The Evolution of a Family Man
When Chris and I were dating, he didn’t have the greatest track record in the loyalty department. In high school, he was my boyfriend by title only, really. If you counted all the other girls that came and went, then there were many girlfriends. But under all that drama, drama, drama, I knew two things. First, I knew that we were in high school and that high school relationships were what they were. But more importantly, I knew that whenever Chris decided he was going to settle down, he was going to be one hell of a catch because no matter how unfaithful he was to me, he was incredibly loyal to his family. Nothing was more important to him and even at sixteen years old, I knew that was a quality that would really shine as we got older.
When we decided to go off to college, it was a big decision for us to make. Particularly for me to make. Knowing Chris and how he had treated our relationship in high school, I had to really think through if he was worth waiting for through college. But in our senior year of high school, Chris started to change a little bit, and he insisted that this was a new beginning for him and for us. I was pretty honest about how I felt. I told him that I knew long distance dating in college was a long-shot, and not just because of our relationship. For anyone, it’s tough. You’re in your early 20’s, having the time of your life. And it can be hard for even the most loyal people to not want to enjoy themselves while they are in those formative years. So, I didn’t have any grand delusions about our “new” romantic long-distance relationship. My only request to Chris was that if there were…missteps…that he would tell me about them. I could handle mistakes (he was a 19 year old boy!), but I wouldn’t handle dishonesty anymore in our relationship.
College was a fun time for both Chris and I. I am probably the shyest, most un-promiscuous person you’ve ever met and so having a long-distance boyfriend was really just a great excuse for me to not have to face the bars and clubs of college. Chris made some great friends in college and spent his time partying it up, mostly pretty harmlessly. There were a few slip ups, but he was honest about them and regretted them. And I believed him. So, we moved on.
When we were graduating from college and Chris proposed, I wholeheartedly agreed. But in the year leading up to our wedding, I laid down the most firm stance on honesty and faithfulness as I ever had in our relationship. I told him those things of the past were part of our past and they made us who we were. The mistakes we had both made along the way were forgiven, but only because when those mistakes were made there wasn’t much at stake. But now, with this ring and with these vows, there was much more on the line. And I would leave no room any more for mistakes. We had grown up together, but we were grown ups now and we were responsible for our actions and from this point on out, there would be no forgiveness for dishonesty or disloyalty. We were past that.
In our entire marriage, I have never, ever doubted Chris. Not once. He has spent nights out all night long in New York with his friends, he has spent summers working across the country from me, he has worked late hours, and still there has never been one time when I have questioned him for a second. Because I know Chris and I know his heart and I know that when he takes a vow to love, honor, and cherish, he means it.
As marriage and parenting often do, our lives have drastically changed over the past few years. I can’t remember the last time we went out to a bar or even the last time I had a drink. A good, rockin’ evening for us now is a beer while we sit on the back porch after Bean’s gone to bed. I know to people who aren’t married or don’t have kids that sounds like one of your worst fears realized – trust me, I thought the same thing. But that evolution for our relationship has been slow and natural and it just feels right to us now.
Since moving to Florida, there has been a big change in our social lives. Most of our friends in Connecticut had children. Social events were afternoon family BBQ’s or potluck dinners at someone’s house where we all brought our kids or we all sat around talking (among other things) about our kids. In Florida though, most of our friends don’t have kids and so the conversations are different and the activities we are doing are different. Not bad different, just different different.
This past weekend, my good friend Sarah’s husband invited Chris out on Saturday night to watch a football game with him and another friend at a sports bar. Chris went back and forth on if he should go.
“They aren’t even going out until 9:30…” Chris said. “By 9:30, I’m usually ready for bed.”
“And that is exactly why you should go,” I told him. “It’ll be good for you.”
So, Chris headed out to meet Scott and his friend. Around 2:00am, he pulled back in our driveway. I heard him stop to peek in at Bean and then I heard him stop in the bathroom to brush his teeth. And then he crawled into bed beside me.
