I Try Not to Rant, But…
Normally, I try not to use this blog to make unproductive rants about my husband or family. True, I complain a fair bit, but I hope readers can see through that and know deep down how much I love my husband and my family. If I blog about issues or fights we have had, I try not to do so until I have some kind of nugget of wisdom I have learned about the situation. After all, if we aren’t learning something, then we are just wasting our time.
Having said all of that…
I almost killed my husband this morning. Seriously. I don’t know if his life flashed before HIS eyes, but it certainly flashed before MINE.
Bean has a little cold right now. Back to school germs, I’m sure. Bean has asthma that is brought on by colds and respiratory infections, so we try to head off these colds when we see them coming before they get down into his chest and start to cause all kinds of problems.
So, this morning, I told Chris (who takes Bean to school) that he needed to take Bean’s medicine to school with him and drop it by the nurse so Bean could have his medicine throughout the day. This would, of course, requires Chris to get OUT of his car, instead of just driving through the car pool lane. Knowing Chris and his antisocial tendencies (especially at 8:30 in the morning), I knew right away that he would try to find every way to get out of this task.
“We can’t just take medicine in!” he protested.
“Yes, I think we can. You just have to sign some form or something.”
“But we don’t have a doctor’s note!” he continued.
“Well, this is over-the-counter medication, so we shouldn’t need a doctor’s note.”
“But Bean’s teacher won’t know what to do with the medicine!”
“That’s why you need to take it in to the nurse, not his teacher.” Now, I was starting to get irritated.
When Chris doesn’t want to do something, he asks 10,000 questions about it until I finally give up and just say that I’ll do it myself. I knew that was what was going on here.
After the 6th or 7th question, I finally shouted, “I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE THAN YOU DO, CHRIS! I’VE NEVER HAD A KID IN KINDERGARTEN EITHER, BUT I’M SURE HE ISN’T THE FIRST KID WHO NEEDS COUGH MEDICINE DURING SCHOOL!”
To which he then replied, “You are so moody, Katie.”
And that’s when my head spun completely around in a circle and fire breathed out of my nostrils.
“BEAN NEEDS COUGH MEDICINE TWICE TODAY. YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.”
And then I left for work.
On the way to work, I seethed the appropriate amount of seething and somehow stopped the fire from blowing out of my nose. And then I thought about it. I wasn’t REALLY that frustrated with Chris. I was really frustrated with my entire family!
No one told me that five-years-old is the age where kids start arguing with EVERY WORD YOU SAY. I thought that didn’t happen until middle school? How have I been led so astray?
Bean argues with everything I say. And my knee-jerk reaction is to come down so stinking hard on that behavior. But Chris’s reaction is to explain everything to the kids when they question us. I understand what he is doing and I even appreciate the value in reasoning with our kids.
But they are three and five-years-old. Sometimes, they need to pick up their toys for no other reason besides BECAUSE I SAID SO.
This has led to two frustrations. First, the arguing is becoming much more frequent. I tell the kids to do one small thing and I am immediately facing the Spanish Inquisition and having to justify myself.
TO MY CHILDREN.
The second frustration is that for the first time EVER, Chris and I are not handling a parenting issue in the same manner. We’ve always parented similarly. In fact, we hardly have parenting conversations often anymore because we just seem to know how to operate together as one mind. But this? This is a Great Divide. Chris thinks I am not being patient enough and I think he is not being firm enough.
Perhaps before I bite his head off about cough medicine at school, we should sit down and talk through this latest parenting development. Because otherwise, he is not going to survive very long in our household.
“Why?” you ask.
BECAUSE I SAID SO!
19 Comments
Josette C
Oh man, I thought my 3yo was bad! I feel like EVERY. SINGLE. THING. is turned into a major issue because he has to be a little contrarian. I thought it got better as they got older! Guess not though. 🙁 I feel your pain. Don’t kill your husband though. 🙂
Maybelline @ Naturalmente Mamá
The why! the WHY!!!! My son is at the same stage! DRIVES ME NUTS!
Nova
As a parent of teenagers, 14 and 17 I can say with full confidence that the firm with love is necessary or they will run circles around you. How do I know this? Well, I wasn’t as firm as I should have been and I’m paying for it. It’s a lot easier to teach them when they are young than it is to change them when they are young adults.
Hilary
I feel you on this. Some days I can’t wait to hang out with my crazy, hormonal, adolescent students because the fam is just breaking my back. My kids (6 and 4) have been fighting non-stop these last three weeks of summer. It’s like they can’t play with, or look at, or even breathe around each other without someone erupting into hysterics. I can’t figure out how they learned to push each other’s buttons so quickly!
mamalang
My first response is always because I’m the adult and I told you to do it. I may then explain why if I feel like it’s warranted, but I tried to make it clear that it wasn’t negotiable just because I was explaining. And sometimes because I said so is the only answer you are going to get. Like Hilary says, nip it in the bud now. I have a 20, 15 and 11 year old and I still have to pull out the I said so often, but I’m less likely to get grief most of the time.
Kylee
Thank you for being so real. I needed this!
emily
Sorry should have warned your about that one…. I would love to say 6 is better… but sorry…
Janet
Yeah, murder as a stress management tool is pretty ineffective. Just sayin’.
Mark
Now, how would you know?
Nain
Currently stuck at home with a 2 year old because she hasn’t been flu symptom free for 24 hrs, despite the fact that at this time, she officially has since she was last sick at 9 a.m. And beyond frustrated for having to be here. Frustrated with the husband who couldn’t stay home with her yesterday OR today, and I was the one who cleaned her vomit so I will likely get her bug. I completely understand the need to vent and the frustration. Totally entitled to that.
Amanda
lol…so true. Mine are 6 and 3 and some days I walk into the utility room, close the door and breathe before answering because oh my gosh I wasn’t prepared for them to be this way at such an early age.
The Life and Times if Me
I’m kind of like Chris. I hate dealing with people. I loathe it actually.
On another note, I don’t do arguing. I’m not opposed to explaining things from time to time, but kids who are allowed to argue with their parents argue with their teachers. I will not do arguing.
Calypso
This is the BEST book for your situation.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889
It changed EVERYTHING in our house.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk -Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
kat
I wish there was a better response than “because I said so” but that required the same amount of effort on my part lol
Pingback:
Alice
Were you able to leave the cough med at school? Not at my school (Seattle). Only Rx in original bottle. No over the counter meds given to anyone, by anyone. The parents must come to school and give it to the student.
Joanne
Haha, 10,000 questions, I do that sometimes when I don’t want to do something, I didn’t know it was a ‘thing’
Sarah S
I have to say, I think you are bound to have parenting differences. Honestly, it’s super easy to be on the same page when kids are little but as they get older, the parenting decisions get a little harder and I can’t imagine being on the same page about everything because there are so many variables that come into things. My husband and I agree on the big stuff (or agree to disagree….) but the little things we sometimes handle differently and I’ve come to the conclusion that that’s ok. It’s good for kids to have two different parents. We each bring something to the table – a different perspective, a different way of dealing with things and it keeps us on our toes as we talk through how we are reacting to the kids with each other. With time we have learned to make those discussions civil and for information sharing instead of…well.. let’s just say “held at a louder volume”. : )
Mark
These unrealistic expectations will constantly hurt you. Yes, you will sometimes disagree with your husband. Your child will ask lots of questions. You won’t have time to answer all of them. Embrace these facts before they become a problem.
The answer to unanswerable questions (according to my father) is “I will tell you at your wedding”.