The WORST News I’ve Had (in about an hour)
I think I’m getting old. As in old. Like an old lady.
Last week I have my 27th birthday. To lots of you, I’m sure that this certainly doesn’t make me old. And I agree. My age alone doesn’t make me old. Age is just a number (for the record, only old people say that…). Take my Dad, for example. My Dad is practically prehistoric (sorry, Dad) but you’d never know it when you met him because of the life he leads.
Despite my relatively young numeric age, I am an old lady. And I have proof:
Exhibit A: Today in the parking lot at the mall, I couldn’t find my car. Seriously. I walked out the doors into the sunshine and suddenly I had no idea where I had parked. I didn’t know if I was even in the right parking lot. I ended up having to hunt down my car by pushing the alarm button on my keyring.
Exhibit B: This past weekend we had friends over and we stayed up late on Saturday playing charades. (Side note: Chris is unexpectedly talented at charades.) We played until 1:00 AM and the next morning when I had to wake up early with Bean I thought I was actually going to die. It has taken me three full days to recover from that one-time 1:00 AM adventure. Of charades. Charades people. Its not like I went out clubbing and then had to get up to take my SAT’s. I had a glass of wine, played a game of charades, and my life was destroyed.
Exhibit C: Last month at work I called the cops on a group of high school kids who were skateboarding on our property. In my defense, I didn’t call them right away. I sat there staring at them for an hour, envisioning all possible lawsuits that were applicable if they fell and broke their necks on company property. And then I went out there and asked them myself to please leave. To which I’m 99% sure I heard at least one of them mutter, “Old lady,” as he skated past me. When that didn’t work, I called the police. But I did ask the dispatcher to make sure they didn’t, like, arrest them. I think I even suggested that they call their parents. To which I am 99% sure I heard the police officer mutter, “Nice old lady.”
Exhibit D: I have found something resembling laugh lines on my face. Since then, I have made every effort not to laugh.
Exhibit E: I have found something resembling crows feet on my face. Since then, I have made every effort to kill many, many birds. It only seems right.
Exhibit F: A few weeks ago, I switched to a smaller little purse. I was tired of trying to juggle a diaper bag, a work satchel, and a giant purse everywhere I went. So I switched to a small little hand purse that I can throw into the diaper bag or my work satchel and life has been much easier. But the other day I was out with only my purse – no diaper bag, no work satchel – and I caught myself walking with the purse shoved up under my arm. As if I was afraid someone might rip it from my hands and run. As if I was 85 years old.
Exhibit G: I have a chin hair. Just one. And it keeps coming back. I’ve tried everything short of weed killer and the damn thing just won’t die already.
Last week on my birthday, I told Chris that I finally felt like I was the age of the life we were living. We’ve done everything really early so far – married at 22, bought our first house at 25, had our first baby at 26. Now that I am 27, I really felt like my age caught up to where we were. But after further investigation I have determined that on my 84th birthday, I will have caught up to where I am in life today.
Awesome.
Anybody have any Depends I can borrow?
25 Comments
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
YOU ARE NOT OLD. Because, if you are, I am ancient.
Um, the staying up late thing? It gets worse. Anything after 11 p.m. is way too late for me. But the bugger of it? Now my kids want to be up and out late.
And I have to wait up for them.
Also, I don’t think those are laugh lines. At all. Maybe your freckles are just getting organized.
Michelle
I lose my car all the time!!
Zoe
Well thank goodness you look younger than your years! 🙂
Ashley
I’m going to be 23 in a couple of weeks and I lose my car, so don’t worry about that!!! AND I call the police about random people on our property AND reckless driving AND I always tuck my purse up under my arm if at all possible… so call me Grandma.
Sarah H.
I turned 27 at the end of the summer—and it feels old. But I think mostly because I don’t have a baby…or a house. But anyway I was just telling my coworkers TODAY that I am an old lady because when I went out in this recent cold snap MD has had–my joints have hurt! Mainly my knees. But don’t only old ladies complain of their joints hurting in the snow or rain? Geesh. As for wrinkles…I’ve had them for years, I don’t really mind since everyone thought I was 16 at 20 and 19 at 24.
Rachel P.
You’re definitely not old but atleast this post made my day…You summed me up in a nutshell! Just I don’t have a bean yet.
Elizabeth S
At least no gray hair right?? Cute small purse – Kate Spade?
Katie
How’d you know it was Kate Spade?!?!? That’s quite impressive!
