Car Troubles (Or, The Plight of Law-Abiding Citizens)
In the past week, I have become BFF with my local Firestone manager. His name is Nick. He’s 29 years old. He just bought his first house and is getting ready to propose to his girlfriend. He does not like country music and he is scared of installing car seats. How do I know all of his about Nick? Mostly because we shared a near-death experience together when I threatened to end his life (more on that later) and everyone knows that near-death experiences bring people closer. But I also know all of this information because I NOW LIVE AT FIRESTONE.
Last Monday, I had to take my car in to pass the Connecticut Emissions Test (or, as I like to call it, the “Why is it Any of Connecticut’s Business How My Car Drives” test…) in order to renew my registration. After paying the $20 for the inspection, I was politely told by the mechanic that my car was a failure. Apparently, you cannot pass a “Why is it Any of Connecticut’s Business How My Car Drives” test if your check engine light is on. And my light is on. It has been on for the past six months for a minor problem that doesn’t effect the driving and that I didn’t want to pay $1,000 to fix.
See how that works, Connecticut? Its called FREEDOM. You should try it sometime.
So the polite mechanic told me that in order for me to pass said useless test so that I can renew the highly useful car registration, I was going to have to have the problem fixed. I huffed and puffed and took my car up to my local Firestone.
One hour (and a $150.00 diagnostic later), I was told by Nick that the problem was a bad coil in one of my cylinders and that to replace that coil would be about $250. BUT that wouldn’t necessarily turn off the check engine light (of course not) if the spark plugs were bad, too. So, Nick suggested that I have my spark plugs done as well. Total cost? About $1,000.
Once again, I huffed and puffed, but what was I going to do? I had to have that damn little light turned off. So, I paid for the coil and the spark plugs. And then I went out and had “SUCKER” tattooed on my forehead.
But, the light went off. Now, I had to drive my car for 75 miles before it could have another “Why is it Any of Connecticut’s Business How My Car Drives” test. Perfect. I drive that far in one round trip to work and home. Piece of cake.
The next day, on Tuesday, I paid off my car. I was so excited. I think I danced a little jig as I put that last check in the mailbox.
On Tuesday afternoon, my check engine light came on again.
Of course it did.
Then I said some words that were really unnecessary to repeat here because my Grandma reads this blog. I jumped in my car and I drove back up to Firestone to see my buddy Nick.
(SPOILER ALERT: This is not when I threatened to end his life.)
I tell Nick that Hey! Funny thing! My damn light came on again! Nick and I share a good chuckle about silly check engine lights and then I cut my laughter short and say to him (in as non-threatening of a tone as possible, mind you): “So, what are you going to do about it, Ni-ck?”
Nick says that the coil they replaced it with was probably a bad coil and that they would replace it for me, for free, of course.
Good answer, Nick. Way to spare your life, Buddy.
So, Nick replaced my coil.
Wednesday morning the check engine light comes on again and this time, I swear I hear a quiet, evil laugh coming from under the hood of my car. It was like my car knew I had just made the final payment. He just knew that the honeymoon phase was over and now he could relax a little and show is true colors.
Cars are assholes.
If you remember, Wednesday night was also the day that Bean started vomiting and shooting poo out of his rear. So, you know, stress was a prominent force in my life at that time. When I took my car up to Firestone on Thursday to have the problem “re-assessed,” it was only natural that a tiny, little, insignificant death threat would enter the scene, given the poo-shooting and all back on the home front. And I would have avoided it altogether, if Nicholas hadn’t decided that this time the problem might be in a different cylinder and, therefore, was not covered under the warranty of the previous coil that was replaced.
“So, let me get this straight, Nicky,” I said, very politely. “What you are telling me is that you replaced the WRONG coil the first time, isn’t it?”
(silence)
“Well, Nicholas, I did not pay $1,000 for you to go exploring in my car. I paid $1,000 to have my check engine light turned off. Now, if you guys tried fixing the WRONG problem, that’s not really my deal, is it? Now, why don’t you re-figure that estimate of service for me before someone gets their feelings REALLY hurt, mmmm-kay????”
