Pass Me My Mom Jeans

It’s official, y’all. At 6:00pm tonight, I became a soccer mom.


Bean is playing pre-K soccer through the YMCA league in our neighborhood. Chris and I are beyond excited. The entire reason we became parents was so we could sit on a sideline somewhere someday. Seriously. Kid sports crack me up, man. And watching your own kid play sports is even more hysterical.

I mean, look at Bean Man. Check out those shin guards. They hit him about mid-thigh. And those socks? Forgetaboutit.


Tonight was the first practice, so when we got there it was a bit chaotic. Chris and Bean braved the crowds of tot-sized soccer players to find our coach. And can I just say how much I enjoyed watching Chris walk across a soccer field with Bean? Yummy.


Once we found the right field, Coach got the kids to make a circle and warm up. Have you ever seen a three-year-old do jumping jacks? They understand the flapping their arms part, but they can’t quite get their feet to jump apart. So, all 10 of them stood in a circle, jumping up and down, flapping their arms. I died.

They also stretched by touching their toes. That was pretty cute, too. You know, cause their feet are not that far away.


The coach also had them run laps around their half of the soccer field. It was pretty cute. Bean kept running while looking behind him, like he thought his teammates were chasing him.

My favorite part of practice, though, was when they’d be standing in a little team huddle and all of a sudden Bean’s head would pop up, he’d look over to me and Chris, and give up this huge cheesy grin while flashing a thumbs up. That kid, man. Cracks me up.

Gracie, on the other hand, was not impressed with sideline sitting at her big brother’s soccer practice. She sat for a while, whined about the gnats, ate some blades of grass, cried for a snack, cried because she couldn’t go onto the field, and cried because I forgot to bring her a snack. About 15 minutes into practice, Gracie stormed off, shouting, “Soccer is for the commoners. I’m out.”


I, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier. I’ve been super excited about becoming a soccer mom. I put on my personal Facebook page this afternoon that I was ready for my stretchy mom jeans now that I was a soccer mom. My bestie out in LA sent me a message in response that was too good not to share:

Remember back in college when you were a bright-eyed bride to be and we gushed about the uncharted territory ahead; we made a deal that day. I forget the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, “Em, if I ever start talking about mom jeans and elastic waists, shake me; knock some sense back into me, slap me with a salmon. Throw a glass of [white] wine on me. Wave your hands back and forth in front of my face really fast and scream ‘IT’S NOT WORTH IT!!'” …so here I am, fulfilling my promise; my duties as a friend and a bridesmaid. Don’t do it, Katie. You’re too cute, too young still, so much life ahead of you. Don’t give up now. YOU GOT THIS!! (salmon slap)

We continued our discussion via text:

Me: Hang on, let me lace up my Keds and then you can pour white wine on me.

Em: Who has time for shoelaces when you have two little kiddoes??? Velcro goes great with mom jeans.

Me: Fo’ real. I don’t even have time for a cup of coffee these days. Good thing I have an enormous travel mug to carry with me. It’s monogrammed, by the way. I’m not an animal.

Em: …with “World’s Greatest Mom,” of course.

Regardless of how my friends may tease, of how my friends may judge, or of how large my backside looks in jeans with an elastic waist. I am proud to be a soccer mom! PROUD, I SAY!

Now, pass me my pale pink visor and my “MICHAEL’S MOM” t-shirt. I have orange slices and Hi-C juice boxes to give out.


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27 Thoughts to “Pass Me My Mom Jeans”

  1. OMG! Not only is the first picture of Bean RIDICULOUSLY cute… but this post is hilarious!!! Didn’t you say your next car was going to be a minivan??? ‘Cause that’s totally the next step.

  2. So funny! I was laughing out loud at the pictures of Michael stretching and trying to kick the ball. So cute and they just look so small! Now I want to get Hudson in soccer.

  3. Chloe

    Love all of this! Basically why my husband wants to have kids, though I fear it will be a bit more serious sideline football training. Lol I think he wants to raise the next neymar! Lovely post.

  4. Melissa

    So exciting! My husband and I just spent the summer coaching preschool soccer and it is HILARIOUS! We had kids running to hug their mom on the sidelines in the middle of the game, and one kid on another team stopped to pet a dog on the sidelines in the middle of the game. Bring your video camera because they are so stinkin cute at this age and you will definitely capture memories to laugh at forever!

  5. I actually cried while reading this. Must sign up Peanut for soccer NOW!

  6. They are so cute!! Congrats on becoming a Soccer Mom, finally 🙂

  7. Jamie

    i love how you had us sitting at the sidelines with you! the coach squatting down to the kids level=super cute. i wonder what he said to them. so thrilled for you and this new experience!

  8. I love the keds comment 🙂 Too classic!

  9. kat

    omg you kill me. lol. I think we need to see a video of Michael doing jumping jacks…pretty please

  10. Amy

    I loved this post — it makes me so happy 🙂 I, too, am really looking forward to being a parent on the sidelines of a toddler soccer game someday… They are too cute!!

  11. Rachel

    Loved this post! It’s hilarious & so true… this was me 12 (cough cough) years ago. Now I have a middle schooler (boy) & high schooler (girl) and between them, I am a soccer mom (both), volleyball mom (her), hockey mom (him), and baseball mom (him). Love any sport my kid is playing! I don’t really care for football (I know I am one of the only people in the US that can say that) but I liked it when my son played that too. =) Yeah! for soccer moms & mom jeans!

  12. Peggy

    What a great post! It brought back lots of memories. Enjoy being a soccer Mom!

  13. I cannot wait until tyke hockey (and she’s still in utero), watching 4 and 5 year olds try to skate is the cutest thing ever. And if one falls down, they all fall down. There’s always one kid who actually gets it. And all the other kids follow them around. I can’t wait. Tyke T-ball, might be a different story though.

  14. Grandma Barnes

    I’m so proud of my great grandson, Michael.

  15. Will you pretty please rock some mom jeans for halloween?

  16. Tiny soccer uniform?!? Cutie patootie!

  17. Love this! It makes me really excited to have my own kids someday! Little kids sports are hilarious.

  18. PK

    Adorable. How do the coaches not laugh through the entire practice? Those kids are so stinkin’ cute and funny.

  19. Emily

    Mom Jeans, Fall Collection 2012. Sold exclusively at Bloomingdales Couture. Please call for a private showing.

  20. Emily

    And, Bean. Toooo much. LOVE it!

  21. […] Pass Me My Mom Jeans by Marriage Confessions […]

  22. Just love this! Wait until there’s no other volunteers and you agree to be the soccer mom/coach! It’s stinkin’ hot on the field in your mom jeans. I’ve been there 😉

  23. Brooke

    Please tell me that I am not the only one thinking of the classic SNL skit –

  24. Megan

    My favorite part of this whole post, aside from the salmon slap, is the picture of Gracie running off into the sunset in her little Keds. Please tell me those have the rubber toe bumper. I must’ve gone through dozens of those shoes as a kid, though I think mine were usually navy since I really liked playing in dirt, and Georgia clay doesn’t mix well with white shoes. 🙂

  25. Nikki

    This is so cute! We found out last week that we are having a boy- and this post just makes me that much more excited! I’m looking forward to those first days of any sport.

  26. THREE YEAR OLDS DOING JUMPING JACKS IS THE BEST! Sorry for yelling, but they are so darn hilarious!

  27. You are hilarious, seriously, you often make me laugh out loud. Then I have to explain to my husband that I’m not going loopy it’s just my friend Katie cracking me up again. 😀 The first picture of Bean is so stinkin adorable! And you really should video tape the jumping jacks.

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