Sleeping in the Big Boy Bed
For Christmas, Santa brought Bean his big boy race car bed. Christmas night was the first night he slept in it and he was so exhausted from the excitement of the day that he fell right asleep. Chris and I high-fived and congratulated ourselves on raising a well-adjusted and flexible child. Then we went out of town for a week to visit family. Then we came back home and realized that maybe the big boy bed wasn’t going to be such a smooth transition after all.
Our first night back home with Bean in his bed was a nightmare. It was exactly like all those Nanny 911 episodes you see where the kid keeps getting up and the parents have to keep putting them back to bed over and over and over again. At first, we would pick him up, cuddle him a little, and then reassure him as we put him back down. I think I just felt so bad because he’s so little to be going through this transition, but the more he fought it, the faster we realized that it needed to be a quick transition and not one full of cuddles. So after the first three or four times of him getting up, we started doing things differently. We wouldn’t pick him up at all. We’d take him by the hand and walk him back to his bed and then help him climb back in. Then we’d walk out, never having said a word. But I started to realize he was scared with the door shut. So, I started leaving the door open for him.
But none of that seemed to matter. He was up out of that bed before Chris or I could even get out of his bedroom. And he was screaming crying. And it had already been over an hour. It was just awful. I’ve never been that cold to him for that long of a period of time. I’m a pretty tough cookie when it comes to disciplining Bean. I’m a no-nonsense momma and I don’t feel bad about that. But this just broke my heart. I reminded myself though that the longer we dragged out the transition by being soft and cuddly, the harder it would be for Bean. So, we really stuck to our guns.
After an hour, Bean started to realize that when we came back in the room it was kind of entertaining and HE STARTED LAUGHING! He’d be crying hysterically but the minute we walked him back to his bed, he’d start laughing like he’d totally tricked us into interacting with him. Talk about infuriating! We were exhausted and our nerves were fried from the past hour and here was Bean laughing at us! So, we changed tactics again and got a little tougher. This time, I put a stool in his doorway and sat down facing him, but not looking at him. Then the minute he started to get up, I’d say very sternly, “Lay down, Bean.” And he’d put his head back down. That seemed to take some of the fun out of the game for him. And it also made him stay still long enough to realize how sleepy his body really was. After that, it was only about 10 minutes before he fell asleep.
The next night was a lot like the first. It didn’t last quite as long and we started the stool thing right away, but otherwise, it was just more of the same. I think it took about an hour to get him to sleep that night.
The next day I called my Mom who really emphasized the importance of a bedtime routine so that Bean’s body had a way of knowing it was time to start going to sleep. We have always had a pretty good nighttime routine with him, but one thing our routine lacked was a relaxing activity. We took a bath, got in jammies, brushed our teeth, and then we just laid Bean down in his crib and he’d put himself right to sleep. We’ve always been lucky that he is such a good self-soother. But with this new freedom in the big boy bed, there needed to be some activity that allowed Bean to rest and relax into sleep in a controlled environment since the crib railings were no longer there to keep him confined.
The next night, we started reading two books to him when he got in bed. Bean loves books and we read to him all the time, but at bedtime it just never worked out for us. Bean always got fidgety and so we never got into the habit of a bedtime book. But in the big boy bed, those two books are just enough time for Bean to unwind and relax in his bed without feeling like we’re just dropping him and running. It gives him time to get comfortable with us sitting right there with him.
When we finished the two books that night and as I was leaving, Bean pointed to a small board book and said, “Book! Book!” He wanted to read. I thought about it for a minute and realized that maybe that was actually a good idea. It was a calm, quiet activity and it would keep him in his bed for a little while. So, I gave him his book, turned out the lights (it WAS bedtime, afterall…) and cracked his door as I left. We heard him in there “reading” his book for about 10 minutes and then it was completely silent. Surely he wasn’t already asleep, we thought. But when we peaked in, sure enough, there he was snoozing with his book right next to him.
The night after that we did the same thing – two books in bed and then he got a small book to read on his own after lights out. And it worked like a charm again. So far, it’s been a week and we haven’t had a problem since. I think that book gives him just enough activity to keep him entertained, but it keeps him still so his little body can relax into sleep.
