Terrible Twos at Ten Months?
I’m having some parenting issues. Parenting issues that make me want to hide in the broom closet until Bean is 18 years old.
Bean’s little temper has been flaring up. And by little temper I mean I sit and wait for his head to start spinning around. I don’t know if its his teeth or the move or constipation or him figuring out his ability to break glass with his shrill screaming, but whatever it is, it ain’t good.
The weirdest part is that he doesn’t walk around in a bad mood or all upset all the time. Its just if you do anything, anything, that he doesn’t want to do. Then he flips out. If you change his diaper. Or put him in his high chair. Or take him out of his high chair. Or take away a plastic bag that he’s playing with. Or put him in his play pen so he doesn’t get tramped by moving furniture. Or give him the blue block instead of the yellow block. Or if you take his binky away for two seconds to clean it because one of the dogs licked it. If you do anything that interferes with what he wants to do or is doing, you are pretty much guaranteed to see Bean throw himself backwards, start swatting his arms at you (or whatever object is closest to him), and if there’s food around, you better duck because its getting ready to be thrown.
And then before you know it, its over. As quick as it started. He just stops.
Tonight at dinner, after an already difficult day with Bean’s Screaming Bloody Murder Temper, he decided that he didn’t want to eat anything. I’d put a piece of food in his mouth and he would chew it and then take the food out of his mouth with his hands and throw it on the floor. Finally, I realized that he was doing this on purpose and so I put the food down and declared dinner time was over. BUT, he also didn’t want me to stop trying to feed him. I know this because when I put the plate away, he started screaming again.
WHAT THE CRAP, BEAN????
The problem is that I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t figure out what is making him so upset. I’ve done Tylenol and cold chews for his teeth, but that doesn’t seem to be the problem. I’ve tried a gentler diet in case his stomach is upset, but that doesn’t seem to make a difference. I’ve tried more naps. Less naps. Quiet time. Activity time. Letting him cry it out in his crib. Taking him for walks. More solid foods. Less solid foods. More bottles. Less bottles. Nothing we do seems to help right now.
I am almost certain that this is Bean testing boundaries and limits, though I am shocked that it has started at such a young age. And, if that’s the case I’m really trying to stand my ground and not back down (when its reasonable for me to do that), but then I start to worry that something really is wrong and here I am withholding Cheerios from him!!
So, I’m just wondering – has anyone else seen this happen with their babies? Is there a 10-month old phase out there that I just don’t know about? If so, how in the world did you survive and does it get any better or is this it until he’s 25? Cause I may need reinforcements if this is a permanent thing…
54 Comments
Sarah
Oh man, my brothers were kind of the same way, they were twins though so it was double the trouble. Testing the boundaries at 10 months is crazy though, I unfortunately have no advice though lol
Candice
Don’t forget – you just moved! Bean is adjusting to a lot for his little, developing mind. I’m sure it’ll get better.. and worse… and better… and worse… for a lot of years to come. 🙂
Julie B
Yes! I thought it was only dramatic little girls that did this. Mine did it…”willful disobedience” my mom always calls it, and it starts way before you think it’s gonna. Then they’re pretty good again from 12-18 months. Maybe longer! Then it comes back at around 2. Got tons better at 4…well except for tonight when Homeslice shoved raisins up her nose, threw a fit, and peed in her room. Lol, but most days are far better than that!
Katie
Thank you, Babycenter.com!!
http://www.babycenter.com/404_is-it-normal-for-my-baby-to-arch-her-back-and-throw-herself_3652523.bc
Karen Collum
I feel for you! My twins are now 22-months-old but their expressions of independence (as I like to call them, LOL!) began at a very young age. If you’ve covered all the obvious options like sickness etc – and you have – then I think you can safely say he’s just learning how to exert some control over his little life. It’s perfectly normal, but different kids have different levels of showing it. My oldest son was very calm and placid, and still is. My twins are very strong-willed and have been since the day they were born. The thrashing around, throwing things and shrill shreaking that gave the dog a headache is just part and parcel of them learning who is in charge. I try and be gentle in my dealings with them, although at times it has been trying.
