Bedtime x2
You know what I’ve learned about myself as a parent lately? The more I wing it, the better I do. The minute I try to organize or control something, everyone is miserable – me included. The thing about the first baby is that all of your attention is focused on him. I knew Bean’s schedule like the back of my hand. I knew when he’d be hungry almost to the minute. I knew when he’d get tired and when he’d be more alert. And I thought that was because he was an easy baby. But I’ve discovered that maybe it wasn’t that Bean was such a good baby. Maybe it was that he was the first baby.
Which leads us to Miss Gracie.
Gracie is 14 weeks old (I think, but I’m really bad at the weekly counting thing with babies). I thought she was doing just fine. She seemed happy. We were all happy. Life was good. But then started to worry that I wasn’t paying enough attention to her development because we were so active with Bean Man, so I had to go and check out Babycenter.com and that happiness quickly turned into, “MY BABY IS BROKEN! I THINK I BROKE MY BABY!”
According to BabyCenter.com, my little Chumbawumba should be sleeping through the night in 5-6 hour stretches. And sometimes, Gracie does sleep in long stretches like that. But sometimes she lays in her crib awake all night long, wanting me to stand there and keep her company. She doesn’t want me to pick her up. She literally just wants me to stand there while she gives me these goofy, gummy smiles.
Not that I mind. I mean, it’s not like I’ve got too many other plans at 3:00 in the morning.
You know what I think it is? I think that 3:00am is the only time Gracie gets all of my attention. She’s not competing with her brother at 3:00am. Because he’s sleeping. Like a normal person. So, Gracie likes to just, you know, hang out at 3:00am.
It started out as a midnight feeding. She’d wake up between 3 and 4:00am for a bottle when she was itty bitty and that was totally acceptable. I was happy to do it. Of course, I was also still on pain medication, so I was pretty happy to do anything, really. But gradually, she started taking less and less of her bottle and spent more and more time staring up at me, giggling. And, she’s cute and all, but at 3:00 in the morning, gummy giggles only take you so far with me.
So, last week, after almost two weeks of this, I remembered what we did with Bean when he was transitioning into sleeping through the night. We’d give him a “twilight bottle.” Basically, we’d sneak into his room and give him the bottle while he slept without touching him or picking him up. Then, he still kept his belly full, but he’d stay asleep. So, I tried that with Gracie and it works pretty good. She’s a sllllloooowww eater thanks to her reflux, but she takes about 3 ounces in the middle of the night and then goes right back to sleep.
Everybody wins, right?
Wrong.
After reading Babycenter.com, I decided that she shouldn’t even be topped off like that. So, I started picking and picking at the situation and now we’re all miserable. I decided that Gracie needed to be awake more during the day. That was her problem. She would sleep longer at night if she was sleeping less during the day. Makes sense, right?
Wrong.
The longer I kept her awake, the more pissed off she became. And the more pissed off she became, the longer she stayed awake. Vicious cycle. And, of course, the sudden onset of crying all the time put mine and Chris’s nerves on high alert, which meant we started to snip at each other. Then, it culminated in a huge fight tonight as we walked around the house, trying to soothe Gracie and with Bean right on our heels. And did I mention that Bean is now repeating everything we say? Like E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. So, I’d snap at Chris in this snotty little tone and say, “Well, that’s just perfect.” And Bean would then start saying in a very happy voice, “That’s perfect, Mommy!” Then, Chris snapped at me that I should just do things my way and quit picking fights. And Bean then started saying in a very happy voice, “Do it your way, Mommy! Do it your way!”
It was like fighting in stereo.
So, what’s the wise, wise lesson I’ve learned this week that I can pass on to all of you? Well, there are several:
a) Babies move and groove and grow at their own pace, whether you think you’re in control or not. Ain’t nothing you can do about it.
b) Husbands like to be consulted, not bossed around. Ain’t nothing you can do about that either.
c) Toddlers enjoy being a part of all discussions, no matter how tense. Ain’t nothing you can do about that one neither.
d) Gummy grins in the middle of the night are still pretty freaking cute. Ain’t nothing you can do about it.
There you have it, my friends. Words to live by.
25 Comments
Angela
But look at that gummy grin 😀
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I’m really hoping the Sleep Fairy stops by for a visit at your house soon. I also hope that she decides to get comfortable and stay a while!
