Welcome to the End of My Rope
I’m at the end of my pregnancy rope. And the last place you want an eight and a half month pregnant woman is swinging from the end of ANY rope. I think I’ve been pretty upbeat for the past few weeks. I’ve tried to put a happy spin on things. I’ve tried to find the silver lining. But I’m done. And it must come out. I must purge these evil thoughts I’m having before my rope frays.
Before I go on, let me put a disclaimer on this post. I honestly, truly, absolutely adore the advice and comments that my readers and friends give me. The complaints you are about to read are directed to people that randomly throw comments at me on the street, in check out lines, in public restrooms, or in the grocery store. It is directed to the people who give unsolicited, unwarranted, unnecessary, drive-by advice. This post is not an underhanded way for me to tell you all to piss off. Its just the confessions of an irrational, eight-month pregnant woman. Try not to be offended. And then try to be thankful that you aren’t married to me right now.
Here are the things that I’m tired of dealing with (in no particular order):
Having random strangers make fun of me because I’m going to be a new mom. Everywhere I go, people laugh at me. They laugh at my ideas on parenting, my choices on baby purchases, my confusion at things like how important an ortho-pacifier is. Its like there’s never been a first-time mom before. For example, I was checking out at Target the other day (don’t worry – Chris was supervising me) and as the cashier rang up my diaper wipe warmer, she kind of laughed and shook her head. “Oh, you won’t use this at all.” I’m sorry. Did you say something? Did I ask for your opinion? Did I seem like I was confused about my purchase? No. If I want to see how a diaper wipe warmer works, then I’m going to buy a damn diaper wipe warmer. If it turns out that I don’t use it, fine. But don’t tell me, Cashier Lady That I Don’t Know, what I’m going to do or not do. People do this crap to me all the time. I mentioned something to someone about Chris and I really wanting to make every effort to incorporate the baby into our lives so that he’s apart of our routine and not the other way around. That is a priority for us. The woman just kind of sneered and said something to the effect of, “Yeah, right.” Again, did I ask for your opinion? Did I phrase this as a question? No, I didn’t. If that’s a priority to my family, then that’s a priority. Your family situation doesn’t dictate mine. So, shut it.
The breastfeeding vs. formula feeding argument (both sides of it!). The last I checked, my boobs were my business. If I wasn’t pregnant, it would not be acceptable for people to ask me questions about them. So why then are they suddenly public domain just because I’m pregnant? I had a woman ask me the other day IN A BUSINESS MEETING if I would be breastfeeding. First of all, there’s a time and a place for that conversation. Second of all, there are people that I’ll talk to about that and people that I won’t. Third of all, I’m trying to do my job and you are talking about my boobs. Fourth of all, ITS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. I know people are passionate on both sides of this issue and, believe me, I understand. But there are lots of issues I am passionate about that would be rude for me to bring up to strangers/co-workers/acquaintances in public/private/board rooms. My body is still my body – whether it has a child growing in it or not. And the decisions about my body are no body’s business but mine. So, shut it.
People comparing my pregnancy to theirs. Now, there’s a fine line on this one because some of the time the conversations about pregnancy comparisons are really insightful. But usually that’s only if I instigate the conversation because I have a question or want to know something. Or if it comes from someone who is going through their pregnancy at the same time as me. Nothing better than comparing notes. But its the women who compare my pregnancy to theirs as if its a competition that I have an issue with. You didn’t gain this much weight? Good for you. Gained this much weight but didn’t have a problem with swelling? Good for you. You did have a problem with swelling, but were able to work up through your 11th month of pregnancy? Good for you. My pregnancy is not your pregnancy. Giving advice or offering a comparison to make me feel better is one thing. But comparing my pregnancy to yours as a way to insinuate that I’m doing something wrong or that yours was better than mine is just annoying and inconsiderate and unless you want to step into my swollen feet for a few hours, I don’t really know what you can do for me by offering useless information like that. So, shut it.
Swelling. I’m so tired of the swelling I can’t even talk about it anymore. Just know that I’m over it. Totally. So, I’m shutting it.