My hardest time with my twins was from 12-18 months. They seemed to instinctively know how to push all my buttons all at once – and both of them did it at the same time. I had to find ways to deal with my emotions first. I didn’t want to lash out at them in anger, even though they needed to learn not to hit etc. My two are big attention seekers so isolating them worked well. They hate being away from the fun. At his age, however, I’d be reluctant to use ‘time out’. Just accept that this is going to happen for the next little while (think 12 months) and seriously try to not let it bother you. So he kicks and screams when you’re changing him. Still change him and stay as calm as possible. He doesn’t want to eat? Get him out of his highchair and tell him dinner time is finished and walk away – but happily.
In summary, there’s nothing wrong with Bean or you. It’s just a developmental stage that means he’s learning how to be him – and it’s something to be celebrated! It means he’s not going to be hanging on to your leg as a 15-year-old. His little personality is shining through and he may end up being a strong little munchkin. The world needs strong adults, so embrace that part of him too 🙂 Good luck!
Kristin
Hi Katie,
I’m not a parent, so I had a hard time debating on commenting without overstepping. However, my first instinct would be to say that poor Beanie is just having a tough time with all the changes going on. He’s dealing with it the only way he knows how: to freak the heck out!!! My cousins are significantly younger than me (the oldest has a 14 year age-gap and the youngest 18), so I remember 10 months being a time when their personalities really start going, too.
Hang in there!! You are doing an awesome job and raising the cutest baby I have ever seen. Sending you much love and hugs!!!!
Jordan
I’ve got nothing for you. But I am interested to see what people say!
http://www.jordansometimes.blogspot.com
Sarah I
So, after having 2 kids (now 3 and 5) I would say the move is throwing him out of whack and to give it some time. So many times, my kids would be “off” for a few days and I would analyze and over-analyze what was going on and finally I realized sometimes, things are just “off”. From your last few posts it seems like you were gone for a weekend and then moved and I’m guessing he just needs some time to re-stabablize. I wouldn’t worry about setting hard limits or anyting like that until he’s a bit older, just give it some time. It’s frustrating in the moment but I definitely look back in my kids first years and wish that I had not let the day-to-day mood changes get to me as much.
Jen
Oh my isn’t this SO fun?! I am a teacher in childcare and have seen this so many times and in SO many ages. Every child reacts different to how you react to it. Several actually did great when we didn’t even react and gave them a minute to just cool off and at that age, they forget in no time anyways. It definitely varies. I read that website and it is so right.
Just breathe 🙂
Peachy
With 2 boys of my own that are now 11 & 14, my best guess is poor little Bean is just having trouble making his wishes known. This is the only thing he knows to do. Both of mine went through the same thing. They seem to get so frustrated at times with their inability to communicate. He is beginning to figure out that he likes some things better than others. It is probably a little bit of a control thing too. “Lets see how mom reacts to this!” lol They learn much faster than we give them credit for sometimes. Gotta agree with Sarah. Just part of being Bean at this age. You are doing fine. This will pass and even more interesting phases will follow. 🙂
Marla
I have no advice and don’t even have kids yet, but I just wanted to cheer you guys on. It could be worse- he could be a thirteen year old girl!
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Jayme
He is a boy, what do you expect, haha! My son is 18 months old and he still acts that way sometimes. Just give it time and he should be back to his sweet self in no time… For a little bit and then he will learn new tricks that will want to make you pull your hair up and curl up into the fetal position 😉 but in all honesty, he is just a baby figuring out what he can do. Remember when he is doing something you don’t like , don’t laugh or smile, it only fuels the fire!!
Denise Armbruster
Frustration, transition, testing the waters all rolled into one. Just don’t make a huge deal of it and he’ll let you know when you really do need to pay attention. Such little stinkers. I have 18 month old granddaughters and they are both different as night and day. One’s a momma girl to the extreme and the other one goes on about her day with the least amount of care in the world. They are so cute.