If you’re transitioning into a big bed and are having trouble, try the book thing if your child is a reader. Kids are like adults in a lot of ways and sometimes we all need a few steps to help us nod off to la-la-land. Who can just fall asleep on command anyway? Leaving a book with Bean seems to have really helped us solve our problem!
The problem we are still left dealing with though is nap time on the weekends. It’s tricky because it’s light outside and usually we have to interrupt something fun to take a nap and Bean is never happy about that. We found that putting a baby gate on Bean’s bedroom door helps immensely. That way he can’t just wander out of his room when he’s supposed to be sleeping (it also helps at night to keep him from wandering around the house after we’ve all gone to bed). The first day we tried the baby gate, Bean got really mad that he couldn’t come out of his room so he threw himself down on his bed and pitched a huge temper tantrum. But then he got tired, apparently, because when he finally got quiet, this is what we found in his room:
I guess he just got tired and fell asleep right there. It made us giggle and run for the camera. Because we’re good parents, you see…
The nap thing we’re still working on. But in the grand scheme of things, I’m much more concerned that he’s getting a good night’s sleep every day than getting a nap in on the two weekend days that he’s not in daycare. We’ll work the nap out, I’m sure. I’m just thankful we’re all getting to bed at a decent hour again.
Whose idea was it to give children free will? I’d like to speak with that person, please.
22 Comments
Alaina
aw, silly Bean…that position hardly looks comfortable 🙂
Catherine
When (my) Molly was much younger than Bean is now, around 5-6 months, she went on a nap strike, and it was miserable. I finally read Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Nap Solution (which is great), and the best thing I took from it is that it’s just as important to have a routine at nap time. So we started one: before each nap we read a book or two while she drinks some milk. That’s it. Insanely simple but it seems to signal to her that it’s okay to “switch off,” even though it’s light outside. I don’t know if that will help, but it helped up.
Also, blackout curtains work wonders!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
I’m so glad to see you remaining firm and getting a handle on this right away. You’ll be SO glad you did when you hear other parents complaining about the weeks and weeks and months and YEARS of bed time struggles.
We had to close the door to keep the cats out of the babies’ rooms so we used a “child proof” door knob guard on the INSIDE of the kids’ rooms so they couldn’t get out and wander.
Sara @ embrylovescookies
Yes, definitely go for the blackout curtains, they have worked wonders for both of my kids’ naptimes.
Also, isn’t it amazing how kids can fall asleep in any position? My daughter is often found sleeping sideways in her bed with her legs hanging off the edge.
El
I had the same nap problem with my son when he switched to a bed, and what really helped us was blackout curtains! It made it darker, so it helped him fall asleep easier.
molly
Bean looks so grown up in his big boy bed! It is a huge transition and one that sometimes takes a little getting used to for both the little one and the parents.
It’s funny you write about story time helping because that is EXACTLY what helped for us. Having a little down time. We turn off the light and just have a small lamp on in his bedroom. Then I have him pick out two (sometimes 3) books and after that it’s lights out! I think a routine is SO important for little kiddos.
mom of two
We are still having this problem at almost 3… she gets up throughout the night…we have no cure. But we use the book solution for naps. I put a mountain of books in her bed, and within 20 minutes she is napping. And I figure even if she doesn’t its good relaxing time for her, as close to a nap as we will get.
Leah
Have you asked the daycare what their nap time routine is? I know it’s a different environment but wonder if they are doing something you could duplicate at home on the weekends. I know when my hubby was on nights, blacking out the windows was a huge help in him sleeping during the day. They sell blackout curtains at Target and they’re reasonably priced. Sounds like you’re doing great. Super Nanny is oh so smart 😉
Abby @ They Lend Me Their Hearts
You can get black-out curtains at Target (and probably other places… I just got ours at Target a few days ago). They do an amazing job at darkening the room, and they come in different colors (my daughters’ are purple).
Mommy, Esq.
