Pouting, Fighting and Apologies
So, Chris and I have been fighting for two days. But we only just ACTUALLY spoke about it tonight. And by spoke, I mean he said he was mad, I got mad for him being mad, we slammed some doors, then went to Bean’s Christmas concert at school, smiled with the other parents like everything was fine, came home and put the kids to bed together, and then sat on opposite ends of the couch pouting until bedtime.
All very mature, highly functioning stuff.
I have two versions of the fight to tell you. First is the version that I want to tell. The second is the real version.
FIRST VERSION:
Chris got mad at me because I went out to dinner with a girlfriend last night and left him at home with the kids, EVEN THOUGH I didn’t leave the house until they were fed, bathed, and in bed. Then, instead of talking to me about the fact that he was mad, he just pouted. I had to ask him 10 times over two days if he was mad at me for something before he finally told me.
SECOND VERSION:
I went out to dinner with a girlfriend and stayed out until 10:30 shopping, even though I had a lot of schoolwork and some other important things to take care of. Then I woke up at 5:30 this morning, and woke up the entire house and demanded they all get dressed and ready to go early so that I could finish all the crap that I didn’t finish the night before because I was out shopping. Finally, when I got home and asked Chris one more time what was wrong, he said, “I think you were just being a little irresponsible last night.”
Cue the door slamming, not speaking, awkward Christmas concert, couch sitting.
In retrospect, a few things went wrong. First, I was irresponsible. And I paid for that when I woke up at 5:30 this morning panicked about the 5,000 things I had to do that day that I wasn’t ready for. Secondly, Chris should have spoken up about what was bothering him.
About half an hour ago, Chris brought me a bowl of popcorn. Food exchange is our international symbol for, “Truce. Let’s not fight anymore.” And I accepted it and ate it with my feet in his lap while we watched TV. Which is our international symbol for, “Deal.”
Marriage is a funny thing, isn’t it? It simultaneously makes you a better person by keeping you in line when you need a gentle reminder, and it makes you slam doors and pout and eat “let’s not fight anymore” ice cream. So strange…
17 Comments
Christy
Clearly, you need a reprioritization of you life with your wanton ways! How dare you not do stuff for one night? For comparison’s sake, my alarm decided to quit it’s job this morning and I threw clothes on, hopped in the car, and brushed my hair on the way to class. These are the things that consume my nightmares. 15 minutes late to class..but they let me in…thank you, gracious baby-nurse eaters. I didn’t need to skip class for daybreak diner despite my naughty fantasies. Then, I found a green, live bug in my salad at lunch and grossed out my classmates…which is pretty hard in nursing school. They have little to no gag reflexes. Then, I suffered through an awful, although informative 5 hour lecture on child abuse that made me question humanity..then I babysat and blubbered a baby belly for 3 hours. Wild and crazy life’s that we lead. Tomorrow, I might get up late on purpose so that my brain will be ready to study ALL DAY LONG. Hopefully, my B12 complex will help me with that.
Christy
Then, I went to the Club and was poppin bottles all night loonggg. Wait, that never happened.
Bed time. I’m exhausted.
Katy @ MonsterProof
I think the stupider the fight, the more functional the marriage is, right? RIGHT? Ours last week was over cups on tables. And my Chris didn’t talk to me for a day, either, because I said it to him.
Melissa
Marriage is funny, and heartwarming, and so, so hard sometimes while being simultaneously awesome. I love how accurately you capture all that in your blogs.
However, don’t feel too bad. Yes, maybe you were irresponsible. But how often does that happen? Honestly, I think being responsible every minute of every day will drive a person over the edge. One night of shopping with a girlfriend might spare you weeks of stress and anxiety– and will be totally worth the one day you felt rushed and unprepared!