Nancy
I think a lot of it is the transition that you’re making. You would think that as long as a baby has his parents and all his familiar things, he would be fine whatever happens but a lot has changed in a short time for you and Chris and for Bean, too. He’s in a different climate, he’s not in his familiar daycare anymore with the babies and grown-ups and routines he’s used to having everyday, he’s in a different house, etc. I speak as someone who just made a major move myself with our then 19 month old! Alice definitely had adjustment issues when we moved that manifested itself through sleep and general crankiness.
Also, keep in the mind that the terrible twos actually start after their first birthday, which is the beginning of their second year! So, yeah, he could be starting the terrible twos early but not as early as you think!
Hang in there. It’ll pass!!!! Just be patient with him.
Amanda
I just have to keep reminding myself that being a human who has needs and wants but can’t communicate them well at all has got to be SO FRUSTRATING! Hang in there! I like what one commenter said – it’ll get better….then worse….then better….
You’re a great mama. Take lots of deep breathes. 🙂
Brooke
You could consider teaching him some basic sign language commands. I taught in preschool for several years. Baby sign language really helped them communicate what they needed/wanted before they could form the words with their mouths.
I’m sure this is all due to the change from the move. Heck the weather change alone could be messing with his system. How’s his hair looking? LOL! Hang in there!
Katie
Oh, don’t worry! This is normal baby stuff. He is learning that he has choices. He is also testing the limits. He will even out…just in time to enter another phase!!! Believe me, the “terrible twos” are nothing compared to the “terrifying threes”!!! :). My son is five, and we have survived. There were many times when I wasn’t sure we were going to make it!!! You will pull through!!! Maybe with less sanity, but you will get there!! 🙂
EmilyC
Since I don’t have kids of my own I can’t give you any wonderful advice but as a faithful reader of your blog I know that you are an awesome mom! Hang in there and I’m sure this will pass. 🙂
Heather in ND
I definitely don’t want to press any boundaries or anything… I am not a parent so I can’t give any advice from that sort of experience. However, I have worked in the child care field for 6 years now so I do have a little experience with little ones throwing tantrums!!
I do think part of it could be the transition, new place, new people, new schedule, etc. But I also know that kids not going through this sort of transition have these phases, too.
Most of the time we try not to pay much attention to the kids when they are throwing the tantrum, we just let them throw it. It normally doesn’t help to try to do something about it… only makes things worse. Somebody in the article above commented that when it happens they calmly take them to their crib and lay them in there until they calm down… I think this is a good idea. You aren’t necessarily putting them into time out, but it is a little break to get away from something that could potentially be stimulating them or bothering them… The only difference is I’m not sure if I would use the crib for that sort of situation. His crib should be a place that he enjoys and uses for rest, not a place for being angry!!! Just a spot where he can be calm and throw his tantrum on his own and get over it. Then talk with him and ask him if he’s ready to eat again or ready to play again or whatnot.
Little dudes are smarter than we think they are and they’re better at manipulating than we think they are. Smart, cute, lovable, snuggly stinkers!
Hang in there Katie!!!!
Julie
Remember all the emotions you went through with the move and quitting your job and leaving your friends and home? OMG! Bean is going through the same thing, but he can’t really express himself or hold it all in or let it all out, so this is what is happening. I’m sure that after things settle down and he gets adjusted, he will go back to being a sweet little Bean again.
Kelly H.
Totally normal. Just testing, testing, testing. Combine that with a new move and a new daily routine and voila – cranky baby. Repeat “This too shall pass”. Oh and P.S. The twos are easy – its the 3s and 4s that are really trying.
Amanda
My daughter did the exact same thing around 11 months. I thought I would go insane!! It got better around 13 months and now at 15 months it seems to have come back. She just screams and screams no matter what! I haven’t figured out what to do exactly (though I am tempted to buy some industrial strength ear plugs) but it is totally normal. Take a deep breath and just count the minutes until bedtime each night!