People assuming that because I’m a first-time mom, I’m an idiot. One thing I did not anticipate with my first pregnancy is that because I don’t have children already, I am an idiot. Apparently, this is the common belief based on some of the comments and advice I am getting from complete strangers (and, no, I don’t consider any reader a complete stranger – I’m talking about random people on the street. I love reader advice – honestly.). People talk to me like I’ve never seen a baby before. As if I’ve been living under a rock and have never been apart of, interacted with, or been around actual families. People say things like, “You know, babies are going to cry.” Oh, yeah? I didn’t know babies cried. Or “You know, sleep patterns are going to be hard to predict.” No kidding? I’m completely shocked that babies don’t come out sleeping eight hours a night. Why would people think that I didn’t know babies cried or had sleeping issues? Without a doubt, the comment that I get the most often is, “You have no idea what you’re in for” or “Your whole life is about to change.” Oh, yeah? You think? Its like people assume I’m preparing to give birth to a house plant and that when an actual baby pops out, they just don’t want me to be surprised. Let me let you in on a little secret. I know I’m giving birth to a baby. Contrary to what people assume, those of us who don’t already have kids are not complete morons. I’m sure there will be a learning curve, just like there was with every mother in history, but acting like I’m so unprepared is not helpful or constructive. So, shut it.
Honestly, I could keep going for days. But I’m going to stop now because complaining is only fun for the complainer and I won’t subject you to my entire tirade. Needless to say, I’m over being pregnant. I’m over it and everything that comes with it. In fact, I’m not speaking to the Bean until he comes out. I’m giving him the silent treatment. Let’s get this going so that I’m not The Pregnant Lady anymore. Cause being The Pregnant Lady kind of sucks in your eighth month.
33 Comments
Jenn
Amen Sista!
Ginny
I am printing this out and will read to you when I’m eight months pregnant and you are trying to give me advice. 🙂
Whitney
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I couldn’t agree more. I am sick and tired of the whole shebang. The stares, the comments, the sympathy looks, the unsolicited advice, the SWELLING, the weight gain, the entire thing. Pregnancy used to be fun. Now, I just want to be a mom.
Know that there’s another redhead out there feeling the exact same as you today.
Kelly
Found you at PW. Yep, this is only the beginning. Before you know it they’ll be in college and you will be dating your husband again! That’s my world and its great! Enjoy this time cause it really is short. Advice from a REDHEAD 😉
http://www.whatupduck.com
Deborah
Hi Katie:)
You need a staple comeback comment like, “F off.” Or, to put it politely, “No offense, but F off.” 🙂
Laura
Yah, we couldn’t even get through our Anniversary Dinner at the Macaroni Grill without the waitress talking about my pregnancy for um, ten minutes? What was the argument you ask? Wine! Husband told her NO, my pregnant wife does not want wine and she argued… with him! I might post about this cause REALLY? All the advice mixed with the symptoms are JUST TOO MUCH! Can’t they read on our faces, “DON’T SAY IT! BACK AWAY FROM ME?” I guess not…
Jennifer
I’m sorry, people can be so inappropriate. It’s a lot like when I was engaged or even when someone hears that I’m a newlywed.
“Oh, you don’t know what you’re in for.”
“Everything’s going to change.”
“You’re stupid.” blah blah blah blah
Sure there have been times when I’ve wanted to strangle DH but I still love him and nothing’s changed..In a bad way. People really shouldn’t give ‘advice’ unless you ask. One thing I HATE is others trying to force their ideas on me.
Liz
Great post!
On the comparing section: you think the pregnancy is a competition, wait until you have the baby. For the first year and a half, other mothers (friends and strangers alike) will see your child do something; crawling, eating, sleeping, trying to stand, and they’ll give you THE SMILE and say, “Aww, how old is he?” and proceed to tell you that their kid did it sooner. It’s incredibly irritating, but at least once they hit the big developmental milestones, the baby competition goes away.
Emily
You just posted what I really wanted to post from the moment I announced my pregnancy, but was too afraid people would say I was being “touchy and hormonal” (because that is what some people told me if I brought up anything bothering me.) Amen! I totally feel your pain.
http://businessvartha.blogspot.com
Very nice blog. Excellent contents. I like your blog. I am so proud to Vote and just now I voted for your blog in blogger choice awards. Keep it up and write more please. I invite your valuable visit and suggestions about my blog, I have suggested your site to my frnds like Toofast10 and Masiz. Hope that they also vote for you. http://businessvartha.blogspot.com
Please check your account in bloggerchoice awards to see my vote. I hope you are so kind to vote for my blog also
http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/69551
Donna
I hate to say it, but it probably won’t stop when you have your baby. Then there will be the “that baby needs more clothes on,” “you shouldn’t feed you baby that way,” and the “oh my baby already does this” comments. Just tell these people you are your baby’s mother, and you do things the best way for the two of you and walk away. They usually won’t say anything back.
