To Binky or Not to Binky. That is the Question.
This morning I woke up and made an Executive Momma Decision. Bean was going to quit the binky. Cold turkey.
While the decision was quick, my thoughts about the binky have been on-going for a while. Bean has been a binky baby since about 20 minutes after he was born. He was crying and the nursed asked me if he was going to use a pacifier. I hadn’t really thought much about it, so I stuttered, “Uh, yes,” and she stuffed a binky in his mouth and that was it.
Not that I minded really. I think binkies are the first tools of self-soothing for babies and so it didn’t bother me that Bean used one. And besides all that theoretical mumbo jumbo, he loved it. When he was first born, he didn’t use one often. Really just when he was going to sleep and then he would spit it out right as he fell asleep. As he has gotten older, he still uses it at night when he goes to bed and he still spits it out when he’s ready to really sleep I think its really funny. I rock him every night and give him his last bottle until his eyes are heavy. Then he starts squirming, so I take the bottle out and give him his binky. He sucks on that and dozes off for about 10 minutes and then he’ll shoot that binky out of his mouth and start stretching out and wiggling to be put down. That’s when I carry him into his bedroom and lay him down in his crib. He stretches right out and goes to sleep on his own.
Because he’s perfect, you see.
But in the past two months or so, the binky has moved from supporting role to a more central role in Bean’s little world. It started when he learned how to put it in and take it out at his discretion. Now, if there’s a binky within grabbing distance, he pops it into his mouth and sucks away. I didn’t really pay much attention to it until I tried taking it away from him one day a couple weeks ago and he flipped the freak out. That’s when I first saw the Power of the Binky. And that’s when I started thinking that it might be time to break Bean of the binky before he gets REALLY attached and all hell breaks loose.
Well, a few weeks later, he got sick and so I put the whole binky debacle on hold because I wanted him to have anything he wanted to make himself feel better. But now that he’s healthy again, I’m starting to think its time for the binky to hit the road.
I’ve heard that between 6 and 9 months, babies start to learn that things don’t just disappear when they go away. They learn that things can come back and that’s often why there are such temper tantrums during this age group. They are frustrated and they want things that they can’t have. And now they are aware that something is being withheld. Smart little boogers, huh?
I’ve started seeing this in Bean lately. He’s getting good and grabby now and he can reach for and grab anything within an arms reach – most of which he isn’t able to have. So there has been a lot of taking away of things from him recently. This really angers The Bean Man. And I think its because he has learned that if he screams enough, things eventually come back to him. So, before he starts using that noggin’ for some real high-tech thinking, I’d like to stop the binky. Hopefully this will be easier at 7 months old than it would be at a year or two.
So, this morning when I got the brilliant idea to stop the binky cold turkey, I told his teachers when I dropped him at daycare that he was now binky-free. And, like a fool, I figured that would be the end of it. Bye-bye binky!
About 15 minutes after I got to work this morning, I got a call from the daycare. It went something like this, “BRING US A BINKY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! GIVE THE BABY A BINKY!”
Apparently, Bean had been crying since I dropped him off and they couldn’t get him to stop, which is very unlike Bean. Especially when he’s at daycare. I could hear him in the background and it was that woeful moaning, like the world had just been so mean to him and he didn’t understand why.
Break a momma’s heart, why don’tcha?
So, I jumped in my car and headed to the daycare to save my Bean Child. I didn’t want to have to go all the way back home to get a binky and then back up to the daycare, so I just stopped at the Walgreens up the street from the daycare and bought him a new pack instead.
Only, they had every kind of binky in the world except the only kind Bean likes – Nuk, silicone, newborn size. So, I bought one of every kind they had and dropped the bag off at daycare. They said Bean’s day went much better.
My mom says Bean is too little to have his binky taken away. That I should wait until he’s mobile and into things to distract him, instead of having him just sitting there thinking, “Binky, binky, binky, binky, where’s my binky?”
What do you think? When did you take the binky away from your baby? Or when will you take it away? What are your thoughts on the binky debate?
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76 Comments
Danielle Melnyczenko
My Aidan is 5 months and since we got back from Christmas holidays I stopped giving him his dummy during the day. I realised that in a way I became a “dummy pusher” absentmindedly putting one in his mouth because I thought he needed it. I didn’t realise I was doing it until we went out and I forgot it one day… and he didn’t whine for it once.
So now it stays in his cot and has one in the car (for emergencies) and he uses his EXACTLY like Beanie. Feeds, sucks it, spits it out, wriggles and goes to sleep on his own. I considered getting rid of it altogether but we might revisit that notion when he’s a bit older, maybe 7-9 months?
Danielle Melnyczenko
Oh and Aidan still uses newborn size and WILL NOT change no matter what, even if it’s too small and slips out :S
Cassandra
I will not give my children binkies.
Mom didnt give my sister and I any and we never tried to steal other kids.
Some of my friends have babies that are 3 years old and still use their binkies. I just think it looks wrong. Once they have teeth they dont need them.
Then there are the kids that you see in the street that have to be at least 5 years old and they still have binkies. It is silly. If by then your child has a problem they should be capable of communicating what it is instead of needing a comfort item that messes with their teeth.
Yep I seem Judgemental, sorry! Up to about 1 year of age I would say is acceptable if you HAVE to give your child a binky.
Katie
I don’t think that’s judgmental. I’m seriously re-thinking the whole thing about right now. It would have been much easier if Bean had learned to self-soothe from day one.
Cassandra
Im so glad you dont think Im being judgemental Katie! Thank you!
In the end, You and Chris are Beans parents and whatever you think is right for you child is the way to go. As long as all 3 of you are happy its all ok.
