Drivers Education

Once upon a time, it was the summer that Chris and I were 15 years old. All of our friends were signed up to take drivers education, including Chris. But my family was taking a trip to Europe that summer, so I didn’t take drivers ed. TO THIS DAY, whenever I make a mistake driving, Chris will look me dead in the eye and say with a straight face, “You shouldn’t have skipped drivers ed.” The End.

A few weeks ago, though, Chris took the drivers ed thing to a whole new level when he casually announced that he had signed us up for State Farm’s “drive and save” discount.

“Awesome!” I said.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “You’ll just need to put this on your windshield.”

I’m sorry… what????

Apparently, I’m supposed to keep this thing on my windshield and it’s supposed to track my driving habits and give us a discount accordingly. This should make normal, safe drivers really excited. Drivers like Chris.

Chris drives the speed limit everywhere he goes. EV-ER-Y-WHERE, you guys. He also never passes anyone. If someone is going 15 miles an hour in front of him, he will now be going 15 miles an hour. If someone is going 90 miles an hour in front of him, he will now be going… well, 65 because that’s the speed limit.

However, Chris and I are very different drivers. I tend to be a little more… efficient… in my driving. I also take some chances in my life. Like, sometimes, maybe, I might change lanes when there is a solid line in the road. GASP!

Also, I bump into things sometimes. Only once did a bump into a person. Actually, it was three people and I BARELY tapped them. And we were in a parking lot, so that doesn’t even really count. But aside from people, I have been known to bump into stationary objects with my moving car. Things like parking lot bumpers, those giant red balls outside Target, trash cans, curbs, and – only once – Chris’s car when I was following him home one afternoon.

So, you can see why I thought this “drive and save” thing was probably a pretty bad idea for me.

To which Chris replied, “If you’d taken drivers ed, you wouldn’t be such a bad driver, you know.”

“I’M NOT A BAD DRIVER!” I shouted. “AND IT WAS EUROPE, SO DEAL WITH IT!”

A few weeks ago, Chris walked outside to my car with me one morning after breakfast at our favorite restaurant and attached the little box thingy to my windshield. “You’re going to do great!” he said.

While pulling out of the parking spot, I accidentally put the car in drive instead of reverse and ran straight into the parking space bumper.

Chris didn’t say a word.

I didn’t say a word.

I just backed the car slowly out of the parking spot. But I cut my wheel a little too much and clipped the curb. (I can’t even make this stuff up, you guys…)

Chris slowly turns his head towards me and sits there for a minute, while I stare out the window trying to ignore him.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you’d taken drivers ed,” he said.