Almost Back in Action
Well, friends, I’m just about back in action here at Marriage Confessions. I had a rough time this past week as we formally said goodbye to my dad with his family and friends at a wonderful memorial service that truly did celebrate his life. It was wonderful to see friends of our family that I hadn’t seen in ages and to hear them tell funny stories about my dad. And it was really nice to meet some of his golfing friends that I hadn’t ever met before, but had heard endless stories about. We planned for a small celebration of about 40-50 people, but at the last minute we bumped the count with the caterer up to 75. We ended up having well over 100-120 people there from all parts of my dad’s past and present. It was literally standing room only. It was really heart warming. I know my dad would have been so proud.
My sister and I both spoke at the memorial service. Ginny read a beautiful poem, and she was great. Strong, clear, and genuine in her voice. It choked me all up. I wrote a tribute to Dad on behalf of our whole family. I really thought I could speak. I had written it without shedding a tear, and had read it to a ton of family and friends countless times, all without crying. But there was something about being up in front of people that made it really hard. I did the best I could, but I’m not sure about half of it was understandable through my tears. Oh, well. My dad knew what I was saying.
I’m going to share this tonight, and then tomorrow I’m going to blog about something else. I will continue to mourn the loss of my dad and my family will continue to learn how to move forward carrying his spirit with us, but I’m finding it harder to move forward while I’m still thinking so much about the past. I’m sure I’ll share things with you periodically about my dad or about how my family and I are doing, but right now I need to let go of what has happened, and learn how to live in this new day. I’m ready for that. I think my family is ready for that because it’s what my dad would want.
A TRIBUTE TO MY DAD
August 25, 2012
There is nothing my dad would have loved more than a room full of friends, standing around talking about HIM. So, on behalf of my dadâs ever present ego, thank you for being here today. And on behalf of my mom, my sister, Ginny, our husbands, Chris and John Michael, thank you for being there for us not only today, but in the past two weeks. It has been a whirlwind of emotions as we find peace with the passing of our dad and at the same time celebrate the living legacy of a tiny new Tillman. My mom, sister and I have had conversations over the past two weeks about how difficult it has been to pray right now. We feel Godâs presence all around us, and we are comforted in his peace which passes all understanding, but the act of offering a prayer has been difficult for each of us. And we know that it is, therefore, YOUR prayers in which we are finding comfort in each day. And we are forever grateful to you for that.
You only had to meet Dad for two minutes before you knew that he was quite a presence. His laughter could fill a room and most fairways, and the twinkle in his eyes could warm any heart. He was a great, big man, standing taller and broader than most. When my dad walked in, people knew. My mom has said that people had no choice other than to be friends with Dad. If he liked you, you were his buddy â whether you wanted to be or not. He used to tell us about interesting people he met playing golf with threesomes of folks heâd never met before.
âDad,â I would ask. âIsnât that awkward to meet all those new people?â
âWhy would that be awkward?â he would ask.
âWell, I donât know. What if they donât like you?â
âWhat do you mean? How could they not like me?â
That was my dad. Never knew a stranger. It was a trait that my sister, Ginny, has inherited. Always at home, wherever she is. Itâs so very Dave of her.
I remember one time, a family friend asked my dad how he handled living in a house with all us women. Dad didnât miss a beat. âNever show any fear,â he said.
My mom, sister, and I are taking a page out of my dadâs book right now. As heartbroken as we are, as sad as we feel, as much as we miss him, we are not AFRAID. We are not afraid of life without my dad – because his great, big, warm personality is living on here through each of us and through each of you. We are not afraid of things we left unsaid or unfinished â because with my dad, nothing was ever left unsaid or unfinished. We are not afraid of what happens after death – because our family believes that Dad is resting in the arms of our Heavenly Father.
And whom then shall we fear?
The thing about loving such a powerful presence of a man is that even when he isnât there anymore, he still lingers. We see him in the faces of our family. We see him in his three grandchildren, Michael, Gracie and Tillman. We see him in the gentle and caring fathers that Chris and John Michael have become. Weâll see him in every fairway we play. And today we see him in each of you.
Iâve been told that it does get easier. That months and years from now, Iâll be able to think and speak about my dad without that incredible weight of finality and panic filling my chest. I hope that they are right. But even when that day comes, when the weight of his passing has lifted from my chest, I will still feel the presence of the man who loved his wife more than any other man Iâve ever known. Ginny and I will still know the feeling of being loved by a father whose world revolved around us.