With my friends babies if the mothers say they only use their binkies every so often etc, then if i see one of the babies with their binky, since the babies can talk now I just say to them “My sweet bundle of love, I thought you were a big girl now! Big girls dont use binkies, see Aunty Cass doesnt have a binky and she is a big girl!” Most the time the Bundle of Love will spit it out, climb on my lap and say “Im a big girl too Aunty Cass”.
Good luck with the de-Binky-ing! Xx
deepa
We are going through this, too! The pacifier is great for bed and nap times (funny, Rohan does the exact same thing as the Bean and Aidan – suck suck suck, spit, roll to side, make out with stuffed cow, chatter, sleep) but I am of two minds. I am thinking I should take it away before he realizes what’s going on. He will be 6 months next week, and that might be my cold turkey day. Hmm.. although you might want to ask me again next week… that pacifer comes in real handy at those 5am wake-ups…
Good luck! The way I see it, generations before us survived without pacifers; our kids should be fine.
Nancy
Yeah, I hate the way kids who are walking around look with a binky in their mouths, but even worse I dislike seeing kids suck their thumbs! At least the binky WILL be given up, but I know 12 year olds who still suck their thumbs in public and it looks terrible!! If you see my stepson sleeping (at 18 years old!!) his thumb still finds his mouth!! I’m all for binkies, just don’t let ’em take ’em to kindergarten.
Regina
Hey, I had a pacifier until I was four and I turned out all right. I think Cassandra needs to lighten up.
I have no idea why I had it so long. The only memory I have of it was being in a store once when some rude woman made a comment to me about it. I looked daggers at her and my mom defended me. And that’s what mattered, that my mom had my back. I don’t remember any trauma giving it up.
Let the Beany have his binky!
Cassandra
Regina,
Im not saying what is right or wrong, just giving my opinion like Katie asked.
My parents smacked me when I was naughty and I turned out all right too. Im in no way saying thats the right thing for children either.
Whatever works for the parents and for the baby is all that matters. People have their own beliefs on raising children.
Sue V.
You were lucky and had nursery nurses who asked you. I had told the nurses that we did not want them to give our child a binky. I had to remove a binky twice. Frustrated I made a sign and put it on my child’s bassinet (NO PACIFIER PLEASE.) Our child never spent more than 15 minutes in the nursery, it was like it was policy to have one in the newborns mouths. We just never used them.
Amanda
My little one started getting his Nuk paci to help him with his reflux. The swallowing from sucking helped keep the acid from refluxing. He is now 17 months and still having problems with reflux so still has his paci. I hope that it will not be too hard later to break but am willing to fight that battle later.
Nicole
At 1 year old I took it away except for when he was in the crib. Then at 18 months, it was completely gone. Nothing fancy or cutsey ideas of cutting it or letting it float off strung to a helium balloon…just cold turkey- gone. I didn’t have a single problem. Okay, maybe one night…I’m not kidding at all. I hate to see 3 year olds at the grocery store with one in their moulth. Especially when they wear out a big red circle around their moulth from spit being caught between their pacificer and skin at that age…and when they try to talk with it in their moulth…and when their teeth are messed up from it. Okay, I’ll quit. But, I agree 100% with your mom- Bean is too young right now. Do cold turkey at 18 months max. I was also scared it would be hard, but it wasn’t.
Kelly
Nick had his at night until he was three. His sister gave it up around 2. Nick just needed the soothing/sucking longer. Around 18 months we started limiting it to car, nap and night time only. At about 2, no nap time or car binky.
I must say, though, taking it a 3 was a lot less drama free than I thought. I told him when he turned 3, it would be going bye-bye. We took it to build a bear right after his birthday and put it inside his new stuffed animal. The first night he asked for it but that is about it.
I see no harm in letting him keep it a little longer.
Nicole
I guess I didn’t mention that I wasn’t going to give my son a pacifier, but ended up happening at the hospital and it ended up being a good thing for him in bed. I guess Bean doesn’t use it in bed to much though.
Tracy B
I consider myself lucky (in hindsight) that my boys never were big pacifier users, but I remember times when I would have given up one of my limbs if they would just take the friggin’ pacifier already!!!! One time, when my oldest was around 6 months old he was in the backseat crying so hard that I started dunking the pacie in my Coke and putting in his mouth….he’s suck away ’til the Coke wore off and start screaming agagin. At which point, I’d re-dunk. Yes, I was mother of the year — anything for quiet. You do what you have to do to keep your kids happy….if Bean was screaming without the binky, he’s clearly attached to it. Many of my good friends have waited until their children were old enough to understand “broken” – at which point they would cut the nipple off of the binky and make a big production about how it was broken and had to be thrown away. It seemed to work for them. Good luck!
Liz, JM, and Leo
LOL!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
I have three kids. One NEEDED a binky desperately. The other two were able to soothe without it. Different kids have different needs. Let him have it. When he’s old enough you can transition. My sister had good luck at around 18 mos telling her kids they could only use the binky in bed. Eventually the need just faded away.
You are Bean’s mom. You know him. Do what works for YOUR situation. 🙂
Casey
Two stories:
1. My mom didn’t take my brother’s binky away till he was 3. They gave it to garbage man and waved goodbye to it. He is 35 now and still misses the damn thing.
2. My brother didn’t want to go through the binky separation anxiety with his twins, so he took my nephews’ binkies away at 3 months, which is evidently when babies can begin to self-soothe. They have been perfectly fine ever since and never really needed them (they are 4 now). One sucks his fingers and the other rubs a blanket.
I will most certainly use a binky with my child, but I plan to take it away early, before he can miss it. Even though a baby with a binky is one of the cutest things in the world.
Good luck with the Bean! I bet if you take it away now, he’ll be over it in a week or 2.
