20Aug
Last Thursday night, Chris and I left after work and drove to Atlanta to be there for the birth of my first nephew. We left our own kids in the very capable hands of my friend, Sarah, and her husband, Scott. Their adventures with our two kids are worthy of a blog post themselves, so I’ll have to work on that. But in a nutshell, they were well taken care of and happy in our own home, relaxing and playing after a really heavy week.
Chris and I got to Atlanta about 15 minutes after the birth, which meant that we got to go back with my mom and John Michael’s mom. Let me tell you how wonderful it was to hold my sister’s baby for the first time. I couldn’t believe how awesome it felt to hold him and know that Ginny and John Michael had made this sweet little baby. It made my heart swell.
And, apparently, I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. We all just walked around for two days just glowing with happiness, which, considering the circumstances of the previous week, was pretty miraculous.
My favorite part of the weekend was the Birth Day Party. When both of my babies were born, my parents threw them themed Birth Day Parties.
For their baby’s Birth Day party, Ginny and John Michael wanted a luau theme. And it was awesome! My mom got us all hats and leis and we even had a champagne toast to my dad. Such a happy way to bring a new baby into the world!
Ginny and John Michael named their baby, Tillman, after my dad. I love hearing people say his name right now. My dad’s friends always called him by his last name, Tillman. Even my mom would call him Tillman from time to time. So hearing that name used again really hit a sweet spot in my heart.
The weekend was just what we all needed. Some real, true, big happiness to remind us that life will go on, and that my dad’s legacy will continue through each of us. It was amazing to me how big my heart could stretch. Seeing Tillman didn’t lessen any of the sadness of my dad’s passing, but the sadness didn’t lessen any of the happiness from Tillman’s birth. Somehow, my heart just stretched to fit all those emotions in at one time.
It was a wonderful, majestic feeling, but it was really exhausting, too. I came home Saturday afternoon and pretty much slept all day on Sunday. And then today, I was up early to start my first day of school today.
No rest for the weary. Or the mourning, either, apparently.
I’ll blog soon about how I’m doing, but to be honest with you, I’m just too damn tired right now. I am beyond excited for my sister, I am as sad and heavy-hearted as I’ve ever been in my life, I’m ready to take on a new school year, and at the same time, all I want to do is take a nap. Sometimes it feels like I’m bipolar. I go from one extreme to the next. And for someone who really likes to live in middle ground, swinging between emotions like that is draining.
But when my mind gets going and I start to feel the weight of my dad’s loss sitting heavy on my chest, I think about the fact that my sweet, strong sister and mom are doing this while taking care of a newborn right now, and that pushes me to move ahead. Those girls are pretty inspirational.
1) September: I love baby Tillman's name. My son is named Davis after my maiden name; people are always making comments about how "people will want to call him Dave" but that just reminds me of my grandpa, who was in that generation where that was what they went by. If my Davis does end up being a Dave it will make it a special reminder of him. (08.20.2012 09:40pm)
2) beth: love all your pics but that last one. wow! awesome. all my love and continued prayers (08.20.2012 09:40pm)
3) Cheryl: Congrats, Auntie Katie. What an amazing flood of emotions, going between love and loss. Reminds us how truly profound life really is. I just adore the last picture (of the 3 of you Tillman girls with Tillman. So, so sweet! And how cool is the birthday party idea?? (08.20.2012 09:43pm)
4) Marla: Your sister looks amazing for having just given birth! I will continue to pray for your family as you go through this very emotional time. (08.20.2012 09:44pm)
5) Sandy: it should be illegal for someone to look that good after giving birth! congrats to the whole family!!! (08.20.2012 09:45pm)
6) Lissa: Congratulations to Ginny and your family! I love his sweet name in memory of your father. I also just love that last picture of you all! Best wishes for a calm start to the school year. (08.20.2012 09:48pm)
