Blooming
I’ve been feeling a little out of sorts, for obvious reasons, I guess. It has really been bothering me, though. My dad passed away the week before classes started, which was the week of pre-planning for teachers. That is the week that you spend getting your classroom all set up, your lessons planned for the first few weeks of school, and taking care of all the administrative crap that comes with teaching. Because I missed that week, I have felt off at school ever since it started four weeks ago as I struggle to get myself caught up.
My blog has been no different. Before my dad passed away, I had taken on a lot of reviews to do over the next few months. I take on reviews for products that I actually use, and all at once there were a ton of them. I wasn’t complaining because that’s part of how my family supports itself, but I try to spread them out between my real postings so that my whole blog doesn’t feel like one giant billboard. And then, suddenly, things changed and it was hard for me to blog. I was behind in school, and so my free time at home was being spent grading papers (something I try not to do at home normally) instead of blogging. So that meant my blog became primarily ads, reviews, and the occasional incredibly sad and depressing real post. You all have been too kind to stick around during these crappy blog weeks, but it has weighed on me that the quality of my content has dragged.
Basically, I’ve just felt like I’m running to catch up with everything in all areas of my life. And, oddly, another thing that had to be sacrificed was running. I have only run once or twice since Dad died. Some of that at first was just exhaustion and sadness. I didn’t feel like getting up and doing anything. But then it became more about time. My time was spent trying to catch up on it all and making time for family and friends (most of whom I’ve done an equally crappy job of catching up with lately…), and so my running fell by the wayside. I hate that. I can feel it in my bones – and see it in my waistline.
At the end of each day, I would lay in bed and think, “If I could just have one day to catch up on things…”
Finally, one night last week, I woke up in the middle of the night with all these thoughts of unfinished things running through my head and I caught myself thinking once again, “If I could just have one day to catch up on things…” And then I sat up in bed, opened my eyes wide, and it was like the light had been flipped on inside of me.
I don’t have a day. Who EVER has a day? Who EVER has enough time? It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, or parenting, or working, or school, or whatever it is that is going on in your life. Who EVER has enough time for it all? I can sit around waiting and wishing for extra time, but that’s just wasting the precious little time that I do have.
If I wanted to get things done, then I needed to just do them.
So last week, I made myself a big long list of things I needed to do to get caught up at school. Then I came home and made myself a big long list of things I needed to do a home. Then I blogged about something funny and insignificant. Then I dusted off my running shoes and my half marathon training schedule and planned out a running program that I’m starting tomorrow. I’ve spend the past week checking things off those lists. Any spare time I had, I pulled one of my lists out and worked to cross something off. And with each check mark, I felt a little bit of weight lift off my shoulders.
Today, I crossed the last thing off my last list. Then, Gracie actually floated at swimming lessons, I came home to a good dinner in the crock pot, the kids were in great moods before they went to bed, and I got to write a little bit for my favorite magazine. It’s been a good day, and for the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow. Because my slate is clean. My desk, my calendar, and my head are clear.
You can’t wait for the perfect conditions. Bloom where you are planted, Katie. And so today, I cleared the soil and planted the seeds. I think I’m ready to start blooming again.
30 Comments
Jessica
I have been feeling the same way. Nothing really big has happened, but I do have a lot going on at work. Every time I walk in I am reminded of about 20 things I need to do and I’m already working well past my 7.5 hours every day. And of course when I get home I’m exhausted and things don’t get taken care of at home. This is a good reminder to just make a list and bust through it!
Jennifer
Love this post. Glad you’re getting back “into the swing” of things. Having your to do list cleared or at least dwindled down is a great feeling!
Jenny @ Fondant is Gross
Good for you Katie! It feels so good to just get things done. I hope things keep looking up for you. I don’t know how you make your lists, but I am a big fan of a couple tools. Google Tasks is one of them, but one I’ve just started using is called Trello and there is an app for iOS, Android and a website. I LOVE it. My husband and I share a couple boards, I created a set of boards for my organization and I have boards I have for just me-including my bucket list! I am a bit of an organizing freak, even if my house is a disaster area a lot of the time!
Erin R.
Great post, Katie!!! I’m so glad to hear you’re getting back in to the swing of things. And this post pertains to a lot of people, not just those dealing with a huge loss. Bloom where you are planted!!
Nicole
Way to go! Sometimes it’s really hard to recognize that you can reorganize and stop feeling so overwhelmed.
Lissa
Thanks for this…your timing could not have been more perfect! I’ll get up tomorrow…tackle some pesky things I’ve been avoiding….and then feel the lightness.
Sara R.
Just so you know, Katie, none of us imaginary internet friends have felt that your blog material has been lacking or suffering. We read your blog because it’s real. And real life is not about being happy and successful every day. Real life is sometimes sad you reflect that in your writing. Keep writing what you feel and we will keep tuning in.
