Marital Spat

I have a cold.  I think we’ve established that.  In fact, if you closed your eyes and listened really carefully, you might be able to hear me coughing all the way down here in Florida.

When I am sick, I want to be left alone.  Just leave me alone to die a slow, annoying, sniffling death.  But Chris cannot let this be.  He simply cannot allow me to suffer through a cold without standing over me the entire time telling me how I am getting sick wrong.

That’s right.  He judges how I approach a sickness.

During some colds, he stands over me insisting that I am not eating/drinking/sleeping enough.  During other colds he stands over me insisting that I’m not getting better because I’m laying in bed instead of on the couch.  And during others, he assures me that if I were really serious about getting better I would be taking my medications more regularly.

He’s always got a critique.  And I know what you are thinking, “Geez, Katie, he’s only trying to take care of you.”

No.

No, you are wrong.

He’s not trying to take care of me.  He’s trying to do it better than me.  Be a better sick person than me.  What a sicko.

So, this time, I’m sick and pregnant and there’s really not much I can do about it besides suffer through it.  At first I thought, “Ha!  Let’s see Chris try and find something his PREGNANT, SICK wife is doing wrong now!”  Muwahahahaha!!!

(that’s my evil laugh)

You’re gonna die when I tell you what he has started picking at now.

Apparently, I don’t know how to spit.  Yep.  Spitting.  It has come down to spitting.

The other day I was hacking up a lung and Chris says to me, “You gotta spit that crap out!”

“I know that, dear, but there’s nothing to spit – hence the hacking.  I can’t get anything to break up in my chest yet.”

“Well, you’re doing it wrong.  You gotta spit that stuff out!” he insisted.

“That’s what I’m telling you.  There’s nothing to spit out!”

“How could you cough like that and have nothing to spit out?”

“I DON’T KNOW!  THERE’S JUST NOTHING TO SPIT OUT!” I yelled.

(silence)

“Well, you’re doing it wrong,” he said.

Now, every time I cough, Chris yells out from whatever corner of the house he is in, “SPIT THAT OUT!”  Like I’m a four-year-old.  And, trust me, if there’s anything more annoying that being sick and pregnant, it’s being sick and pregnant and having your husband try to make you spit.

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26 Thoughts to “Marital Spat”

  1. Hahaha, hilarious! My husband is a know it all in ALL aspect of life so I somewhat feel your pain. But when HE is sick….the world stands still. *rolls eyes*

  2. That is too funny. My husband does the same thing. And he also makes fun of me for getting sick so often. But I’m a teacher. That’s kind of an occupational hazzard.

  3. This is hilarious!!! I must say that I think it’s a role reversal in my house. I’m pretty sure I’m the one who judges my hub because he is ALWAYS sick! More than our baby. That’s my admission: I judge the weak.

  4. Melissa

    Chris could not be around me when I’m sick! I am incapable of coughing “stuff” up, and I think I might go batty if he was constantly telling me to spit it out!

  5. Oh that’s funny! But seriously Katie, spit it out!

    Just Kidding!

  6. Lee Ann

    Sounds exactly like the conversation at our house when I’m congested! Hope you’re feeling better soon … but a word of warning: When my partner first started teaching, she seemed to catch everything those children had. Maybe you should wear a haz-mat helmet at school? 🙂

  7. This sounds just like my husband. He is an engineer and therefore, knows everything. The problem is, he is usually right.

  8. Nancy

    Most males have a need to “fix” things . Women are happy to get to hash out the details and talk about a problem. Maybe it makes them feel helpless to not have an answer to the problem?

  9. Jen C

    oh geez my hubby does the same thing. Last time I finally spit it all out in his sink and left it (gross i know, but it got the message across). He then moved on to the bed or couch debate. Do all men think they know the answers to everything? wow that gets annoying

  10. I’m so sad to admit that I am the criticial one of my husband when he is sick. I hound him ” are you are reaaaaally THAT sick? Do you NEED a nap? Just snap out of it!” Poor guy. Of course, he’s a HORRIBLE sick person so maybe it’s even…a little. 🙂

  11. Funny, I think your husband and mine share the same evil DNA. I’m always wrong in my sickness as well. Apparently I also don’t sleep correctly and the way I eat dinner is wrong too.

  12. Julie

    Oh Katie, I thought my husband was the only one that did this. Now, I am pretty much a tomboy so I know how to spit, and burp, etc. But when it comes to being sick…and also pregnant at 39 weeks, he is trying to tell me what to do all the time. Is that good for you? Is that good for the baby? Are you sure you do not have more than a cold? You need to kick this before labor…no duh! I wish you the best of luck. I was very sick with morning sickness and a cold doing our state testing season in the Spring. My advice to get through work is lots of tea, suck on some peppermint in school (it helps with the stuffed nose), and sleep during your lunch or plan!

  13. Gross. Annoying and gross. I think the underlying motive is he wants you better faster so that you’re functioning again. But I may be projecting my own husband onto yours.

  14. Oh my that is too funny! (Although I’m sure it’s crazy annoying in person!)

    Hope you feel better soon!

  15. Tressa

    LOL…maybe…maybe it’s not funny!
    I’m sorry your sick. I’m sorry your husband is now pecking you to death! 😉

  16. HILARIOUS!!! SPIT KATIE, SPIT!!! Whenever I’m in the middle of an asthma coughing fit my hubby says, “Breathe!!” Um, that’s what I’m trying to do!!!

  17. Guys spit and hauck and hack. It’s like it’s in the male genes. Ladies don’t do this. But if your spitting will make him happy (and keep him quiet) then maybe you should oblige (to keep your sanity.) BUT DRAW THE LINE AT SNOT ROCKETS!

  18. This is too funny! But also a little convicting since I feel like I might do the exact same thing to my husband when he’s sick… hmmm… 🙂

  19. Jennifer

    Being sick and pregnant sucks, been there done that. When and if you ever do get to spit it out defantitly find Chris and make a big show of it. I’m not saying you have to spit on him but….. 🙂 Get better soon!!!

  20. Lisa

    Literally LOL! This totally reminds me of Mr. Mom… “You’re doing it wrong!”

  21. Hey, you seem to have caught the cold I had for two weeks (all the way from California!), and my husband DOES THE SAME THING. Every five minutes it was, “Cough it up! Spit that out!” Drove me nuts, LOL.

  22. Amy

    hahaha!
    Hope you are feeling better soon.

  23. Krystina

    Melanie A., my sister. She is a new mom and student and her husband is still in school and they have managed to hold it together when most couples would fall apart. Her pregnancy wasn’t planned and she has handled it with such grace and has so much love for her baby. She is a great mommy !

  24. As I find spitting disgusing, I cannot comment on this post.

    So instead I’ll say how I’ve slowly come to accept your new blog design. And though change is hard, I’m sure one day soon I’ll actually be a fan.

    I mean, it happened with Kate/Ziva on NCIS, so I’m sure it’ll happen here.

    (Yes, I sadly have TV examples for most of my philosophies.)

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is awesome. Aw Chris.

  26. The next time you are sick Katie…come to my house! I will leave you alone in the bed to suffer…because that is how I prefer to be sick. Left alone in the quiet to suffer until it’s gone. Farm Boy is pretty good about just letting me sleep but Q-Tip needs a lesson or two. 🙂

    I hope your feeling better and maybe one day Chris will learn that you really don’t give a dang what the “right” way to be sick…or to spit for that matter…is! Are you listening Chris??
    🙂
    Megan

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