Lauren
I am under the same mindset as you. Binky is ok, up to a point, but best to make it disappear before they become TOO attached. I always told myself that I would stop the binky around 6 months with my son, again, before he was aware enough to realize it was gone and would become dependant on it. In reality it ended up being closer to 9 months. One thing I did was begin the process over the weekend – Friday night thru Sunday night and because he did so well with it and because we were consistant about it for a full 48 hours, by the time daycare came Monday morning, he was pretty much done with it… so, on Monday morning, I let the daycare know that THEY had 1 more week with the Binky, so THEY needed to work with him during the week to ween him off of it at daycare since he had been off of it at home for a few days. Point is, as wonderful as the daycare can be, they can become as dependant on the binky as the babies are, so if you give them some warning about what’s coming, they can work on it with him as well and then by the following week, the binkies just disappear and everyone has to adjust and figure it out. so, i don’t know if he’s ready to do it at 7 months, if you feel like he is, you’re the mom, you know best, but i would suggest giving the daycare a full week to work on it along with you working on it at home and then it won’t be such a shock in the following week when they’re all gone…
Good luck!!!
Claudia
Hi! I am a 23yr old with no child, or in the process of making a child, but I do have a small story about my little brother (who is now 19).
My mom had a hard time taking him off his binky because he got too attached to it. When he was about 1 yr old she decided it was time for it to go. However, my brother had other plans: he wanted that thing 24/7. She blames my dad because everytime my brother would cry he would hand him the binky. The binky started to take over my brother’s life to the point where he would not sleep if he didn’t have one. My mom had to have one at all times otherwise the child was like a little monster. So, how did he get off it? My mom started using sippy cups to, for the lack of a better word, distract my brother’s mouth from the binky. It took a good week maybe two but eventually he got off it and then the sippy cup became his new thing. However, the sippy cup was much better because well, once he got full from drinking he would stop sucking. It wasn’t a very smooth transition, and I remember most of it because we shared a room at the time and I didn’t get much sleep that year. Sippy cup is what worked for my brother. It could work for Bean too.
Best of luck!
Keri
My 8 month old LOVES hers. It’s a bit of an addiction, like Bean. When she was 5 months, she started dive bombing toward it if she saw it on the counter of something. It’s sadly been a great motivator for crawling. I saw it becoming a problem, but didn’t freak too much. Also, other babies at daycare have them and I think she’d have reminders regardless.
I will say this — my nephew was using his to sleep around 2 1/2, and it was getting to be too much, so they cut it cold turkey. A few days were hard, but that was it. He’s perfectly fine, teeth are fine. All is well at 6 years. His brother is 2 1/2 now and never liked it. My SIL was THRILLED. But around 8 months, he started his own obsession with his thumb. So, I’m not breaking the habit, because I sure would hate to figure out how to take my baby’s thumb and hide it in a drawer.
I’ll probably try to break the habit around 12 or 18 months. I think every baby is different. Do what you feel is best for Bean.
BFF Emily
I’m 26 years old and I’m not quite ready yet. Even now, at work, I’m thinking “binky, binky, binky, where’s my binky?” It makes things awkward every once in a while but I’ve learned to look past the judgment of others. I don’t expect them to understand.
Katie
Ahhh…Em. I’m just glad you compromised and took it out for my wedding. Bridesmaids with binkies are a little distracting in pictures.
Heather O.
Well…I am no help on this topic but have really liked being able to read what everyone else had to say.
My Keeley (5 y/o) never really took to the binkie. She used it for about a month and never looked back.
Dallas (23 months) on the other had LOVES his binkie (aka ma-mee). My mother and mother-in-law HATE it and bug me about it every chance they get. At school he hands it right to his teach when he walks in the door and never asks for it again. When I pick him up as soon as he gets his coat on he walks around with his hand out saying “ma-mee. ma-mee”. Most days I can get out to the car before he starts to scream but once in a while he will throw a fit. For the most part he seems to want it when he is tired and after 10 hours in daycare who wouldn’t be tire!?
He’ll be two in just two weeks and my goal is to be rid of the binkie by then; I just don’t know if I can be that strong. LOL
Jennifer
My parents never used one with my brother or I. I think babies should learn to self soothe. I can understand using one for babies with colic, ect, where they may need a little more help. I don’t think a paci should be used once they are 1yr old. I loathe seeing older kids walking around with a paci.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I have no advice. I am trying to figure this out for Porter too. He has been able to self-soothe but he really likes to *chew* on pacifier now that he has 8(!) teeth and 2 more on the way. It is really helping him get through teething, but when he doesn’t have it he just sucks on his fingers. I don’t know what is worse–a baby sucking on a binky or a baby sucking on his fingers/thumbs?
Sara
My first son took the pacifier right away. He stopped using it at our daycare/babysitter at about 9 monhts, but he used it at home up until about 18 months, then it was nap/night time only and slowly went to night time only. About 26 or 27 months old (just last October) is when I finally stopped giving it to him at night–nothing fancy or cute. He would ask for it and I would tell him it was gone. He usually would moan and fuss for about 5 minutes then fall asleep. That lasted about a week. He has only asked for it once since then and that was when we were on vacation for Christmas.
However, son #2 never took a pacifier–always spit it out like it didn’t taste good. At 7 months, he is a complete thumb sucker, so will have to figure out how to handle that one later!
Go with what is right for your family and you won’t make a bad choice.