Erin
My baby is 2 weeks older than Gracie. He does the same thing. But he wants to lie on the boppy pillow and smile at me. Weirdo! I just keep telling myself he’s only this little once and when he 16 and won’t give me a hug I’ll miss it!
Rebecca @ The Reluctant Housewife
AH! BABYCENTER!!!!!!! I almost borderline hate that site. Not because it’s not informative, because I believe that, to and extent, it is. But, good lord, there’s only so much information that’s good for a mom…ya know? It messes with your mind in weird ways. I had to stop reading the weekly updates because I found myself being ridiculously proud if Zoe was ahead of the curve and worried if she was below. Not to mention all the crazy moms that comment on things about all the POTENTIAL ways my newborn child could die. Anyways, I wish you a good night sleep sometime real soon…and if not, at least a lot of gummy smiles in the middle of the night =)
Liss
My first was just like Gracie, and I did the same – I’d read things and try to do what I thought I was supposed to do, which ranged from persevering with breastfeeding to keeping him awake during the day. But we were just all miserable – the snipping and arguing with a cranky baby sounds veeeery familiar. The first thing I did was accept that I couldn’t breastfeed, to hell with what everything I read said, and when I let go of that one thing, everything else followed.
Individually, I don’t work well by following rules and schedules, so I don’t why I thought I would be any different with a baby. I just end up feeling like I’m failing. I’m all for winging it! And Bean’s repetition made me giggle, I’m sorry. At least he’s not saying bad words…. ?
Mindee@ourfrontdoor
When people say they think having a baby will bring them closer as a couple?
A hahahahahaha!
At least with number two, you know that this too shall pass. Everything does.
Anne Cooper
The tummy! The legs! Those pictures are almost too much. I really sat there smiling at the second one for a few minutes before reading the rest of the post. So adorable! Thanks for sharing such cuteness with the rest of us, it should be illegal not to!!!
Barbara Manatee
I feel your pain. I had twins first and we were soooo strict about their sleep schedules and feedings that everything was like clockwork. Then I had another baby and since it was just 1, he was exclusively breastfed. Since it wasn’t as crazy as it was in the beginning with twins, I let him feed on demand more and things were ok. He slept through the night a lil later than the twins did but not too much later. Then I was home for the summer…and when I went back to work in the fall, he was 8 months old, and more attached to mommy. He was taking bottles for the first time. He took them fine – but he KNEW it wasn’t directly from me. So…his solution? start waking up 4x a night, just so he could be with mommy! He slept worse then than he did as a newborn. (but at least as a newborn, I wasn’t working!). It took him over 2 months to get back to sleeping through the night. I was so exhausted and frustrated. My hubby would try to go in and soothe him and get him to settle down, but he’d just cry harder and stay awake longer.
It was frustrating, heartbreaking and exhausting….but we eventually got through it!
Good luck!
Krista
This is so my life! My son was like clockwork as a baby. Oh, it’s 3:00? You must want to eat. Oh it has been 1 hour and 20 minutes of waketime? It must be time to sleep, and so on… Enter the little baby girl and I suddenly had NO solution to anything. She is nothing like her brother and my endless reading and changing and fiddling with her schedule or lack therof only made things worse. We call her the “go with the flow” baby. She just does what she does and there ain’t no stopping it. Would I love if she slept through the night consistently after 10 months of wakefulness? Yes, indeed. But, at the same time, I am learning that these moments pass ever so quickly and I am going to cherish all the middle of the night snuggling I can get. And, just for the record, the toddler repetition only doubles by the time they hit 3. 🙂 Been there, done that. And, just love knowing I am not the only one yelling at my husband, trying to fix the baby, and hearing my toddler screaming my every word at the same time.
Whitney W
Thank you for being so honest! We are 33 weeks along with twin boys!! Twins! With these being our first two babies and me a soon to be first time mom I have to admit there are times I freak out a little. I have been reading all the books about what your babies are suppose to do and how to care for them “properly” when they get home and all I can think about is what if I do this wrong! It is so nice to hear there is no wrong way to do this. Sometimes all the books do is stress me out, I wonder if I am ready, but seriously who can really be ready for twins! I truly hope I can sit back and relax and enjoy my precious twin boys once they arrive and not worry about everything they should be doing or I should be doing!! Thanks Moms for sharing your stories!