Even when that day of peace and renewed spirit comes, my mom, sister, and I will walk forward in our lives carrying my dadâs spirit with us. And I hope you do the same. Because once you have been loved by David Tillman, you are always and forever loved by David Tillman.
44 Comments
Beth
that was beautiful Katie. xoxoxo
Sara
Such beautiful words, Katie. Praying for you and your family!
Erin R.
So beautiful Katie. Thank you for sharing with us.
Christy
So well written! I love the, “How could they not like me?” That statement was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Love it!
I’m glad you’re feeling ready to live in the moment.
Jess
What a touching tribute. Your dad seemed like such an amazing man, and I’m sure everyone who knew him really treasured the time they spent with him. I recognize a lot of similar traits in my Dad– makes me appreciate him very much. Life is certainly precious. Keep your head up!
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
Oh, Katie. This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Even though I did not know him, I am truly touched by your dad’s legacy and his love for his family and friends.
Courtney M
Such a lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing it. Thinking of you and your family
Jessica
What a beautiful tribute to your dad Katie! I feel like I know him from your words. Thinking of you!!
Sonya
Beautiful Katie!
Lindsey H.
This is just beautiful. You have had me in tears over every post about your dad. You and your family are still in our prayers (I hope you received the card we sent). And I loved the “How could they not like me?” line. What a great way to look at life and meeting new people! Well written!!!
Alaina
My heart goes out to you – what a beautiful tribute. I know your father would have been proud, and he truly sounds like an amazing man.
Melissa W.
Beautiful words… Well done Katie!! I will keep your family in my prayers!!
Katie McC
What a touching tribute. Every post I read about your dad touches my heart. I do not know you or him, but he was obviously a wonderful man who raised a wonderful family. He and my dad would have been great friends. And reading your posts make me call my dad more often.
Soo Jin
Thank you so much for sharing this, Katie. I don’t think anyone could have lived a richer life than one where he is so dearly and deeply loved by those who know him best. Blessings to you and your family!!
Diane
My grandma would have called your dad a lamplighter. The lamplighters were the boys and men who used to light the street lamps…and you always knew they had been there because of the lights they left behind. You, your mom, Ginny, Michael, Gracie, Tillman, John Micheal, Chris…and it sounds like ALOT of friends are all the lights lit by him. đ My dad was one too, and this is what my grandma told me when he passed many, many years ago. BUT now when I see a street lamp, especially a kind of old fashioned one…I smile and think of him and try to shine a little brighter.
Lissa
Was everybody crying? This is just beautiful…I’m sure your mom and sister were so blessed by your words. Such a great question: “Why wouldn’t they like me?” haha Had Ginny already decided on the name Tillman? What a fantastic legacy.
Jenna@CallHerHappy
“Because once you have been loved by David Tillman, you are always and forever loved by David Tillman.” I love that. So beautiful. Even though you will be moving onwards in blogging, I’ll keep praying for you. I’m sure the loss of a parent doesn’t fade quickly.
Emily
Gorgeous, Katie. Thank you sharing. I’m thinking of you and your family all the time and sending love.
Casey
Beautiful. “Never show any fear”. . . I will pass that along to my husband, he’s stuck with 3 daughters and myself, poor guy. Your Dad’s legacy is also living on through all your wonderful imaginary friends because you’ve shared so much of him with us!
Sandy
I will miss seeing your daddy’s sweet smiling face everyday on your home page…
Laura @ Casa del Hansen
Beautiful, Katie. Please know that even as you are moving on, you and your family will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. The journey doesn’t end here, I know, and I hope you continue to repeat to yourself how proud your dad must be of you as he watches all of you from up there in what some members of my family call “the greenest fairway you could ever imagine!”
Tiffany
That was beautiful. I know your family was very proud of the words you wrote.
Chloe
SO beautiful and touching Katie, what a wonderful man your dad sounds like. You are an inspiration, thank you.
Carla
Thank you so much for sharing this tribute to your father with us. Your words about him are beautiful and it is very apparent how much he loved all of his family and his friends. God bless you & my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.
Kelly
Perfect. That was touching and uplifting and perfect. I only teared up 4 times while reading it!
Lauren G
Katie – my heart continues to go out to you and your family. I am thinking about you! Thank you for continuing to include your imaginary friends in your life even during this difficult time. Hugs.