Teresa
My first took one.. We “gave” it to the garbage man when he was about 12 months.. he was okay with that because some other little boy needed it. #2 it didn’t go so well with, she wouldn’t take it.. period end of story. #3 was adopted and when we got her she sucked her thumb.. which I am very much against (with my own, other people can do what they want!) You can throw away a paci.. you cannot throw away a thumb. It took 6 months to “trick” her into quitting.. still catch her every now and then with a finger or two in her mouth.. (she’s 3) I just tell her big girls don’t do that. LOL
Honestly, it’s up to you. He’s your child, do whatever you like. People are going to judge, that’s just how they are. LOL
Katie
I just finished reading The Happiest Baby on the Block which talks about binkies. The author suggests getting rid of them between 4 and 5 months. According to him, at 6 months, babies can develop emotional attachments to pacifiers which makes it harder to wean them. My peanut is only 7 weeks, so I have a while before we go cold turkey, but I plan to have the pacifiers gone by 6 months. I hope it’s not wishful thinking!
Jessica W
Not having kids I cannot give a personal example except for what I have seen with my nieces. My oldest niece, now 3, her mom was anti-binky, only self soothing. It helped that girl sucked on her fingers from the day she was born. To the point where she’d touch her lips and fall asleep. Problem is now, you can take away a binky when you feel they are old enough, fingers they kinda need. So she can’t break her of it, and she’s tried everything. Her next daughter, age 9 mo, is now a binky baby. Not sure for how long though.
This has caused my husband and I to talk about what we would do if/when. We agree 18mo or so would be our cut off point, old enough to understand other comforts besides the binky. And knowing me I’d do something cutesy like a binky fairy/pirate. (Loved the Build a Bear idea Kelly!) But we are both aware you are always the best parent in the world…before you have kids. We’ll see what actually happens.
Meghan
My twin boys had their ‘quellers’ until they were 3. Actually, Noah stopped using his when he was 2 and a half, he was digging around in the middle of the night for one, found a gross one under his bed, and cried “yucky” for half an hour, and never put it in his mouth again, though he wanted one in his bed still, because Xander had one. On the eve of their 3rd birthday, we put all the quellers in our trunk and the next day the quellers were gone and there were presents in their place. Xander asked about them one time that week, but I reminded him about the presents, and he was fine.
They only had them in their beds after they were about 18 months. I thought about taking them away earlier, but they liked them so much, it was just too heartbreaking to say no…
Beth
When my daughter was 6 months old, I went through the same dilema as you. My husband and I decided that she may only have her paci at nap time and bed time. It was hard at first because she would want it and scream, but after about three days she calmed down and things were fine. My plan is that at a year, or when she can walk, the paci will be gone. I don’t want to take her to the store with her walking around with a paci in her mouth, so I guess this is the way that will work for my family.
I have friends who have three year old who still have theirs and friends who never gave their babies one at all. Everyone has to do it their own way because you can get a million suggestions and none of them work for you. I think the Bean is adorable and he will turn out great…with or without a binky!
Adrienne
Stephen and Rebecca both used pacifiers (we call them pies in our house…just something Stephen came up with), anyways, they both quit them within about 2 months of each other. Stephen was probably 3 1/2 or so, but by then, he only got it at nap time and bed time. I can’t remember when we switched to just nap and bed time. He is so tall, people gave us funny looks when we were out and it was in. Rebecca was about 2 1/2 when we stopped giving hers to her at nap time and bed time.
Most of Stephen’s pictures through the age of 3 (maybe) he has a pacifier in his mouth. He learned to speak with it in his mouth, and sometimes would try to eat with it in his mouth. I don’t know that we would do it any differently if we could, but the kids certainly seemed a bit old. For whatever reason, in my head, 2 seems like a good stopping point, with 1 1/2 being just nap and bed time.
Oh, and we didn’t have any tantrum problems taking them away. They just seemed to sleep better and be a bit happier in general when they could have the pacifiers. Good luck! He will be fine no matter what you do. A pacifier is much easier to get rid of than thumb sucking. We just stopped buying them, and told the kids that we weren’t getting any more, and because they were a bit older, they could understand, which could be why they didn’t get so upset.
Joanie
My oldest boy had a binky (called a suckie in our house) and it was a lifesaver. When he was born he had some minor issues and was in an incubator for two days. During that time we weren’t allowed to take him out and feed him and even though he wasn’t hungry and was getting everything he needed through his IV, he had the urge to suck and kept pulling out his IV by trying to suck on the shunt. We gave him a binky and I would sit there for hours with my hand on it to keep it in – my only physical contact with my new baby.
James had that binky until he was almost 2 and a half. He just would not give it up and we all came to theorize that perhaps in his little sub-conscious it was because it was his “link” to Mommy. A link established as a newborn baby in an incubator.
Hayden was the world’s crankiest baby. I only WISH he would have taken a binky but he didn’t care for it at all. We tried everything to make him take a binky just in order to get 5 minutes of peace and quiet. We were only half-joking when we said we should try duct taping it to his mouth.
Silas never took one either but he was the world’s best baby and didn’t need one.
TL:DR version: Take Bean’s binky when you think he’s ready! It’s not going to hurt him to keep it for comfort’s sake a little while longer, but if you think he should lose it now, you’re the mommy and that’s your call! There is no universal right or wrong decision here, just the right or wrong decision for you as Bean’s mommy!
