The Jolie-Pitts & Me

I love celebrity gossip as much as the next person. I used to be obsessed with it. I had subscriptions to all the magazines and checked in online daily. That is until I saw Julia Roberts last year on Oprah and she talked about the daily hassle of protecting her children from the paparazzi, and after that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I still catch the occasional E! News, but I canceled my magazine subscriptions and I don’t check in so often on the websites (though I do admit to perusing the Daily Blabber on really boring days, but desperate times call for desperate measures…).

So imagine my surprise when I closed my angelic eyes last night and had a crazy real dream about the Jolie-Pitt family and me. I was shocked! I remember even as I was dreaming I thought, “This is so freaking weird!!” I had this crazy dream that in an effort to bring more stability and normalcy to their family, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt descended upon my home like unwanted foreign exchange students. They just wanted to follow me and Chris around and show their kids what kind of life real people live. Like, I would be cooking dinner and I’d turn around and Brad Pitt and Maddox would be standing there watching me make instant rice like it was the most brilliant thing in the world. Or I’d be raking the yard (remember, its a dream, people!) and there would be the entire family, all lined up next to me with Angelina Jolie explaining to the kids that I was cleaning the yard so that the grass would grow (I don’t know why you rake your yard, really. But in my dream it was so the grass would grow.).

And there were times when just Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie (I always called them by their first AND last names in my dream) would be there. Like when I went to the grocery store, Brad Pitt walked next to me the whole time asking me stupid questions like why I didn’t get the generic brand of Cheez Its, but did buy the meat that was on sale (good question, which I will ponder later…). And as we walked through the grocery store, we talked about things like how Chris and I met, why we moved to Connecticut, if I’d ever been to California or France. It wasn’t sexual, which is so strange because, I mean, he IS Brad Pitt. It was just his interest in my life.

And then there was the movies. One night Chris and I went to the movies and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie decided to tag along. At this point, we were starting to get annoyed with having these weird celebrity groupies, so having them tag along on our date night was pushing it. And we started to get snappy with them.

“Geeez, Brad Pitt! Do you have to get Sour Patch Kids just because I did????” Chris snapped.

“No, Angelina Jolie! You can’t come to the bathroom with me!” I barked.

At the end of our date night, the Jolie-Pitts came to us to say goodbye. The kids cried. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were sad. And Chris and I were ecstatic! They walked out our front door and as they were turning around to say ask one more stupid question, Chris slammed the front door.

“Goodbye Jolie-Pitts!” he yelled.

I woke up this morning completely out of sorts. I knew that it had been a dream because in all the celebrity gossip I ever read, I never read about a famous family showing up at a random house and following them around for a few days, but still. I was a little sad.

I think I missed Brad Pitt.