Puke and Rally in My 30’s
Yesterday, I started my first workout of a three-week bootcamp. For three weeks, I am going to be doing these crazy intense workouts and eating like a squirrel.
Please notice the extreme excitement in my voice.
(Pssst… there is no excitement in my voice.)
I let my friend, Danielle, convince me to not only participate in this torture, but to PAY for this torture. And then Danielle went out of town for the first two sessions, so I showed up yesterday to the first work out BY MYSELF. She’s a good friend. If you happen to see her on the streets, kick her in the shins for me.
So, I dragged myself out of bed at some ungodly hour yesterday, squeezed myself into workout pants that I haven’t worn in over a year, and headed up to the parking lot where this bootcamp meets. And, surprisingly, it was pretty awesome. The people there were so stinking nice! Like, COMMUNE nice. I wondered if they were going to kidnap me. Later, I realized they have to be nice to first-timers because they are about to torture them and if they are nice, the first-timers will never see it coming.
We start the actual work out, and I’m doing pretty good. Actually, I’m doing GREAT. I am keeping up and feeling good. I start to think, “I’m going to survive!”
What a stupid thought.
Ten minutes into the workout, the fitness instructor, David, calls all the newbies to the front of the group to complete a fitness test. They do them on your first day and on your last to see how far you have come. And even though we were in the front of the group, everyone else was working out pretty intensely, so it didn’t feel like I had an audience. I still felt confident. “I can do this!” I said to myself.
Another stupid thought.
The first part of the fitness test was to see how many burpees you can do in two minutes. Now, I did not know what a burpee was. Do you? If you’re really interested, Google it, but I’ll save you the mystery – it’s a method of torture which I am almost positive is against international law according to the United Nations. But because I was not familiar with them, I thought, “How bad than this be?”
I was full of stupid thoughts.
So, I start burpee-ing. And I’m not doing terrible. Until burpee #8. And then I notice, I can’t really jump my legs back into the push up as well as I was before. By burpee #13, I had gotten myself down into a position on the floor (which is not part of a burpee, in case you didn’t know) and was writhing around, trying to get my legs to move. But I’m pretty sure they flicked me off. I managed to somehow complete 17 “burpees.” And by “burpee” I mean I moved around on the floor and counted to 17.
Finally, David the Torturist, called time and I stopped rolling around on the ground. But when I stopped moving, I instantly felt nauseous. Like, REALLY nauseous. I looked around to see how everyone else was doing because, surely, we were all in this together. But those jerks looked perky and maybe just a little bit winded. Screw those guys. I laid back on my mat. HUGE MISTAKE.
My stomach started heaving and I knew I was about to get sick. I jumped up, which was an act of God in itself because my legs were completely useless at this point, and ran to the back of the area where we were working out and threw up in a trash can.
I’ll pause here so that you can let that process.
I. THREW. UP. IN. A. WORKOUT. CLASS.
In front of strangers! Who are all fit and healthy! I THREW UP, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I know I was on the verge of death because I didn’t even care. I just stood up, stared back at the class of people staring at me, wiped my mouth, and said, “PUKE AND RALLY!”
I went back and finished my workout like a BOSS. Well, not so much like a boss. In fact, I came in last for everything we did. Every activity we did that morning, I came in last place. And in their commune kindness, the entire class cheered for me, like I was the fat kid finishing the race. Screw those guys. I wanted them all to drop dead.
I’ve seen my toddler and preschool aged children puke and rally and it is sight to behold. They can pretty much puke while playing and never miss a beat.
In my 20’s puke and rally took place in bars. Drank too much, puked it up in a bar bathroom with all your friends waiting outside, and when you finally came back out again, the crowd goes up into cheers and you’re back at the bar again.
But in your 30’s puke and rally is, apparently, a very different concept. You push yourself until you think you might die. Puke. And then go push yourself some more. ‘
I was under the impression we got WISER as we got older, but now I’m not so sure. I think I was on to something in my 20’s.
My next workout is tomorrow. Pray for my legs.
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22 Comments
Abby Strand
Dang girl, I’m impressed! Way to go Katie!!
Leah
This might be the best post ever. Go Katie! I’m pretty sure I would have died first but I’m a quitter
Denise Armbruster
Oh I’ve been there and done that. I at least hit the toilet and did the puking in private!!! Bootcamp is something that never leaves your memory. You are gonna be so sore. Hang in there.
kat
Katie, I almost peed myself from laughing. Not at you, of course. With you…..