Cindy In Owensboro, KY
I agree with most of what is already posted. He could be reacting to all the changes in his life right now– new home, mama at home with him, etc. But from my experience with my 17 month old little girl, it may just be his personality. My older son , who is now 11, seemed to be a lot more easy going. My little girl though has been very strong willed and does a lot of the same things that Bean is doing. She tends to get upset about the smallest little things and shows her frustration with squealing, screaming, and making the most awful faces. Plus if I am trying to get her to eat and she doesn’t want what I am feeding her (which happens multiple times per day) she will either not eat, eat and spit the food out, or throw the food. When any of these things happen I sometimes have a hard time of it and have to take a deep breath before reacting but most of the time I just try to ignore it! You definitely want to make sure that you are not reinforcing this behavior. And just remember that there will be good days and bad, and eventually he will learn how to communicate without this behavior.
Megan
TOTALLY!!! This is a phase and it too shall pass!
Q-Tip did the same EXACT thing. All of a sudden one day she started throwing herself backwards onto the floor and screaming her lungs out. I just walked away from her. It would last a few seconds tops and she would be over and moving on. After about 2 days she figured out she was hurting herself and would gently throw herself on the floor and I continued to…WALK AWAY.
I have never acknowledged these tantrums…minus the few times she threw herself into a corner piece of wood work and really hurt herself. And, they have pretty much stopped. She now just dances a jig and screams a little…AND I continue to WALK AWAY. She gets no reaction from me and I swear…they are MUCH fewer and farther between.
Now we are on to the stage of deliberate disobedience. And the reaction she gets from me then is…the naughty spot. It’s a spot outside of the living room…aka…away from mommy. I pick her up…place her on the spot and walk away. I don’t make her stay there yet since she is only 17 months but I remove her from the situation. She has totally gotten it because her little “tests” end pretty darn quick! She usually tries something else but I figure it’s gonna be like this for awhile.
We’re dealing with it though…a day at a time.
I will say though…from what I have learned in my short 17 months of mommyhood…it’s just one phase after another. As soon as you get one figured out you’re on to the next.
Try to remember…this too shall pass!
Ta Ta,
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
It sounds like he just needs time to get settled into his new home and new routine. I’m sure you guys are on edge still with all of the huge changes to your lives, and Bean can TOTALLY sense that and it makes him feel insecure! You’re doing everything right, you all just need time to settle in. I don’t know if you caught my post on my Little Man’s “rough patch”. here it is in case you missed it…
http://theylendmetheirhearts.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-want-my-baby-back.html
BTW, he just looked at the damp frozen washcloth like it was less interesting than a rock.
Megan
TOTALLY!!! This is a phase and it too shall pass!
Q-Tip did the same EXACT thing. All of a sudden one day she started throwing herself backwards onto the floor and screaming her lungs out. I just walked away from her. It would last a few seconds tops and she would be over and moving on. After about 2 days she figured out she was hurting herself and would gently throw herself on the floor and I continued to…WALK AWAY.
I have never acknowledged these tantrums…minus the few times she threw herself into a corner piece of wood work and really hurt herself. And, they have pretty much stopped. She now just dances a jig and screams a little…AND I continue to WALK AWAY. She gets no reaction from me and I swear…they are MUCH fewer and farther between.
Now we are on to the stage of deliberate disobedience. And the reaction she gets from me then is…the naughty spot. It’s a spot outside of the living room…aka…away from mommy. I pick her up…place her on the spot and walk away. I don’t make her stay there yet since she is only 17 months but I remove her from the situation. She has totally gotten it because her little “tests” end pretty darn quick! She quickly moves on to another “test” but I figure it’s gonna be like this for awhile.
We’re dealing with it though…a day at a time.
I will say though…from what I have learned in my short 17 months of mommyhood…it’s just one phase after another. As soon as you get one figured out you’re on to the next.
Try to remember…this too shall pass!
Ta Ta,
Megan
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Betsy
I am going through the same thing but at 12 months!!! Lord help us!
Jen C.
