I’m a loser. I lose things. Not everything, but a lot of things. And generally, it’s the same things over and over again. I lose my cell phone all the time, and sometimes I lose it for a couple days at a time. People text or call me and think I’m not responding because I’m avoiding them, but usually it’s because I’ve misplaced my cell phone for a while. Same thing happens with my sunglasses. I don’t really know what happens to them, but they will just disappear for a couple days at a time.
I also lose my wallet a lot. One time, I went to the grocery store without it one morning. I did all my grocery shopping and didn’t realize it wasn’t in my purse until I got to the check out and they had already rung up all my groceries. They grocery clerk was not amused. So, they let me load up all my groceries in a buggy, and then they held the buggy for me while I ran home to get my wallet. And then, not three days later, I did the exact same thing again. But this time I was at Target.
So, occasionally I lose things.
But I have a reason! I have an excuse! IT’S MY CHILDREN! IT’S ALWAYS THE CHILDREN! Well, not directly. Although, Gracie loves to walk around with my purse on her arm, my sunglasses on her face and my cell phone up to her ear. I don’t know where she gets it…
Seriously, I lose things a lot because of my diaper bag situation. I am right on the edge of not having to carry a diaper bag anymore. I keep diapers, wipes and a change of clothes for each kid in my car, and the only thing the kids ever really need when we are out nowadays are their sippy cups. Though, they both drink out of regular cups, too, so I’m starting to carry those less and less in favor of letting them use real ones if we’re out to eat. They do still like having snacks when we’re out and about, but I can throw those in my purse. But I haven’t completely let go of my diaper bag yet. Sometimes, I will carry a fully loaded diaper bag when I really need to pack some heat, like on long days out of the house or a time when I know I’ll need to bring some entertainment for the kids. But I’m in the middle of transitioning into being a purse-toting mom for the first time.
This has caused lots of problems. I used to just keep my wallet, keys, sunglasses and cell phone in my diaper bag. It served as my purse and my survival kit for my kids. But these days, I’m bouncing around more between my purse and my diaper bag, which means I will occasionally leave things in one bag when I am carrying another. Ahhh… the plight of a mom.
This past weekend, something was lost at my house. I’m not going to be more specific than that, but it was a very expensive, very important something. And it was lost. It had been sitting on our kitchen counter for weeks. Neither Chris or I had touched it. And then, two days ago, I picked it up for something but when I went to open it, there was something missing from inside. And there I stood, holding the remaining evidence in my hands.
I swore up and down to Chris that I had not touched what was missing. I had simply grabbed the thing and what was missing was already missing when I picked it up. I had not lost it. It wasn’t my fault. And, though Chris insisted he believed me, it was only my things that we looked through – my purse, my bedside table, my side of the desk, and my diaper bag. I started to get pissed.
“Why aren’t we looking through your things?” I demanded. “What about your piles and your wallet and your car?”
“I wasn’t the last person to have it,” Chris said patiently, while rifling through my car console.
I know deep in my heart that it was lost before I picked it up. I just know it. But I also know that Chris doesn’t really believe that. And that just bakes my biscuit.
So, yesterday I did something about it. I bought myself a new purse. A really nice new purse. I got a $100 Macy’s gift card for Christmas and I spent nearly the whole darn thing on a purse, which I’ve never done before.
I came home and I cleaned out my diaper bag. I moved everything that was mine into my purse, and everything that was left (which was mostly toys and used Kleenex) was put back where it was supposed to be.
I am proud to announce that I am now diaper bag free! I vamped up my car bag, so that it includes even more necessities, should we need them while we are out. Now, it has diapers and wipes, a change of clothes for each kid, a few things to entertain the kids in an emergency (Play Doh and lacing cards), two empty sippy cups and a set of small plastic utensils in case we find ourselves out to eat somewhere. All of these things will stay in my car and can be used as needed, but this means I don’t have to pack and carry a diaper bag every time we leave the house anymore.
I came home super proud of my revolutionary purse idea. I even told the sales girl at Macy’s that I was buying this purse to celebrate being diaper bag free. She said she had two little ones under five years old, and so she totally understood. But you know who didn’t understand? Chris. He came home and I told him all about my new purse and how I wasn’t going to carry a diaper bag anymore and how this would mean I would be able to keep up with my stuff better and wasn’t he so proud of me???? And you know what he said?
“You DID lose that thing, didn’t you?”
So, I am now in need of a good divorce attorney. Please send any recommendations my way. Thank you.