How Motherhood Gave Me Peace
I once heard someone describe new moms as hormonal, sleep-deprived chickens with their heads cut off. It was a disturbing image to say the least. Especially considering that I was eight-months pregnant when I heard it. But when you think really hard about it, its actually a pretty fair description of those first months as a new mom. You are hormonal. You are sleep deprived. You are a bit of a chicken. And you are positive that if your head wasn’t attached, it would be rolling around on your nursery floor. Probably yelling, “MY BABY! HAS SOMEONE SEEN MY BABY?!? WHERE IS MY BABY?!?!”
Yeah, those first few months are doosies. But you expect them to be. From the moment you first whisper the words, “I’m pregnant,” you are bombarded with stories from mothers about their trials and tribulations of the first few months of motherhood. I took those stories with a grain of salt. Okay, fine. I took them with a salt shaker. A Jimmy Buffet sized salt shaker, to be exact. Sure, it was going to be hard. Sure, I was going to be flustered and chaotic and sleep deprived. But I continued to tell myself that I would be different. I would be in control. I would be cool, calm, and collected.
What a load of crap.
Like millions of mothers before me, I was overwhelmed. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But sometimes, things got a little out of control. I forgot to bathe. I forgot to eat. I forgot to go to the bathroom. I existed to make someone else’s new little life easier, and that’s no small feat. Chaos was just part of the job.
But Beanie is four months old now and things have settled into a nice pace at our house. I am back into my routine at work and that has been a huge weight off my shoulders. Just the anticipation of starting daycare was enough to keep me up for the few hours of sleep I could actually have at night. But, like a lot of things in life, I’ve learned that the fear and anxiety were much harder on me than the actual act. In all honesty, I’m really glad I’m still working. Do I think about Beanie all day long? Of course. Do I still cry when I drop him at daycare in the mornings? Sometimes. Do I wish I could stay at home with him every day? Absolutely. But the situation is what it is. I have to work and in light of that, I think we’ve worked out the best possible solution for our family.
Our daily routines are becoming more predictable, too, and that has helped calm things down a lot. I now know that Beanie is going to be hungry when he gets home from daycare. I now know that if he takes a little nap in the evenings, it makes bath time and bedtime so much easier. I now know that if I put him on a blanket on the floor, the dogs are not going to mess with him (…much). I’m learning as I go, but what I’ve figured out so far has really helped us to find a comfortable place for the Bean in our family. It feels like he’s apart of us now and not something we have to work around anymore.
But more than being back at work, more than knowing and understanding our schedules, I have found an unexpected peace in motherhood. In the past several weeks, I cannot tell you how many people have commented on how calm I have become. And its not just calm with the baby. Co-workers have remarked how much more laid back I am at work. Friends have commented that I am not as uptight as I used to be. My family has said that I’m much more relaxed now. In all areas of my life, I really seem to have just taken a deep breathe and slowed things down a bit.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while and trying to come up with an explanation for the calm. I mean, four months into parenthood is not exactly the time to find your inner peace. Everything that has changed in my life are things that, if anything, should have revved up my stress level. I had a baby. I went back to work. I cut Target out of my life. These are stressful times, I tell you! But, remarkably, the pressure and anxiety are melting away instead of building up.
And that’s when it came to me. Why didn’t I think of it before?
I am praying differently.
Now, don’t you all go running away screaming, “SHE’S A BIBLE BEATER! SHE’S A BIBLE BEATER! RUN!” I might be a Bible carrier, but I’m no Bible beater. I’m not talking about a huge spiritual shift in my life, although, to me, this minor change has made an enormous impact.
I just pray differently now.
Before I had the Bean, my prayers were…well…spontaneous. They’d come and they’d go. And when they came, they usually centered around what I wanted.
“Dear God, please send us one million dollars so that I can go to Target this weekend. Amen.”
“Dear God, please send Chris away on a business trip so that I don’t kill him and go to jail. Amen.”
“Dear God, please save a good seat for me at the movie theater even though I’m running late. Amen.”
If I’m really honest with myself, they weren’t even prayers. They were just wants addressed to someone.
But after Bean was born, without even thinking about it, my prayers changed. I began to pray all the time and instead of asking for things, I found that 90% of what I was saying was thank you. Thank you for the blessings in my life, for the trees Beanie loves, for the ability to feed by family. And I discovered that when I focused more on being thankful for the things in my life, I started to pay more attention to how blessed I am.
My life became richer with things that I already had.
