You’re Bringing Me Down, Man!
Hi, my name is Katie and I am an optimist. I prefer yes to no. I see half full glasses everywhere I go. I think everyone and everything has potential.
Everyone except maybe Molly. Molly’s hopeless.
Meet my husband, Chris. He is a pessimist. Or, as he prefers, a realist. His first instinct is to say no. He sees half empty glasses around every corner. He thinks that everyone and everything has the potential to fail.
This is what a marriage looks like between two polar opposite personalities:
“Gosh, the weather is beautiful! Look at those big beautiful clouds in the sky!” I would say.
“Those are (insert weird scientific name for cotton candy clouds). Its going to rain and storm and thunder and hail,” Chris would say.
“Wow! That sounds like fun! I love a good thunderstorm! Let’s watch a movie in our pajamas and eat ice cream until my stretch marks are stretched back out!” I would say.
“Are you crazy? Don’t you know that during torrential downpours, our house could flood which could knock the power out which would turn off the freezer, melting your ice cream into a puddle of goo that I could slip on in the dark of a power outage and if I was holding the Bean when I slipped he could go flying out the window and be sucked up into the funnel of a giant tornado that has spawned off of the horrible thunderstorm????” Chris would say.
Over the years, I have tried to appreciate what Chris’ viewpoints bring to the table. We always have money in savings because Chris believes rainy days are just waiting to attack us. And our bank account. He saves receipts and buys warranties because he knows all products will break eventually. We always have spare everythings – tires, candles, non-perishable food items, Q-tips – in case the world would come to an end and we would find ourselves in a cave underground with a bunch of cockroaches and some computer geek named Tad who, like, totally saw the end of civilization coming.
You never want to face the end of the world without extra Q-tips.
I, on the other hand, never leave my house with an umbrella because I refuse to believe it could rain on a day this beautiful. I think dandilions are beautiful flowers and refuse to acknowledge them as weeds. I think most, if not all, people are trustworthy. I believe in the power of positive thinking and have been known to say that I can “think it to reality.” I’m terrible in a crisis because I never, ever see them coming and so I just walk around repeating, “How do these bad things happen?”
Some people say that opposites attract. That Chris is the yin to my yang. That I am the sugar to his sour. That he is the bitter to my sweet.
Personally, I think he is the dirt on my fresh strawberry. The fly in my sweet iced tea. The oil stain on my bright white driveway.
What’s that line from Pride and Prejudice? When Willoughby is talking about Colonel Brandon? Its something like, “He has threatened me with rain when I wanted sunshine.”
THAT’S WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE MARRIED TO A PESSIMIST.
I come home with great news to share with Chris. He shoots me down with some silly trivial negative detail. And I want to take my half full cup and throw it in his face and shout, “BACK OFF MY SUNSHINE, YO!”
But he can’t. He just cannot back off my sunshine. He is genetically, physically, psychologically NOT ABLE to hear something and not immediately process what negative implications it might have.
(For the record, I used at least four words in that last sentence that I don’t fully know the meaning of.)
To combat this, I like to randomly break into song around him. I feel like its good for his poor, negative soul. Or I like to put him in direct sunlight if at all possible. Like a plant. Like my own personal negative plant of darkness.
49 Comments
Katy
OH! Does that sound familiar. My Chris is the same way! I’m currently hiding on the computer b/c I was singing “Yay, we’re almost done drywalling!!” and he responded with, “This better not leak.” Silly pessimist.
Emily
I love, Love, LOVE this post. It’s like you were writing it about me and my husband. We’re polar opposites, but somehow it works.
P.S. Chris gets ten extra optimism points for the heart on the pizza. Too cute! 🙂
Katie
Right after this picture was taken, he turned the pepperonis into a sad face. So typical. – Katie
Sarah H.
So will people be soon asking me what’s the chance that pessimism is genetic and can be passed to their children? Oh man 🙂 I think breaking out into song is always appreciated!
Kristen
Coming from me, a daydreamer, I really understand this post. I will come up with an idea that will get shot down for a myriad of reasons. I just want to yell “It will work, I’ll show you”….but then I never do because I’m on to the next idea *sigh*. I do think however that you guys compliment each other in the best way.
