A Pillar of Strength
Monday is my mom’s birthday. It’s going to be a tough one. Another first without my dad. But true to who she is, my mom is facing this head on with a strength that comes from a place so deep within that it simply must come from the Lord.
On birthdays, we recognize the people we love and what makes them so special. There are lots of things that make my mom special. She’s a fantastic mother, always there with an encouraging word or big hug. She’s an awesome Nana. My kids think that she has hung the moon, and they are forever saying to me, “We can at Nana’s house…” But for as many ways that she is special to us, it is her strength which is rooted in her faith that has risen above all other qualities in the past three weeks.
On the night that my dad died, I met my mom up at the hospital to take her home. She stood in that tiny, terrible room where people sit when their loved ones have passed away and she wrapped her arms around me while we both cried, and then she pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Don’t we serve a mighty God?”
In the first week that she was home by herself, she called me one night and announced, “Well, I drove the damn golf cart.” My dad died in a friend’s golf cart, and we were all dreading having to see his own golf cart again. I couldn’t imagine riding in one yet. It’s just so close to his death. But my mom said she had been so worried about it that she decided the only thing to do was just drive it. So, she did. She said she cried the whole time, but she did it. It was over with. And now she’s not afraid of the golf cart anymore.
My dad had recently bought this hot little Mercedes sports coupe with a convertible top. He loved that car. It was new and shiny and he loved driving it around. It was sitting in the garage, and my mom said it was so sad to see it all the time because it reminded her so much of him. So, one day last week she called me and happily announced, “I drove the Mercedes to work today!”
An old friend shared with me in the past few weeks that she used to think of strength as being rock solid. If you’re strong, then you’re like a rock. “But the truth is,” she said, “I’m not like a rock. I get sad and frustrated and I make mistakes. I’m not a rock.” But she said that what she’s come to realize is that strength – real, get-through-the-day strength – is more like a buoy than a rock. A buoy sometimes gets tossed in waves and water crashes over it during storms, but when the winds and waves subside, that buoy always comes out floating upright. THAT is strength, she said.
That is the epitome my who my mom is. She is hurting and she is sad, but she is also laughing and finding joy in her family. She is seeking strength and feeling peace from her Lord. Not a day has passed since my dad has died that my mom hasn’t reminded me of how merciful God is, or how perfect His timing is, or how comforted she is in knowing that my dad is in Heaven. Now, that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t cry, or that every little thing in her life hasn’t been turned upside down. That rain is still pouring, but my mom is buoyant. With each wave, she pulls herself upright again, always proclaiming what a mighty God we serve.
I am in awe of my mom. Any ounce of strength or grace I have shown in the past three weeks I have gotten directly from her. She is determined to move forward, and she is carrying my sister, myself, and my dad’s spirit with her.
Mom didn’t want to celebrate her birthday this year, but after the past three weeks, how could we not celebrate her? How could we not take this opportunity to tell her how important she is to our family? How could we pass on the chance to tell her that when she is around, things feel normal and whole again? How could we miss the day that celebrates what an incredible person she is? We couldn’t. So we didn’t.
Happy birthday, Mom. You give me the strength to move forward. I’m so proud of you, but more than proud, I’m so grateful for you.
33 Comments
Beth
Happy birthday Mrs. Tillman!!!
Jenna@CallHerHappy
I think she may shed a few more tears over this beautiful post! I cried myself when I read the part where she said, “Don’t we serve a mighty God?” Awesome. Happy birthday, Mrs. Tillman!
Trish D
What a beautiful tribute to your mom. Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tillman!
Christina
A very beautiful tribute to a special woman…Happy Birthday to her, and may the mighty God we serve continue to buoy and strengthen your family. Praying for you all.
Brenna
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! I can tell you must be an amazing mom, because your daughters seem pretty special. Hope you have peace on your special day.
Hilda
I believe all of Katie’s imaginary friends are wrapping their arms around you – Happy Birthday, Mrs Tillman!
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
Happy birthday, Mrs. Tillman!
This line in particular gave me goosebumps: ” She stood in that tiny, terrible room where people sit when their loved ones have passed away and she wrapped her arms around me while we both cried, and then she pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Don’t we serve a mighty God?””
If you can go through something like that and still praise God…that says so much about your character and who you are as a person. I hope your mom has a happy birthday in spite of everything.
Casey
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! Katie, you and Ginny are so lucky to have such an amazing woman for a mother. As well, I am sure she feels eternally grateful and lucky to have the two of you in her life. You are such a wonderful and loving family.
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tillman!
Lee Ann
Another wish for a Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tillman! Thank you for teaching Katie the wisdoms that she shares so eloquently with us, her imaginary friends. One day I can only hope to begin to have the faith your family shares. I am sure that Mr. Tillman would definitely want this birthday to be celebrated in a special way for such an amazing woman.
Miriam
Your mother is a special special lady. I know she will continue to find happiness in her life, despite the pain. Happy birthday to such a wonderful woman, mother, and grandmother.
Jennifer
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! Beautiful post Katie, have a great day celebrating your wonderful mom.
Staci
Happy birthday to your mom. I’ll be praying for her to remain buoyant.
Kelly H.
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman.
carrielt
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! I hope your day is beautiful!
Amy
Happy birthday, Mrs. Tillman!
Jessica
What a wonderful post. Happy Birthday to your Mother… and Gracie’s pigtails get me every time. Such a beautiful family and such strength! Prayers to you all.
Tiffany
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tillman. Great post, Katie.
Sandy
Happy Birthday Mama! *<[=o)
Jen Morris
You had me crying when she said “what a mighty God we serve. ” He is mighty indeed. Happy birthday to your sweet mom! It’s not an easy one but I hope it’s a good one nonetheless.
momiss
So glad to see such a wonderful post. Loved the buoy reference! The pic with Bean in the towel is really cute, too!
Kim B
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! You epitomize the lyrics from the song “I will praise you in this storm” by Casting Crowns.
” And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm”
Your strength and faith are an inspiration to so many! May God continue to hold you in His hands.
Alaina
Aw, happy birthday to your, Mom!
Jessica
What an amazing post! You and your mama are both so blessed to have each other and your mom is an inspiration! What a wonderful analogy – I think I’ll use it for years to come. PS – love Gracie’s swimsuit, my daughter (the same age) has the same one and it was our favorite!
Teresa W
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Tillman. The post made me think of the hymn, “It Is Well With My Soul” I hope it will be a wonderful day!
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Happy birthday, Katie’s mom! I hope more and more of us can live the strength you’ve shown Katie, and pass it on to our children as well. Many blessings today and always!
Peggy
I think all of you Tillman women are pillars of strength. Happy Birthday to Mrs. Tillman!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
A buoy. I like that. That is what I am going to aspire to right now. Thank you for your inspiration Mrs. Tillman and happy birthday!
Shannon
“We do serve a Mighty God”! Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman ! What a Blessing you are! Katie, How beautiful that your Dad was married to such a beautiful woman of God!
Cat
What a lovely post. Having lost my dad unexpectedly at age 54, I can relate and kept nodding along (my mom would agree with all of the above I think). Keep plugging away. The hurt doesn’t go away – but it does get more bearable, more livable. And that’s okay.
Lindsay Campbell
Happy Birthday Mrs. Tillman! You are an amazing lady! Wonderful post Katie!
Lori @ I Can Grow People
So much crying when I read your blog! I just want to hug your whole dang family!
PK
You have been blessed with a wonderful mother. Happy birthday, Mrs. Tillman!