I have heard through many moms that kids are moved out of cribs too early – it impacts naps especially (we use darkening shades and white noise for all three of our kids). We just moved Penny into her bed at 2.4 when she and her twin brother were fighting so much at bedtime (across their cribs – yelling) that we decided to move our 7 month old in with her and give Ned his own room. She stays in her bed because we told her too and since she was in the crib for so long she thinks she has to stay in. We still nap her in a pack n play in our room so that Josephine gets her own room for naps. I intend to keep Ned in his crib until he is over 3 years old – he is more apt to get out of bed and play instead of sleeping (especially for naps). I’m glad it is working out for you but I would suggest to most moms to keep their kids in cribs – even if that means you have to buy another for the new baby (that is what we did – got the cheapest one we could for Josephine). Kids really do learn to manipulate so we are as consistent as possible for naps and bedtimes. Once I leave I don’t want to go back in unless there is an emergency – it gives us downtime as parents. The hardest part about having a new baby – realizing all that you have to do to train that kid! But that said, it was easier the second time around since I just stuck to my guns to do what would be best for her at the end of the day.
Kelly
My daughter turned 2 in October and I was so excited to buy her a big girl bed. She hates it, and she sleeps in her playpen because we use the crib for our newest. Mine would sleep in front of her door on the floor, never in the bed. And she’d stay up crying for hours. We assume she just wasn’t ready, but she still wants nothing to do with the bed.
Life of a Doctor's Wife
He is SO cute.
Sounds like a very trying time for all of you. Glad that you’ve found a system that works!
Nate's Mom @ Nate is Great!
Nate’s therapists shared with me that it takes one full week to establish a pattern. To undo something that has been in place for a long time, it might take two weeks. But you’re at the start so hopefully your good mama persistence can nip it in the bud! Those crash-out pictures are beyond words cute!!! At least he fell asleep in his dolls this time and not his food. 🙂
Amy @ Serve At Once
This is why I enjoy reading your blog, Katie: I feel like I’m getting an insider’s guide to parenting. And while I might now use it for a while, I like to think I’m keeping a running log of what you tell me in my head so I can magically whip it out later when I need it.
I’m so glad you’re reading to Bean before bed. I actually found one of my childhood favorite books this weekend, and I immediately remembered how much I loved hearing my mom read to me. Those are sweet memories you’re making–if not a smoother bedtime transition. 🙂
Laura
Sounds like an awesome solution! Your approach to parenting seems really logical. I like to think that if I had kids, I would be like that too!
HeatherN
Amazing how no matter how old we get, our mom’s still have so many answers. Case in point, I’m a nurse, but I still call my mom when I get sick.
My MIL made an ingenious invention when her boys were small. She made curtains out of dark fabric, and lined them with mylar (like they make balloons out of), so light wouldn’t get through. Then she took magnetic tape, and adhered it around the window, especially on both vertical sides. I know she sewed in magnets or metal pieces to the sides of the curtain somehow, but the point was that the curtains were light tight wit that magnetic seal. Her boys had no clue whether it was day or night, so they weren’t waking up at the crack of dawn, and they would nap as long as their little bodies needed.
Now, the only problem with this is that she never took the curtains down, so to this day my husband has to have REALLY dark curtains in a room or he can’t sleep, but that’s another story 🙂
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
I know this isn’t the point but I love Nanny 911! I’ve been meaning to catch up on some episodes to prepare for the baby. You guys are doing great though – the baby gate is a wicked good idea.
Tara
I totally remember my Mom doing the whole stool thing! I’d forgotten until you described it!
So glad you are working things out with Beanie 🙂
Claudia
The temper tamtrum is what oddly enough got me into a routine for naps in the middle of the day. My mom would make me take a nap and then I would cry and cry about it until I feel asleep. Eventually, my body started to adapt to the fact that there were naps in the middle of the day and it become much easier. I somehow remember this from my childhood and it worked like a charm (although I am sure my mom begs to differ with all the crying).
Heather
Thank you so much for sharing things like this! It’s wonderful to get some good ideas!
Lori @ I Can Grow People
Oh the laughing–Porter was doing that the other night, Night 5 without the pacifier. He would scream and cry and when I went in there he gave me this sly “Ha ha, Mommy!” kind of smile and started laughing. SO aggravating! But it is getting better with time. It is a transition for the whole family.
Renee
I love those pictures! Absolutely adorable.