Don’t Mind Me. I’m Just the Mom.
(These pictures have nothing to do with the blog post today. I just took them last night and thought they were cute. The end.)
So. You know how I feel about daycare. Bean’s been in it since he was four months old. We love it. We’ve had good luck with great daycares. Bean is in a wonderful daycare right now and barring this one incident which has really frosted my cookies, we will go on loving our daycare. But a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do…
A couple weeks before Christmas break, the managers of our daycare pulled me aside when I picked Bean up one day and we talked about whether or not to move him up to the next class. In Bean’s daycare, they split the toddlers into two rooms – one for younger toddlers and one for older toddlers. They typically move up from the younger room around 18 months old, which Bean turned in January. He had hit all the milestones that he had to hit before moving up. He was talking more than anyone in his class. In short, he was ready to move up.
His teacher (who we ALL love!) voiced concern that Bean was still sort of new to the daycare and had just in the past couple months become 100% acclimated to his teacher and his class routine. I agreed with her and told them that Chris and I had actually talked about this already and had decided that since we would be pulling him out of daycare for the summer in April, we wanted to minimize as much change in his little life as we could. So we all agreed that Bean should stay in the younger classroom until we leave for the summer and then when he comes back to school in the fall, he’d move up.
Fast forward three weeks to last Monday. It was our first day back at school since Christmas and I noticed when I dropped Bean at daycare that there was a new teacher in his classroom and his old teacher wasn’t there. But I figured that it was still around the holidays so maybe she was on vacation. The new teacher didn’t offer any explanation and so I just let it go and didn’t think too much about it.
Until the next day when the new teacher was still there, the old teacher was still gone, and now all of Bean’s classmates except two had moved up to the new class.
I was a little irked that so many kids had moved up. The managers made it sound like not that many were going and I was under the impression that Bean would be staying with the majority of his previous friends. Apparently not. But I still didn’t get too bothered. I would just talk to his teacher about it when she came back.
All that week she was gone. And no one offered any kind of explanation. Now, I realize that I probably should have asked what was going on, but I was still going on the theory that it was the first week back from vacation and that she might still be traveling.
But on Monday of this week when I dropped Bean off at school, the new teacher greeted us once again. Now I was beginning to get confused. What had happened to Bean’s favorite teacher? And then on my way out to my car, I happened to see Bean’s favorite teacher. There she was! She was here! Only she was IN THE NEXT CLASS UP!
Now I was really irritated.
First, if Bean’s teachers are going to change, shouldn’t I be told?
Second, if his teacher was going to be changed, why didn’t someone tell me when I said that was a main reason we were keeping him in that lower class?
Third, if the entire class is changing AND his teacher is changing, didn’t someone think that maybe that was a lot of change to go through, too, and so why not just move him up anyway?
Why didn’t anyone speak up about any of these things????
I’m not really upset about it and it’s not that big of a deal in the great scheme of things, but it’s annoying. I want the best for Bean. We PAY for the best for Bean. I at least deserve good communication – at the very least.
Today I was telling all of this to my mom. I told her that I wasn’t going to say anything to anyone about it, but that I was really irked by things and my mom said, “Sometimes you’ve got to mom up and do what’s best for your child, Kate.” And she was right. No, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but I want what’s best for my Bean Man and sometimes I’m going to have to speak out to do that.
So today when I picked Bean up from school I went into the managers office and very politely told them that since I hadn’t been informed that Bean’s teachers and ALL his classmates were changing, Chris and I had reconsidered where Bean was placed and we’d like him to be moved up with the rest of his classmates and his teacher. They were really, really nice about it. They completely understood and said they’d recheck their child to teacher ratios could handle the transition and they’d work on transitioning him over this week.
Lesson Learned: Something doesn’t have to royally piss you off before you take action as a parent.
Noted.
24 Comments
Lisa
That’s just a very strange situation. I wonder if his teacher even knew that she was being moved up to the next class? With all of your concerns that were voiced, logically someone there should have spoken up and let you know that the majority of his friends and his favourite teacher were being moved up. Oh well, glad it worked out in the end despite a small hiccup. That being said, did you notice any change in Bean and the way he handled the changes in his class?