Julie
Wipes warmers ROCK! Target girl is wrong!!
deepa
I second everyone’s comments! I am 7 months today and am already ready to be done with all this. I am totally having the same experience as you – everyone has an opinion or has to put their two cents in about the drinking, breastfeeding, exercising, weight gain, and my personal favorite – how I should “rest up now” bc I won’t be getting any sleep when the baby comes. Ugh. Sure. Let me just put this nap in the “sleep bank” for when the baby is born. Like you said, talking to friends and people you actually ASK is fine and helpful and good. Getting comments from strangers, not so much.
Everyone cares about your pregnancy until you get on the subway – then you’re invisble.
Hang in there! You can do it!
Lori
In the last two weeks as I have been trying to figure out how to be a mom to this tiny person who is now my son, I have discovered that now that the baby has been born the inappropriate comments haven’t stopped. Suddenly, every other parent I know is telling me how I should be doing this or that, or I am not doing this or that correctly. I know people are just trying to help, but man, it really makes me feel terrible.
I am sending you big, BIG hugs from FL. Hang onto that rope–you’re almost there!
Nelia
How do y’all feel about a gentle inquiry from a woman who hasn’t been pregnant, but is curious because she knows she can’t avoid it for much longer? (Not that I’ve ever made such an inquiry, but just hypothetically speaking…)
As long as you don’t mind the blind leading the blind, I say jump on in! Curiosity is totally different and completely understandable!! 🙂 – Katie
Sarah
Long time reader, rare commenter delurking to let you know that with your sense of humor and love for your family I am guessing (cause I don’t know you in person) that you’ll be a fantastic mom. There are definitely big changes in your immediate future, but fortunately you are already aware of that (!!) and have a loving husband and family to help you through those changes. I can only imagine you as an awesome mom. I hope you are able to ignore the naysayers and enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy with your hubby before you two are joined by the Bean (on the outside). Congrats!
Chloe
BRAVO!!!
Well said! 🙂
kay
My baby is turning 19 in a month, she is the youngest of 5. It will make life a lot more pleasant if you decide you just don’t give a “rats ass” what people think or tell you- unless of course you ask. Enjoy this and every baby you have- it really does end all to soon(I know you didn’t ask for my opinion) and even though you are miserable, babies really are easier to take care of in the womb(a bit more of unsolicited advice, I should get a job at target)! Have fun and enjoy this stage of your life!
http://randommusingsfrommypov.com
Hilary
First of all, b*^%$! away, my friend! As a severely pregnant woman, you have the right. Unfortunately, I have to agree with Liz’s comment that it only gets worse when the baby comes and every other mother is comparing their child’s development to yours. Talk about infuriating! The other day I was talking to these women in the mall and they were asking me whether my daughter was walking yet. When I said no, they immediately replied with “Oh, my boy was running at ten months” “My daughter was crawling at six months and walking at nine months” so I got flustered and stammered, “Um, well, she’s standing on her own and she’s really close to walking?” As if I had to justify my kid!!! Ugh!!
Liz, JM, and Leo
Oh Jeesh! I can so relate! It gets old, and as a previous commenter said… it actually doesn’t stop once you have the baby. But at least then you have Mom Cred and can blow it off a bit more easily.
I can’t believe someone asked you if you were going to breastfeed in a business meeting. That’s crazy woman! What was she thinking??? It’s such a sensitive topic anyway, that I would think would be between friends!
Liz, JM, and Leo
I forgot to add… you’re doing so so great! And you’re almost to the finish line! I can’t wait to meet your Bean!