“I missed you tonight,” he said.
He went on to tell me about his night. They had started at a sports bar and gone bar hopping downtown, something Chris hasn’t done in years. When I asked him if he had fun, he said that yes, he had a good time.
“But I kept looking around for you,” he said.
He had been drinking and so he started to fall asleep before I could even respond. He rolled over and so did I, each of us habitually finding the other’s feet before closing our eyes.
And then, just as I was drifting off, I heard Chris talking in his sleep.
“Say bye-bye to Nana,” he said, clearly talking to Bean in his sleep. “I missed you today, Buddy…”
It’s not that I have ever needed proof of the kind of man that I married. I have known his heart from the first time I kissed him at fifteen years old. But every now and then there is a glaring moment of such honesty in a marriage that just confirms that you have truly found the one person in the world who was made for you.
Flaws and all, Chris and I were made for each other.
36 Comments
Tabitha (From Single to Married)
Awww… what a sweet post and so beautifully worded! Sounds like you got yourself a good man indeed!
Danielle @ www.danimezza.com
beautifully written as always.
I was in Chris’s shoes on Saturday night. I went out to a costume party, drank tequila and got home at 2am. When I was there I had fun but I felt naked without Steve or Aidan by my side and I found I talked about them to anyone who would listen. When I got home I snuck into Aidan’s room and gave him a kiss then went and had a shower (passive smoke-smell sucks) and when I crawled into bed I told Steve I missed him terribly and I think I was stuck like velcro to his side, feet forever touching.
Sorry that was a lot of babble but wanted to share as your story touched me… as usual 🙂
Lindsay (YoungMarriedMom)
Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful. How blessed you, Chris, Bean, and the New Guy are to have each other–and how wonderful for us to get a glimpse into a real, but very happy family. What a great way to start a week!
Ashley @ According to Ashley
**Big smile!!** Love this post!! (What else is new, right? I love all of your posts!)
Liss
This was so lovely and honest.
And his sleep talking… That made me teary! So sweet.
Lisa
This post was really touching. My husband and I just started a long distance relationship (hopefully for only a year while we gradually move back home from overseas) and I feel the exact same way. I don’t ever doubt his loyalty to me and trust him to stay faithful. It doesn’t even factor into it when I think of us being apart, I’m just sad I have to live without my best friend for a while. Skype has been a godsend at least so we don’t feel as separated.
kk
Awwwwwwwww……………..
that is just so sweet.
Ella
Awww. It just bought a tear to my eye. Honesty is a goo thing!
Ella
*good
Diana @ A Little Bit of Life
Such a sweet post and what a great feeling to know that his love for you guys supersedes everything else. My favorite times are after both Joey and I have been busy like crazy and don’t see each other as often as we like. He will always start calling me more often then and finally just saying – I miss you. Makes it all worthwhile then.
Katie M
Hearing about other good men who act similarly to mine make me so grateful for my good man. Thanks for the reminder.
And being old and lame (aka a beer and staying in) has been some of the best times and I’ll never regret our lame lifestyle (as seen by our single friends)
Kendra
Amazing… how precious of a moment.
Betty
Granted, I only got 3 hours of sleep last night thanks to a gassy baby, but that post definitely made me cry. Such a sweet, affirming moment. I can’t wait to see how the new guy changes y’alls relationship even more (for the better)!!
Erin
I am just curious how you were able to tolerate so many “mistakes”/”missteps”/”slip-up’s”. Maybe my impression is wrong, but it sounds like there was a lot of cheating going on. I understand you felt that underneath he had good family loyalty, but I personally just wouldn’t be able to tolerate someone running around behind my back all the time, no matter what kind of person I thought him to be deep down. I’m so glad you’ve gotten where you are today with your relationship, but this is one thing I’ve read about a couple times now in your posts that I just can’t get past.
