else. I forgot that we were parents, homeowners, college graduates, a husband, a wife, high school sweethearts. For a split second, I was just laughing with my best friend. And in the end, that is really the beginning of everything.
36 Comments
Alisa
beautiful post with some great memories. 🙂
Erin
That is my favorite post of your’s, ever!
Daphne
Katie, your post really touched me. My husband and I don’t have children yet, but we worry about everything changing when we do too. I’m glad to know that things can change AND stay the same. It’s all about what is most important. Congrats on having such a happy family.
Casey
Thanks for bringing a few tears to my eyes on a Monday morning… and thanks for making me want to go home and laugh and curl up with my hubby 🙂
Camille
Katie, this has got to be my new favourite post you’ve ever written—more than even the CUPCAKE TRUCK post, and that’s saying a lot.
It’s reassuring to me, because one of my many fears of parenthood is how much will change between Kyle and me once we have kids. I just want time to be with only him before we have kids together. I’m glad to know it doesn’t have to change EVERYTHING.
Marla
Beautiful post. It looks like you have it all figured out. Being able to laugh together is so very important.
Jordan
Made me a little teary-eyed.
We went to St. Maarten for our honeymoon(3 months ago)too 🙂
whitney
GREAT post! 🙂 So sweet! How’s your first day back?
Jes the Bes
That brought tears to my eyes. It is really easy to get bogged down in every day life. But to look back and reflect at how far you have come and how much you shared it is a great achievement. I love you guys. Congrats on all of your accomplishments and wishing you so many more.
Allison
I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and I love it. This post almost made me cry. I am about to graduate college, and I just got engaged, and I can’t wait to make beautiful, exciting memories with my future husband, like the ones you just posted.
Heather
AWWWWWWWWW….. Seriously. Ya’ll are adorable.
How did today go?
Smiles & Hugs
H
Kristen
Hi, first time leaving a comment here. I just wanted to say that I have throughly enjoyed reading your blog. It’s refreshing in it’s honesty and is also very sweet. This is one of your best posts in my opinion. The sooner you get that book deal, the better : )
TeamHaynes
I’m really happy there will be so many more pictures of happy faces to come!
Lori at I Can Grow People
Dude, I just looked at all of those photos–you guys NEVER age! I could totally believe that your Senior Prom picture was taken last year!
P.S.: Sorry I called you “dude.”
Laura
Hi Katie,
I have to admit I’m a bit of a lurker – but I just had to comment on this post! It’s so beautiful to hear about your love story with Chris – it sounds like your love for each other has only grown over the years. You describe it so well, too. It’s one of the best things you’ve written – you are always so sincere!
All the best to you, and hoping your first day back at work went really well! And, I’ll try to stop lurking and start commenting more. 🙂
Cheers,
Laura
Laura
Agreed. amazing post. Q and I feel the same way. Gooner just enhances what we have always had!
Kate
I agree with everyone else! Best post you’ve ever done. I would have bawled my eyes out if my boyfriend hadn’t been sitting next to me and thought I was totally strange for crying over someone I don’t even know!
Christina
Katie, that was a fantastic post, so well-written. And beautiful. I loved reading every word, and I love hearing stories like that.
Danimezza
*sob* …beautiful *sniff* …lovely…
Our baby is due any day now and I’m having the same feelings and fears as you did just before Beanie arrived. This post was beautifully written and perfectly timed. Thank you ox
Emily
That was just beautiful. You made me cry…in a good way.
Alison
Sweet post. Love it.
Kristin Westafer
Hands down, this is my favorite post! 🙂
Ashley
Ok, so im crying! Lol I see myself and my boyfriend in you anc Chris so much that its kinda scary! We are Juniors in college right now, and I can only hope that things turn out as great as everything has for you and Chris! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!
Liz, JM, and Leo
Love you guys! 🙂
Jen
I cannot tell you what reading this has meant to me. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and we were not sure if we wanted to have a baby as we were loving our life together so much. We are so close and he truly is my life. Well, I just found out that I am pregnant! We were both in shock and are now so excited about this next journey ahead of us. However we are scared about loosing the life we have built over the past 10 years.
Reading your blog has really helped me see that we will not loose who we are but instead we will become even closer as we embark on this amazing new life we will be bringing into this world.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart….
Jen
Carole-Anne
You made me cry. That was such an awesome post.
Dorice
ummmm….this is the first post of yours I have ever read. AMAZING. annnnd also a tear jerker, but in a good, happy way.
Jennifer
Just found your site from a comment on PW. Love this post, I felt the same way, scared that the pre-baby years would just be brushed under the table. I realized that their not, it’s what you make of it. It’s exactly how you describe. Thanks!
Paula
Stumbled on to you from PW’s site……You are so incredibly blessed, and you seem to realize that which is even better. I love my husband, but we are not the friends and the teammates that you and your husband seem to be. I pray that as the years go on my husband and I will grow more in that direction and that you and your husband will always remain how you are now!
Lindsey
I really needed this today – on a day when I wanted to kick my husband in the crotch. Your post reminded me of us – before the baby. Things have changed IMMENSELY since we had our little girl and to keep from killing each other, we need to locate the old “us”. You guys are a great team!
Jenny
I was just perusing the site and came across this post. It’s an incredible piece. My husband and I are talking about having kids and I admit, that it terrifies me a little and this post gave me courage. Thank you 🙂
apc
Hi. I stumbled across your blog, and I am so touched and I must admit, jealous of your happiness! You are so lucky to have had all that history before having a child. And to have a best friend for a husband. Who makes you laugh.
Very lucky. But you already know that.
Enjoy.
Simone Anne
I literally just sat and cried my way through this post. Happy tears, mostly. Some sad tears. Tears that are connected to my own relationship with my boyfriend. Tears that are purely and completely related to reading about your relationship. Tears that are related to dreams and aspirations and passing thoughts. No matter. This was a BEAUTIFUL post. Thank you. <3
Sarah
The funny thing is, EVERYthing changes everything. Buying a house, getting a dog, getting married! Realizing you can’t just wait for him to leave to clip your toe nails (that was my big revealation). So yeah, a baby changes everything. But we don’t forget who we were before (in our house, we just wonder what we did with the kids while we were doing that crazy thing….only to realize that the kids weren’t around yet). I think the difference with kids is that I feel like they *just* came into my life, yet I feel like they’ve been around forever. I know I’m a “different person” but I don’t feel like my children are incompatable with who I was before.
You have a beautiful way with words and I love the snapshot into your life. My hubby and I were also high school sweethearts. It took us a tad longer to get married than it did you guys 🙂 but we never looked back. Sometimes, it’s hard to let a person change and grow when you’ve known him for that long (or her), but when you can, it’s so great to have company through it all!
Cheers
Serena
I’m really moved by your posts. Especially this one. I stumbled upon your website and am happy to have done so.
Thanks for sharing…
Emily
I just started reading your blog. I love this post!