See? Technically it wasn’t even a death threat because I really only threatened to hurt his feelings. Totally not grounds for legal action, if you ask me.
So, Nick went back to his nifty little computer and guess what! My cost this time was $0.00! Thanks, Nick! They replaced the coil for the second time. My check engine light went off. I smiled and thanked Nick profusely, and headed home. I continued to drive my car for 75 miles so that I could go have that stupid testing done. Finally, I was ready to take my car in for the test. Big day!
Mileage – good.
Check engine light – good.
Attitude – very good.
All systems go.
I get into my car to drive it up to the emissions testing site and SON OF A SNITCH! THAT DAMN CHECK ENGINE LIGHT WAS ON AGAIN!
Now, I was sure of it. My car was mocking me. Toying with my emotions and my checking account. I heard it snickering when I started the engine. I heard it start to belly laugh when I put it in reverse. And by the time I pulled into the Firestone parking lot for the 1,793 time that week, my engine was laughing so hard at me that it was leaking oil.
Incontinent bastard.
On the bright side, every mechanic in that Firestone knew my name by now and by the time I walked through the door and into the lobby, about five guys were standing there to meet me. And I didn’t even have to fill out the paperwork. Or threaten anyone’s life or feelings.
This time, they ordered a coil straight from the factory to see if it was a compatibility issue. The coil was replaced. Check engine light turned off. And this time I decided to screw that 75 mile rule and I drove straight to the emissions testing center before my vindictive car had a chance to notice that his light had been turned off.
I dropped my car with the testing center mechanic and sat down with a good book to wait. 15 minutes later, they called my name and I sashayed myself on up to the counter, fully prepared to bat my eyelashes or what have you until my car passed its test.
“Have you recently had work done on your car?” they asked me.
“Nooooo….” I lied, furiously batting my lashes until I had tears running down my face.
“Well, your car failed the test because it hasn’t been through a full driving cycle since your last car repair.”
(Translation: You can’t lie to us. We’re smarter than you. And your little car, too.)
So, I huffed and puffed once again, took my keys, and headed out to my Satanic car. I was just pulling out of the testing center into traffic when it happened.
My check engine light came on again.
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE BREAK THE LAW, CONNECTICUT! YOU PUSH AND YOU PUSH AND YOU PUSH AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, PEOPLE ARE DRIVING AROUND WITH UNREGISTERED CARS, STEALING MAXI PADS FROM DRUG STORES AND SELLING AVON TO CHILDREN!!!
I intend to write my State Congressman about this matter. And I may very well have to threaten his feelings. But he really has left me no choice, has he?
38 Comments
Candice
Ugh, I feel you pain! Cars are such a nuisance. Can we start teleporting now? LOL
Chris
Teleporting! Thats what I’ve been saying! Why the hell hasn’t anyone figured that out yet? That would make my morning commute awesome! 🙂
amanda
I have had the same problem this month except not a coil but the fuel pump. I have had it replace four times and one of the times they were replacing it they somehow managed to mess with the gas gauge so of course I ran out of gas. Oh how much fun.
Kimberly Loomis
Oh My Gosh. Oh my stinking Gosh!!!! I cannot believe that! What totally absolute crapola. What kind of freaking car do you have?
Whatever it is I want to drop it from a bridge for you!
Jen
I’m sorry Katie- girlfriend you’ve had quite the week! I hope everyone (including that crappy car of yours) has a smooth week!
Thanks for sharing!
Courtney
This happened to me a few years ago! It is so frustrating. Thank goodness California doesn’t make you drive 75 miles after the repair, or else I would have been telling a few white lies.
The Lumberjack's Wife
Oh, darn! Now that is annoying. 🙁
Kristin
Have you been able to register your car yet? We have that same stupid thing in the lovely state of GA. Luckily, Ryan’s check engine light came on a month AFTER we renewed this year. I’m hoping we’ll be rid of the POS before it’s renewing time again. 🙂 I hope things are getting back to normal for all of you!
Kara
Ouch! What a tough week! I am so sorry, Katie!