I have also stopped asking for really big, really impossible things. Now, when I ask the Lord for things, its more like, “Dear God, please keep us safe” or “Dear God, please keep us healthy.” Suddenly, small things have become really important to me. I don’t need all the extra anymore. I just need my family to be safe, healthy, and happy. And when you change your perspective like that in prayer, it seems to have changed my perspective in my everyday life, too.
Recently, I’ve started saying prayers at night with Beanie. I always give him his last bottle in the rocking chair in my bedroom and I rock him there until he’s drowsy enough to go to his crib. Its my favorite time of day. I talk to him about my day and I ask him about his. I read him books or sing him songs. But at the end, just as he is falling asleep, I whisper our prayers. Beanie’s prayers are even simpler than mine have become. We thank God for the day and we thank God for the night. We thank God for his friends and caregivers at daycare. We thank God for giving us to each other. We pray for our family who live so far away. And then we ask for forgiveness for our sins that day and we ask that we all wake up healthy in the morning.
Before I became a mom, my life consisted of so much more. More stuff, more appointments, more need, more want, more of everything. But I have discovered that when your life celebrates simplicity – a baby rolling over, the ability to pay our power bill, a beautiful day outside – you discover a peace that until now you had only heard about. I don’t believe that it takes becoming a parent to experience this peace. That just happens to be what made room in my life. Its not the parenthood, its the simplicity.
My life is simply peaceful now and I have never been happier.
Amen.
46 Comments
Mallory Torgersen
I love this post!!
And the new fall look 🙂
casey
Great Post!
Sarah
Katie, I am so glad you are my friend. 🙂
Allyson
well said and well lived 🙂
Kathie
beautiful. simply beautiful.
and thank you. thank you for noting the simpler times in life and to make me think about how lucky I really am. and to be thankful for the Lord has given me so much more than I truly deserve.
Sue V.
Beautiful post. Children come into our lives and disrupt what we THOUGHT was a wonderful life. They make us realize that we would give up EVERYTHING, we would lay down our lives without so much as a pause. They truly are the greatest gift.
Trish
Beautiful post! My son is now a senior in college and I’m just as in awe of him now as I was 22 years ago. My prayers are the same…”thank you for allowing me to be Caleb’s mom” I was not one of those girls that always dreamed of having babies and being a mom. I wanted to do things..save the world..etc. God has a way of letting us know we’re not in control! All it took was that first smell of my baby and I was a changed person. I like to think it was for the better.
Thank you for your beautiful post…it made me sit back and count my blessings!
Katy
Wow, that was an incredible post. Really enjoyed all of it. But, I do have to say, I got a giant kick out of the “Jimmy-Buffet-sized shaker of salt”.
Kelly
I think you hit the nail on the head…although I don’t have children yet, I can see your point. It’s important to say thank you for all that you have and even important to say thank you for all that you don’t have.
Candice
I think this is the best post you’ve ever written. While I’m not a Bible carrier, I was really touched by your description of how your praying has changed. It’s such a gift to be able to appreciate the simple (and complex) blessings we have.
Janet
i love this! thanks for the encouragement from your own story!
Beanie's Nana
You’re a wonderful mother, Kitten. And so wise slow down and enjoy each minute of the day. Life can feel like a downhill race and priceless moments go by in a blur if you let them. So rock that baby every chance you get. Love, Mom
Elisabeth
Thanks for a beautiful post. My son is one week old today and I’m struggling to keep it all together and be the good mom I want to be. You’ve reminded me to remember the little things. The encouragement is much needed.
Adrienne
Wonderful post – made my day. Good life lesson, and one that I’ve tried to wrestle with.
Lisa
Beautiful post. It definitely brings you peace when we can remember and be thankful for the things we have. I am certainly having one of those weeks where I feel extremely fortunate for the people I have in my life and the experiences I have been able to have so far.
Lyndsey
Great post! I don’t have kids… but I agree with what you’re saying about how you pray. I made a conscious shift in praying a few years ago and I made a bit of a deal with myself. I’ll only pray (or try to only pray) for things that I actually need help with. I ask God to keep me and my family safe and healthy, and I kind of figure that I’m responsible for the rest ya know? I also make an effort to name the things each day I’m grateful for. I do think that it makes for a much more fulfilled life. 🙂
Ginny
Wow. This is one of your best post. And now I’m crying… and wanting a baby.