Staci
Beautifully written, Katie. Continued prayers for you as you get back into action. I haven’t lost a parent, but many others, and there are some that just stick with you like I know your Dad will with you. I still tear up every time I think of my grandfather. He’s been gone for four years now but he was such a blessing to me and my family (and everyone he met) that, although thoughts of him still make me sad, I’d rather have those thoughts on occasion vs. the memory of him fading away. Anyway, I’m not sure if those words will help but I’m praying for you and your family.
Vikki
Katie, I think you are awesome! I am sure there are many that read your blog who have not experienced losing someone so close to them as a parent; to understand how it REALLY feels and how your posts have chosen to celebrate and continue your father’s HUGE presence in not only your life, but also your husband and children’s memories. I am in awe of your composure you present in your post’s.
Lindsey
Amazing – my heart is just bursting with sympathy for you and your family. I loved what you wrote – I’m sure he is so proud of his family.
Monique
Such a beuatiful tribute, Katie! I hope that the routine of everyday life and the love of your family will help you move forward.
Jamie
oh man that was good. it’s 3:03am in Michigan and i woke up at 1:00am and used the potty and then my iPhone begged me to pick it up and two hours later I’m cozy in bed crying at how painful this is and yet at the same time so very beautiful. i was needing a good cry so thank you. your words always always always bless my heart!
Molly
Oh gosh, no wonder you cried, you never had a chance to get through reading something so beautiful out loud…
Heather
You can tell just from the photos you put on your blog that your dad had quite a presence. I was thinking Katie, just how perfect it was that you moved back to Florida. After all of the struggles you went through when you first moved back, I bet they all seem worth it now for the time you spent living closer to your dad.
Thinking of you xxx
Anne
beautiful. thank you for sharing and all the best for you and your family in the days, weeks and years to come. -anne
Kimmee
BEAUTIFUL!!!! I am crying and didn’t have the pleasure of knowing your DAD, so I am sure there was not a dry eye. May you find peace in your wonderful memories and in your FAITH.
Natty
What a blessed and beautiful tribute. May you be safe and protected, may you live in peace and kindness, and may you feel the inner tranquility that comes from having great love.
kat
Katie, that is SO beautiful. Funny, insightful, and oh so intimate. I can’t help but tear up at your words.
kirsten
What a beautiful tribute. Made me cry. And I’m here to tell you it does get easier. Although very slowly. I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago – not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. But not every day do I cry. hang in there Katie
Amy D
Really beautiful! Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you and your family.
Heather
Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL tribute. So beautifully written. I am a longtime reader, rare commenter, but my thoughts and prayers have been with you and your family ever since I first read of your dad’s passing. The shock of it served as a great motivator for me to shift my perspective a little and focus on appreciating what REALLY matters most in this life – our loved ones. You seem to be handling this with such grace and I pray that continues.
Robin
Thank you for sharing that. What an amazing tribute to your dad and your family.
Rebecca
Beautiful Katie, thank you for sharing.
DĂśrte
Dear Katie, I’ve been reading your blog forever and I hardly ever commented. In fact only once, when I wrote that I wouldn’t mind getting married to your Dad. I think this was, when he gave Ginny away… I even felt his presence over your blog and I sort of loved him- mostly because he is so like my Dad used to be- before he got so very old. Right now he’ s almost senile and I wish I could remember him like he used to be. I know, it’s impossible to see it like this right now- but be happy that you will always remember him as himself. In his strenght. I’m awfully sorry for your loss. Love, DĂśrte
Katy read
Katie, I am a long-time reader and a rare commenter, but I wanted to let you know that your posts have had a special meaning for me over the last couple of weeks, as my dad passed away on the 16th August. We also had his memorial service this week, on Wednesday. Unlike your dad his death was not unexpected – he has been ill with cancer for many years and we’ve been nursing him for a long time. I feel very lucky that my sister and I were able to be there at the very end, and nothing was left unsaid. But I’m glad for you that you also feel that way, and that it is clear your dad knew how much you loved him and vice versa. I know exactly what you mean when you speak about a weight of finality and panic in your chest; I have it too, all the time. Especially in the mornings. And grief really does come in waves. I have no doubt that we’ll both feel better in time, and you have to hang on to that thought. But I wanted to reach out because having people reach out to our family has been a huge comfort, and one that I didn’t expect to help as much as it does. I’m really so sorry for your loss, and sending lots of thoughts and best wishes to you and your whole family. Katy x