Marriage Confessions

A Plea.

September 17, 2009 /


Dear Chris,

I think its time you gave me flowers.   Its been a while.   In fact, I think the last time I got flowers was about this time last year.   One year of waiting for flowers is a long time in girl-years.   In that one year time period, I have carried and birthed a human being.   I have given the dogs approximately two baths.   I have attempted to bake at least three different cakes, of which I was successful at one.   I have done all of your laundry and made your favorite cookies twice.   Most recently, I have insisted on getting you a new car.

I deserve flowers.

I realize that we have recently been forced to cut our spending due to the arrival of a certain nameless child with crazy hair.   I know that we have had to cut out on some pretty fun stuff over the past year.   But I must argue – nay, insist – that the flower budget not be reduced.   Flowers keep me happy and that is indeed far safer for all involved than having power or gas.

I also realize that ordering flowers is difficult.   You don’t do it often (clearly) and knowing who to call and what to order is a daunting task.   Let me help you.

Geraldine’s Florist – (203) 624-4243

Ask to speak with Geraldine and tell her that you are my husband.   She knows me and will gladly assist you with your purchase.   My favorite color, by the way, is yellow.   And no carnations, please.

Now, after you speak with Geraldine, she is going to ask you what you would like to write on the card.   This is tricky.   Its not my birthday or a holiday, so that makes the card writing difficult.   And you haven’t (recently) done anything to be sorry for, so that’s going to eliminate those card greetings as well.   Might I suggest the following card wordings:

Dear Katie,
I’m glad you are my wife.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
I love you more every day.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
I’m sorry I continue to put my dirty clothes on the floor instead of inside the $40 hamper you recently purchased for me.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
Thanks for putting out.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
I appreciate you.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
Thanks for not telling anyone about that winter that I wore around womens gloves because I thought the “M” stood for Mens instead of Medium.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
You are the hottest laundry lady ever.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
Thanks for birthing our child.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
Thanks for my new car.
Love,
Chris

Dear Katie,
I think your tractor’s sexy.
Love,
Chris

If this is still too complicated, just go ahead and print out this blog post and take it in to Geraldine. She’ll know what to do.

Thanks in advance for surprising me with your thoughtfulness.

Love,
Katie

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37 Comments

  • Katie

    September 17, 2009 at 2:33 pm Reply

    Hi, Katie! I have no idea who you are and I have no idea how I stumbled onto your blog, but you are ferkin’ funny!! I have to check out your site everyday just to see what you have been up to!! BTW, I love that you call your baby “Bean”…I call my baby, who is actually 4 but still a baby to me, “Boo”…which is really kind of weird, but it kind of started with Bugaboo, BooBoo, Bugitiboo, etc…and just got shortened to Boo. My husband calls him Herman…not sure where that came from, but what are you gonna do? In case you are wondering, his name is really Brodie.

    Have a great day!! 🙂

    p.s. BTW, my name is Katie, too!! 🙂

  • Sarah H.

    September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm Reply

    I hope Chris is a smart man! And maybe you can write a plea to other blog readers husbands, and they can write one for you next time–we’ll switch it up 🙂

  • Adrienne

    September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm Reply

    That is a great approach. I have tried about everything else I think…it has been YEARS since Gregg got me flowers. I have just started buying them for myself. It’s not the same, and gosh darn it! I want flowers too! Thanks for the motivation to finally do something about it. 🙂

  • Jessica

    September 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm Reply

    HAHAHA! I just gave this same plea to my husband! I just don’t get why they must always be reminded. I wouldn’t even mind if the flowers came from the grocery store! I just like flowers!