JT
We ended up stopping the pacifier at 4 months, because our little guy was waking up in the middle of the night looking for it, and couldn’t roll around to find it! We were up ALL night and then decided we couldn’t take it anymore. It was a rough few days, but he adjusted pretty quickly and was fine from then on. It’s tough with ANYTHING they get an attachment to… we’re now trying to transition our son away from his bottle to a sippy cup (he’s 11 months old), and he chucks the sippy cup across the room when we give it to him. 😉 We just figure if we introduce it gradually, hopefully it will help… maybe the same would work for the pacifier (take it away during the morning for a certain amount of time, and then increase the time each day?) Just a thought! Good luck!! 🙂
Looking€ oHeaven
Both of my kidlets had deep and abiding love affairs with their binkies. At the advice of their dr at the time, I let them have them anytime they wanted until they were a year old. Only at nap and night until they were two and in one wildly loud weekend for each of them they were gone. It worked pretty for us 🙂
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Casey
My son never needed one, you tried to give it to him and he spit it right back at you. I just assumed my daughter wouldn’t either, that is until she was 3 months old and was up ALL night. Finally about 8 a.m. after no sleep what so ever I found one that was given to us at the baby shower and popped it in her mouth. Instantly asleep and silent. Of course she had to have the ugliest paci ever (seriously) or she wouldn’t take it. It was so big you could barely see her face. I took it away about 15 months I think maybe 18. He is still tiny and might need it. It’s much easier to throw it away when they are older and you have other tricks to calm them down.
Just give it at bedtime, or when he is REALLY upset, not every time he cries, maybe that will make it easier for him when the time comes.
JT
Just wanted to mention one more thing… when we took the pacifier away, we gave our little guy a lovey at night, for comfort. He’s snuggled with it ever since and he absolutely loves it! Maybe that would help with the nighttime transition, if you decide to take it away?
Katie
My kids are 16 and 10 now so it’s been a while since we went through the “passie” stage, but our youngest never liked it and would suck on his blankie instead; our daughter LOVED her passie, but when she was about 10 months old and drinking from a sippy cup I decided it was Time To Do Away with her passies. She DID NOT like it one bit, and cried so hard she almost made herself sick. That was when I made the mistake of giving her a sippy cup full of water. She calmed down all right, but then I discovered that she was using the “sippy” part of the lid to suck on. And the loooook on her face! Let me tell ya, she was SO proud of herself for tricking me that I had to laugh! Good luck,and I love that Bean of yours!
P.S. My husband had a pacifier till he was 6 and I have the photograph to prove it! 😉
Sarah H.
Well since I have no kids, perhaps this is a useless comment. BUT I have small cousins€¦so I’ll tell you about them. When my cousin was 2 my Aunt had had enough of the pacifier–and wanted them gone. Well my little cousin LOVED the Zoo–and they went very often. During one visit, they learned that the Momma Meerkat had had another litter! So somehow my Aunt convinced my little animal lover cousin that the baby meerkats needed the pacifiers more than she did. And upon their next visit (after collecting every binky in the house) they dropped off the bag full with the Zoo keeper. Who had a quiet understand with my Aunt–that these were for the baby animals of course! And the little girl never asked about the pacifiers again–she knew they had a good home 🙂 So I guess my Aunt did wait until her daughter was old enough to understand, and be distracted by other things.
P.S. Jordan–is this right? She was 2 years old?
Nate's Mom
Life can be hard, and if sucking on a binkie makes it easier, who am I to judge? Friends of mine had their child give the bink to Santa for Christmas. I know of other kids that just outgrow it. Nate gave it up on his own at 2 months, and then at three months, out of the blue, he started sucking his thumb. He only does it when things get overwhelming and he thinks he’s going to cry. You can see the cry thought coming and then then little bubble that says, “Hey! I’ve got a thumb!” and he self-soothes himself out of that funk. Smart kid at 8 months! Yeah – it’s kind of all or nothing at this age. Maybe work with the daycare folks to only give him his binkie when he’s nearly tired and try to phase it out? And on the other hand, my 2 year old nephew has TWO binkies at all times. The spare is usually stashed in a pocket somewhere and he switches between the two of them all day long. 🙂
andrea
i say right now, if beanie wants it, let beanie have it. both of my kids would kind of take a pacifier for about a month and then no more. i don’t think they liked the feel of it cause they were both breastfed. i know that may have absolutely nothing to do with it, but my son skipped right over bottles and started drinking out of a straw cup at 6 months and my daughter seems to be following suit. 🙂 so who knows…
my 2 1/2 year old sucks his thumb only when he is going to sleep and so does my daughter (she turned 3 months yesterday and already has no problem finding her thumb) i have no problem with the thumb sucking, it’s soothing and reassuring for them like pacifiers are for others. i know that i will never be able to take it away like i could a pacifier but as they grow they are so much more interested in touching and investigating things that they will naturally grow out of it, unlike a pacifier which they can leave in while playing. even if one or both of them still find a thumb while sleeping even as an adult, so be it, everyone has their own little quirks.
my best friends little girl just had her pacifier taken away cold turkey at 2 years old and she had no problem with, the girl asked for it once, they distracted her and that was it.
both the pacifier and the thumb have their ups and downs, but at 7 months old the only thing you want for your kid is for them to be happy and healthy so i say leave it be for now and deal with it later, he may give it up by himself tomorrow or 6 months from now, you never know. it bothers me more when i see kids over one year that are still drinking out of a bottle, and getting them at night to fall asleep! goodness don’t those parents know what they are doing to their kids teeth!
Laura
when i was growing up, my little brother had a HUGE binky problem. he was sucking on that damned thing until he was almost three years old! he never bothered talking and my grandmother was convinced he was deaf (even though it was actually just that he was more intrigued by his binky than he was with communicating with people). my parents tried everything, but what eventually got him to ease out of the habit a little was them never ever changing his binky. eventually it got really really gross and green and disintegrated. he continued to suck on it for a couple weeks after it got all nasty until one day he just spit it out and started talking to us! and that was the end of it and he grew up to be a perfectly normal child.
although i do agree with trying to break Beanie of the habit early on. it’s especially important to make sure it is GONE by the time most of his teeth are in. my brother eventually kicked the binky horse but he had horrible orthodontic problems as a result of it (i still, to this day, don’t think i’ve ever seen another kid with a cross-bite that bad…)
Courtney
My son had a binky. I was worked for us and him. At about 15 months, our daycare stopped letting him use it during the day (with our knowledge and agreement). After he was used to not having it during the day, he eventually got to the point of not really needing it at night until one evening (at about 18 months) we just stopped giving it to him completely. He hasn’t missed it since!
