My Sister.s Miscarriage, Part 4-6
Yesterday, I posted three video interviews of my sister sharing about her miscarriage experience, in the hopes that through Ginny’s story, other women might find a voice to begin talking about this very difficult subject. Today I am posting the last three videos from the interview. These videos talk about how Ginny’s friends and family helped her through, including what things were good to hear and what sentiments she found hurtful.
A special, huge thanks to my sister for being brave enough to speak out. And a special, huge hug to all those women out there who have been in Ginny’s position before. Someone commented today on the Part 1 post that women who have gone through this experience join a kind of silent sisterhood. I love the idea of finding sisterhood in the midst of broken hearts, but I do hope that one day our society will overcome the silence of miscarriage. It isn’t pleasant or happy or sunny, but there are lots of things in life that aren’t any of those things, and the darkness doesn’t make them any less significant or important. I hope we all can become more comfortable turning on the light and speaking up and out about what our sisters are going through.
32 Comments
Nicole
Katie & Ginny- The tips on what to say/what not to say were SO VERY HELPFUL (yes, I’m shouting, but in a positive manner because they were that amazing). I know I’ve said some of the negative things before thinking they were positive, but I feel so much better equipped to support friends and family now. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so brave and thoughtful
Erin R.
Thank you both for doing these videos! Such a great idea, Katie. And Ginny, your openness & honesty was refreshing. Xoxo
Jenn
Your sister is AMAZING!! I have been reading your blog for years but have never commented because I didn’t want other people “discovering” my struggle. I have never had a miscarriage, but that’s because my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 18 months with no luck. I’m part of such a small community of bloggers struggling with infertility that it never occurred to me to reach out to a larger audience in order for others to understand out plight. I applaud Ginny for lending her voice to a cause that is so often swept under the rug. It brought me to tears many times. We all go through things, but at a time in our lives when all of our peers (in real life and internet life) are getting pregnant and giving birth, it can hurt so much to get lost amongst the shuffle. Ginny’s voice is an important one to lend to the conversation and I am so happy she was brave enough to do so! Thanks for posting this Katie. Means the world.
Alexandra
Although I have been a long time reader (love your blog Katie!), this is the first comment I have left, and I just wanted to say thank you times a million to Ginny for sharing her experience!!! I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and had to have a D&C on April 5th of this year and it has been truly one of the toughest and most life-altering things I have have been through. The night before I had my D&C on April 4th, I opened up your blog to find your post about Ginny being pregnant again and it gave me so much hope. I can’t tell you how much I needed that hope that night!!!! Since my loss, I have joined a local miscarriage support group and I have found it so cathartic to talk with others who have been through the same thing and hear their stories. So thank you so much, Ginny, for these videos, and giving a voice to something so rarely talked about. Also a huge thank you from me personally for giving me a ray of hope in such a dark time! I am so excited to see pictures of your little boy and wish you all the blessings in the world! 🙂
Elizabeth
Thank you so much! I have several family members who have had miscarriages and I am worried about it for myself in the future. I was wondering this year at Mother’s day, do I send cards for those I know who have miscarried but haven’t had another child? I don’t want to re-open old wounds but want to be mindful of the fact they are mothers in my eyes.
Thank you for being so brave.
Katie B.
Ginny, thank you so much for sharing. Lots of love to you both.
Simone H
I really loved this series. I don’t know anyone (to my knowledge) who has miscarried but this series helped me in another way. I have been going through a really tough time emotionally with some personal issues and that last part she did at the end really hit home for me. I have been doing the why me and the blame game and have not been to church in months. I am not ready for a group setting but I really want to start going back to church. After all, it is in our moments of weakness that the devil wants to steal of from the Lord.
Christina
This was a pretty neat thing you guys did. I had two miscarriages after two perfectly healthy pregnancies, and then another baby, and then another miscarriage. I handled each one differently. I was sitting next to my youngest while reading this (she is sleeping) and just feeling so grateful for the family that I do have. I’ll say a prayer for Ginny and her sweet baby boy. 🙂 I’m sorry they went through it, but thank you for sharing the story.
SarahK
I’ve been reading your blog since Bean was 7mths old but I’ve only commented 2-3 times. I have to say thank you to both of you for doing this and a special thanks to Ginny for being courageous enough to open her heart and share her experience. I hate that the topic is so taboo to talk about.