Boy are we going through the same thing with Ellie right now! Given she’s got a good 3 months ahead of Bean, her crazy behavior is driving me nuts. I blame it on the long distance traveling we did a few weeks back. She hasn’t been the same since we came home. Probably the same thing is happening with Beanie and the long distance moving you guys just did.
Either that or our babies have all been possessed with some evil incarnate and we’ll just have to call a priest 🙂
Hang in there!
PJ
I don’t have any advice; but, I don’t think it’s abnormal for kids to start testing the limits at 10 months. I don’t have kids; but, I remember babysitting for kids around Bean’s age who were testing their limits. So he’s not abnormal. I think the best thing to do is not give in – if it’s safe to.
Jackie
Beanie looks like he knows he’s in trouble in that first picture and looks like he’s trying to say sorry mom in the last. Poor little guy and poor mom. Love you both!
Mom of 3
You’ve gotten some great advice so far. I’d just like to second the idea of the baby sign language. It is amazing how many signs a 10-12 month old can learn very quickly, then he would have a way to tell you what he wants instead of screaming. Now that you are home with him full time would be the perfect time to start. It just fits into your everyday routine, it’s not something extra that you have to make time for. The Winter Park Public Library (www.wppl.org) has some excellent resources in the kids department to explain/teach you. Also, their baby storytime is wonderful (and a fun way to meet other moms). You don’t have to register, just show up.
Michelle, Mom of Henry (10m)
Katie- Henry does the SAME thing! He’s almost 11 months- so he’s a little ahead of Bean. It gets better (and worse) in some ways. Henry likes to throw himself back — on our hardwood floors—and get realllllly upset. And you are right, it passes as quickly as it comes. I’ve just coped with trying to not let him get too upset- staying ahead of him when possible. Also, Henry LOVES graham crackers. I give him one for each hand and he gums on them. It keeps him happy for quite a while. Good luck- I’m in the same phase with my little guy- so you are not alone (and really relieved to hear that it’s not just Henry!).
oregonjudy
Is it too early for boarding school or possibly an arranged marriage?
Jenny
So much good stuff already posted… 1)Transitions are hard- give Bean some time to adjust. 2)Frustrations around communication are huge- even for 10 month olds. Sign language was a miracle for us with our little guy. 3)Totally normal to test the limits and attempt to get some control over their little lives. I still reel at the randomness of the breakdowns though and my little guy is 2.5. One day he can’t wait to get out of the house for any reason at all and the next he will throw a fit at the thought of getting in the car- even if it’s to go get ice cream! I think the temper tantrums are that much harder to deal with if you are a SAHM though since you don’t get a break from it. Best advice I got for ya…. hang in there, make lots of connections with other parents who can empathize, and be forgiving of both Bean and yourself.
Jen from OurSuperLife
I’m not a mommy YET, but I am a therapist who is very passionate about learning about child-development. I was thinking… Beanie may just be bored! Remember that he is used to the hustle and bustle of daycare, then coming home and having mom & dad there…his life has changed… and while there are a lot of changes (adjustment to a new place, etc)… his “busy lifestyle” has been wiped out. At daycare he had other little people to interact with and while mommy is tons of fun, eventually things get a little boring at home.
I second the ideas of sign language, I like flash cards with pictures in order to influence vocabulary growth (and keep him BUSY!), and I would also vote for more kid-friendly interactions not necessarily all day but maybe a kiddie gym (those are tons of fun!).
AND PLEASE remember that you are an amazing mommy… many of us look up to you and the wonderful ways you handle things. You have the perfect combination of humor and love.
Keep up the good work!
Camille
Sounds like PMS. Get that boy some chocolate, STAT.
(At least, that’s what helps me. What? Boys don’t have PMS? BABY boys especially don’t have PMS? Well, his symptoms sound just like mine…)
Sorry I’m never any help.
