The P Word
On Monday morning when I dropped Bean at daycare, his teachers decided to drop a bomb on me.
“We think it might be time to start potty training Michael,” they said. Together. In unison.
Truthfully, Chris and I have been seeing signs that it might be time to start thinking about potty training. The first big sign was about two or three months ago when Bean started to be bothered by dirty or wet diapers. They’d never bothered him before, but suddenly the minute his diaper needed changing, he’d start pulling on it and whining. When he started doing that, we began putting words with the action. So, he’d pull on his diaper and we would say, “Beanie, are you wet?” or “Beanie, are you stinky?” And then the whole time we changed his diaper, we’d tell him what it was we were doing. “Beanie is wet! Beanie went pee pee! Time to change Beanie’s diaper!”
About a month ago, it got even more specific. Bean started telling us when his diaper needed changing. He’d come over to us and voluntarily say, “Diaper change! Diaper change!” And eventually he could even tell us if he was wet or if he was stinky. We discovered this one day on accident when we were at Target and Bean started violently yelling out, “POOOOOOPIES!!!!!!”
Hard to ignore that.
And the big giveaway that it might be time to start potty training was in the past two weeks, Bean has started telling us what he was going to do BEFORE he actually went to the bathroom. He’d start grabbing his diaper and saying, “Poopies,” about 5 minutes before he actually went. And though I know nothing about potty training, even I know that’s a big step.
Given all of this bathroom chatter, Chris and I figured we probably weren’t far from potty training or, at the very least, introducing him to the potty. But, I’ll be honest, I was dragging my feet about it. The thought of potty training while pregnant or – worse! – with a newborn in the house would send me into a corner wimpering. So, when Bean’s teachers brought our little issue out into the light of day, my first thought was, “NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! WHYYYYYY?!??!? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”
And then the teachers asked me to please stop scaring the children and I realized that I wasn’t thinking these things, I was saying them. Out loud. Loudly.
I came home later that day from work and tried to get my head around the idea of beginning potty training. I really didn’t think it would be this soon. Bean’s only 19 months old. But maybe his teachers were right. They said that with kids, and boys in particular, if they show interest or ability to potty train and you put it off until later, it can be much harder at a later time to try to teach them. So, I went to Babycenter.com and found a great checklist of things kids need to be able to do before they can begin potty training. From that list, Bean had about 85% of the criteria nailed.
– He can tell us when his diaper needs changing
– He can distinguish between wet and dirty diapers
– He has dry diapers for 3 or 4 hours at a time
– He can pull his pants down and up
– He can walk and run steadily
– He can sit quietly in one position for two to five minutes
– He’s independent and takes pride in his accomplishments
– He can follow simple instructions
If I was able to ignore Bean’s signs and I was able to ignore his teacher’s suggestions, I was not able to ignore the checklist. Clearly, it was time.
(sigh)
I have spent the past 24 hours coming to terms with 2 things. First, my baby boy is actually, physically, really growing up and I can’t even imagine hugging Bean one day and not feeling that chunky little diapered bottom. And secondly, I have entered a phase in Bean’s life where I have no idea what to do next. Parenting is all about learning as you go, but for the most part there haven’t been too many things we’ve come up against yet that I haven’t had SOME idea how to handle. There have been plenty of times when I’ve needed help or advice, but usually that’s just to validate or give alternates to ideas I already have.
But this? This potty training thing? I have 100% absolutely NO IDEA what to do. None. In fact, I’m so clueless that I don’t even know what to do with those little fake toilets. Do they actually go to the bathroom in them or are they just for looks? Like a toy potty? And, if they are supposed to go in them, then where does all the…you know…go?
So, I Googled all that and I found out the real story on those fake potties (they go in them and then I have to empty the toilet, in case you’re wondering) and I was all, “NO FREAKING WAY!” This led to my first parenting decision about potty training.
We will be using the little bitty child’s seat on our regular toilet.
I’ve been reading about it this week and most experts say that if your child isn’t scared of the toilet (and, given that I’ve caught Bean three times with his entire head in the toilet, I’m guessing he’s not…), then you should try to teach them on the real toilet itself. And – BONUS! – that doesn’t require me emptying anything out!
This weekend we’ll be putting the seat on the toilet and introducing Bean to his new throne. I don’t think we’ll start the actual potty training for another couple weeks, but we’re going to start making sure Bean knows what the toilet it and what to use it for. Which mean, someone is going to have to demonstrate The Act for him. And in my most very adult parenting voice, I say…
NOT IT! NOT IT!
32 Comments
Nate's Mom
My niece had an excellent potty training experience using a wooden toilet seat that fit nicely in the regular one and came with a wee little step-stool/ladder thing so that her daughter could get on the pot. I also have heard that sticker charts rock as do M&Ms. Glad you’re venturing here before I am (and glad I have a team of therapists to help me get through it!!!).