Chelsea
I think that every parent can make their own decision for what is right for their child. At the same time, I use music to help soothe myself and I would be pretty sad if someone took that away from me… Attachment can be a wonderful thing.
Katie
Excellent point about the music! Chris would cry, too, if I took away his music.
Ella
My son recently gave up his dummy – he is 2yrs & 5 months. He LOVED his dummy and would sometimes walk around with one in his mouth and holding one as well. My husband and I decided enough was enough and over about a 2 week period we talked to him about not having a dummy. So one night he put them in the bin and that was that. He hasnt asked for one or complained at all. Im so proud of him! I personally think Beanie is a bit young to take away his pacifer. You could gradually wean him – just giving it too him when hes going to bed or really upset. I asked my Dentist about my son having a dummy and he said not too worry it wont affect how his teeth develop but he did say not to use a bottle (with milk or anything else) for an extended period – ie after a babies first birthday and to encourage drinking milk out of a cup.
Ivette
My son had a binkie. My daughter sucked her thumb (OY!) We took his away when he was about 2 yrs old. The dr suggested that once the binky gets old and it gets a hole in it, not to replace it. It looses its suction when there is a hole in it and the kids don’t like it anymore. It worked like a charm! No tears and he gave it up on his terms!
Jenn
We tried to go cold turkey with Daisy at 4months old and it was HELL! she screamed for the best part of 3 days. In the end we gave it back to her because she obviously needed it (she has reflux). Now, at 7months old I try to limit to to naptimes. I have considered taking it off her again, but I think an excellent point was made about the music thing above. I will be waiting until she is old enough to explain, or distract (say around 2) but in the meantime working towards the goal of only having it for in bed by the age of 1.
Also – out of sight out of mind.. I try not to have any visible where Daisy is playing, otherwise – like Bean – she HAS to have it.
Before 6months is probably a good idea, if it can be done though. But the window between about 6-18months where they know they want it but are too young to understand why you’re taking it away is pretty tough.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Amanda G
Your baby and my one year old could be brothers- they look so similar. Crazy!!!
Nona
All 3 of my girls took a pacifier. The first was 5 before she gave it up. She is a wonderful wife and mother now. Second one at 3 she is a wonderful wife also. Third one at 3 1/2 and she is a wonderful elementry school teacher. So give it time they all will give it up when they ar real ready! Good luck mommy!!
(PS my middle one is a Katie too)
Margaret B
Eh, with the self-soothing you mentioned in the first comment. My son didn’t take a pacifier when until about three months. THREE MONTHS. You’d think he’d have been a champion thumb-sucker, but he sucks his middle and ring finger (together) when he REALLY, REALLY needs it. And then only after he’s screamed for a while and finally remembered HE HAS HANDS. Now he takes a paci, but drops it and then doesn’t pick it up (he can, just chooses not to). I think it’s a bit of a crapshoot, but if The Bean has nothing to replace it with, and really needs it, it’s not a big deal to me.
Lindsey
As a nurse in training…the long you wait the harder it is. It’s often easiest to start on a Friday night so he has both mom and dad all weekend to get used to being put down with out it, so come Monday it will hopefully be easier at daycare. It usually takes about 7 days for a new habit to form the little guys and then you are usually good! Good luck with it!!!
Gale
One thing to keep in mind is that you’ve all been through a pretty traumatic couple of weeks, which could work for you or against you. Since he’s not on a schedule, taking away the binkie won’t mess up his schedule! But, since you’re trying to get him back to normal, keeping the binkie might help that along.
We thought our oldest would decide when to give up her “Bah”. When she was 3 and was talking with it in her mouth, we decided for her. We let her pick out a “replacement” at Toys-R-Us–the Fisher Price Zoo. We put the zoo on the bookshelf where she could see it for an entire week, and talked about how she would be getting rid of the bah, etc, etc. We took pictures of her throwing away the bah and playing with the zoo, then at bedtime she said “put it back (while pointing to the bookshelf) I want my bah.” We reminded her they were in the garbage, and after a few tears, that was the end of it. Daughter #2 got a “furry goggy” aka pound puppy, as a replacement at about 26 months (her little brother was born when she was 23 months, so we gave her and us a grace period). And we replaced our son’s when he was about 18 months with a giant ugly stuffed bear that he absolutely had to have. For him, I think it was too soon, because he chewed/sucked on his blankies for months after that.
Like you mention, Bean will soon be old enough to reason a bit–you could start by making it be that if he wants his binkie he has to be in a certain place, and keep it out of sight the rest of the time. But if you do go for cold turkey, I would do it over a weekend or a couple of days off instead of making the daycare people the bad guys. I can pretty much guarantee that he won’t be taking it to college with him whatever you decide!
Sathya
Katie, I think its another one of those things you’re just going to have to work out whats best for you and Beanie. Every parent and every child is different. My little 10 month old, Austen, never wanted a dummy (as we call them in Australia) even though I tried for weeks to get him to take one, not insistently, but you know. Anyway it has its positives and negatives as all things do, its great as we don’t have this issue you’re having now, he talks loads as there’s nothing in his mouth and we get to see his gorgeous little mouth all the time. I must admit though, sometimes when he’s just whinging for the sake of it, it’d be nice to put a dummy in there and keep him quiet for a little while, especially a night.
Goodluck with whatever you decide.