7) Lisa @ Floating Along...: Congrats again, Aunt Katie! Tillman is just the sweetest thing. I love that little boy! (08.20.2012 09:49pm)
8) Lindsay (Young Married Mom): I've been waiting and waiting for this post! Welcome, Tillman, and congratulations Ginny and JM! I love the idea of a Birth Day party. I'm imagining, though, how a recovery room roommate would feel about a luau in the hospital. Maybe that's a reason to get a single room? :) (08.20.2012 09:52pm)
9) Jessica: I just love this, makes me wish I had a sister! Congratulations to all of you! (08.20.2012 09:53pm)
10) Jen: Congratulations on the arrival of sweet Tillman! Ginny looks so beautiful, and I hope she is enjoying those sweet moments with her new baby and your mom. I love the birth day party idea, and I'm sure your Dad was smiling down on you all. (08.20.2012 10:01pm)
11) Jen @ Ginger Guide: Oh what a sweet little guy! Congrats on being an Aunt! You guys deserve some happiness and it came in a tiny little package. Hang in there! (08.20.2012 10:05pm)
12) Emily: What a gorgeous and moving last photo. Congratulations to all of you!! (08.20.2012 10:14pm)
13) carrie t: CONGRATS!!!!! So happy your dad will continue to live on though the shared name. So special. OKAY you two girls always look amazing even AFTER childbirth!! It's just not fair!! :) (08.20.2012 10:15pm)
14) Renee: First of all, that boy is adorable. And Ginny DOES NOT look like she just had a baby. What gives? Second, I LOVE his name, even without knowing the meaning behind it. But with the meaning is even better. So happy for your sister and your whole family, and still praying for you. And I love that last picture. Perfection. (08.20.2012 10:20pm)
15) Michelle | Letters from Boston: You have such a beautiful way with words. It's wonderful that your family has been able to smile and celebrate through the sadness. Welcome to the world, Tillman!! (08.20.2012 10:28pm)
16) Erin @ Blue-Eyed Bride: That last picture of the three of you with that precious baby boy just gets me. So many congratulations to you all. (08.20.2012 10:30pm)
17) Meg: Congratulations to Ginny and John Michael!! And of course, a special congrats to Tillman's new aunt! Will continue to pray for your family - that your heart will find ways to continue to stretch into its new continuum of emotions. Thinking of you! (08.20.2012 10:30pm)
18) Kate @ Love and Kate: Tillman is one lucky little boy to be born into such an amazingly strong, fun and loving family! LOVE and prayers and good wishes and happy thoughts for you all. xoxo (08.20.2012 10:32pm)
19) Donolyn: I love love love everything about this post but, that last photo is so SO beautiful. Instantaneous tears, so much love & appreciation for life in one little photo. (08.20.2012 11:00pm)
20) jennie: congrats! he is beautiful and i'm so glad for your family to have a bright spot in the midst of sadness (08.20.2012 11:06pm)
21) Mindee@ourfrontdoor: You are three gorgeous girls - even post partum Ginny. What's that line from Steel Magnolias? "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." Or something like that. (08.20.2012 11:08pm)
22) All My Monkeys: Love the name. What a way to honor your dad. And so funny how we fuss and ponder for months about names, and in the end, a lot of times it ends up something different. (08.20.2012 11:32pm)
23) Bronwen@Bronwenreads: Congratulations!! What a happy weekend. We had a see-saw week last week too - my nephew was born (unexpectedly quickly, in my sister's dining room) less than 24 hours after my uncle passed away. I know exactly what you mean about your heart expanding - I am amazed by how much i love that little person already (and I have 4 other nephews and a niece, so there is lots of love already!). I've been reading for quite a while, and I've commented here before about my experience with depression, so I hope you won't take it amiss if this imaginary friend can just remind you that if you feel that the swings are swinging too far, if you know what I mean, don't be afraid to seek out some support and touch base with those who helped you out with your depression - big life events are a risk factor for relapse, and there' s no need to feel awful before checking in with somebody. I sincerely and strongly hope that you continue to cope with these big events "normally" (what is normal, after all?), but I felt that it was important to say, keep an eye on things and be kind to yourself. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now - you are strong. (08.21.2012 12:38am)