Laura
don’t listen to those assholes! wipe warmers sound like the coolest thing ever.
or if someone is being perpetually annoying, take your baby with you (after he’s born, of course) the next time you know you’re going to see them and then when you can tell he’s about to throw up, point his mouth in their direction and pass it off as an accident! then when you leave you and the Bean can give each other a high five.
wow, spend way too much time plotting revenge…
Heather
You’ll do great. All the choices you make will be the absolutely right ones for you and your baby at the time because you’ll make them with absolute love. Meh to all the naysayers! You’ll make decisions that you change your mind about, you’ll use some of the ‘stuff’ you bought a ton and other bits of it not at all but it will all be YOUR Adventure and here’s me wishing you the best one ever! ;o) I became a Mom nearly 6yrs ago and it goes by in a BLINK and so just enjoy the ride, that’s my only advice.
Warmest Smiles
Heather
Heather
PS you’ll be there before you know it… ;o) TRY and get as much rest as you can in these last weeks. I know it’s tough to sleep when you’re swollen and, well, 8 1/2 months preggers but try. The next chapter of your life is going to be a bit of an amazing whirlwind. I recall thinking it was like being plunged into a deep end of a pool, just Josh and Vito and me. I knew that the rest of the world was still going on outside our little quiet space but it was something ‘other’ for the first few weeks… Amazing time, that. Enjoy it. ;o)
Camille
But can you imagine how weird it would be if you thought you were giving birth to a house plant and out popped a baby?? Crazy.
Nelia
(Whew!) If I were to have made an inquiry or two in the past, it’s good to know I haven’t crossed any pregnant women lines!
Excellent post, Katie! I really enjoyed!
andrea
i’m just starting the second trimester for baby number two, and even as a pregnant mother to a toddler, i can tell you people don’t get any more considerate, they always think they know more then you and you’ve never heard the crucial piece of advice they are about to give you. and of course you get all the stories of when they were pregnant and had a little one running around, it never ends!
one thing that really bothers me is how everyone always has an opinion about the name you and your husband (you know the people that made and will be parenting the child) have picked out for your baby. these people think if they say they don’t think it flows well or they like the middle name better as a first name, that you will just change your mind because their opinion is the one you have been waiting for!
last but not least you and chris should start a little bet as to how long it will take someone to ask you when the next one is coming. come on people, we just got home from the hospital!!! (seriously)
love reading all your blogs, thanks for sharing!!
Kate
Amen sista! I think this may be one of the best blog posts EVER! Thank you for putting into words exactly what I’m feeling as well.
DeAnna
Amen!! I have never posted a comment, but have been a reader for a long time now. This is a post I can completely relate to. My baby is turning 3 yrs this year and I still remember all the crap people gave me during that last long two months of pregnancy. My supervisor would literally hide my chair, the chair my Dr. ordered them to have for me to sit as needed due to intense back pressure caused by a baby sitting on my spine.
As long as you know you are the BEST mom for your child and no matter what some crazy person says to you, you will ALWAYS be the best mom for your child. And I really like the idea of a shirt that says F Off, just a little prego here.
I thoroughly enjoyed your rant today!!
Donna
I can relate to your frustrations, but as one who is on the other side, I can tell you that you will SO want to offer your opinion to other moms once your baby is born. And like my Dr. always told me – your baby doesn’t know that you are new to this – you will be the best mom he/she ever has!
BTW, and I hate to do this (maybe read this after the baby is born), but I have to tell you – try to keep your baby on a schedule. I know you want to incorporate the little one into your & your husband’s current routine – I can totally relate to that because I felt exactly the same way. But if you give the little one a schedule, it will mean freedom for you. Scheduling naps, feedings, etc. sounds limiting, but it is liberating. Good luck – this is so exciting – congratulations!
Emily
I just found your blog, and I love your honesty. To the cashier who told you won’t use the wipe warmer… well, I won’t say the words. I have one… used it for my first, not my second. It’s all about your preferences and priorities.
Candice
Good for you! I love this! People did all of this to me for wedding planning and then for marriage: “Oh, just wait until X happens.” Okay, how about you wait until I tell you X happened? B/c guess what, it might not? There’s something in society today that makes everyone feel like an expert on everything they’ve done. It’s remarkably annoying.
Mucho kudos for this post!
Naomi
Okay, so I know this is a super ‘late’ comment. But I just had to say something….
I haven’t had a baby yet but have watched a few friends go through the process, and EVERYTIME I would go out with them, I wanted to tell those same sorts of people to shove it. I got sick an tired of hearing all those same things. And I wasn’t even the one having the baby!!
I’m pretty sure when my time comes, I’ll just hid under a rock somewhere in fear of being charged with public aggression or assault.