Katie
I almost wet my pants, Camille… 🙂
Christina
I think that kind of thing is normal…terribly annoying/frustrating/make you want to pull your hair out and shove it in your baby’s mouth. But normal. They say that the sin nature is the one thing that the Bible teaches that is pretty much irrefutable. 🙂 It shows up really early! I always think this…when I don’t get what I want, it makes me mad or sad or frustrated or whatever, but I’m a grown-up (theoretically) and so I have some self-control (when people are looking). Babies don’t have ANY self-control. They feel it, they do it. Throw in the move? He’s got to adjust, right? I think it’s good to let him know that you have/he has boundaries, and you can do that while loving on him at the same time. Hold him if you can. Sometimes, when Eliana would throw a big tantrum (when she was still pretty little. Cause two is sooo big) I would look at her and say something like,”Oh! That’s a tantrum.” Then I would calmly walk away. She would get it out of her system, and it wouldn’t take a long time, and then be just fine. I think that if he recovers quickly, then you don’t need to worry that something is seriously wrong. He’s just…changing all the time. Dude, if change occurred in my life as fast as it does in a baby’s life, I’d be screaming bloody murder, too.
Sarah@Crazy Love Gamble-Style
All I know is one minute I am like Wow, I have the best most well behaved kid ever and the next I am like WHY IS HER HEAD SPINNING AROUND??? This is either normal or we are both screwed.
By the way, Ava has HORRIBLE eczema, as do I, I also have asthma (I have had both my whole life) I have seen a few mild signs that she may be heading in an asthma direction but I am curious what makes you say Bean has it?
Good luck with the attitude, just give him a little time. As far as he knows you are traveling and redecorating. He will get used to his new surroundings and then move on to the next phase. Not saying his head with permanently stop spinning but I bet soon you will be back to posting about how well he is doing!
http://crazylovegamblestyle.blogspot.com/
Michaela
Hey hey,
When my sister was between the ages of 4-6 we moved houses twice, and her way of getting used to the transition was getting up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, and sleepwalking to the paperbox/the bathtub/the wardrobe/behind the living room couch amongst other places and trying to pee. Thankfully, my dad is a light sleeper and apparently caught her everytime.
So, if it really is moving jitters, then be glad he can’t get out of bed yet!
and, if it helps, he is the cutest little guy, and as you are clearly doing everything you can out of love for him, he’ll get better and grow up with a great attitude generally. sometimes, babies are just babies.
good luck! 😀
Ashley
I’m not a parent, but I have a lot of hands-on experience with kids. I think that at this age, there isn’t a ton you can do about that kind of thing. Like other people mentioned, he is probably reacting to the move and might be a little stressed out.
However, when he’s older and throwing things on the floor (say, 18 months or slightly younger), he will KNOW that this is the wrong thing to do. My nieces did the same thing. They would watch me and hold their hand out over the floor with a piece of food in it, just seeing what my reaction was. When I said, “No” in a firm voice, they would put the food in their mouth and that would be it.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that at another age, throwing a tantrum would be grounds for a time out. But since he’s so little and it’s probably not because he wants to be a brat (I don’t think his mind works quite that way just yet), you just have to ride it out.
Lissa
I think his change in behavior is all transition related. Days of long driving, new places, mom gone, routine drastically changed. And even apart from the objective changes, babies have amazing radar as far as picking up the stress (even stress that comes from good things) that they feel from their parents. The bean isn’t limit testing, showing his sinful nature, or being advanced for his age by having the terrible twos at 10 months….he’s just saying WHOA….life sure feels different all of a sudden (and gee, it sucks not having language skills). No one is doing anything wrong….just ride it out and the big ups and downs will smooth out soon.
Caitlin
I agree with what others are saying about the move, that could be part of it. He’s trying to find a new routine and such.
My little guy is a few days younger than Bean and he is doing the same thing. I don’t know if it has to do with them finally getting kind of mobile with the crawling/cruising so they think they can do whatever they want. Or if its just that they like the sound of their own shrill screams.
My mom told me it was actually a sign of intelligence. Since they can’t talk yet, screaming is really the only way to show they need something/aren’t getting what they want/whatever. Show, in some ways, I suppose its a good thing that he’s communicating it to you. I think its pretty normal, at least.
But it probably is less fun on your ear drums…and patience.