Katie M
Hahaha oh lucky Chris on this one! He takes care of the boys, you teach Ms. Gracie about maxi-pads and underwire… it’s just fair (so basically you’re off the hook for the next 13 years)
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
I’ve always done “potty treats” for when they go potty in the toilet (or potty chair) and “poop suckers” if they are one of the many kids who don’t like the idea of pooping in the toilet. Potty treats are typically m&ms or skittles, I’ve also used mini marshmallows. Sticker charts are great too if they are motivated by stickers.
Sara @ embrylovescookies
Fair warning, our oldest child started showing the signs of being ready about 1 month before our second child was born. And after baby #2 came along, any and all progress that my oldest had made in the potty training area was completely lost. And not just for a few weeks, but months after her baby brother was born. So, there was a good reason why your instinct was to put this off until after Gracie was born. My advice would be to go ahead and start with Bean now, but don’t get too disappointed/frustrated if you have to start all over in a few months. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be one of those potty geniuses, and get it right away! Good luck!!
Betty
Hilarious and scary!! Selfishly, I am so glad you are going through this now, so later I can just come back and read what you did. Sorry!
Christina C.
As a preschool teacher, please please please keep up a great line of communication with Bean’s teachers. Try not to reward with food, instead try keeping a jar of glitter (I know this sounds insane) by the potty and every time he goes in the toilet let him throw in some sparkles, sing a song, do a potty dance anything to make it fun! It sounds like he is super interested so you may just be really lucky. Realize that kids move forward then they regress then they zoom forward in their development (especially in this situation) but try to encourage the fact that you are done with diapers or pull up when you get there and don’t give in if he asks you for them back. You’ll be fine, just be patient and make it as fun as possible for everyone. Also, make sure you’re using the same words for poop and pee and potty as the school is. That’s my two cents! You can do it!
laurenbtrain
hahaha. i thought that the p-word was going to be his man parts and that he ran around daycare yelling it or something. ha!
Sandy
you never know…he may just surprise you. our son took to it like fish to water (so to speak). no treats…no rewards…only a “good job” when he was done. we never used those pull up diapers nor did he wet the bed. i know this sounds to good to be true but it is. now if i could just get his father to hit the toilet i would have it made!
Jen c
Definitely to pass this off to chris to show bean how it’s done. You’ll get your turn with Gracie. Good luck!!
Sue C
Oh my! What a big boy! A really easy way to get started to is to put them on the potty first thing in the morning and before bathtime at night. We didn’t sit for long stretches, and didn’t need to! He sat, and more or less accidentally went fairly quickly. Once the connection was made, the process was smooth for us. And yes, daddies are excellent role models! Good luck!
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
I laughed out loud reading this one. 🙂 I’m with you on the child’s seat thing. I’m sorry, but cleaning out that little potty multiple times a day…I just don’t think so. I am not cut out for it. I can’t believe Bean is such a big boy already!
My sister (who has two sets of twins…imagine potty training two at once!) uses treats for going to the potty, like Skittles. My nieces were potty trained in the last year and they were going to the potty just to get candy! 😉
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
The image of Bean yelling “Pooopies!” in Target is hilarious. But then, I have a little boy, too, so I imagine it’s only a matter of time before I’m in your shoes. I hope I’ll be laughing then, too. Good luck! Also, I love babycenter.com, too!!
Dawn
Boy am I glad you are at this point before me! I wonder how experiences will be different between Bean and my daughter. Only thing I have heard so far is that girls usually take longer or are older before “ready” to potty train, but that is one of those things that “they” say and I am not always sure whether “they” always know what they are talking about…. Can’t wait to hear about progress!
Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure
I gotta be honest, I giggled through this whole post until I got to the part about “demonstrations.” Then my jaw dropped because I NEVER thought of that. Then I pretty decided that I’m going to follow your example, “NOT IT!”
Lori @ I Can Grow People
The advantage to being seven years old than my brother is that I vividly remember the potty training process. My brother is 25 now and my parents STILL talk about what a terrible, horrible struggle it was. This is all I have to go on BUT I know my son is a different kid and it will be challenging, yes, but different. Just like it will be a different process with Bean. And it sounds like he is more than ready. Porter is a smidge older than Bean and not yet exhibiting all the signs of readiness that Bean is demonstrating. I bet you and Chris will totally rock this and hopefully you’ll have only one kid in diapers by the time Gracie arrives!
Jody
Oh boy, not my favourite point in child rearing, but the end result (pun intended) is so, SO worth it.