Nate's Mom
I sincerely believe that the payoff of your car is the culprit. We had the same thing right after we paid off Chad’s truck. It’s a conspiracy by all cars in the world. And it’s NOT FUNNY.
Well. You were at full capacity with the car, the emissions people, your sickness, and the Bean’s sickness. And you rocked it, lady! Way to go!!! And hey – you got a good story out of it! Hopefully you won’t have to go back but, if you do, get the scoop on Nick’s proposal – has he done it yet?
Shannon
Wow, you have the worst luck! Arkansas doesn’t have anything like that any more. We had something similar a few years back but thankfully that’s all over with! Good luck with the light!
Hilary
Okay, I had a sympathy panic attack reading your post. I HATE mechanics (no offense to those out there who are mechanics, married to mechanics, or gave birth to them) because I feel like everyone has had one of those experiences you mentioned. I think they take a special course during training called, “Making sure the customer is suicidal/homicidal before you “find” the problem.” I also believe that the “Check engine light” is total BS. It’s NEVER a simple “Oh, you need new fluid.” It’s all “Hey, let’s get in there and see what’s up. Oh and by the way, why don’t you just hand over your kid’s college savings right now because this is going to COST you!” Then two weeks later and several near (or total) nervous breakdowns, the light mysteriously goes off on its own without an explanation. Yes, I have been in your shoes many times. I hope the situation resolves itself and you can move on (BTW – Massachusetts has the same stupid law).
Lyndsey
Ugh!! I have been battling my check engine light for about 2 years. It comes on. I pay $500 in repairs, it comes on again, and the fix-it folks say its a different problem. WHAT THE HELL. Thank God Ohio doesn’t monitor these things. My best suggestion: Move.
Amanda
I’m so sorry about your car! That light evidently wants to be on, and also, evidently, it can drive fine with it on!!!!!!!! Stupid law!!!! Just another way for the government to rob us. I hope it all work out for you!
MrsEAM
If it makes you feel better, my first car really did try to kill me. It KNEW I was planning to trade it in and get a new car in a matter of weeks, so what happened? My brakes went out on the interstate in the middle of rush hour traffic. Nothing like grabbing the emergency brake and coasting onto the shoulder and praying for your life. The worst part? My dad decided since it was a manual transmission, I could just drive it home. Yeah, I got a new car that weekend.
Just move to Florida – we don’t have emissions laws. Thanks to the sea breeze, our emissions just float over to Mexico and Texas (muahahahahahahaha!). 🙂
Deb
OMG, I’m frustrated for you Katie! Things like that just shouldn’t happen!
Jennifer
Move to Alabama! We don’t have emissions tests and just about anything is street legal. Just ask the guy who got a DUI on his riding lawn mower! 🙂
Seriously, I know that must be frustrating. I thnk I would find the stupid light bulb behind the dash and rip it out.
Mrs Jen B
Argh! We were having similar troubles with a car that was about to be paid off next month and was facing inspection. Check engine light came on AGAIN, something kept misfiring in the electrical system and the air bag light kept coming on (we had dozens of new fuses in the car and would have to pull over and replace them all the time), all kinds of nonsense. And between work and visiting a sick in-law and then driving home the car was being driven around 4 hours a day – I know Chris can relate!
What did we do? We caved and bought a new car last week. a mountain of new debt – just what we needed!
Jenn
Maybe your check engine light is broken???
Maureen
My check engine light was also on when I went for my emissions test. The problem was REALLY minor. My gas cap was loose and I had to replace it, so I thought I’d save money by doing it myself. But the (not very) nice people at Jiffy Lube failed to mention that my car would keep failing even if the problem was fixed because the check engine light hadn’t been turned off. The guy at Auto Zone told me that. They gave me a free assessment and let me push a button to turn the light off. Simple as that. I now love Auto Zone and hate Jiffy Lube.
Emily
I think the car inspection thing is such BS. We don’t have to do that in Kentucky, thank God. Sorry you have had a really really shitty week or so. You deserve to vent.
