The Reality of Boys
Late yesterday afternoon I was celebrating my last day of work by laying on the couch with my feet up. I know. I live on the edge. Chris was outside in the Man Cave playing pool with the dogs. After about an hour, my cell phone rings and its Chris calling from outside. Don’t be alarmed. We often call each other from our cell phones when we are in different parts of the house. Does that make us lazy? Perhaps. But I like to think of it as being frugal with our energy.
“Did you hear what just happened next door?” he asked. (Have I mentioned that Chris is the gossip of our neighborhood? I’m afraid to know what would happen if he had a pair of binoculars…)
“No,” I said.
“The little boy next door has a friend over and one of them started crying. So, Neighbor With No Name comes out and asks whats wrong and the other kid says, “I accidentally hit him in the face”, Chris explains. And then he pauses. “Do you know what we are about to get into by having a boy? I don’t know if we can handle it!”
Chris goes on to give me a laundry list of all the stupid things he did when he was little that got him in trouble. And it wasn’t a short laundry list.
One time when he was about eight he was over at a friend’s house and they climbed to the top of a tree and started yelling out random curse words across the neighborhood. The friend’s mom made them get down and then she washed both their mouths out with soap. I should mention that this particular friend’s family was all boys. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. This was the wrong house to use curse words in.
Another time when Chris was about ten he was with another friend and they rode their bikes down to a neighbor’s house and started toilet papering their yard. In the middle of the afternoon. Of course they were caught and the friend’s mom made them go back down to the neighbor’s house and apologize and clean up their mess.
One time when Chris was 15, he “borrowed” his dad’s truck in the middle of the night to go to a high school party (by the way, he stopped to say goodnight me on his way…). He was pulled over by the cops and they reported the truck as stolen. They called his dad who had to come pick him up in the middle of the night. Chris didn’t stop by to see me for a few weeks after that…
After Chris relayed a few of these stories to me on the cell phone, he kind of paused.
“I’m not ready to handle a boy!” he shrieked. “Boys smell and they get into things and they like bugs and snakes. I don’t know if we’re ready for that.”
“Well,” I said. “I guess we’re just gonna have to GET ready cause I’m definitely not keeping him in my belly for the next 18 years. Besides, I think it sounds like fun!”
“You just don’t understand,” Chris sighed. “You just don’t understand…”
18 Comments
Hilary
When my husband was about seven, he put his little brother in an industrial-sized dryer and turned it on. The poor kid was trapped in there while the machine started and after a few stunned moments, my hubby opened the door and out popped his terrified brother. It’s probably true that on average, boys get into more mischief than girls, but as a mother of a girl, don’t think for a moment my life will be easier. I’ve got to deal with periods, self image issues, dating, arguments over clothing, and mean girls. Ugh!
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
It is truly miraculous that any boys make it to adulthood intact.
Maria
As the Mommy of a three year-old little boy, I can tell you that it’s not easy all the time. But it’s definitely fun and there’s never a dull moment in our house. Of course the worst is yet to come, but as long as the “I love you, Mommy’s” keep coming, I’ll still relish every moment.
Marla
You’re in trouble. Men, who were boys like your husband, almost always have little boys who are just like them. I bet you’ll want to pull you’re hair out several times.
But it will be so much fun… Plus, you’d looks silly with an 18 year old in your belly. 😀
Melissa Simon
My husband was the essential “frog in pocket” kind of little boy. Was always down in the neighborhood creek “rescuing” turtles, snakes and frogs. He told me at one time he had up to 15 aquariums in his parent’s basement, all with said animals above. So I know I will probably have boys like this, if I have boys, and I cannot wait.
Toni S.
Ha! Girls aren’t that much better! I have 2, one’s 9 and the other’s 4. The older one has been easy, aside from the dry bean up her nose, LOL So far, the 4 year old has been stung by a bee, had 4 splinters, fractured her collar bone, and ate about 10 children’s tylenol and we had to spend 6 hours in the e.r. while she drank active charcoal to counter-act said tylenol. And she’s only FOUR!! LOL
Eighmey
I thought I was ready for a boy, I mean I could handle my husband and his shenanigans. HA! Little boys find new and intriguing ways to keep you on your toes. BUT it is always fun, and he has an amazing sense of humor. You two will have fun. And if you want to read what my son has done thus far, check out my blog: http://youngandhipmom.blogspot.com/
Holly Decker
i, too was scared about having a boy… but the good news is, Chris, turns out they start out small and helpless… and they give you plenty of warm up time. you are gunna love it, trust me.