Good luck Chris! 😉
Brenna
I just potty trained my son in December. I knew he was ready and he caught on pretty fast, but I was unprepared for how hard it would be mentally. After a few very frustrating days, I turned to The Potty Boot Camp book I found online (offered as an ebook and a paperback) and it was extremely effective. I think I read too many theories and tips about potty training before I started and didn’t go into it with a clear enough plan because I had TOO MUCH information crammed into my mind. This book was great because the author combined several different potty training techniques into one clear and easy plan. I also loved that it had a clear set of consequences, both positive and negative for my child’s actions. He was self initiating within the first day, and by the end of the week we were able to leave the house with no fear. Good luck!
Anonymous
Today I’m commenting anonymously out of sheer sheepish embarassment. When I worked in daycare one of my jobs was to take the older kids on trips to the bathroom. (The younger kids potty training used the little potty located IN THE CLASSROOM by the changing table.) Not cool. Emptying it was NOT cool as well. Well the older kids who were pretty much potty trained or almost there, went to the bathroom in small groups with the teacher and there was a regular bathroom with many stalls and a handicap stall. I will never forget the day I was confronted by the question – “how do I peepee like daddy?” Trust me when I say that a handicap bathroom stall gets really cramped when you have a group of 4 year old boys spring this question on you and then stand there eyes wide waiting for answer. No amount of ‘you can ask your mom and dad when you get home’ was going to work this time. Up until that point our M.O. at daycare was to have all the older kids sit on the toilet and the boys had to use a little shield that clipped onto the miniature potty seat. Cleaning this apparatus after every child used the potty was time consuming and frankly gross. I took a minute to side bar with another teacher’s aid that was bringing a few of her students to the bathroom as well and we decided that since these boys were 4 years old, and were tall enough to stand above the toilet especially since we had a stool, that we were going to go ahead and attempt to make the leap to peeing without having to crawl up and sit down on the little potty seat. (I always hated that part anyway cause I feel like they had to touch the whole toilet to get themselves on there right.) So now here we all are in the bathroom, I’m standing just inside the handicap stall – the inquisitive 4 year old is waiting for my response, the other teacher’s aid is standing on the other side of the stall partition with a group of younger kids getting them on and off the potty and trying not to giggle at my predicament. After some thought I stood in front of the potty and attempted to mime what it would be like to pee standing up like a boy. By this time the other teacher’s aid practically has tears streaming down her face with laughter while she’s helping her group of kids wash their hands, etc.
Long story short, the four year olds were overjoyed with this new information and every single one of them successfully completed the new potty position. Then they proudly proclaimed “I can pee like daddy does!” upon returning to the classroom. It was big news to tell their mom’s that day when they came to pick them up and I was worried that we had overstepped our daycare boundaries. Thankfully, the next day when they dropped their boys off they actually were grateful because we had covered that tricky topic for them and now the boys could go to pee by themselves at home independently and didn’t need someone to come and tend the little potty, make sure they sat down properly, etc.
Good luck demonstrating “The Act”. I remember when my mom potty trained my brother who is 5 years younger than me that she would put cheerios in the toilet and try to get him to “shoot” them.
Good luck !
Megan @ Red Dirt and Crazy
Oh Lordy. I’m glad your bringing this up so I can get some perspective from your comments. We did the Potty Train in 3 Days method that comes with an e-book. She did pretty good and after about the 5th day she went an entire week without one potty accident. BUT…then she started having accidents again and the past 3 days she hasn’t told me she needed to go one time and we’ve had accidents for 3 days. I don’t get how she could have gone a whole week with nothing…except at night…and now I feel I’m back at square one. I am SO frustrated.
I’m ready to be done with this!
Megan
P.S. Also…if anyone could shed any light on this…she won’t poop sitting down. She waits until bedtime and then stands up in her bed and goes in a pull-up and then calls out to me that she’s done it. But she will NOT poop sitting down even when I know she needs to go.
Lissa
Definitely skip the little portable potty chairs 🙂 Potty training is daunting, but it’s so nice when it’s done! and it’s probably going to take a while. We, following the lead of our daycare, started by sitting him on the potty at every diaper change. Then, we sat him every hour when he actually figured out what to do. For our son he wouldn’t go #2 until he was 3 yrs; and once he did it the first time he was 100% potty trained (well except for nights). So for the 8 mos or so that he ‘trained’ we used pull-ups. A lot of people don’t do pull-ups (doing the 3 day underwear only thing), but our daycare required them until they were trained, and we just didn’t have the time to do a 3 day session.
Jennifer
My prediction is this challenge will be easy breezy for Bean. And just think in a few months you will only be buying one set of diapers. Good luck!
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
Hey Megan – if it were my kiddo, I would make a simple sticker chart or sticker card and once she poops 5 times on the toilet she can get a special toy, even more special if she gets to come with you to buy it. After that, if she’s still not liking it I’d up the anty and make her go more times, and make the reward something from the dollar store or (or my faav- the dollar section at target).