-Caitlin
http://www.pacifierinmypocket.com
Mommy, Esq.
I’m very sorry to tell you this but my son was the same way at 10 months and now at 18 months he’s a terror. They get stronger. I should note that my son isn’t a talker yet (he babbles) so who knows, maybe Caitlin is right. But man, I’m tired. His twin sister is much calmer and I’m having another little girl and right now that is fine with me although I swear I could eat Ned up when he’s being cute.
Christina
I think you are definitely doing everything right! You have to just start eliminating or adding things to figure out the issue because at this stage in the game he can’t speak for himself. That’s just what he’s doing with his temper! It’s his way of expressing himself right now to let you know that he wants something or doesn’t want something. And if he sees a reaction from you he’s realized that he can do certain things with this “attitude”. I think you are doing the right thing in trying to start discipline even at this early age because they are so smart and in reasonable situations I don’t feel that it’s wrong at all to let them know they can’t get EVERYTHING they want just by being mad.
My son was the same way and even started this a few months earlier than Bean- more like around 5-6 months. He was very violent with himself in his temper and I was terrified we’d have a major brain injury if he didn’t stop. What stopped it altogether was when he was angry outside and proceeded to hit his forehead on the concrete during a fit. It was so bad that it left indentions in his head from the concrete and started bleeding. I can’t remember him doing that any further (thankfully!) but the temper is definitely a part of his personality to this day. But we’re working on anger management right now and communicating our feelings better so he’s not out there punching people every time he’s mad. ha! He’s VERY strong willed and change sparks a lot of unsteady behavior. We’ve learned over time to prepare him for any big change that will be coming and even preparing him for the smallest change seems to help keep him calmer. It’s just a learning process at this point, and still is even now that my son is 7. 🙂 Keep up the good work!
Dayla
Katie~
My sister and brother in law called my Nephew “Hell Boy” for a period of his life. The nickname may resurface at some point… Hang in there!! 😉
Corinn
I am a first time mom myself… so no expert. BUT, I think it’s normal! Our son, Porter, will be 8 months on Saturday and is already doing these same things! Time to change diaper? Time for mental break down. Time to end bath and hand over the wash cloth he has been sucking on? Melt down again. Time to sit in high chair? Lord help us. Time to get into car seat to head to the park, THE PARK…. end of his life. Take him away from the fire place so he doesn’t crack his head open and he walks along it? The world has come to a tragic end.
So, anyways. This makes me think it’s normal. Right? Since they are both going through it? Either that, or we are doing the EXACT same parenting mistakes 🙂
Laura
We are going through the same thing at our house right now. I went to write a blog about it but I was so upset I couldn’t even do that. It really is awful. Cameron will be 10 months in a few weeks, so maybe there is something about this age. Anything we do seems to upset him too and he has been so clingy!
Katie
While I agree with most comments that Bean is dealing with some transitions you might want to consider thinking about the big picture as well. If you think about Bean’s life in terms of transitions he will always be given a reason for his poor behavior (move, mom back to work, preschool, kindergarten, etc.)If you look at the big picture you will base your reactions on what you hope for Bean as a man (or toddler if it’s easier to think about). I assume you will desire that he has coping skills, if so, think about his tantrums in terms of skills he needs to develop. I realize he’s 10 mo. but it’s not too early. I would suggest that you NOT just ride it out, but determine what you expect and stick to it. The sign language will help, especially since it will require some one on one time with mommy and daddy learning it, but boundaries and consistency are KEY. My advice: when a tantrum occurs, don’t respond by trying to fix it, tell Bean calmly “our family doesn’t yell” and let him be until he calms down. Go do something else within his site. It will be rough at first but his fits will last for shorter periods of time as he realizes that his tantrum results in your repeated phrase and lack of action. I’m not saying if you’re eating and he has a tantrum you have to stop feeding him, but you won’t feed him while he’s acting like that. Pick it up once he’s done with the anger, and maybe try a different food. He may simply have been trying to say, ‘I’m done with veggies, fruit please’. I’ve seen this work with my Little Bug, and last month he was doing just the same stuff. Now when we’re eating and he wants something else, he just keeps his mouth closed but signs for food. I know he’s hungry but not for that. When he’s into something he shouldn’t be, I discipline him, tell him no and move him away. He used to melt down and move right back. It resulted in the same reaction from me. Now, I move him, sometimes he hangs his little sad head in disappointment, but mostly he just moves onto the next thing. On average it took about 3 days for each issue to change. Meals, touching the radio, getting into a ‘no no’ drawer, etc. I have had a huge sense of relief when a friend told me to stop thinking about the day to day, but the big picture. Heck, that’s why you moved, you were thinking about Bean’s big picture. Do the same with his behavior, we have all seen those 12 year olds doing the same thing Bean is doing now, it’s because it worked for the 12 year old for so long. If it doesn’t work, he’ll find what does. Good luck, take a bath, call Chris in when you think you might be getting frustrated, but be consistent. It eliminates the mental gymnastics which are never profitable and really just snowball.