*I hate to be a negative nelly but….I’m also an Austen enthusiast and well….Willoughby and Colonel Brandon are from “Sense and Sensibility”. I give you permission to hate me if you like….call it a genetic defect of mine to point out stuff like that 🙁
Katie
AHHH!!! YOU’RE RIGHT! Jane Austen is shaking her finger at me right now! – Katie
Lori at I Can Grow People
In our house, I am the REALIST and Aaron is the optimist. Aaron is so happy and even keeled all the time that sometimes I think he is an alien.
Casey
Yeah for breaking out in song 😉
Sam
Chris certainly doesn’t appear to be a pessimist from those photos. I’ve always imagined pessimists as not even willing to smile because the time would definitely come when a smile is turned into a frown! I do believe you used those four words properly (four words which I’m guessing you’re referring to, of course) as well. 🙂
Katie
I’m glad to know I used those words correctly. Cause if I didn’t, I would totally get a phone call from my mom later today!! – Katie
Hillary
When my husband and I were dating in college, he was an eternal optimist and I was the pessimist. In the last few years, we’ve completely flip-flopped. Now my hubby’s just like yours. Oh well, I think being opposites works for us. 🙂
Chandra
Ah, I too was going to point out that it was from S&S, not P&P. See, I commented!
Jen D
Apparently, we are married to the same person and didn’t know it until just now.
Ashley
Welcome to my world! I so know where you are coming from with this one!! Tell Chris that I loved his heart shaped pepperoni pizza!! He’s probably thinking that his materpiece is going to burn in the over 🙂
Ashley
I meant oven!!
Andie
Hmm. Are ALL guys like this?? Same with my bf. He is very practical, critical, and tends to crap on my rainbows:( though if it weren’t for him we would end up quite poor and have to reside in a box. I like to have fun in life and play and go to movies. I am the kid in the relationship I must admit.
Kathie
I have not laughed that hard in a while, Andie! “tends to crap on my rainbows” had me rolling!! Thanks!
Christina
But he’s so cute!
My husband and I are polar opposites as well, but in different ways. I’m a strange combination of the breaking-out-into-song pessimist. He’s a very practical, analytical, realistic optimist. Odd, no? Personalities are so fun to look at.
Niki
Reminds me of me and my husband. Only he’s currently having a problem with us not being the same. :-/ Sorry for that little dump in your comments.
Katie
You can’t see it, but I’m sticking my tongue out at your husband right now. 🙂 – Katie
andrea
i think my husband and i are pretty well rounded and just pick up the slack of what the other is thinking. if i point out the nice weather he’ll comment that the temperature just dropped and rain is coming. if he says something about having enough money saved to buy the video camera we’ve been eyeing, i’ll ask but what if all four of your tires go flat tomorrow? i guess we just look out for each other that way.
but generally i think i’m usually the one that finds the silver lining and thinks everything will be just hunky-dory, though i’ve always said that i live in my own little bubble.
my favorite song to burst out with is from monty pythons spam-a-lot. “Always look on the bright side of life” i think that just about sums it up!
Abigail
This post made my day! 🙂
Jeanette
Either Way Chris is still cute. cute. cute.
Are you sure he’s not a male dancer. 🙂
Ok, I sure that made him laugh… but he’s still cute.
Sue V.
This was great. I am totally stealing your “dirt on my strawberry” comparison – too funny.
Tressa
HAHAHA
This started my day off PERFECT reading this post! 🙂
Emily
I can totally relate to this post – well, except for the fact that I am the realist and my husband is the dreamer. I just like to be prepared for any and everything and he lives by the seat of his pants! 🙂 The good thing is we balance each other out…even though he drives me nuts living with his head in the clouds and I stress and worry about what could or might happen and want everything to be perfect. 🙂 Don’t be too hard on Chris, he can’t help it and if he tries to stop or change it will drive him crazy which will drive you crazy and the dogs crazy and the Bean crazy…
Jen
Actually laughing out loud. The dirt on my strawberry. I will share that line with more than one person today. Thanks!
dave
From what you described he sounds like a ‘Cautionist’ (a good thing) not ‘Pessimist’.
Tim
I love this. While being humorous, it’s also wonderfully insightful. Thank you for sharing it!