And then I even threw up a little in my mouth in sympathy.
Can’t wait to hear how day 2 goes. You get ’em girl!
Amanda
I swear the burpees get easier 🙂 Way to push thru!!!
Jamie
I love you, and I feel terrible for your misery. But this made me laugh so hard: “And in their commune kindness, the entire class cheered for me, like I was the fat kid finishing the race. Screw those guys. I wanted them all to drop dead.”
In all seriousness though, that just tells me that I don’t push myself hard enough. You’re awesome!!
Diana
Yikes! I’ve definitely been there with the puking and am not particularly happy about it… It definitely takes some practice figuring out point between feeling like you are going to throw up and actually doing it. Always remember, it isn’t how you stack up against other people; it is how much better you are at the end of the bootcamp. Those classes are super intense. Hang in there!
Christy
That’s hardcore. Think of all the times you lapped me while I sat here on the couch eating snacks. Nice work!
Brooke
We do a bootcamp-style workout class with my coworkers at lunchtime. We’ve had people who have puked – it happens. I’ve been close a few times myself.
My inspiration? The mid-30’s mother of four who has lost 40 pounds (and counting) since joining us. Those fit people? They think more of you for getting out of bed and joining them. And half the fun is cheering each other on.
Good luck tomorrow!
Jessica W
When I was 22, I ran my first 5K ever. As a kid with asthma that was never taught *how* to run in PE classes, in fact I was labeled by a teacher “The girl who couldn’t run”, this was a big deal for me. My Dad is a marathoner, so he was running the 10K which was the 5K course twice. I spent the entire last .2 miles looking over my shoulder swearing if my Dad came out of no where and lapped me, I would trip him. I crossed the finish line and wanted to puke. I felt awful!! A kind lady handed me a Popsicle (she was giving them to all runners) and I swear I told her “I love you”. My dad finished about 10 minutes later, he asked how I did, I said “I want to throw up” “GOOD! It means you did well!” “What?! And you do this for FUN?!” and then he went out and ran the 15K that was starting because his friend showed up….
Kattrina
Ugg, that sounds miserable. I’ve never done a bootcamp, but I imagine they are painful. I’ve never thrown-up after a workout – maybe I’m not working hard enough! I just started one of those Beachbody workouts, PiYo, and am getting up at 4:15am every morning to fit it in. It is crazy. What we do to be healthy!
Emily R.
I am going on 2 years of boot camp. I have never thrown up but I have come close to passing out , even at one point last night. Great job for getting in there and doing it. I too hate the cheering, it makes me even more self conscious when I am last.
Holli
I could not stop laughing. I’m sorry for your misfortune, but it made for excellent afternoon reading. Hopefully there’s no more “puke and rally” moments tonight.
Nancy
I joined my first bootcamp last year. I had NEVER worked out like that in my life. Burpees galore. And I puked my first session. It was rough, but a year later I’m still going and love it. You got this!
Amanda T
Way to go, K!! So proud of you. Wait until you get to the outdoor workout. Then we can talk about puking 🙂 Wave hi to Mark tomorrow…I’ll be at the 6pm (outdoor) class.
Amanda H
Awesome for you for going! I did a few crossfit classes, I loved and hated everyone of them! One day when I have the money I will torture myself again.
Cheree
I once made the mistake of joking to my instructor (on her birthday)?that she should do 1 burpee for every year she was alive… she made the whole class do 48 burpees, plus 2 to grow on. Never make stupid suggestions to a workout instructors! Even in jest! Especially in jest! Now that many burpees throughout a class is no big deal. They get easier!
Katie N.
Oh man, this line literally made me laugh out loud:
“And in their commune kindness, the entire class cheered for me, like I was the fat kid finishing the race. Screw those guys.”
Hilarious!
Also, I’m from Boston originally and we called it “Boot & Rally” in college, so perhaps that is an even more fitting name for this post 🙂
Alex
Katie, yes, Burpees are invented by the devil. Never liked them, never will. On a side note, I hurt my back trying to do them and my coworker gets nauseous not because of the effort but because the going up and down. Just watch yourself. And, hey! think that you will be all set to take on the new school year once you are done with the boot camp…if the boot camp is not done with you by then 😀
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Jenna
This is hysterical. You’re kind of my hero!