courtney
Stand your ground – don’t be sucked into his evil web of manipulation. Oh sorry, I was talking about my own 2 year old. But seriously, my little man started this at about 9-10 months old. It is frustrating, but it also shows that they are strong willed and have a strong sense of what they want (even though he can’t tell you yet). I almost always walk away from fits. I will not engage him when he is screaming and yelling. Baby sign language can help him learn to communicate. As his vocab. begins to develop he should get better, but then he’ll start to throw fits when he doesn’t get his way. Stay firm and don’t panic a lot of kids go through this.
Tressa
Wow…you have had alot of good advice so far!
Been to long since i had a little one, so I don’t think I know anything worth while to help you. I agree that it could be the move and not in the same routine with school (day care) and all, but I do also know they are smart little boogers…they learn fast how to get what they want when they want it. Discipline is tough, but has to start some where. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
I think you and Chris are great parents. Beanie is one lucky little guy!!
Good Luck
LOVE the pictures….he is a doll 😉
Chelsea
Changes…not being able to express himself with words…I agree with all of it. But most of all…I might think of it this way (Imagine, if you will, that I am thinking what Bean is thinking):
You put the food in his mouth:
Bean: “Bleh. I don’t want that right now. ” Chew. Chew. Spit. Spit. Throw. “HEY! That was kinda fun. Look at it go…
You take the food away and dinner is over (like any sane person would assume that he is trying to say “Hey. I’m not hungry. See I am throwing it on the ground.”)
Bean: AHHHHHHHH THAT WAS FUN AHHHHHHHH THAT WAS FUN. BRING IT BACK BRING IT BACK BRING IT BACK.
Bean: “Oh wait. I can pull myself back together. See I’m not a baby who is freaking out. I’m all calm, cool and collected.”
So really, I don’t think that Bean is going nuts on you. I think that he is learning how to express himself and the fact that he can pull himself together means that he is learning not only how to express himself, but how to control it (and pretty soon how to use words to say it so you can all figure it out together). How cool is that?
Carole-Anne
First, you crack me up! We would like best friends if you moved to Atlanta. We are JUST ALIKE!!!
Second, ours sons are JUST ALIKE!!! Peanut was born May 26, just a few days before Bean. EVERYTHING you said is true. Peanut’s terrible twos started on Monday… five days before turning 10 months old. He actually threw himself onto his crib mattress repeatedly and kicked his little feet in a temper tantrum. Way too soon for that!
Stephanie Lane
Im totally in love with your blog! i have an 11 1/2 month old girl and we call her bean too which cracks me up! i wanted to tell you that its totally normal and totally equally frustrating to me with the whole temper thing! My beans been doing this since she was about 8 months! ive chalked it up to her just discovering her personality and her trying to test mommy and daddy as far as what she can get away with! however, is it just me, or is it hysterical when they shake their heads and say no to everything?> i should stop laughing b/c i think its just reinforcing the behavior! im just hoping this attitude doesnt continue when shes a teenager!