Nate's Mom @ Nate Is Great
That’s just wrong that they didn’t communicate the change in teacher with you–and didn’t articulate the primary reason (aside from Bean’s aptitude) for wanting to move Bean Man up to the next class. Nate just had a change in teachers at school, too. We got a memo in his mailbox noting the change, and we received it a few days before it happened. Thankfully, it was a change to a teacher that both Nate and I already knew. But with Nate’s recent diagnosis with autism, I didn’t want any more changes than needed in his life. It’s all worked out well, though – but if I hadn’t received any sort of notice, trust me, my bossy mama pants would have come out. But then again, it’s hard to use those pants when a daycare has control of your son all day long. I’d hate for anyone to even remotely take out any frustration with me on my sweet, sweet boy! Good mama management, lady! Keep that energy up with all of Gracie’s groceries, k? 🙂
Staci
Sounds like someone wasn’t wearing their common sense hat, sheesh! I’m glad you spoke up and hopefully, there is no issue with him being moved. I’ve loved my son’s daycare as well and have so appreciated the open dialog we’ve been able to have as Connor’s progressed in the ranks, so to speak.
Erin
Katie- I know how you feel. I have a hard time sometimes sticking up for myself as a mom. I am totally non-confrontational, but as a mom of a 7 month old, I am learning that sometimes I have to buck up, be the mom, and stand up for my decisions for what’s best for my boy. Good for you!
Lissa
I’m so shocked that after your reasoning for keeping bean in his old room, that they moved his teacher and all his friends without saying anything to you! At our day care they move secondary/assistant teachers around, but the main teacher always stays in their same room -I don’t mind that much as long as the main teacher is there. Thank goodness you said something and are getting him moved up too! I feel like as long as my boys stay with their core group of friends (of the same age), then I am happy.
Lindsay (YoungMarriedMom)
I love the phrase, “mom up” and all that it implies. Your mom is awesome!
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
Ok I really thought that this would end in the daycare moving Bean up without saying something to you. In either case, when you brought up the issue of Bean needing consistency as the main reason for not moving him up, they should have immediately told you that the new class would have more consistency than the current! So glad you spoke up! We’re putting our little one (once she’s born…if that will EVER HAPPEN!) into daycare at 3 months and I’m already getting nervous.
Jennifer
Learning when to speak up for your child- is one of the most challenging concepts for me as a parent. He’s in 3rd grade and I am still trying to figure it out.
asmit4
I think this is the first in a long line of ‘stepping up’ that you’ll do for Bean. My cousin got a black eye at school due to a gym accident. She’s in 6th grade. The school iced it but by the end of they day it was black and blue and swollen shut. The school never called my aunt! My aunt and her husband were very upset and felt they had to say something. It seems sometimes people who care for kids don’t always make the best choice just as we don’t always make the best choice ourselves. I’m glad you were able to get Bean to move up with his class 🙂
Tressa
I love the “Mom up” quote!! I’ll remember it. Since my kids are grown, I don’t get to “Mom up” I “Friend up”. I think the time has come when my parenting stops, and I’m a friend now. If that makes any sense! I’m glad you stepped in for Bean. He deserves that.
KAT
We had a similar, but different situation, where our then 18 month old was moved up, got a new teacher, but then the teachers changed a month later. She loved her new teacher and made AMAZING strides with her. So I called, received a completely acceptable explanation and feel better having had the discussion with the managers. Her new teacher is now her old teacher, but still in the older toddler class with the other toddler curriculum. My advice (one rookie to another 🙂 don’t be afraid of the change. They transition and adapt so much better than we think, and seem to make such progress when they move up. At least that’s my experience. Definitely push to get Bean into that older class with his friends — you’ll start to notice huge differences between him and 13 month olds. Even if it wasn’t his favorite teacher that he’ll be following, I would suggest this due to what they learn from others their age. One little boy in my daughter’s “group” stayed in the younger group because he wasn’t ready but then regressed. His mom spoke with the managers and said that she wants him to stay with the children born in May/June. I definitely think that is key. Ok, sorry for the book! You are a great mom and the managers at my daycare say that they don’t mind discussions with parents, they care about our babies and our happiness, too!
Heather Ben
I have had for the most part the same experience that you have with daycare. My oldest has been exposed to much more that I could have don’t by myself. But I always feel it is so delicate to speak out at daycare. Don’t know why – it just is…
They should have told you. Do they have newsletters? They should start one. The two good daycares we have attended have had newsletters to keep parents up to date. Maybe you could suggest to avoid in future?
