Incommunicado
I am terrible at communication.
(Which is odd. Because I am a blogger.)
Specifically any kind of communication which involves technology.
(Again, this is odd. Because I am a blogger.)
Emails sit in my inbox for weeks (okay, fine…months) without being answered. Voicemails sit on my phone for weeks (okay, fine…months) without being heard. Facebook messages and Tweets go unreturned. It’s not that I’m not reading them. I read them all, usually as soon as I get them. Then I think of my response, think of the person who sent the correspondence to me, maybe even tell people how excited I was to hear from so-and-so, but then I get up from my computer without responding.
Some of my lack of correspondence is because I get so much from you lovely readers. I adore it all. I really do. I even have a little box where I print and save some of the most special messages and comments you all send me. But I think I feel like if I respond to one, I’m going to have to respond to them all. And then I’d never have time for blogging. Or, like, grocery shopping. And then my family would starve. So, you can see the dilemma this causes me.
Mostly though, I think my lack of correspondence is because I choose to unplug. I’ll be straight with you – for a blog to grow and be successful (thereby helping me make some much needed moo-la during this unpaid maternity leave gig), it requires a lot of online time. Some of it is blogging, some of it is downloading and then uploading pictures, some of it is working with BlogHer on reviews, some of it is Tweeting and Facebooking so that I stay fresh on your pretty little minds. It’s exhausting, I tell you. And so at night when Chris is home and the kids are finally asleep, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting down in front of a computer.
So, I don’t. I read through my messages very quickly and then I move on to things like the Stanley Cup playoffs with Chris, puzzle time with Bean, or snuggling with Gracie. At that point, emails and Tweets and Facebook messages just don’t compare.
Normally, I put that guilt of not responding in the back of my brain in the file marked, “Things to Think About Tomorrow,” but my stupid iPhone just won’t let me forget. Every time I look at it, it’s buzzing with a message or a notification that there’s something else I haven’t responded to yet. And you know what?
I DON’T NEED THAT KIND OF PRESSURE, IPHONE! I REALLY DON’T!
Consequently, the treatment of my cell phones has always been pretty harsh. I might possibly be the worst cell phone owner you’ve ever met. Ask any of my friends or family. I almost never answer the stupid thing because I’ve lost it or left it somewhere. Just this morning I was at the new daycare the kids are going to attend in the fall filling out some paperwork and suddenly I hear my phone ringing very muffled-like in the far corner of the lobby. Which was strange because I thought I’d left my phone in the car. Turns out, Bean had brought it in and then left it on a chair in the lobby. Good thing it rang or I would have lost it.
Then, another time, my phone went missing for three days, only to be discovered sitting in the remote control basket on our coffee table RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR LIVING ROOM. I hadn’t heard it ringing because I’d left it on silent.
That’s another trick I have. I am ALWAYS leaving my phone on silent. It is the most annoying thing. I’ll turn the ringer off while I’m in church and not remember until Wednesday to turn the volume back up again.
But it’s not just being forgetful with the volume. I’m physically rough on cell phones. One time, I was out one night with Chris and friends and had been…well…there were many beers. And on my way to the car as we headed home, I declared that I would no longer be burdened with the responsibility of a cell phone and I threw my phone into the woods.
At night.
In Connecticut.
In February.
Since that was a phone provided by work, Chris and I had to go back during daylight the next day and dig out my phone from the snow. That phone had no sound for weeks. People could hear me talk, but I couldn’t hear them. Very annoying. And sort of defeated the whole purpose of a cell phone.
Another time in my pre-iPhone days, I had a Blackberry through my office and Molly ate it. Seriously. She ate the whole thing and I had to bring the pieces back to work in a Ziplock baggie. The next month, Molly ate my second phone from work. Then my work told me they wouldn’t give me any more cell phones and I was like, “Finally!”
And then, just this afternoon, as I was giving Bean an emergency 4:00pm bath due to a diaper explosion so violent that it is not fit for the internet (seriously, folks), I dropped my phone into Bean’s bathtub. Luckily, I grabbed it out of the water really quickly so there wasn’t much damage. Everything still works fine, except that it is now randomly defaulting to Air Plane mode, so, once again, no calls are getting through.
I’m sure there’s some kind of deep psychological meaning behind my resistance to communication and technology. I’m just not sure I want to know what it is.
In conclusion, if you’re waiting for me to return an email/Facebook message/Tweet, don’t hold your breathe. You have better luck getting me on my cell phone.
Actually, that’s not true.
22 Comments
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Hilarious! But I’m stuck on the diaper that you can’t even mention online. Even after two years, there are still violent diapers to look forward to? This won’t end with a first birthday? Eek.
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
Every single day I will return somebody’s call and they’ll say, “Did you listen to my voice mail?” and I will say, “No. I don’t listen to voice mails”. And then that same person will call me the next day, ask the same question and I will have the same answer. It drives me absolutely nuts. I have the same thing with emails from people at church. I keep telling them I don’t check my email and to Facebook me. Facebook me! Text me! I’ll get right back to you….leave me a voice mail or send me an email…I hope it’s not important. And, I too leave my phone in the car ALL THE TIME…I just don’t like the assumption that I should be able to be reached at all times of the day. I need my freedom!