When I started reading your blog we hadn’t even started trying to conceive and then eventually began last year. After 9 months of trying we found out we were pregnant just after Christmas 2011. After many back and forths to the doc and more heartache than I ever imagined possible, my husband and I lost our baby at 8w4d. We were devastated and simply heartbroken. The palpable feeling of loss was nearly as painful as when my mom passed away just 10 months prior. I’ve encountered many people, even those who love me the most, saying very hurtful things about the loss of our baby without even realizing they were doing it.
At the three month anniversary of our loss I “came out” and shared an article on my FB page about miscarriage and what to say / not say to someone you know who has been through a miscarriage. As Ginny expressed, the acknowledgement of our loss was the thing I think I wanted most. Something as simple as “I’m so sorry for you’re loss” or “I’m so sorry; I don’t even know what to say” was very appreciated. I also received the comments about how it was for the best and blah blah blah… Like Ginny I knew it was out of true ignorance that people I loved were unintentionally hurting me and dismissing our loss. I know that until you’ve conceived a child in love and lost your baby you just can’t have any idea of how monumentally sad and life changing it can be. This was not a ball of cells, this was our baby whose heart was beating. Now with the help of a fertility doc we are still trying to conceive our take-home baby, but I know it will happen one day! And when it does I have learned not to take even one moment of it for granted.
To Ginny: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking out and for helping to break the silence that surrounds miscarriage and infant loss. My heart goes out to you and John Michael and I wish for you all the best with your current pregnancy. From the side lines, I will be rooting for you!
(Thanks for letting me share…sorry this got long!)
Kelly H
Thank you so much Ginny for sharing with us! We have had many miscarriages in our extended family and my sister recently lost her second baby at the start of her 2nd trimester. Although I have not experienced miscarriage personally (we are no where near trying) to me I am aware how often this happens to the ones we love and how flippant some people can be to those during their loss. Thank you so much for sharing your story and Katie, thank you for putting this all together. I agree that we need to speak out and stand with our sisters during such a difficult time instead of brushing it under the rug.
Jessica
Ginny, thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Joke
Ginny and Katie,
Thank you so much for these videos.
I have never been pregnant, but I do have family that miscarried and was unsure about how to help them feel better. I will take your advice into account!
Kelly
Thank you for sharing your story! I think so many women struggle with how to support their friends who have gone through this, and I take your words and advice to heart. Best wishes as you welcome your baby into the world in a few months, Ginny!!
Jen @ Ginger Guide
Great video series! It is fairly awkward for those of us who have never experienced a miscarriage to figure out what to say to loved ones who have. I think this will bring hope and understanding to women in general. Hugs to you both 🙂
Jenna
This was wonderful for you both to share this with us, Katie, and I also love seeing your sisterly relationship. Best wishes to your whole family during this exciting time!
Miriam
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes but was also so enlightening. A couple of my friends are struggling with repeated miscarriages and its always so hard to talk to them about it. I actually told them about my pregnancy before any of our other friends to make sure that I could tell them in a sensitive manner instead of having them finding out from someone else. But even then I didn’t know what to say.
Kattrina
Thank you so much for this video series. I had a miscarriage a few months after Ginny and I was so thankful that she had allowed you to share the fact that she had had a miscarriage on your blog. It made me feel like I wasn’t the only person who this had happened to and that there were many people out there who had suffered like I had. I agree that it should be talked about more because I felt so alone until I started talking about it and found out that so many other women had experienced the same thing. I am now 26 weeks pregnant with a boy and my husband and I are so excited!
Aileen
Thank you for sharing this, I learned a lot. It seems like these days, it’s harder than ever to talk about anything that might bring on controversy or negative emotions, so this is doubly appreciated. Wishing nothing but the best for Ginny and her baby!!!
Melissa W.
Katie- thank you so much for this!! My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriages, I now have 2 healthy boys- for which I am very thankful for, but I wi never forget about the 2 children we have waiting in heaven for us. I hate that it is such a taboo issue in our society, which is part of what makes women feel so alone when it happens to them. So thank you again for doing this and raising awareness and thank you to Ginny for being brave and talking about it- because I know from personal experience it isnt easy!
Jessica
Thank you both s0, so much for this. I had two miscarriages, one at 6 weeks and one more recently at 11 weeks, and grieving the loss before we’d publicly announced my pregnancies was such a lonely place to be. I could relate to a lot of what Ginny had to say. It’s comforting to hear from others that have been through similar experiences, and I really appreciate you guys being willing to talk about it.