Jamie
Ok, ok, WAIT! Chris did EXACTLY what my husband would have done. He made you feel guilty for doing something harmless that you clearly earned and deserved. Nothing about what you did was “irreseponsible”. Staying out drinking until 2am would have been irresponsible, shopping until 10:30? Are you kidding me? I dont care how much you had to do, its healthy every now and then to just say “forget it” and do something for you. I know you guys have already called a truce, but I think I would have had to defend myself if he called me irresponsible. Also, I agree with Katy. These are the stupid things me and my husband fight over…not money, religion, child-rearing decisions (for children that dont exist), etc. I think that says a lot about a marriage!
Alaina
Ah yes…sounds like my husband, too. We had a full on text fight yesterday over something I did and a stupid responsefrom him set off a whole chain of events. Things were said, and by the time I picked him up from work I think I was purposefully acting all “Donna Reed” just to be the dutiful wife and prove a point. All it took was for us to start talking about Aubrey and something cute she did to end the fight. Oh, marriage…
Sara R.
I totally agree with the previous commenters. Being responsible all the time will drive you batty! Sometimes you just need to shop. The laundry and the homework will still be there the next day.
kat
LOL we have similar international signs for ‘let’s not fight anymore.’ ah marriage…..why must you be so….just…i dont even have words to be honest.
shawny
Your husband acted like a 2 year old! really calling you irresponsible…who is he your parent??? You did nothing wrong and he needs to grow up and stop being controlling.I come and go as I please in my marriage,If something is not done it is on me no skin of my hubbys nose.I could and would never live under those conditions! all marriages have stupid fights and after 26 years of marriage we have our share.you learn to pick your battles.Your husband really needs to think about what he has done..seriously! out of line!
Chloe
Oh 🙁 I think all of us have stupid fights (hopefully most fights are stupid anyway) but I think that was mean of him to say you were irresponsible to go out one night and shock horror until 10.30! You might be 30 but you’re still alive! C’mon that’s rediculous, just because you’re married, have kids and a job, doesn’t mean you need to stop living! Then again you probably should of got up quietly that early, I suspect that would be what he was pissed about. x
Shell
Your husband is the one who seems out of line. Calling you irresponsbile is just wrong…you have 2 healthy happy bathed and fed kids….what’s the problem? I would be pissed if my husband said that to me. If marriage is all about compromise, where did he compromise in this siutation!?
Ani
Thanks for posting this. I’m a newlywed (almost 2 months!) and I just found your blog. Not only is it all a different world, but getting married in October meant hitting the ground running during the holidays, and having to deal with all the family pressures and traditions too. Needless to say that if we start letting things fester, we end up having fights like this one. Our last was on Thanksgiving about napkin rings. It lead to a blow out, but fortunately, it lead to a lot of talking too. Thanks for posting, it makes these first months a bit lighter knowing it’s totally morning.
XO
Lori @ I Can Grow People
I totally don’t think you are irresponsible. You went out and had much needed “me” time with one of your friends. You are allowed to do that! However, waking the whole house up at 5:30am so could catch up on a few things would probably make me a little cranky too. I can see both sides. But talking about how you are feeling is more productive than pouting and the silent treatment–and the food helps!
Sara T
Throw in making “mad faces” at eachother every time our eyes meet and you ‘ve got my hubby & my fighting style. We’ve got 18.5 years happily married & 3 kids, its okay to occasionally fight like we’re kids, LOL. Meh, these things happen. If Chris is anything like my guy, he got lonely and missed being with you…irresponsible was maybe poor word choice mid-argument. Glad the peace offering was put forth & accepted!
Melissa
Could totally see myself in this situation. I get guilt feelings too. To the mean comments about your husband, I know you learn to ignore them since you put your life on the line with the blog anyway, but mature people know each marriage is different and who are they to criticize? Good for you in letting people who know that their marriage is similar to yours, that they are not alone and does not mean that the marriage is bad 🙂
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Brina
This is SO me and Tommy. He’s the responsible one, and I’m the one that thinks we have all the time in the world and can fit everything in. On the flip side, I’m way more organized. Isn’t that what marriage is all about? Finding the one who’s the ying to your yang so you balance each other out? Great post on showing two people’s perspectives in a situation.