Things Parents Say
Chris and I have been together a long time. At the end of April, it will be 12 years total together and in June it will be our sixth wedding anniversary. In that period of time, we’ve said a lot of things to each other.
I’m proud and happy that if you tallied it up, we’ve probably said, “I love you” more than anything else over the years. Not all couples can say that. So, that’s a good thing. On the flip side, we’ve probably said almost just as often, “You’re driving me freaking crazy right now!” We’ve also had our fair share of “Did you really just say that?” and “Your feet/breathe/hair/armpits/whatever stinks.”
But nothing changes a couple’s conversations more than having children together. I find us saying things to each other and to the people around us these days that I never, ever imagined coming out of either of our mouths.
Me: Don’t shoot your sister.
Chris: Go shoot your granddad instead.
Me: We’re outnumbered now.
Chris: Yeah, but we’re still taller than them.
Chris: You look pretty for a pregnant woman.
Me: We don’t put waffles/crackers/airplanes/Legos up our nose.
Chris: Bean’s locked in the laundry room.
Me: At least we know where he is.
Chris: Is that the best you can swaddle?
Yep. Life changes your language. But in those quiet moments when no one is listening, I still hear the same familiar words we’ve always said to each other.
Chris: You’re my favorite person.
Me: I love that you come home to me.
Chris: There’s no one I’d rather be here with.
Me: You’re the most important person to me.
When you’ve been together for a long time and, especially if you have children, it can be hard to remember to say these things. I think I sometimes forget to say them because I just assume Chris already knows. I mean, I’ve been saying the same things for 12 years. Surely, he doesn’t need me to say them again.
But that’s the thing about the power of words. They only get their power when they’re spoken. And I know when I hear Chris say something kind and thoughtful and meaningful to me, my heart flips over. Even after all these years. Even after hearing it said countless times before. I still catch my breath and then smile from the inside out.
It’s especially important for our marriage when we’re going through times like right now. When things are a little more chaotic than normal and we’re readjusting to a new routine and way of doing things. When minutes seem like hours and nights seem endless. When we’re tired and stressed. When we have two children who are observing our interactions quite literally from the day they are born. Those are the times when we need to hear those words the most.
There are lots of reasons why Chris and I are happily married. We work hard to stay happy. We make time for each other. We prioritize our marriage above everything else. We allow for frustrations and anger and everything in between. But if I had to define one specific action we take that makes our marriage work, it is what we say to each other. We have ups and downs just like anyone else. We have low days and weeks and months. We get angry and hurt. We argue. We grow. We go through everything that other couples go through. But what always brings us back to center are our words.
No one talks to me more kindly than my husband and I hope he can say the same thing about me.
20 Comments
Alaina
Aw, you two are so sweet. I think it’s so important to say those little things. For me, this past year with all of hte medical scares we went through, I made it a point to always say to T “I truly appreciate you for everything you do.” It’s so important for that person to know how much they mean to you, and you two are the perfect example of this.
Katy @ MonsterProof
That’s so sweet! I now have a goal for the day…to “use my words”.
Rachel
You and Chris are truly 1 in a million. It is rare to find a couple that embrace both the good and bad parts of their relationship. 🙂 Gracie and Bean are very lucky to have parents like you two. 🙂
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
🙂 You guys are awesome and inspiring. It really is the little things you say to each other that mean the most, and giving your kids the example of what a strong marriage and partnership looks like is the best gift they could ever receive.
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Love love love this post. I love how realistic you guys are about the wide range of emotions and moods and ups and downs that occur in a marriage, but that you remember to always make time for kindness and love. You have such a lovely family.
Chloe
I love this post. You’re so inspiring.
I’m a newlywed, and I just hope my husband and I will be half as happy as you guys are, after 6 years of marriage.
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Katie, you’re going to have to stop illustrating your really profound posts with pictures of your baby. Because while your words are really good here, I am totally distracted by Gracie’s complete cuteness.
Audrey
Katie, you know when else words get their power? When they’re written, and even more so when written as thoughtfully and sincerely as yours. How beautiful and powerful your posts have been lately. Thank you so much for reminding us of the special influence of words in our lives.
Sarah
I appreciate this post because I think the best thing a couple can be is kind to each other. I cannot expect the rest of the world to treat me kindly, but I know there is kindness in my home,
laurenbtrain
i love this post. one of my favorite verses is proverbs 18:21 – and it is SO true. the power of life and death is in the tongue.
Marie @ It's a Kind of Normal
Aw 🙂 such a sweet post. I really love being able to get such a great insight in to your lives, especially now that Gracie is around. I only discovered your blog when Bean was a few months old so I never got to experience the excitement around your pregnancy with him & his birth, so it’s nice to experience it this time round with Gracie. 🙂 Thank you for letting us in Katie. I only hope that someday soon I’ll be experiencing the same things as you are now.
Jessica
What a great reminder of how important it is to make your marriage a priority!
Jordan
I love this: But that’s the thing about the power of words. They only get their power when they’re spoken.
So true! 🙂
Jeannine
What a lovely post. 🙂
Barbara Manatee
What a great post and reminder for all of us! Its true, I’ve said some crazy things since becoming a parent but its really easy to get caught up in Life and forget about each other. I’m VERY excited to say that my hubby and I are taking a weekend away to celebrate our anniversary this weekend. It’ll only be the 3rd time in 4.5 years we’ve been away from our kids overnight and the longest we’ve been away ever. We NEED this time for each other. I can’t wait!!!
April is Autism Awareness Month. I’m blogging all month long about Autism.
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
I second Jordan–that line really says it all to me. (I mean this whole post is awesome, but that’s what struck a chord for me.) This is such a good reminder, especially since we’re in a super busy/stressed/we-could-lose-each-other-in-the-shuffle time now too. Bean and Gracie are blessed to have parents who love each other so much and put their marriage first 🙂
Waiting for Bulgaria
Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I will be married 8 years in July and will be together 13 years in October. Yikes! We have one son and are in the process of adopting another child. Sometimes we get so caught up in all that needs to be done and I forget to say these very important things. Thank you for reminding me to say them.
Rebecca
Thank you so much for writing about marriage as frankly as you do. So many times in the past 8 months I’ve read your blog and thought, “ok, I’m normal. Thank God.” Brad and I have just hit our first “speedbump” as a couple. Learning how to be parents and also maintain a loving/affectionate relationship as husband and wife. Thanks for reminding me that it’s par for the course and that marriage takes work!
Tee Bousquet
that’s so awesome! My husband and are will be together for 11 yrs this August, married for 10 in Nov and have 2 beautiful little girls (4 and 6). I have to agree completely with everything you said. We had some really tough times – owning businesses, taking care of elderly relatives with dementia, baby’s and too many dogs! ugh… when we figured out how to keep the two of US connected and communicate and give space, and make time to snuggle, etc… everything else just works. Good for you both for realizing that 🙂 Good luck!
Jenna
I love your relationship — thank you for setting such a good, REAL example of marriage!