  • elizabeth

    September 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm Reply

    OMG!!!-thank you SO VERY MUCH for this…the laughs, and the idea!!! could you send a letter like this to my husband?? oh dear–the ‘gifts’ i get!! EEEK!!!…one mothers day i got a ROTARY-TYPE LAWN MOWER with the message that he had spent a LONG TIME picking it out–so i got extra exercise while cutting the grass! i am sure if i had ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED hm at the time, and had a jury of WIMMIN-FOLK, i would have got off with JUSTIFIABLE HOMICIDE!!
    then 2 years ago for MOTHERS DAY, again..i got this GHOSTBUSTERS-TYPE backpack with a wand and hoses etc..for spraying bugs out of the hedge! YEP..i feel so SPECIAL!…
    anyhow….i think this is a wonderful idea—we could all do FOR EACH OTHER?? possible lists of gift ideas..and NOT ON MY LIST would be rotary lawn mower OR bug sprayer.
    ;0)
    ™¥hugs to beanie ™¥

  • Emily

    September 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm Reply

    Once again you crack me up!! I just LOVE this post! I hope you don’t mind that I steal practically every word and send this to my husband! I can’t remember the last time he sent me flowers. Can’t wait to hear the update. 🙂

    • Emily

      September 17, 2009 at 5:07 pm Reply

      Deb, you are so right! Hints are a waste of time, putting it out there as bluntly as possible is always the way to go. And Katie, that was so funny – I’m in stitches!!! I hope Chris sends some pretty yellow flowers your way soon!!

  • Dana

    September 17, 2009 at 4:39 pm Reply

    SO funny!! I think you deserve flowers for sure.

    My Mom has a good friend who is a florist named Katherine. Whenever my Daddy gets the idea to send her flowers, he looks up Katherine’s Florist in the phone book. The only problem is that her friend’s florist is not named after her at all! She is happy to get the flowers, but always laughs because it is not her friend’s husband who delivers them! So I think that the florist name AND number was a GREAT idea.

    Please let us know what happens!

  • Jennifer

    September 17, 2009 at 4:43 pm Reply

    ::sigh::

    It’s been a year and a half since I got flowers. I dream about the night Nathan decides to pick me up some flowers on his way home and surprises me.

    …..like that will ever happen!

  • Laura

    September 17, 2009 at 6:31 pm Reply

    Haha. I totally relate to this.

    One night a few weeks ago, my dear boyfriend came home to tell me that he almost pulled over the car on the way home because a charity was selling flowers. But he didn’t.

    That was the story. What a tease!

    Ummm…I will never understand the way men think!!!

    • Katie

      September 17, 2009 at 7:53 pm Reply

      Chris did that to me a couple weeks go. He came home from the grocery store and said the flowers there were really fresh that day and that he thought about buying some for me. Uhh…… Thanks? – Katie

  • Lily

    September 17, 2009 at 6:38 pm Reply

    I love it! Deb is so right – requests totally need to be spelled out to men. What’s funny about my husband is that he knows I like flowers at least a couple of times a year – nothing big – just SOMETHING – but he doesn’t like them. He told me 8 years ago in college that he thinks “they’re depressing because they’re dying and they just wilt – a loving gift is a good book because it lasts!” Yes, I still think that was a cute line – but I told him that doesn’t work for me!
    I last got flowers in July at the end of a very rough/stressful week (for me). When he came home he gave me a flower – I thought it was so cute – and I was happy. About 45 min later I took a break from what I was working on and saw that there was a whole VASE full of beautiful flowers. aaaah 😉
    That said – flowers must be given to (most) women at least a couple of times a year!
    Good luck with your flowers and I think that the best note card message you wrote was:
    Dear Katie,
    Thanks for putting out.
    Love,
    Chris

  • Renee

    September 17, 2009 at 7:58 pm Reply

    You are hilarious. This is fantastic. I might just steal this for my husband. I keep throwing out hints for jewelry for our 5 year anniversary in October. We’ll see.

  • anon

    September 21, 2009 at 12:31 am Reply

    Since when is it acceptable to ask for gifts or expressions of love? I can’t see said gifts carrying any real emotional significance if the giver isn’t intrinsically inspired to give.

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