faemom
Boys aren’t that bad. Well, at least not at first.
zeemaid
All boys are definitely not created equal. My son.. holy terror but he’s my third (after 2 girls) and so he’s definitely the most inquisitive. My cousin’s boy… tamest, mildest, calmest kid ever. When he’s upset it sort of simmers, squeezes out a few tears and it’s done. When my son gets upset, it’s fall on air time (jumping up and down) and crying until he is either distracted or appeased somehow. :*) So you just never know, do you?
BTW love your blog. coming here from the Mom Blog Network. 🙂
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
This perfectly coincides with a conversation my husband and I were having. The neighbor’s boy and his buddy, ages 9 or 10, built a half-ramp out of plywood a few days ago. Then they set it up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and tied up the neighbor’s ancient-ass dog on the other side of it. Then, they went full bore down the road on their skateboards and tried to go flying off the half-ramp OVER the dog.
Seriously, it was INSANE. And the poor dog was scared out of his wits. I don’t know how long they were at it before they were found out and told off, but still, COME ON!
So the other neighbors, an elderly couple who alerted us and the parents so we could get our asses out there and save the animal, were standing there afterwards shaking their heads. The older couple have six kids, three boys and three girls, all of whom are in their 50s and 60s. “Well, I’ll tell you,” the older man said, “you better hope that baby you’ve got is a girl. If I had the kid thing to do over again, I’d only want girls.”
“REAlLY?!” My husband said. “Because, six girls, oh my goodness, what about when they’re all teenagers?!”
“Really,” the old man replied. “You’ll never look at your girl and think she should have been drowned at birth. Your girl is always the center of your universe. Your boy is just stupid as Hell until he meets the right girl and she sorts him out. Until then, you have moments where you wish you could throttle the son of a bitch. Girls are easier.”
My husband is now afraid that if he has a boy, at some point in time he’ll wish he were drowned at birth. AWESOME.
Era
Two girls and a boy here. Had my fair share of trips to the ER with all of them. I’m sure the Bean will be a perfect gentleman. 😉
mom of one
Hilarious… stories like that make me happy i have a girl!
Nicole
I’ve worked for 10 years with kids 4th grade through 12th at summer camps and summer travel abroad programs. One trend that is very noticeable is that the boys (all the way through high school) do not do their own laundry at home and the girls do. The boys’ mothers shop and pack the boys’ luggage for the summer and the girls pack their own. If we want boys to be more self sufficient and not depend on a mother or girlfriend to “straighten” them out, we need to raise them to be self-sufficient in the same way that we raise girls.
Your blog is awesome and I am sure that you and Chris will do a great job. Keep your senses of humor and you’ll be fine!
Kristin
My husband also got caught rolling a house in front of God and everyone – when he was in elementary school! I’m afraid that if we have boys they will not only do that kind of stupid stuff but will also take apart every appliance we have in our home (he did that, too).
However, you get to meet your little man in just a few days! That’s amazing!
Jenny Penny
I like your style! You’re writing is great. Just read you over on the Mom Blog Network, attracted by your title for this piece. I have a 5-year-old girl and a nearly 10-month-old baby. Whatever’s generically bad/good about either sex? I’m in for both rides. I personally find girls scarier, and maybe that says something about MY memories about ME!
Jackie
Funny you should choose that picture. When Chris was about two he did stuck a key in an outlet, dropped the keys and looked at me when I came around the corner to see what was going on. I looked at him and said, “well, I guess you won’t do that again.” Funny stuff. Tell him I said it will all be fine.
Kelly S
Hi Katie,
Just started reading your blog and I just love it! I decided to go back a read a few of your older entries. You are so witty…I love that!
Had to comment on this one cause (like Jackie above) it is funny that you shared this picture. When my younger brother was about 5, he stuck a knife in an outlet. He was ok, but after he did it, he came into my parents room (where my mom was doing my hair), his hair was standing up on end, and said to my mom…”Look what Kelly did to me”. Yep…he blamed the whole thing on his poor innocent big sister. Boys can be troublemakers but I know my life would never had been near as much fun without my brother. It seems you are really enjoying the ride with Bean 🙂