Nelly
This is just what I needed to read today Katie. I, too, am a teacher and this summer I had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy and really devasted me. And until today I feel like I’ve been making excuses for everything after that happened. But I think it’s been enough…Im ready to bloom again as well. 🙂 Thank you.
Catherine
My father passed away suddenly (heart attack) on August 17. I know exactly how you feel and sometimes all we need to do is sit down and take a moment. It’s a “one day at a time” thing . . . but all we want to do is get to a place where we feel normal. Glad to know someone else is going through this just like I am.
Lindsey
Katie you’re awesome! love your blog – of course we stuck around!!! What kind of imaginary friends would we be if we didn’t?!
Erin @ Blue-Eyed Bride
Yay for you! I totally get it. (especially the onslaught of reviews all scheduled to post at one time. ugh.) It’s hard to juggle it and make sure your true voice is heard. But i’m telling you, your voice has always been all over this blog and I’m just thankful you chose to share your brave heart with all of your readers. I’m glad you feel like you’re getting it back together- because there’s nothing worse than feeling like there’s just never enough time and things just continue to pile up. You’ve been in my prayers.
Jenna@CallHerHappy
Amen, sister-friend!
Sarah
Love this! You are an inspiration to me!
Sarah H.
I agree with Sara R. Never once did I think oh man, Katie’s blog is lacking. Never. Plus I have my own to do list to worry about 🙂 Glad you’re blooming!! You’re going to feel even better when you get back into running!
Meredith
I LOVE your blog and your writing. Anything you write, I will read, whatever the subject. Ads, sad posts, happy posts, no posts, videos, doesn’t matter. I’ll keep reading until you stop writing. And even then I’ll probably read your archives. Also, that ‘Bloom where you are Planted’ post is one of my favorite posts you have EVER written. I’ve read it multiple times over the 2+ years since you posted it. Love it. And so glad you are getting back into running. I find that exercise makes me more focused and motivated for all the other little things that need to get done. So happy to hear you are feeling better!
JenniferLO
This post just makes me happy! Bloom on!
ang
Good for you katie. I can’t wait to hear more about the running / training schedule & how it feels to get back into it after the break.
Rachle
I didn’t think your blog was lacking, and by the comments above, I’m not alone. =) So don’t worry about that! Glad you’re back to running and got some items checked off those lists. Eliminating things from to-do lists is awesome! Keep on blooming! =)
Jen
The last few weeks your blog has been real- that’s why we stick around. I think through you and your courage I could deal better with life’s unexpected ways.
Becky
Congratulations on taking back control of your life!
Kim T
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear today. I’m happy for you that you got on track. But I’ve been struggling myself and wishing for another day, another hour another week. But you’re right, it’s not going to come. So starting today I’m digging and making lists. Thank you for reminding that’s what I needed to do.
Lindsay (Young Married Mom)
Yay, Katie! I haven’t felt like I missed out on anything here, but I’m thrilled that you are feeling something like yourself again. 🙂
Jamie
well my heart cannot scream loud enough about how much i adore you my imaginary friend. thank you for sharing your thoughts, but know your posts are always always always an inspiration to this michigan girl. no matter what the topic. including your reviews. you really are a majestic gem and the light, love, and hope of jesus shines through you. have a great day katie!
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
I hope you have/had a fabulous run! I fully expected you to say that you took a day off work and just checked things off your list… but i like your way better… just getting things done when there’s time and being deliberate about it.
Leah
Katie, I haven’t felt like anything was missing here. I think most all of us know that you’re still in the middle of grieving and just trying to keep your head above water. To be honest I’m impressed that you were able to keep anything up here along with keeping up with your family and teaching. I keep coming back because you deal with real life here and you’re so honest with all of us. I know what a clean slate can do for you and hope that being “caught up” gives you more time to be you and enjoy your family. I’ve been praying for all of you during this time and will continue to do so. My hubby is prepping for a 1/2 in October (8 days after baby #2 is due!). I hope you reach your goal!!
Laura
Very inspiring! I’ve been thinking “if I just had a day to catch up” a lot lately too. I am off to go make my list of things to do now!
Courtney
Good for you, Katie! Keep on keeping on, and know that your imaginary internet friends are here with you. 🙂
Grandma
Good Girl, Katie. I’m so proud of you.
Alyssa
Good for you! I struggle with blooming where I’m planted. I don’t like where I live and some days I don’t even like my job (shhh, I’m a stay at home mom…I’m not supposed to say that).
I am trying though!
Tee
First, I have been crazy insane with injury, school etc, so I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for your loss. I’m so glad that you’ve found your “normal” again though. It’s tough to find your feet when you have such a significant stumble in life… but just remember that he is always with you now. The love is still there and use that to help push you through 🙂 Good luck with everything!!!