Amber Medina
Thank you so much-both of you-for being so open and honest. I’ve never had a miscarriage, but I can somewhat relate to a lot of what you said Ginny:) Our daughter was born with a heart defect in October 2011 and has been through numerous surgeries and countless complications-she is still in the hospital and has not come home once. I can really relate to you talking about how people want to help by saying certain things, when really I hope I never hear some of those things again! The one thing people say that is difficult to hear is that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. While I believe this on some level, when you are at your lowest, its not something you really want to think about. Also, things like-you can do this! Sometimes I feel like saying-How do you know? When people say things like-I am so sorry, I can’t imagine how hard this is. My prayers are with you…..It is just so comforting:) I am so grateful you opened up such a painful part of your life-it definitely makes me feel less alone!
Lindsay
Thanks for doing this, Ginny. My estimated due date (EDD) was 5/28/12, and it was a terrible week this week. I also wish more people had acknowledged it. I decided to post about it on my blog, and then posted again on Monday because I couldn’t let the EDD pass without doing something. If there is any advice I can give is if you have a friend that had a miscarriage, make sure to recognize Mother’s Day and the EDD if you know it. I found those to be the most lonely days of all.
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Renee
I like that Ginny talked about how she still gets sad about her first baby. I had a miscarriage last January, and I now have my rainbow baby (baby born after loss). He’s 5 months old, but I still get sad when I think about my first baby. I still mourn the loss of that baby. I don’t think it’s something a person ever “gets over.” It’s just something we learn to live with.
Renee
Oh, and I also appreciated when people acknowledged our loss. Just simple texts or emails saying, “I’m thinking about you” or”I’m hurting too” were very helpful. When my EDD came along, I was hurt when others didn’t understand my sadness. And I actually had to go to my sister-in-law’s baby shower that day. It was so hard. People thought I should have been past that, but there’s no getting past it. The second you see that positive pregnancy test, you set a place at the table for your baby. You start planning your life with them in it. And when that plan doesn’t happen, you can’t just forget about it.
Beth
Thank you Ginny for being so brave and sharing with us. <3
lissa
I am only seeing the 3 black boxes 🙁
Amee
I just want to express my deepest gratitude for sharing this. I had a miscarriage last fall and had 4 months of complications following it. It is comforting to see Ginny being so honest about how she feels and sharing the hard truths about this loss. I found that after my miscarriage, our church small group was also so helpful and supportive. At times when you don’t know what to say they were the people praying the words we couldn’t speak. Also I absolutely agree with the things that people say that hurt so much without ever meaning to. I wish I could have conveyed it as well as you both, acknowledge the loss not the pregnancy. It’s common for people to see miscarriage as loss of pregnancy, not loss of a child. I am so glad attention to whoever reads this is being shed on that exact subject. I think we all have great ability to be extremely compassionate even when it’s something we can’t relate to, but it doesn’t hurt to try to be a bit prepared 🙂 thank you gain Ginny for your bravery and honesty. And congratulations on your little boy!
ashley
I’m sure this has been said many times, but we need more women like Ginny. As a multiple miscarriage survivor, I wish other women could speak up like she did. I try my best to be vocal about what we went through, though it’s hard, especially since it’s only been a month since our last one. We miscarried our first child ( and THANK YOU GINNY, for acknowledging that you have 2 children!), and I had a very dark time following. We were blessed to find out we had gotten pregnant 2 months after. My biggest complaint that people would say is that I have 1 child…no, I have 3. Just because I never got to hold 2 of them in my arms, doesn’t mean that they’re not my children, that I wasn’t their mother. And it’s ok to get sad about our children we’ve lost. Having a baby doesn’t replace others. It doesn’t make the pain any different, it still hurts.
Thank you Ginny, for your strength to share, and may God bless you and your family as you look forward to welcoming your son into your arms.
Laura
Thank you Ginny for your honesty, that is so helpful to readers out there…
Lissa
Wow, I’m so sorry about everything your sister went through. I’m always so afraid of saying the wrong thing with both miscarriages (especially when sometimes you’re not told, but you just know) and infertility. I’m glad that your sister talked about it, and I hope that it is helping in her healing. I wish her all the luck with her baby boy!
Emily
Katie & Ginny,
Thank you for this! I know this post is like 6 years old now, but I read about Ginny’s miscarriage when it happened and my heart broke for her. It really made a huge impression on me. I remember praying for her and thinking how brave she was to be so open. She was really the first person that spoke (indirectly) to me about what it was like to have a miscarriage. Last week, I found out I was miscarrying at 8 weeks. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions, but found myself revisiting this post this afternoon. It was healing to listen to hear her talk about her emotional experience. From the bottom of my heart, thank you both!