Angela
I’m the exact same! Like, seriously…it’s too much effort.
Mandy
I never listen to voicemails, either. And I always have my phone on silent and in my bag that’s always in a room other than the one I’m in. It makes my husband just a wee bit annoyed.
Waiting for Bulgaria
I hate listening to voicemails. My mother-in-law will call me and leave a voicemail for no reason. I have caller i.d. I don’t mind answering tweets or facebook comments or texts, but sometimes I get caught up in this back and forth conversation that I don’t want to be in and don’t know how to end. Anyway, I understand. Completely.
Nate's Mom @ Nate is Great
Put your iPhone in a tub of rice. It will suck out the moisture. Bonus – you can’t answer your phone in a tub of rice! I miss the days where folks just caught you on the phone if you were home. No answering machines, no voice mail and certainly no cellular phones that follow you everywhere. I like my cell phone in case I have some car emergency but, otherwise, I’d like to chuck in the woods right where yours fell, too. I hate my cell phone. I do, however, like caller ID. That newfandangled phone feature is awesome.
Tara@MarriedWithChild
Ok I love your honesty here…Why? Because I am one of those people who have tweeted you and wondered hmmmm she is not responding she must not like me. But our playdates remedy this as well as now reading this! I will continue to tweet, instagram comment etc. and I will validate your non response with diaper explosions, high maintenance lovely Gracies and of course your break up with I Phone. Just remember when you start to get emotional and miss it just a little it was not you it was the IPhones fault! LOL
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
Hey, at least you’re up front about it. I don’t mind that so much as the people who are going to “get right back to you” and then never do.
Kay @ Bluespeckledpup
I am a true voicemail hater, so I don’t blame you for ignoring yours. Call display makes it obsolete, really, because it shows me that Grandma called, so then I know to call her back. Chances are very good that the message will tell me that she called, and I should call her back. Why not just skip that middle step of me punching buttons into my phone and hoping I don’t do it wrong. I have called several people in the middle of the night by mistake because I’m terrible at retrieving my voicemail.
Maybe I should invest in carrier pigeons.
Jen @ caved in
I’m not ashamed to say that my iPhone is always within reach but it is always on vibrate. I don’t always answer my phone, which drives my mama nuts, but if I’m not in the mood to talk, it gets ignored.
And the diaper/bath thing. We are on our THIRD bath today with Sully thanks to the glory of teething. Third. And I’ve only been home since 5. I feel your pain on this part.
Emily
This post made me laugh so hard (which was much needed). Thank you!
Jen @ sweetpinkruffles
It’s funny that we are all so similar. I hate answering my cell phone. My husband and I have a text only relationship when we are not together because he knows how bad I am about answering. I also don’t listen to voicemails… in fact I delete them without listening. Does anyone else do that? :-/
Ps. I will continue to instagram and tweet and facebook. 🙂 (@sweetpinkruffles or jennmsw on instagram). It’s nice to know you see the messages.
Kelly
Rice. As has already been said. Only I’d try a ziplock bag, but again, can’t be answered so that’d be a plus for you. Just leave it there for a few days to a week, a month. WHatever. However long you need. 😀 (Seriously though. Do the rice. UNCOOKED rice.)
Jenna
hahaha you sound just like me. I just HATE technology because it makes me communicate all day long…so I don’t. I’ve always wanted to record a voicemail response that just says, “Please do not leave a message. I will not get back with you in time to take care of whatever you need me for. Just try calling again later…maybe.”
Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure
I read this post thinking, “Well now wait a minute, I’ve gotten some responses from her??” Then as I read further I realized just how dang lucky I was to get a response. I feel super privileged now!
Speaking of diapers – how is Bean’s potty training coming?
Kat @ Living Like the Kings
It is SOOO time consuming to keep up with it all!!! Especially with my blog reader. I hate feeling like I’m not doing enough 🙁
Abby
I absolutely hate listening to voice mails and returning emails. I completely feel your pain!
I would also like to vouch for the rice solution to your phone woes. Hope it gets better!
Jen at Cabin Fever
I am the same way. I always want to reply to comments on my blog or tweets and such after I read them, but for some reason I always inexplicably get distracted and forget! Ack… it makes me feel bad, but its good to know I’m not the only one doing this 🙂 Cabin Fever in Vermont
Mayde
I can definitely relate! I work with computers and technology all day long, but when it comes to my cell phone, I’m terrible. I can never figure out how to work it, I’m always losing it with the volume turned down, and I never remember to check it for messages. It makes my husband furious, but it’s just a habit I can’t get into.
houston samsung repair
When it comes to the ever-expanding world of technology, I adapt, with the exception of Apple’s iPad and smartphones. They just don’t seem to agree with me. Some day…..some day….
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