Maternity Leave and The Priority Shift
This is my last week of work before I go out on maternity leave until mid-August. Â I thought I’d feel different. Â I thought I’d be excited. Â No more work! Â For two and a half months! Â Its been YEARS since I’ve had an actual summer vacation and I was expecting to celebrate my way into motherhood without my Blackberry.
Turns out that going out on maternity leave is kind of freaky. Â For me, anyway. Â Its not that my job is super important. Â I mean, things will survive without me without missing a beat. Â But stop and think about your own job for a minute. Â If you had to be away for almost three months, what projects would you have to wrap up? Â What would it take for you to actually be prepared for that? Â Yeah. Â See? Â Its a little overwhelming. Â I don’t want to get phone calls or have to check my email all summer long, so I’m trying to tie things up as neatly as I can. Â But its tricky. Â As soon as I finish something, another project rears its ugly head.
And its exhausting! Â I am absolutely exhausted. Â In hindsight, I probably should have gone out on leave earlier given all the swelling I’ve had. Â Just making it through the day physically has taken a huge toll on me, and the bigger I get the harder it has become. Â Take today, for example. Â I only have two days left before I’m out. Â Two little days. Â Anyone can do anything for two days, right?
Apparently not. Â Because when I woke up this morning, nothing in my entire human being would allow me to get up and go to work. Â My feet and ankles were not the only things protesting. Â My back wouldn’t let me sit up, and my eyelids seemed to have become about 10 pounds heavier overnight. Â There was nothing in this world that could get me out of bed this morning. Â Even if it was to just finish out two days of work. Â So, I had to call in. Â TWO DAYS before the end and I had to call in. Â I felt like I had run an entire marathon and then decided in the home stretch that I just couldn’t finish. Â I’m disappointed in myself, but all the disappointment in the world couldn’t drag me out of my bed today.
I’m wondering what this means about me as a parent. Â I’ve always prioritized work very highly on my List of Important Things. Â I take it seriously, I want to be good at it, I try to be efficient and responsible. Â I’ve sacrificed a lot in my life for a good job. Â But I wonder if that will change a little when I have a baby. Â I’ll continue to work, there’s no question about that. Â Not only do we need the money, but I am not focused enough to be a stay-at-home mom. Â I would never be self-disciplined enough to get myself up and going and be productive throughout the day unless I knew I had a boss expecting that from me. Â That’s just how I function. Â So, I know I’ll continue to work.
But will I be as dedicated? Â And if I’m not, am I okay with that?
In the end, I think I am okay with that. Â I think its okay for me to shift my priorities. Â In fact, maybe everyone should re-evaluate their priorities in life every few years – kids or no kids. Â Over time, we all encouter different paths that can alter our perception of what is important, and maybe this is just one of mine.
But in the words of Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll just think about that tomorrow. Â Today, I’m thinking about sleep and heating pads and ice packs and chocolate chip cookies. Â And that really is so much nicer to ponder.
16 Comments
Toni S.
Oh, you poor thing! I remember those days, and they suck! I think it is high time that the Bean comes out, like yesterday! Definately pull this out when he is older and use it well, LOL.
Mindee@oufrontdoor
Sounds like your nesting instinct is carrying over to your job.
Eh. What’s one day? Seriously, in the big scheme of things and the health of you and your family, missing a day of work is so not a big deal. Just roll with it. Your days of being able to lie around when you feel like crap are almost over. Babies do not care if you’re under the weather. They’re a tad heartless that way.
Enjoy your lassitude.
Whitney
I had to call in one day on my last week of work, too. This week, being my first week off, I wake up every morning and think, “If I HAD to go to work today, there is not possible way I could do it.” It’s just getting hard and I know what you mean about using every ounce of energy to simply make it through another work day.
Rest, sleep and take it all in. You deserve it and so does The Bean.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
I hope you enjoy your day off and that it leaves you feeling a little better rested and ready for your last day =)
Jayme
okay this has nothing to do with THIS post, but your last post….. the evil stretch marks!!!! BIO OIL!!!!! You should get some. I got it, but i have problem with doing something for more than a few days…. it should help with the dreaded marks!! Try to enjoy your time off. It will go by so fast, and you will miss the little bean when it is time to go back!!
Tina
Love your blog!
And I just wanted to say that you will be surprised at the super powers you will develop once you have a child. Your love for that child will make you get out of bed even if every bone in your body was broken…seriously. You’ll be a great and dedicated mom!
Cat
Hi! I found your blog on the Mom Blog Network. Thought I would stop by and see what you’ve got.
I can remember feeling these feelings too, right before my first baby. But I loved being home with my little guy. In fact, I never went back to work. Nope. Full time mommy, and I love it! Even this very second while my 3 year old is pounding on his bedroom door angry that he has to go to sleep… hehehe
Liz, JM, and Leo
oh i remember those last days so well. don’t feel guilty – i’m sure it makes you feel a bit stressed to take a day off right before you leave – but you’ve got to take care of that little baby and yourself first! enjoy the day off as best you can – rest as much as possible – :).
and yes those priorities do shift – but don’t worry – you’ll still have lots in you for lots of things besides kiddos and babies. they are consuming, especially at first, but you’ll find more room in your heart and mind than you ever thought was there.
Camille
I, for one, am excited for your mat leave! It means more blogging (maybe), or at the very least, a rest for you. Pictures of your ankles make ME feel tired, so I can only imagine how you must feel. Rest up, dearie, and enjoy it if you can!
Gina
Good luck Katie! The end is upon you…now the hard part is about to begin đ
I agree with the part you said about looking at your priorities every few years.
Good luck again, and I hope the rest you get for the next few days helps you
Laura
Oh Katie you are AWESOME and so close! And you WILL feel so much better when you have Beaner beside you and you KNOW your cankles are on the way out the door. I’m so proud of you; it isn’t failure at all. None of us knew how it would feel at the end there…
andrea
i’m sure you would be a wonderful stay-at-home mom. you say that you wouldn’t have a boss to answer too, but don’t worry that baby would step up anytime and tell you to get to work!
Era
I totally agree with you about reevaluating priorities every few years.
Amanda
I just had my baby 4 months ago, and I was exactly like you. I left work(teaching) early one day, and the next day didn’t go in at all. Then I had my boy! Maybe you’re getting closer than you know to the delivery day!
Stretch marks: YUCK! I too thought they were cute when I first got them. I’ve heard they take a year to go ‘away’ (by away, they mean not super bright but still visible).
One more thing (from a perfect stranger). I offer you this one thought. I was not prepared for my emotions to go really crazy like they did, but I felt really sad to not be pregnant anymore. When everyone came to visit the baby, it wasn’t about me any more. That’s hard to take after 9 months of being ‘special’. Be ready for that. It may hurt a bit. But it’ll get better. You can take that for whatever it’s worth. đ
GOOD LUCK!!! I’m really looking forward to seeing pictures of The Bean!
Maureen
A lot of people I know seem to be getting pregnant and going on maternity leave and I started thinking about what that could mean for me and my career if I were pregnant. Honestly, I don’t think I would be able to do it. I admire you and your positive outlook. Good luck!
Lori
At least you got to prepare for leave appropriately–Porter’s early arrival made me leave before I got 5 weeks of work squared away including the end of semester reviews of my students! I can say that once he got here, I didn’t give a damn about what was happening at work and I know that when I go back at the end of June, I will be able to pick up where I left off.
Enjoy these last days before your boy gets here!!!