Haley
I’ve never once had a car pass the emissions or safety test so I could renew my registration. In fact, my registration expired December 31st and I’m driving around illegally because I have to get the d@mned windshield replaced (estimate $150.00), then have the tests done ($30) and then register the car ($165.00). I think I’ll just gamble with a ticket, it can’t cost more than all the rest of this crap.
PS: Sorry that your car has betrayed you. Like I’ve told my husband, we need to just start using horses again for transportation.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
The car I had in CT was a piece of crap–and it passed the emissions test somehow. CT can be so stupid. And that “can’t buy booze from a store past 9pm and on Sundays” BS? How can you drown your sorrows regarding shitty mechanics if you can’t buy Yuengling from Stop and Shop after 9?!
Adrienne S.
I too understand your pain! We just paid $2300 on transmission work, then went to register it($81), then we were told we owe $14 to some “unit” of the DMV(CA), but we couldn’t pay over the phone or in person so we had to cut a check and wait 3 weeks, then call DMV back (on hold for 45 minutes!)All good, then all we need now is to smog it…well guess what? No pass! So this morning we had to pay DMV $50 for a 60 day extension!CROOKS!Still hasn’t passed:(
Alex
Ugh!! I’m frustrated in your behalf. Maybe… Nick the friendly Firestone man will happily help you cut the wire to the “check engine” light so you can get on with your life!
Melissa N.
Texas does the same thing with the inspection stickers. I remember my light came on once when I went to get it done and it was all because of a head light, so they wouldn’t do it! We’re here in FL, and our car is still registered in TX, so we have to make a trip back home just to get the inspection/registration done. I like how FL only does registration, it’d be so much easier.
I can’t believe it cost you a grand to get the coil and your spark plugs done! Wow, that’s insane. My husband ususally changes our, but our new car forces us to take it in to the dealership to get things done now. Stupid newer cars.
Jenn
that’s so funny that you would mention this today. my registration is officially suspended as of today because we have the same test in maryland and i can’t seem to pass it either due to my check engine light refusing to stay off (sweet run on sentence, i know)! i put $1000 of work into my car only to have the light come back on just i was pulling into the emissions station.
however, i don’t know if this is true in connecticut, but in md, apparently i can just keep going back and failing over and over again. not only will they not suspend my registration, but they also won’t take my car away either.
so, i ask, WHAT’S THE FREAKIN POINT?????
mindy@thesuburbanlife
Didn’t you know that a car payment is like a type of insurance? The minute you pay off a car worth approximatley $2500 you will amass car repair bills totalling somewhere near $5600. I’m pretty sure it’s in the Ten Commandments.
Good luck. Here’s hoping the po-po don’t pull you and your unregistered car over and throw you both in the pokey. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
Kelly H.
It’s funny…I paid my car off and 2 months later, it got totaled!!! Anywho, I hope that your week starts getting a little better!
Rebekah
I am laughing so hard right now which is hard considering i’m at work and tryinig not to let people know what I’m doing. I’m sorry about the hassle, but it made for a great story!
Christina
Sucky. You can tell a great story, though. This makes me a little nervous that we are paying our car off next month…
Lisa
Aw man that stinks! 🙁 Better luck next time.. I would say third time’s a charm but you’ve gone waaayy over that by now.
Jeska
My car randomly died. Seriously died. It wouldn’t start. It was in the negative teens, so I thought maybe it was just frozen over since I didn’t have anywhere to plug it in. (We plug in our cars here in South Dakota to keep them warm, and to prevent cracking the engine block). So my husband and I worked our work schedules around each other until it warmed up last week (40s and 50s!). It still wouldn’t start. I called several men who knew a thing or two about cars (none of them being my husband) and they all had several ideas. No, it wasn’t the battery. No, there was nothing frozen in my radiator. Yes, my oil was fine. Yes, I had gas in the car lol. My father-in-law replaced my distributor cap (it was really bad), put the spark plugs back in, and my car reacted differently! It was actually trying to turn over now! Still no go though. So Geico ended up towing it to Dodge for me, and the problem was that my father-in-law accidentally got two wires switched around. $75 lost to Dodge, and two weeks of annoying my boss to work with my new schedule, but oh well. Better than something bigger being wrong! I’m sorry you had so many issues with your car! I know how frustrating it all is!
