Great is Thy Faithfulness
It will be five years ago this May that our family picked up and moved from Connecticut to Orlando in order to be closer to our extended family. If you are new around these parts, then you missed that great transitional period in our lives. It was a terrible, turbulent time in our home, when we were broke, unemployed, uninsured, and trying desperately to hold on to what was left of our faith.
Chris and I prayed and prayed about our move back to Florida. We had a wonderful, thriving life in Connecticut, and it was a complete leap of faith in the truest sense for us to quit our jobs, sell our house, and back up our infant baby boy to move across the country. But we were confident that it was what God wanted for us, and so we happily, hopefully followed.
And then all hell broke loose.
I couldn’t find a job, Chris’s company didn’t offer health insurance for our family, our rental house was in an unsafe part of town (and would later be broken into and most of our valuables would be stolen), we were homesick for Connecticut, we felt guilty that we weren’t happy here close to our extended family, and then I found myself unexpectedly and untimely pregnant.
When our daughter was born, we named her after the one thing that was sufficient enough to cover all these terrible fears and doubts and anger that we felt towards God. We called her Grace.
In the worst of times, I clung desperately to my faith. My prayers were ugly and angry. They were questioning and searching. They were hopeless and hopeful at the same time. They were really all I had. And on those really hard days when I ran out of faith completely, I would stand in my shower, crying, and singing quietly, “Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father. Morning by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.”
Sometimes that hymn was sung as a desperate plea. “Father, show me new mercies! Please!” And sometimes it was sung in bitterness, “All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Do you feel like providing yet, God? Because we certainly are waiting.” But, mostly, it was just my heart emptying out the very last bit of faith that I had left in me.
It has taken us five years to rebuild our lives. Five years to find a community to be a part of. Five years to make a new house a home. Five years to let go of that anger I had towards God and to trust him again. And in five years, he has brought us through such trials and tribulations, but also such sweet moments of triumph and joy. I have grown in those five years more than I ever thought I could.
In my experience with faith, there are many, many moments when we feel God present in our lives. We feel him settling into our hearts. Feel him guiding our feet. Feel him holding our hands. But, there are far fewer times when you SEE God present in our lives. I know that sounds so unchristian to say, and I don’t mean it to be. But it has been the real truth in my life. I feel his hand on me and guiding me far more often than those times when I can point to something physical and say, “That is God.”
Maybe a beautiful sunset here and there. A majestic mountain top. The smile of my new little niece. The faces of my children. I can point to those things and know that is God looking at me. But those tangible moments of God’s presence are rare and special when they happen.
This Saturday, Michael had his first tee ball game. After his game, we headed over to the Opening Ceremonies celebration for the league. My mom and Grandmother were there, and so was Chris’s sister and her boyfriend (our latest and greatest addition to the family). And as I cheered for Michael and hugged friends and neighbors we saw at the ball field, I could point to God. He was there in the faces of all those people who have become our community. The community I prayed for and the community God promised me.
After the baseball ceremony, Gracie wanted to go home with Nana to spend the night, so my mom and Grandmother took Gracie home with them, and I agreed to come pick her up on Sunday afternoon. And God was there. He was my mom and my grandmother. Because he promised me that he would fill my life with family. And he has.
We left the ballfields and headed straight to back-to-back birthday parties for some of Bean’s friends. One was a friend whose family we have known for a few years through our daycare. Their daughters are the same age as my kids, and so we have endured the full spectrum of parenthood together. And we laughed at the birthday party at how different age six is than when we first met at age three. We left that party and went to another for a new friend of Bean’s from his kindergarten class. When we were there, we ran into a family who also went to our daycare and now goes to our church. And I smiled this morning as we dropped Bean off at Sunday school and that same friend was waiting for him in the Sunday school classroom. And God was there. Looking right at me in the face of that child and his mom. In the face of every new friend Michael is making. Because he promised me our children would grow up in a community just like this. And they are.
I squeezed Chris’s hand as the two of us walked into the fellowship hall for Sunday morning worship. “It’s all coming together, just like He planned,” I said to him, smiling.
We walked into church and I was already fighting back tears at all the places I had seen God’s face in our lives recently. My heart was full of the peace that comes in knowing that I am exactly where God called me to be. He promised me this life we are living, and he said, “If you will hold my hand, I’m going to take you where you need to be. But the road will be challenging and you might trip and fall. But I will pick you back up, if only you trust in me.” And I did. Not gracefully. Not perfectly. But in the only broken, blemished way I know how to love my God.
The praise band began to play, and my head instantly popped up from the church bulletin I had been perusing before the service started, as the congregation began to sing, “Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father. Morning by mornings, new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.”
And, like a movie, the past five years came flooding back to me and in each memory, there was God. He was standing in our rental house on the night it was broken into. He was standing next to me at the Health Department when I had to go for my prenatal visits because we had no health insurance and I would cry all the way home from every appointment. He was standing in the conference room where I interviewed for my first teaching job. He was beside us in the operating room when Gracie was born. He cried with me when I met my mom at the hospital the night my dad died. He stood next to us when we left our first church home here to find one in our own community. He waved with us when Chris and I dropped Bean off on the first day of kindergarten.
Five years ago, God promised me that he would bring our family to a place of belonging, to a place of family, to a place of abundance and fulfillment and contentment. And with each passing day, I see that promise lived out in my life. Is our life suddenly easy? No. Will it always be this joyful? Probably not. About ten minutes after I left church this morning, all aglow in the goodness of God, my check engine light came on in my car. Go figure.