Rachel @ Lines across my face
I know what you mean about the first baby. You always know their schedule and have a plan and stick to it. With my second baby Lyla it seems different. She has also started waking up really early in the mornings and I also think it’s because she knows that’s the only time of the day that she gets all of my attention (though sleepy attention it may be).
Waiting for Bulgaria
That is why I hate baby books. I think you have to do what works best for you and your baby. And Gracie looks like she’s happy and healthy, and in the end that’s what is most important.
Jenna
oy! I have to admit: the number one thing that causes me the most anxiety about having a baby is lack of sleep. I am a monster when I don’t get it (kind of like right now while I am up reading your blog!). I’m just hoping some magical switch will flip when she comes out so I can live off a few hours at a time! Good luck to you!
Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity
Why must this little girl be so cute? I just want to blubber on her belly! I agree with everyone else…you really need to do what’s best for you. I think every parent becomes the expert on his or her child. Do your thing, Katie! 🙂
Jen @ Caved In
And now you have scared me about having a second child. Sully is on a great routine and I thought it was just because he’s an easy going baby. Crap. Well we still do the dream feed (or twilight feed as you call it). I read the Babywhisperer books and while we don’t follow all of her ideas, the consistency is what (I think) really helped out. When we let him do it his way, it was chaos. Just another reminder about how all babies are different. There is so much advice out there, you’ll go crazy reading it all. Get to know your Gracie and her personality and do what’s best for your family. Ignore everything else.
Bec
If a 3 oz twilight bottle is what works for you and Gracie right now, then go ahead and do it! You are the momma, you know best. NOT Babycenter!! Don’t second guess yourself so much, it seems like you are doing great with those two!
Jen M
Ugh! That’s so tough! Have you read BabyWise? People love it or hate it. I was in the “loved some of the approaches that worked for us” category. At the end of the day, you are the mommy and your gut knows best!
Nancy
I just can’t get over how much your Gracie looks like her brother!
Calypso @ I Shoulda Turned Left
Are you still swaddling? Maybe try the swing. My Drewlbug slept in the swing from Gracie’s age to about 4.5 months… whenever he got too big for it. I know.. everyone says something bad about that… but, I got my sleep, Drewlbug got his sleep, I was happy… EVERYONE was happy..
Gracie Girl is soooooooooooooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KT
Two words… Baby Wise….google it, and then get the book immediately. It changed my life and my babies were sleeping through the night within a month of starting this plan. Good luck! 🙂
Sarah
You are so right. With Kate, when I tried to schedule the heck out of her and try to force different things on her, it never worked. So I quit everything. And everyone was a lot happier. 🙂 Hang in there – you have the right idea!
Tressa
Gracie is way to adorable for her own self!!!!!!!! I can’t get over how big she is getting! They grow up so fast. She looks like she would rule the roost 😉 Sorry, did you say you weren’t getting much sleep and you and Chris are snipping at each other………..Gracie girl…..I can’t get over how precious she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, your children are so CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!
Cindy In Owensboro, KY
Every child is different and what worked for Bean probably won’t work for Gracie girl. My son has been a night owl– when he was a baby and even now that he is 12 years old. He doesn’t require a lot of sleep. But my 2 year little girl needs a lot of sleep and if she didn’t have 2 good naps when she was a tiny baby she was a BEAR. And now that she is 2 years old, if she doesn’t get one good nap, she is a BEAR. So you just need to find out what works for Gracie.
molly
Ha! You always make me laugh, Katie. Not at the situation and your lack of sleep. Because, ahem, I’ve so been there before. But just how you write about it. Only special people can make the lack of sleep funny 😉
My two boys were so different. Never had a problem with my first sleeping through the night. But Brigham? Forget about it. He woke up at least 2 times a night for the entire first year. Let’s just say I was a basket case by his first birthday. But ever since we moved he has been sleeping like a baby. I guess it’s the nice new house, huh?
Amber
Oh man, it’s so hard to figure out with all of the advice and websites and people’s opinions, then every baby being different…yikes! It’s enough to drive a mama mad. Keeping our son on a regular eat/play/nap schedule through the day was the ticket for him sleeping the whole night. But they do like to keep you on your toes.