Elizabeth S
I’m a DINK (double income, no kids). Shopping is a sport. And I mean that in a good way! Found an excellent tote today that I’m thinking of purchasing. “Don’t Kiss Me, I’m Busy”
http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=4016&vid=0&pid=727892&scid=727892002
Beanie's Nana
I’ve remedied the old age thing by lying about my age – but in reverse. I add 20 years to my real age. Then everyone whispers about how “hot” I look for my age. It really perks you up when you overhear things like this.
kay
well i cannot solve all of your ole lady problems, but i can solve one of them.(well kinda) when i go to a large store(walmart) i only park in row 6. even if it is in the 3000th parking stall. that way i know i will find it in that row! even if it takes me 3 hours to walk it, i know that is where it is!!!
Meghan
Actually, Exhibits A, B, C, D, and E just sound like you’re a full-fledged mom, not that you’re particularly old. Especially A…the longer I’m a Mom (and now that I’m Mom to two), the worse my memory gets. Forgetting where you’re parked becomes the least of your problems…..try forgetting that your sister and her husband, who live out of state, are coming for Thanksgiving, then calling to invite them and feeling like a complete idiot!
As for F, I once received a birthday card that posited that purse size is directly proportional to age. The bigger the purse, the older the woman. So if you’re using a smaller purse, maybe you’re getting younger?
And as for G, can’t help you there. 🙂
Casey
Not that this will make you feel much better, but I, too, am 27 and am going through all of the same things. I have had little crows feet for a couple of years now. I hate them hate them hate them. I have called the cops a couple times recently on obviously drunk drivers and the like. I am about to have my first baby, so I only feel like this old thing can go downhill from here 🙁
Kristin
Exhibit A–story of my freakin life.
Lori @ I Can Grow People
You are 27. I am 31. YOU ARE NOT OLD.
And have you read my old lady post on http://wifemomartistgeek.com ? Proof that I out “old” you!
courtney
Welcome to motherhood. I lose my car, I left my house keys on the outside of our front door for over 24 hours (I looked everywhere for them), I cannot function on less than 7 hours of sleep, etc. It’s just how it goes. And those pesky chin hairs – I get them too. I tweeze them – I hate them!
Cess
You are not old but i do know the feeling…i can no longer “hang”. I needs my sleep. Also, I do have depends you can HAVE, not borrow :o)
Emily
This post was priceless!!! I turned 28 last month, but the last year was definitely an eye opener. I was eating and exercising exactly like when I was younger, but all of a sudden I was gaining weight?!?
Dad
I think you are beautiful.
Dad
Sandy
Do you think your Dad will adopt me?
Laura
RE: Exhibit E
I think I’m safe in assuming that you’re not actually killing birds, but just a heads up if you ever do decide to take out your anger on birds (we’ve all chased a bird or two, have we not?): Don’t anger crows because they’ll remember you and get all their friends to harass you whenever you walk by. That’s a fact, apparently they can recognise something like 30 different faces.
Sorry, I was compelled to share when I read “crow” and “kill” in the same general area of the page. Nice purse, btw.
Kimberly Loomis
Love love love
This post post post
A)I am 30 and started forgetting my parking spot when I was 18.
B)After six years of hearing me swear like a pirate for two hours after waking if woken after less than 8 hours of sleep, my husband has finally realized that I sleep in, HE naps. It works.
C)Being a mom makes you worry about other people. No matter how old you are and for the rest of eternity.
D)My squint wrinkle (between my eyes) showed up at 25 because of chronic headaches. Foreheads are a biotch and bangs are gifts from heaven.
E) A little birdie told me that they are not crows feet. They are V’s, as in geese flying in formation. Kill the geese, not the crows.
F)We all know that you were walking with your purse in your pit because you knew that if you held it in your hand you may mistake it for your cell phone and try to answer it when you heard your ringtone. It’s that small. (Seriously…what can you possibly keep in a receptacle THAT small besides gum and a few quarters?)
G)There is a perfectly good explanation for your chin hair…but it involves pigs and wolves and houses made of sticks and you probably know it already.
andrea
i will be turning 30 in a month, i’m sure it will be a holy crap moment but for the time being i’m dealing pretty well. i’ve got my family and the home life essentials, other then a little weight loss, i couldn’t ask for more! i yell at kids and sometimes don’t recognize myself in the mirror (cause i still think of myself at least 10 year younger) though i don’t have a chin hair i do get one long thin one that has popped up on my cheek a couple times, i blame it on the kids and the hormones, cause that’s when it started. so don’t worry you aren’t alone, we’ll all park our rocking chairs next to each other and watch the youngins grow up
jamie feamster
no depends yet at my age and yes, I, too have forgotten that parking spot…..
Lesson: DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!!!! ha!
Carrie T
I loved this post!!! I turned 30 in January and I swear the crows feet and laugh lines just attacked my face with full force. My hubby and I are in bed by 9 almost every night. If I’m not then I literally have to drag myself out of bed in the morning. When did I get so old.