PJ
I think the decision on when to take away the pacifier is really subjective and dependent on the child/family. As a child, I never used them; but, both of my younger brothers were addicted to their pacifiers. They both used them well into preschool (although I think only at night – I can’t really remember). I remember my mom telling my youngest brother that now that he was a big boy it was time to stop using the baby pacifier and taking him to Toys R Us to trade in all his pacifiers for a big boy toy. I don’t remember what he got, but I do remember the look on the face of the cashier as he dumped about 10 pacifiers at the register. But it worked for him, since nothing else would.
phoebe
wow… i’m amazed at how many other people told the binkie-addicts in their lives “someone else needs it”. My cousin took her daughters “nani” away at 2, and her husband told her that the nani fairy took it to florida for a little boy that needed it. Poor kid! lol. It was rough every time they tried before that, but that time they stuck to it. Potty-trained and nani-free in the same month. it could have been easier if she was younger, but it really depends on the kid. Just like how some kids refuse to take interest in potty-training. (But nipping it in the bud before they know better sounds like a really good idea!)
Lana
As a British reader, I gotta say the first time you mentioned binkies (months and months and months ago!) I was veeeeeeeeery confused. For a few moments I thought it was a blanket or something like that used to comfort babies. We call them dummies over here 😀
allison
The daycare where I work tries to transition out of binky world around 1 year or earlier to help the children begin to verbalize. It might seem obvious, but it’s been proven that if a binky is always in a child’s mouth, they will have significant delays in language development.
Cheryl
Lots of great advice but each and every situation will be different. You know the Bean-man better than anyone else so it will be between the three of you.
One more question…..where does your best friend PW stand on this issue?!?!
Nancy
There’s actually a little thing about this issue in this month’s Parenting Magazine. The author says that it’s not a big deal, that the best time to wean off the binkie is at 6 months (if you take it away at 6 months, apparently, they forget about it within a day) or at a year, and that contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t cause orthodontic problems unless they are using the binkie at an older age. She also said that you can place limits on when the binkie can be used– at bedtime/naptime only, or only in the car, etc.
Good luck!
Beanie's Nana
Oh, Ivette! I had totally forgotten but that’s exactly how we got Katie’s sister Ginny to give up her binky. I clipped a hole in the top of it…..she sucked on it a few times, took it out and looked at it and then pretty much tossed it away. Without the suction, it lost its power. Problem solved!
Rachael J.
I took my first son’s binky away at 4 months old…slight inconvenience. Took my 2nd son’s away near 2 years old…BIG inconvenience. MONUMENTAL inconvenience. I say do it on a weekend when you have him all day so you can gauge his reactions, needs etc. But I would do it soon…like yesterday! It doesn’t take long to get over it…a couple of days at most. Good luck!
Andrea
I have nothing against the “souce” or “binky”. It was a magic tool for my first daughter – you’d pop in her mouth and she’d curl up to sleep – amazing! And my second daughter (now 9 months) never really wanted one (she sucks her thumb instead, is that really better?).
I was determined I would take away the pacifier when my first daughter was 18 months and I did. One day to the next – cold turkey. We had a few rough bedtimes, but after 3 or 4 days, she forgot all about it 🙂 Good luck!
Elaine
My daughter used her paci until she was 2 (only at naps and bed) and did pretty well when we took it away. BUT soon afterwards she started sucking her thumb-which I CAN’T take away- and so I almost wish I would have let her keep the paci. Maybe she really needed it. Maybe the answer is to take it really early and avoid the whole problem. I don’t know. Keep us posted on what you decide and if it works.
Mom of 3
I tried so hard to get each of my kids to take a paci because it’s so much easier to calm a fussy baby who will take one. But none of them would have anything to do with it, so I became a human pacifier (they wanted to nurse to soothe, and we won’t talk about how long that lasted). I would have done anything to get them to use the darn thing. If you take away his paci now he may very well become a thumb sucker and there’s not much you can do to stop that. If you limit it to his crib time, you get to keep your good sleeper but not have a toddler with a paci. Daycare would have to get creative with their distractions.
Cindy
My little girl took a binky for the first 6 months and then when we started giving her solid foods on a regular basis she just stopped wanting it. Well, then when she was 15 months (January 8th) I went on a trip, by car, with her and one of the things that I found that would keep her quiet was a long lost binky that was in the car. Around this same time I had been trying to wean her from breastfeeding and so I thought that it would be alright for her to occasionally have the binky. My babysitter does not allow binkys when kids are older than 12 months so she doesn’t have one there but at home she occasionally puts the binky in her mouth. She does take it out when she is coughing, talking, eating, sometimes when she is distracted by other things. I am not worried about when she will stop because I feel like during the first 2 years of life they need something to soothe them when they can’t verbalize what is wrong and right now it just happens to be a pacifier.
Donna
I took my daughter’s paci away when she was 18 mos old. At a year old we moved her to only having it at bedtime. Also, we went cold turkey on the paci, but I did it over Christmas break when I was off of work, so that when she went back to daycare she was used to not having it.
Heather
I think this is the perfect time to take away his binkie, at least during the day. Yes, there will be an adjustment period. Give it a week, if you’re still going through hell with it, reconsider.
But developmentally, this is when Bean should be starting to do more and more baby babble, and that is important for him learning how to coordinate his mouth and tongue to 1) make different sounds, and 2) chew foods. This will put him on track with speech development, and he may even start using words about 3-6 months from now. Also, the sooner he starts talking, the sooner he will be able to communicate what he wants and feels without crying (and the less frustration you will have trying to figure out what he wants).
As a pediatric nurse, I still think binkies are a godsend when kids are sick. But when they are older (than say 6 mos or so) and healthy, I think it has the potential to hinder their speech development and can also cause serious skin problems around his mouth.