Camberley
What a great post.
Conversations with my husband tend to go the same way. I love hearing it from another’s perspective.
~Camberley
Kathie
Opposites must attract! My boyfriend and I are the exact same way. He’s the “realist”, and I’m the optimist. We make quite the pair – black/white, yes/no. It never fails. I’m surprised we ever get anything accomplished!
naomi
I always think of it as another glass to clean.
Katie
This made me laugh out loud in my office. Thanks. – Katie
Megan E
Yay! All females in my family are genetically (heh!) predisposed to breaking into song at any given moment. The men in our lives just have to deal.
Britt Kaye
Just ran across your blog and this post is me and my new hubby! Although, I’m the realist and he’s the optimist 🙂
Michelle Uhlfelder
My hubby and I are the SAME WAY. You know, I think it gives life more spice to be opposites. There it is again: the optimist coming out again! 🙂
Whitney
I have a roomate exactly like this and whenever she is debbie downer I break out into a song or hum, hoping that my positivity will change her attitude! I love your blog! thanks for sharing with us!!
-Whitney
Vandy
Oh man, I hate to admit it, but it’s the opposite in my house. I am the “worst-case scenario” one. I have a bad tendency to see what needs to be fixed, rather than to be happy with what is right. Been working on that for years, but it’s adeeply ingrained habit…!
Stefania
Same story at my house. I am always trying to get hubby to be more positive! We ball up and throw negativity out the window when it gets to be too much.
TeamHaynes
You could be like us and have most things in common. Then when you find something NOT in common, oh boy. WWIII, seriously!
Zoe
Oh I love this post! Sometimes I wonder if my man and I are mismatched, because I’m so optimistic and trusting in people, whereas he is a ‘realist’ and very cynical. Though it’s him that breaks out in song all the time, not me. It’s good to know that opposites can work 🙂
Amanda
HOLY COW WOMAN! Are you a fly on my wall? It must be a guy thing. My husband is an eternal Negative Nelly and I’m forever a Positive…ummm….Polly? Petunia? (didn’t know what to use there). I did like that one comment about “crapping on my rainbow” I”m going to have to use that.
Maureen
Haha, I am totally the optimist of the relationship as well. He’s always on the lookout for potential problems, to which I say, la-dee-da!
Elizabeth
I love it! I’m a firm believer in random singing. There are times when I bust out a random recitative while cooking dinner or changing diapers.
My cats also have theme songs.
Please tell me that you were referencing Space Ghost when you titled this post. It would make my day.
Kerri
O.k….I know this post was 2 years ago, but seriously I feel like we are living the same life. My husband’s name is Chris and he is the EXACT same way…. so scary. Maybe it’s in the name? His Negative ways make me crazy!…or at least make me think I’m crazy. We have 2 children (8 dd and 3 ds)..sometimes I think he is going to screw them up but his “bad attitude” and outlook on life. For the most part we have wonderful marriage and we love each other no matter what…but even so, we are going to a family therapist to mediate this. Not that we are going through a bad time, but I want to nix it before it rubs off on our kids….or worse… ME! :)lol…
Nicole
I hope things are going better… I also have a Chris, he appeared to be less of one prior to commitment, I knew I had a total Eeyore on my hands, but I am getting more affected at times by him and this! If you see this, lemme know! 🙂
Nicole
Sounds like me and “my Chris”! I hope he eases up some though!
Storm
And thats why i think i should be alone. My husband just wants to be happy and we have good days but our bad days about end us ….. so , should i just let him go.
Cass
I think the hardest part is I can never tell when he is happy. I believe so strongly in “celebrating” the good. Take a photograph, write a memory down, plan something special and worth deep meaning or just express someone’s importance and what they mean to you. With him I genuinely feel like he thinks that if he lets his guard down and celebrates a small happy thing that it will go away, like the sleeping is cute, but don’t wake it or won’t be anymore type of deal. It’s obviously how he deals with the anxiety his pessimism brings, but it leaves me feeling like I lack the ability to make him happy and I find my own optimism slipping away into wondering if I have ever made or if I’m even capable of providing him that at this point. What does his happy even look like, and if I can’t make him happy why am I even here?