Just so you know… my car is a 1992. If you take care of it, your car will last a really long time and no more payments! In the last 5 years I’ve spent less that $500 (aside from insurance) on it and that includes new tires!
Heather
I too hate emissions tests. We have them here in Chicagoland too, but I don’t think we have the stupid 75-miles-post-repair rule.
I wonder if you could have a mechanic unscrew the light bulb to your check engine light- or if it would show on their readout thingy and you would get in trouble. We have had a check engine light actually burn out on a car before because it was on for almost a decade.
I recently had an issue where my car was randomly dying when I would hit a bump, no matter how fast I was going (and I was an hour away from home). 75mph on the expressway… yup. Middle of an intersection? Yup, there too. I brought it to a nearby dealer, because I thought it was still under warranty, because it wasn’t 3 yrs old yet, but it turned out to be over 36,000 miles, so it wasn’t. (Stupid Saturn- there’s a reason they’re no longer in business). Anyway, they read the code on the check-engine light, replaced the part it told them to, took my $300, and off I went. My car died once as I pulled out of their parking lot onto a busy highway, and again 2 blocks away.
I was back in their office 5 minutes later, and demanded a full refund (since they had promised this would fix the problem and it did not). At first they were a bit hesitant, but when I spoke to a manager and insisted I would report them to the Better Business Bureau if I didn’t get a full refund, they gave in (the BBB threat always does wonders). So I limped my car 20 miles back to MY mechanic (a ma-and-pa type shop, where I would trust them with my life- if you don’t have a mechanic shop like this- GET ONE and stay away from dealers and firestones and the like, ask your friends & daycare teachers for recommendations).
“My” mechanic discovered water in the trunk, and went to the trouble to lock a guy in the trunk with a flash light while another guy dumped buckets of water all over it, to discover how the water was getting in. (And he even put my trunk carpet & padding out in the sun to dry all day so it wouldn’t get smelly or moldy). Turns out it was a poorly designed air vent in the trunk that had let water in during a recent rainstorm, and the water was shorting out the battery, which lies in the trunk. He blocked off the vent so it would never happen again, and replaced the fried wire in the trunk, and that was that. Yes, he charged me $500, but he gave me a break on the labor cost because they had spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong (and in return I will sometimes bring in a plate of turtle brownies as a thank-you when he really goes above and beyond).
Oh, and my mechanic can make me laugh when my car makes me want to cry. One day I walked to the back of a huge parking lot and found my horn was blaring- and would not turn off (my cute leaky convertible top had let water fry the horn contacts on the steering wheel). I call him panicking because I had an important appointment in an hour, and he says “well, heather, it sounds like you’ve got a horny car there.” At which point he re-opened his shop for me (he was just closing up) and I drove across town with my horn blaring and he disconnected it, and I still made it to my appointment on time. And then he built me a new horn on my dashboard for $100 the next day so the same thing wouldn’t happen again.
Moral of the story- get a good & knowledgeable mechanic who doesn’t work for a big company & isn’t driven by profit margins but instead by word-of-mouth.
Ryan
I feel your pain… MD wants me to replace my rack and pinion (450 parts + 450 labor + 75 alignment) because… 1 drop of power stearing fluid is visible from the gasket at all times.
The part easily has 10K+ miles on it, and would never suddenly get worse.
One year later… car is still registered to VA and still runs…
Amanda
Hmmm. You may have a hose with a leak…look at all those little black hoses under your hood, especially where they bend or kink, and see if you can’t find a hole. That’s what was wrong with my car when the check engine light came on. I replaced the hose in question (2 bucks at autozone and all you need is a screwdriver to undo the clamp on the end and a pair of scissors to cut it to length, takes 5 minutes), and the check engine light went off.
Katie
Wow. You just impressed me BIG TIME.
alison
Poor Katie! Did you ever get your problem solved? My husband used to work on cars for a living with his Dad. They were honest guys, not like the crooks nowadays.. especially dealers.
I just recently had a run in with my car this week and it not starting. I thank my lucky stars my husband can fix almost anything 😀