24) Joke: You'll be an awesome aunt, Katie, and what a lovely name your nephew has :-) Stay strong! (08.21.2012 02:58am)
25) Jessica M.: Congratulations to Ginny! She looks beautiful and so happy! Best wishes for the first day back to school! (08.21.2012 06:47am)
26) Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity: I love everything about this. I think the birth day parties are the coolest and sweetest thing I've ever heard. How fun is that? And I really love Tillman's name. I think that's such a great way to honor your dad and your family. He is adorable..I am so glad that God has given you all some joy in this difficult time. (08.21.2012 06:55am)
27) Jamie @ The Cheese Stands Alone: Crying from all the happiness and crying from all the sadness. I feel like I am on this emotional roller coaster with you when I read your posts. And also, its incredibly unfair how fresh and beautiful Ginny looks in every single one of those pictures!! Keep your head up Kate! (08.21.2012 08:09am)
28) Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife: So very happy for you guys! Tillman looks absolutely precious.... and completely perfect! (08.21.2012 08:46am)
29) Nikki: Congrats to your family, Katie! I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster that you and your family are going through right now, but I know that you all will make it through this with your faith and love for one another. (08.21.2012 09:32am)
30) Alaina: First off, CONGRATS to your family! He is beautiful! And second, do not beat yourself up - you are grieving. It'll take time, and know that your Dad was watching over all of you and Ginny with the birth of his third grandchild. (08.21.2012 09:36am)
31) Hilary: Big hugs and congrats to Ginny and John Michael. Love the name, by the way and what a wonderful tribute to your dad. I will say, that as a middle school English teacher myself, being with those crazy kids has always been my saving grace whenever I've gone through tough times. I wish you the best and hope your school year is filled with love and laughter, as well as all of those great middle school moments that bring a smile to our faces and a smack to our foreheads! "HOW did you get your head stuck in the locker??" (true story). God bless. (08.21.2012 09:57am)
32) Amy: Congrats to Ginny and your sweet family!!! Praying for some strength and rest for you in the coming weeks, dear Katie. (08.21.2012 10:00am)
33) Rheannon Walls: BEAUTIFUL baby!!! And you and your sister need to share your secrets to looking so good after giving birth. (08.21.2012 11:38am)
34) Kristen: I LOVE these pictures! So happy for Ginny and for all of you! And love the birthday party themes! (08.21.2012 12:01pm)
35) Alex: Katie, I just came back from vacation. Opened your blog to read you and oh my God, read about the sad news about your dad. Then I went back to read what I missed these last ten days. I am so sorry for your loss and at the same time so happy to see you and your sister celebrating the birth of her little boy. A month ago I read this book: "Angel On Board - Guardian Angel 101 " by EJ Thornton. The book is a story about guardian angels and how the interact with us. There is one part that says that our love ones that pass away can choose to be the guardian angel of the next baby to be born, in this case, your sister's baby. So your dad could be closer to you guys than what you can imagine. I read the book and found it very comforting. Praying, being surrounded by your family and your little ones will help you to go through. Hugs from your imaginary friend. (08.21.2012 02:34pm)
36) Meredith J: Congrats Auntie!! and uncle and mommy and daddy and grandma and cousins and everyone! he look precious :) (08.21.2012 02:45pm)
37) PK: Congratulations! You have had such an emotional couple of weeks but what a joyful event! Enjoy the little guy (I know you will), all while remembering your dear father. (08.21.2012 08:55pm)
38) Rachel @ The Ongoing Planner: YAY! New baby :) I love the Birth Day party idea! He looks precious and I like the name Tillman, very unique without being unusual sounding. (08.22.2012 11:26pm)