Kim
I am going to have to agree with Erin on this one. I am glad all has worked out, though.
courtney
I think one point Katie is trying to make, and I’m just guessing here since I’m not Katie, is that those mistakes were part of a somewhat immature highschool relationship. In college it doesn’t seem like there were really a lot of mistakes. I know that even one seems like a lot, but if you’ve ever been through a long distance dating relationship it makes sense. I also think she’s trying to point out that she “layed down the law” so to speak when it came to engagement/marriage. Again I’m not Katie, I’m just giving my interpretation of what she was saying.
Life of a Doctor's Wife
Such a beautiful story. I am so happy that you two found each other.
Ashley
Such a SWEET post! J went through some of this – use to party A LOT! then suddenly a switch went off and he wanted to settle. Now when he goes out without me, he is ultra affectionate when he gets home. Chris sounds like a sweet guy! I love hearing about good men in the world =)
Cassi
Aww. This is such a sweet post! It brought tears to my eyes. 🙂
Tressa
What an honest and touching post! LOVE IT
Congratulations to you and Chris! For finding each other, the one made JUST FOR YOU!!
Keshet
Love this post! So honest and real. I often refer friends to your site, since I think it’s one of the most realistic portrayals of marriage I’ve ever seen.
Kat @ LivingLikeTheKings
aww I’m gooey now. How freakin’ sweet. I love that you are so incredibly honest about your relationship. By the way, I was a hardcore partier in college and even for a couple of years that followed, and now, at the age of (yipes) 27, I cannot remember the last time I was up past 10:30pm. I guess life just has a way of naturally growing you.
A Long Far View
I love this. It makes me so happy to hear stories like this – can’t wait to hear how you’ll tell them 30 years from now 🙂
Jessica S.
Brought a tear to my eye 😉 So cute
I seriously love reading posts like this– 25 days out until my wedding, and it really makes me appreciate finding someone I’m so excited to marry!
Michaela
That post is gorgeous- and I at the same time identify strongly where you have come from, but am also excited about where we’re heading. I’ve written about five way too long posts – so to sum up- I too have a high school sweetheart (we’re 22 now) and even in that time I’ve felt the changes in our ‘running wild’ states, from college, to moving in together. And I already love that feeling when he comes back at the end of a night back, and tells me he missed me.
Megan @ Red Dirt and Crazy
This sounds like a page written out of me and Farm Boy’s book.
I am getting ready to go on a trip with just my girlfriends and as much as I need this get-a-wayI’m going to miss him dreadfullyas well as my little Q-Tip.
I feel so blessed to have this kind of relationship and love. So very blessed!
🙂
Megan
savannah
This hits home for me in a really big way.. I’m still in my early 20’s and went through the same thing in high school. This gives me hope that even though things aren’t always perfect with the boy, it can still work out for us. I needed this today, thank you!
And congrats on the new baby! You need a girl 😉
Trish
Beautifully written! You made me tear up on this one! I’m married to my high school sweetheart too. We graduated from college in May of 1985..married in July…our son was born in November of 1986. Sure, we’ve had our share of problems..but, we’re still together and still in love.
Whitney
You and Bean are always on his mind…that is precious. I know Bean will so enjoy these stories when he gets older.
alison
where’s the tissues? nicely written Katie!
Jordy
I almost cried reading this. And I totally get it – even only six months into my own marriage. There are those few moments where I get such a strong glimpse of the man I am proud of marrying that everything in the past melts away… and I know I made the right decision.
And we find each other’s feet, too. 🙂
Thanks for this!
Lissa
Does Chris go out to drink at a sports bar and then drive home? You kind of made it sound that way….my family was once almost killed by a young man who drove home after drinking….
Katie
Nope – DD’s are ALWAYS used. Usually it’s me!! 🙂
Laura
Me too, always the DD 🙂
Maybelline
Awwwww!! lovely post!
Megan (Best of Fates)
You two are just SO FREAKING ADORABLE.
And it is somewhat sad, as I don’t actually know you.
But seriously, you’re one of the main reasons I have faith in marriage.
So no pressure.