And personally, I don’t think it is wise to wait until they are old enough to reason with and then reason the binky away. It is a power struggle and ultimately, the easier you lay down the law, the easier the next few years will be. And from a parenting perspective, you want him to babble when he becomes more mobile, and if he has the binky in constantly, he won’t babble as much. If you have to run into the other room, or answer the door or something, then when he is babbling you know he is well and breathing and happy. It is always when they become quiet that they are getting into something or that something is wrong.
Reba
My little boy is 20 months old as of a few days ago and we had decided to make it his new years resolution to ditch the binky once and for all. At about a year old, we stopped giving it to him during the day and he was only allowed to have it at naptime and bedtime. I think this slow wean was one of the reasons it was so easy to get rid of the binky. On January 1st of this year, we just put them away and put him to bed. He cried a little bit before bed for about 2 minutes each night for a night or two and finally figured it out. Now he is sleeping just fine without it, and I dont have to worry about having a three year old who is still oddly attached to his pacifier. My suggestion would be to slowly wean by giving it to him only at sleeptime, and being sure to ditch it before you have to explain it to him. And stay strong!! 🙂
Corinn
I don’t know if it’s too late to comment about this…BUT, we have a 6 month old (Porter) who has also used one since about the time he was born. I was not at all concerned about nipple confusion and he was a baby that needed to suck ALL.THE.TIME and since I didn’t want my nipples to fall off, nuk it was. The first 5.5 months he used it when he needed a little something more & to fall asleep. Just like Bean, he spits it out RIGHT when he is about to fall asleep. For the last two weeks he hasn’t really been interested in it. But, he will still put it in and out sometimes. I have two little sisters that are way younger then me and the older of the two was OBSESSED with her nuk. When she hit about 12 months my parents only let her sleep with them, and at 2 years she brought them to the dentist and “dropped” them off. My parents had the dentist tell her she couldn’t use them anymore, and this worked! She did fine with this, and was ready. Assuming that Porter needs his until then, we will most likely do the same thing. Okay…enough with the rambling. In the end, do what you feel is right for you and Chris and Bean. I promise he won’t be twelve and still using his binky!!
Meagan
I had mine until I was 6, and I’m no worse for wear.
I think my brother was 2 or 3.
Every kid is different.
Liz, JM, and Leo
Oh I think it’s whatever works! It doesn’t bother me to see kids who can walk with pacis in their mouths. I guess I still see toddlers as “big babies” 🙂 – but if it did inhibit talking – I would very much see that as a problem. I guess ideally I’d rather kiddos just use paci to soothe to sleep and otherwise be paci-free to play and talk and eat. And, I’ve also always had this idea that a paci is really a parent’s tool – and tools (like swings, bouncy chairs, bottles, etc) can be used well or abused. Like if the paci replaces the parent’s presence – in other words, if you always give paci, and rarely pick up your baby if they fuss, for example, then that would be an abuse (not abuse, as in child abuse, but poor use of the paci as a parenting tool!). That said, I’ve never dealt with a paci-loving kiddo though, so what do I know! You never know ’til you’ve been there… And now that I have 2 kids, I’m darn grateful for paci and her bouncy chair when I need to take care of Rosie’s big brother and she’s a bit fussy!
Leo took a paci for about 2 months (I started him on one at 7 weeks because I was worried about nipple confusion). I was so so so grateful for that paci!! It helped in numerous ways during a tough time. Then he found his fingers, and that was that. No more paci and I just sort of eased it away. If he had really liked it, I wouldn’t have had a problem with that either. He now sucks nothing, just never really needed it after a certain point. Rosie takes a paci in much the same way, so far.
Anyway, bottom line: Every child is dif’t. Every parent has their own ideas. This equals dif’t answers for dif’t families. Do what you feel comfortable with, and to heck with the rest of us and all of our ideas!
FWIW – I sucked my thumb til I was 8 at night, and I had no speech delays and my teeth were well aligned. I was the longest thumb sucker in my family, and most of my other siblings had braces for 2 years.
Alise
Well
Child #1 – boy LOVED LOVED LOVED his bink and I could never take it from him because I wouldn’t want my first born to cry – 🙂 and he had the stinkin thing until he was 4 1/2 and when his dad threatened to tell the peewee soccer team that he still had one he said “I’m done”. and he was.
Child #2 – thank god never became so attached. He liked to chew on them more than anything.
Child #3 – she just got rid of hers – on her own at 3 1/2.
It was mostly my issue of not wanting to go through the torture – and when they were ready it was easy. No crying. Just done.
and their teeth are all normal 🙂
Abigail
Personally, I think it’s okay for a kid to have a pacifier up to about 18 months. I laughed when I read that you think he’s to old to have a binky now, because when I weaned my first baby off her binky at 15 months my family harrassed me for taking it away so soon! She had always been super attached to her binky from pretty much birth. She’d be entertained by her binkies for like a half hour at a time. We had about 10 of them so that we’d always know where one was, it was one of the few things that made her happy – she was a screamer until she was about one, and we’d pile them up infront of her and she’d sit there and put one in her mouth, pull it out and put in another. It was hilarious.
Anyway. I know I’m not overly helpful.
Our second baby hasn’t been interested in a pacifier at all, nor does she suck any fingers or her thumb. To go to sleep she still requirest being swaddled, and I think that’s her security thing. She also has a lovie, one of those minky blankets that she sleeps with under her head during the day and she’ll as close to bury her face in it as she can.
Amber
Fun reading the strings. My son was so attached to his pacifier that it started to become a real problem. We could not go anywhere without making sure that we had a pacifier in hand. My friend absolutely raved about the bye bye binky method so we decided to give it a try (she found it at http://www.bye-bye-binky.com ). All I can say is WOW, worked beautifully for my son with no tantrums, not even one! Super easy and four days later he had no interest in his binky. We really were amazed… highly recommended… Amber