NotASheep
Why not handle it right away? In this instance, you allowed yourself to get worked up by dismissing it for a whole week based on your own assumptions about the teacher being on vacation. The teacher thing I can understand but once you saw that all of Bean’s old classmates were moved up you should have probably addressed it right away. I don’t think you ever had a reason to get royally pissed by this situation because you have to realize that since there are so many kids at the daycare and regardless of what was discussed before the Xmas break it is still on the parent to make sure what you want for your child is what happens. All the school knew was that you wanted Bean to stay back so they just jot that down and not necessarily your emotional or logical reasons why.
NotASheep
I only say this because it seemed as though the school was quick to comply and accomodate once you got around to telling them what it is you wanted for Bean.
Ashley @ According to Ashley
Very weird! I think that would have “frosted my cookies” too!
Amy
Gah, that’s frustrating. To not move Bean up to avoid change, and then have all that change happen anyway? I wonder if the teacher was moved after she had that conversation with you, and didn’t think about it again. I’m glad that you said something though, and were able to work it out for the best!
Meghan
It’s amazing how you change when you’re a Mom. I’m like you, raised to try to keep people happy and I hate conflict. But, man, if you do something that I don’t like that involves my child….a whole different side of me comes out. It’s that “mama instinct” kicking in……do something to me, OK, but do something to my child…watch out!
Maryellen
Katie, I am an elementary school teacher and the fall after my husband & I got married & we moved to Alabama. I didn’t have enough time to look for a job before the school year started, so I took a job at a corporate daycare. I lasted less than 2 weeks because I was so fed up with the way the owners/managers treated the teachers. There were tons of miscommunications between the school & parents all because the teachers were not permitted to speak about certain topics. I realize not all daycares are like that, but it was enough of an experience for me to know that I will NEVER send my child to that particular daycare.
I hope your next few months at daycare run smoothly!
Beanie's Nana
As a mother, nana and owner of a daycare for many years, I’ve been on both sides of this situation. But I can say that most good daycare providers welcome your feedback and want you to feel comfortable with the care your children receive. I think many parents are anxious about being critical of their daycare providers, fearing that their little ones may bear the brunt of it. I can honestly say I have never seen this happen. A daycare has to work around its teacher/child ratios but the providers want whats best for their children just as much. Approach issues consultatively with your provider. Be clear in communicating what is bothering you and ask for their help in resolving it. Hope this helps some of you that are new moms.
Renee
I love that phrase “mom up.” It’s great advice. It was poor communication on their part, but you handled it well, and I’m sure they appreciate your input. Hope it all works out well.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
Interesting. At Porter’s daycare he can’t move up to the Older Toddler room until he is potty trained, or at least on the road to potty training (interest and whatnot.)
But I would be irked in your situation too. Glad you got things straightened out! And I will now adopt the term “mom up”–thanks Katie’s Mom!
Samantha
You had a lot more patience than I would have had!! But well done mom! Well Done.
“frosted my cookies” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE IT!!!! Im gonna use that by the way! 🙂
DecafDebi
So, the reason to “mom up” was because Bean was having trouble with so much change? Or was he? In all of this, I don’t see any discussion of how Bean handled the week with the new teacher and mostly new classmates. I’ve had similar things happen at our daycare, with one of my boys being moved to the next room without any notice to me. I found out when I tried to pick him up in his old room and all of his things €” including him €” were missing. Only after walking up and down the hall did I discover that he was moved to an older room. But the communication issue was from morning teachers thinking the afternoon teachers had told me. No harm, no foul. My sons were both still safe, still loved and still enjoying school. If Bean didn’t have any problems with being moved, it seems that the issue was more your overly “momed up” concerns about dealing with change rather than his actual issues. Granted, I found this through BlogHer’s FB post and haven’t read your blog to know your/his history, but it’s the first question that came to mind. I often find that I worry about how my kids will deal with something only to discover that it was no big deal to them. Kids are resilient and deal with all kinds of change all the time just fine. How did Bean fair?
amber
I love my daycare too, but I’ve found if I have a concern, it’s best to voice it as early as possible. Way to go!