Tressa
I’m gonna say my prediction is Bean man is going to master the potty training easily too. From reading this post, he’s all there being ready. I hope your blessed just like I was when potty training my kids. My son was trained by 18 mos. He flat out was a breeze. My daughter saw her big brother wearing Mickey Mouse underwear, she wanted to wear them too. But she wanted to wear them over her diaper. I told her only big girls wore panties. So we went and bought Daisy Duck and Princess panties. Right before she turned two, she was trained! I’ve never read where people suggest running warm water over them while training. I took my kids (in the beginning) every 30-45 minutes. Had them sit there, if they didn’t go on their own, I took a cup and poured warm water on their lower tummy and of course it helped them go pee! Get your boggie, woggie dance shoes on, you do lots of that when potty training!!! Trust me, when your not buying diapers any more, your just as excited as they are. I thought about mailing Beanie some Toy Story undies 😉 Good Luck. I know you all three will rock this stage too!!!
Jordy
When my mom taught my little brother, she would throw cheerios in the toilet to teach him how to aim. It turns it into something fun… as fun as it can be, I guess! 🙂
Alyssa
Let me just say I love your blog. My son is 21 months old and is following Bean’s progress to a “T”. I love having another mom out there going through the exact same things I am at the same time. And now I love that you’re pregnant with a girl. My daughter will be born in June. I can’t wait to go through stuff with you AGAIN!
Oh and the potty training thing…yeah I’m right there with you. But at least you have dogs. Seriously Drew pees on the cat box in the bathroom not in the potty. This is going to be an interesting adventure.
Lori
Love your blog! Here’s a suggestion, turn him around backwards and set him on the big people’s toilet! He’ll feel secure, can’t fall in and it will automatically rock him where he will shoot towards the water, not all over the place! Works great! He’ll be able to go whereever you are without carrying “the little toilet ring”
Amy
I hear you. We are basically at the same stage, and I have no freaken idea where to start. I’ve even tried to read books on the matter (like I do with every new development!) and haven’t found anything useful. Do share tips, when you find them 🙂
Mom of 3
Even though Bean does seem very ready to start the process, I’d take it slowly because of his age. There’s no reason to jump into underpants too quickly, it can just become a very frustrating process. I second the idea of putting him on the potty while the bath water is running…it works like a charm. He’ll pee accidentally in the toilet and then he’ll get what it’s all about. Then if he wakes up dry from his naps, put him on the potty right away and he will likely go. I used 1 mini m&m for pee in the potty and 2 mini m&m’s for poop in the potty, while in the learning process. That was a big deal to my kids. Just remember to keep it positive. Good luck! 🙂 Also, the library has lots of good kids books on the subject that you can read with him.
Cindy In Owensboro, KY
That’s awesome that Bean shows so much interest in potty training already but I agree with some of the above comments that he could possibly learn to go potty and then digress after Gracie is born so keep that in mind. My son did very well going poo in the regular potty right away but it took a lot longer for the pee. My daughter is in the process of potty training right now. I started about a month ago when she was 27 months old. I think it helped to have her watch “Elmo Potty Time” in the car (we have a built in DVD) over and over and over again until I thought about it in my sleep!! She still has a few accidents but mainly is going to the bathroom in the toliet. I did use a potty chair but she doesn’t always use that now– and yes, it is gross to clean out!!
Amy S
Just have one teeny tiny suggestion for you….I’m about as cheap as they come, but the Baby Bjorn (expensive) potty seat is sooooooooo worth every penny. Most little boys start out sitting on the potty. That means that the pee shoots right between the real potty seat and the actual toilet. The Baby Bjorn seat solves this problem. Here it is at Target.com http://www.target.com/s?keywords=baby%20bjorn%20potty%20trainer&afid=google&CPNG=baby2&LNM=Baby%20bjorn%20potty%20trainer&LID=9p822466&adgroup=diapering_baby%20bjorn&MT=broad&AFID=google&KID=46fb72d7-05ec-15a8-c2c0-00007394c806&ref=tgt_adv_XS000000 Seriously, it’s worth every penny of that $33! That’s all I have to say after potty training 3 boys and one girl.
Diane
You will be fine mama! After potty training my own three that were each different experience you already have the one trait necessary for not loosen your mind… A go with the flow attitude. Just remember BEAN is in control of this – not you, not hubs, not the teachers. My first baby was potty trained just before giving birth to baby #2 and all went great! So they are NOT all horror stories! You just have to remember that this is his accomplishment and his job to learn. You can give him all the tools but that is it.
Oh! And to also provide encouragement… Son #2 only ever had 2 accidents! Now before any haters start in out there that was ONE of my kids… My beautiful baby girl was NOT so easy. :-). Relax and enjoy watching bean grow up a little. It’s awesome to see them be proud of themselves!!!
Sharilyn
Girl! What are you waiting for?!!! Do not look a gift horse in the mouth.
My one piece of advice – skip the pull-ups. Except for night time or travel.