But today, at this moment in my life, I can point to tangible, real, good things in my life that God has promised and has provided and that gives me strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.
24 Comments
kp
I have followed your journey since before you were pregnant with Michael. I remember the rough times and break-in. I’m so happy for you and what a beautiful piece of writing to reflect on these peaks and valleys.
Melissa
One of your most beautiful posts! Thank you for the great reminder of all of gods blessings surrounding us – we just need to remember to look and to reflect. Thank you for this!
nylse
This is great encouragement and well written I might add because we find ourselves in a similar boat. We were totally enmeshed in a community and had to move to the other side of the country. God has been with us each step of the way but it has not been easy. Yesterday I actually said out loud, it took me all this time (8 years) to appreciate my life and where God has placed us. Great is his faithfulness, indeed. I bet a tear fell from your eye in church today.
Jen
I have tears rolling down my face, beautifully said.
Katie
Beautiful!!
Betty
I have followed y’all since before Michael came along and remember your journey, it’s so beautiful to see God’s faithfulness. That’s why I love reading the Old Testament, to see God’s consistent faithfulness, even when I don’t see/feel it. I feel like Matt and I are y’all, a couple years later. We moved to be with our family two years ago, and we feel like it’s been cursed, but, like y’all, we know God is faithful and we will look back and see the beauty. Josh Harris says in his book Humble Orthodoxy that when we get to heaven and look back at our lives and see every grace in our lives for the first time, we will need more than 10,000 years to sing His praises. I love y’all and love following your family.
victoria
wow,thank you! i needed this little pep talk for myself 🙂 i am not where i thought i would be five years ago but seeing how you all still trusted in Him, it gives me Hope and Faith,too!
God is good,all the time!
momiss
I needed this today. I am in a period of wondering and clinging to my faith and trying to figure out if I have made the right decisions. Thanks for the reminder that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to being able to see it, hopefully soon.
Jenna
Love this. You are a hope giver!
Laura
Oh Katie…that is my favorite hymn, too, and this has to be one of my fave posts ever. So glad to read this and know that life does move forward and is coming together for you. I’ve been one of your “imaginary friends” since right before you found out about Gracie, and it’s sure crazy where God takes us, isn’t it?
I’m having one of those “what on earth, God?!?!” phases right now (work not going well, two sick babies and sick me, feeling lonely and disconnected from friends….yadayadayada), and to make a long story short, it’s so good to hear Him speaking through you. I just need to follow in your footsteps, and have a little faith. Morning by morning new mercies I’ll see, right?
Sending hugs, Katie! Thank you for letting me/us be a part of your world!
Kelly
As my husband and I stand in the midst of what has been the hardest year of our marriage, I say thank you for this post. I’ve had a lot of angry prayers lately and I know they are being heard. He will do what’s right and lead us in the right direction.
Teresa W
Beautiful post! My son that lives in another state has a great and wonderful church where his family goes. They don’t get to see family as much as I would like but I know they have friends there.
Allison
So needed to read this today!!! What a wonderful post on appreciating everything in our lives and remembering how wonderful HE is and to trust in him always~
Jacquie
This is such an amazing reminder, I am searching for a new job at the minute and finding things quite a stress – I also found myself singing Great is Thy Faithfulness in the shower.
Melissa
Katie,
The sincerity and faith just flows through this post like a river. I think that one of the most powerful things you can do is witness for God– not always in a large, evangelical way, but often in the quiet steadfastness of a truly humble and blessed life. You do that so honestly, in sharing your real self with the world– the good and the bad– and I think because of that, we get to see the majesty of God’s faithfulness in your life. It is the same love that He shows all his children, but sometimes being an outside observer makes it so much easier to see. My mother once told me that the root of the word salvation means “Nothing missing, nothing broken,” and even though it often takes more time than we’d like for God to fix the brokenness and fill in the gaps, He always does. Thank you for taking us on this journey with you, and letting us watch Him work in your life.
Laura
This is a perfect reminder. I’ve been where you are and found it to be so reassuring. At this point I’m facing some challenges and I know God is here for me because he’s shown it to me before, time and time again. Life is full of ups and downs and the knowledge of the ups helps to see us through the downs, sometimes.
Lauren G
Thank you for this beautiful post. I’ve been reading all these years and it brings tears to my eyes that your family has found happiness in a wonderful community. Thank you for sharing your faith and your journey with your readers. Virtual hugs =)
Tabs
Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
Bean, Gracie, Tillman and Baby Faith's Nana
I’m taking Priscilla Shirer’s study of Noah: A Life Interrupted and your post is such a startling example of how “divine interventions” can feel so devastating but God uses them to help us deepen our faith and lean on Him. I remember so clearly how sad, drained and overwhelmed you were after relocating to Orlando. Dad and I felt so helpless and even guilty that you and Chris had left a life you loved to move closer to your families. But your faithfulness was steadfast even when everything else seemed to be in such turmoil. And now I clearly see His hand in opening new doors, new opportunities, a new life to you both. There is no end to His grace. And I have a granddaughter named Grace to prove it.
Kris Flanders
Amen!
vicky s
Thank you for sharing with us your journey. 🙂
Nancy
I’m not a particularly religious person but this post made me weepy. Also, I’m astounded that I have been reading your blog for over five years, because you were still living in CT when I first started reading MC. Amazing. (To put it in perspective, I had one kid when I started reading MC and now I have three…)
Stephanie
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you, Katie.
Melissa
This was the best post yet!