You Need Me! You Really Need Me!

As I get older, I seem to get less useful. Chris does my heavy lifting. I sometimes feel expendable at work. I could be wrapped in bacon and my dogs wouldn’t take a second look. But today, I am useful. Today someone needs me. And its THIS CHILD:

This Nameless Adorable Child needs me. I mean, she’s not nameless. I know her name and all. But I’m not sure what the rules are about posting kids info on blogs and such and though I imagine all you cyber folk to be sweet as pie, you never can be too careful these days. Especially when this child NEEDS ME!!

Nameless Adorable Child is the spawn of my two friends, Sarah and Jon, and I adore her. She’s the sugar in my frosting, the lemon in my tea, the cream in my oreo. Today, I had lunch with Nameless Adorable Child and her equally adorable momma and boy did we have fun. Nameless Adorable Child performed all of her animal sounds for me and went over all of her five senses like a pro (appropriately correcting me that you taste with your tongue, not your mouth…). She pitched a minor fit over bubble gum, but who hasn’t? In short, it was an excellent break in my day and when I went back to work I suddenly wished I worked with toddlers instead of graduate students (although the similarities there are sometimes striking).

So tonight, I am hiding from Chris in the basement when my cell phone rings. It is Sarah, and she has a favor to ask me. Nameless Adorable Child is changing daycares and they need an emergency contact person and who do you think gets that honor? YOURS TRULY! That’s right. If something happens to Nameless Adorable Child and the daycare can’t reach Jon, or Sarah, or her grandparents, or the neighbor, or the mailman, I am the girl! This could be the single most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me. Chris doesn’t even have me listed as his emergency contact.

Now, I don’t have children, but I’m pretty sure that this bumps me up on the importance list. Like, I should probably spend major holidays with Sarah and Jon now. I also feel like I should brush up on my survival skills in case my Big Day comes (God forbid). Maybe I should start reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting or The Nanny Diaries. I’ve already mapped out the route to every available hospital in the area (again, God forbid). I haven’t told Sarah yet about the time I was in fourth grade and one of the girls sitting at my table in the cafeteria started choking and I just sat there staring instead of calling a teacher over. Or about the time when I was 14 and I babysat for this kid who fell off his bed and broke his arm. But those were isolated cases. Blips on my childcare radar. And I’m sure a few child safety courses could erase those from my record, like the driving course takes points off your license… or so I’ve heard.

I realized that I am taking this a little far. For one thing, I can’t even imagine the scenario that would keep Jon and Sarah away from Nameless Adorable Child should something happen (God forbid). But still. It is just so darn nice to feel useful and needed. And the kicker is that I couldn’t be needed by a more perfect nameless adorable child.