Hilary
I don’t know that being a mother has made me any less crazy, anxiety-ridden, or relaxed but I totally hear you on the prayers. I pray with my little girl every night and just like you, “happy, healthy, and safe” are always the themes. I am so incredibly grateful for every blessing we have and just knowing that I have a healthy daughter, a wonderful husband, an incredible extended family, a job and another little bean on the way in March means I have everything I could need. Isn’t it amazing how your thinking shifts from what you want (money, things, etc.) to what you need (health, peace of mind, safety, etc.) once that bambino enters your life?
Niki
Very good post. 🙂
Ashley
Amen, Amen, AMEN! I absolutely love what you wrote in this post! I agree with Ginny, I cried, and now I’m wanting a baby more than ever too 🙂 This definitely touched my heart! It is something to look forward to when Beanie is actually going to be the one saying the prayers at night!
Lesley
Well said indeed. Absolutely hit the nail on the head! My daughter is three and your post took me back to the first day we brought her home….
Amanda
Great post. I love bedtime with my Boozle. My prayers always include “Please bless Mommy and Daddy and Jack. Help Mommy and Daddy to be the best Mommy and Daddy to Jack and the best husband and wife to each other…” It’s helped our relationship I think. Even when I pray it through gritted teeth. 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing this post with us.
whitney
I love this! And I couldn’t agree more.
TeamHaynes
Amen Sista! Preach it!
I appreciate this post very much. I can tell a difference too in your writing. It feels more relaxed, more free spirited. I’m sure Michael and Chris are happy about that too.
I’m a Bible thumper too, and proud of it!
Kimberly Loomis
Thank you!
kay
i love you and beanies sweet simple prayers. they will change once again when he is a teenager. they will be non stop, please bring him home safe, please keep him away from drugs, please give him good friends etc. thank heaven we can pray! and thank heaven there is someone looking out for him when we cannot!
Casey
Amen to that sister. Great post.
Summer
Beautiful – thank you for sharing and being so honest!
Christina
This was so insightful! Thank you for sharing, Katie.
Jennifer
I’m remembering that when I started blogging after having my 2nd child I realized that I was less concerned about the dog licking the baby and more concerned about it stopping before I could get to my camera. I stumbled on to your blog via Pioneer Woman. I’ll be back!
Gerda
Thanks for that post. I needed that reminder.
Zoe
That’s so lovely. Made me cry :’)
Merissa
Wow. This is the most beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
Laura
That’s just lovely. Do you think Chris feels the same way?
Katherine
Love this post, its so heartfelt. And I also love the new template!!
Stephanie Hannum
An attitude of gratitude makes life so much lighter €” great post, thank you!
Taryn
I love this post and I love your perspective on motherhood. I want to be a mom someday and I like to think it will be a little like this for me – except I’d like to also keep Target in my life, please. Amen 😉
Donna
So true! Great post!
Emily
I’m really glad you wrote this post.
p.s. – one definitely needs strong prayers to be able to cut Target out of one’s life. 😛
Janet
Very nice 🙂 Now hold on to those feelings and remember all that when things get tough. As they inevitably do, for all of us at times. Sounds like you have a strong foundation, I’m sure your Mom is proud 😉
Deb
This post made me feel calmer! I’ve actually thought about this concept for the past couple days since reading your post. Can you imagine if we could all had the presence of mind to constantly keep things in perspective like this? I’m trying it out and so far, it’s really helped me.
Tabitha (From Single to Married)
What a sweet, sweet post – I loved it! Especially considered I’m going to be a first-time mom in about 3 1/2 months and also have no idea what I’m in for. But I feel the same way, I’ve noticed that I already feel differently. And I, too, am a praying person and find my prayers lately consist mostly of thank you’s. Something about having a little one inside and feeling joy and at peace with the world will do that to a person. 🙂
Katie's Grandma
Katie – I have watched you grow from a little “sprout,”
watched you on your teen mission trips to Mexico, Costa
Rica, Venezuela; taking a Snapple to the old man
who always stood on the Pensacola Bridge holding aloft
the heavy Cross daily in the hot, baking sun. I knew then
that you had a strong Christian base – instilled in you by
your parents (my daughter). I’m so proud!
Yes, I have tears in my eyes – tears of joy!
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Petite Star
Ive only got a couple of days still to go, before my third baby girl is born. When will my nesting instincts start.
Casey
I don’t know if you’ll read this comment a whole year later, but I’m a’leavin’ it anyways! My son is a year younger than Bean… almost to the day. Each month I go back and read your posts from that month last year to get some insight into what Eli is going through at this age. I think this is my favorite post from you. Partly because of how truthful and honest it is, and partly because my prayers have changed in the exact same way. Our children are truly blessings from God 🙂