Marked.

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Sunday morning was VBS Sunday at our church where one of the services is dedicated entirely to a recap of VBS.  It’s a time for the children to share with the congregation everything they learned the week before.  All the songs we sing are VBS songs, the children stand up where the choir would (and there are hundreds, so it’s pretty impressive), the sermon is usually something about raising faithful families, and we see a slideshow with pictures from the week before.  It’s a really fun service.

In order to recognize VBS leaders, the staff asks all the chairs to wear their VBS t-shirts to the service.  So, Sunday morning, after I had wrangled my two children into presentable church clothes, had convinced my mom that we really were going to leave at 9:00 sharp, and shamed my husband into ironing his clothes for once, I ran upstairs just a few minutes before it was time to leave and got myself ready.  It was too hot to wear jeans with the VBS t-shirt and I didn’t want to wear shorts to church, so I dug around my bathroom floor for my denium skirt.  I had just worn it the day before, so I figured what could a couple more hours hurt?  I finally found it buried under a pile of wet towels from the pool.  It was really wet in one area, but I was in a hurry and I figured it would dry on the way to church.  And even if it didn’t, it was denium and you couldn’t really notice that it was wet.

We went to church and had a great morning, and then after we headed out to lunch with my mom, who had come down for the day to see the kids in all their VBS glory.  In the car on the way to the restaurant, I got a whiff of something sour.  Like urine.  Which sounds like it should have sent off red flags for me, but when you have a toddler who is potty training, you just sort of get used to things smelling like pee.  So, I ignored the smell and moved on.

(This, incidentally, is the reason people with young children have trouble making friends.  When you ignore the smell of pee, you clearly are not fit to be around other adults.)

So, we get to the restaurant for breakfast, and when we sit down, I could smell that same sour, urine kind of smell.  I quickly checked Gracie to see if she had had an accident, but she was clean and dry.

“Oh, well,” I thought.  “I must just be smelling things.”

(Again, this is why I have no friends and very poor judgment.)

During breakfast, Gracie had to go to the bathroom approximately 7,461 times.  Every time I squatted down to her level in the bathroom, I would smell that urine smell strongly, but we were in a bathroom.  I figured the smell was just part of the atmosphere.

(This is also why I hardly ever go out in public with the very few friends I do have.  When you think a urine smell is part of the atmosphere in a public place, it’s time to go home and sit on your couch.)

Finally, on our last trip to the restroom, I started getting suspicious of the smell.  We had used almost every stall since we had arrived at the restaurant (Gracie likes a little variety when nature calls…), and each stall smelled just as strongly of urine.  Could it be that the smell wasn’t actually the bathroom?

And then my mind began to have flashbacks…

Sitting in the bathroom.  And I smell it.

Sitting at the table.  And I smell it.

Sitting in the car.  And I smell it.

Putting on a wet skirt that morning.

With our dog Lucy sitting there next to the pile of clothes.

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No…  It couldn’t be…  Surely not…  But let me just sniff just to make sure…

OH MY GOD!

Yes, friends.  Yes.

It wasn’t the wet towels that had made my skirt wet.

I had worn a skirt all morning that had dog pee on it.  Because, clearly, every living being in my house feels the need to mark me and my belongings with their pee.

And that, good readers, is why I have taken a vow of reclusitivity.  If you need me, I will be in my shower for the next three months, scrubbing my legs viciously and hiding from all civil society.  Thank you for being with me during this difficult time.

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24 thoughts on “Marked.

  1. I could not figure out why there was a picture of your dog in this post as I was reading it…. LOL! Poor Katie.

  2. Jenna

    Ha!! Oh, but this started my day off with such a great laugh … !

  3. Suzanne

    I, unfortunately, knew just where this was heading because my 2 dogs are HORRIBLE about going in the house. I contribute 75% of my stress to them since I have to clean up something they did no less than twice a day. I’m sorry that happened Katie! But it made for a super funny post 🙂

  4. Andrea in SC

    hahahahahahahahahaha

  5. Kimberly M.

    I so needed this laugh this morning. You’re the best! And Lucy’s face in the photo is priceless… totally shows her personality (as you describe her). 🙂

  6. Ginna

    So funny! I have a feeling this is going to make me giggle all day long, thank you for sharing! 🙂

  7. Michelle

    Oh how I needed that laugh this morning! I’m just sorry it was at your expense.
    We have a somewhat similar issue in that our 12 year old dog pees in the house frequently. He is potty trained but also has severe separation anxiety so I can’t tell if it’s because of that or because he’s old and can’t hold it so well anymore. In anycase, in order to save our carpet (and my sanity), he now wears “pee pants” when we’re gone for the day and when we go to bed at night. They’re a little pricey but have paid for themselves many times over since we bought them!

  8. HILARIOUS! I am ashamed to admit that this has happened to me before too! It just doesn’t register as a possibility so it takes WAY LONGER than it should to realize what is going on! Thanks for brightening my Monday with your shenanigans!

  9. That is so gross, but so funny! I would have totally done the same thing!

  10. Ruth

    Sorry but hihihi is so funny. Look at the bright side, at least nobody noticed 🙂

  11. LOL! That is hilarious..We have a dog too and I totally understand! He thinks he has to mark everything..lol. Thanks for the laugh, sorry it was at your expense.. 🙂

  12. Emily

    We recently bought a house and we were having family over at the new house so I was frantically cleaning (or throwing stuff into laundry baskets and hiding them in closets. same diff). Well a few days later I was putting clothes away that I had stuffed into baskets and got right to the bottom of the basket where there was a robe, couple t-shirts and socks and I picked up the shirt to fold and put away and noticed that it smelled like pee, so then I investigate the rest of the basket, everything smells like pee. I have no idea if it was the dog or the cat or how long ago it even happened. Then I panicked that I had hung up an entire load of pee covered clothes so I literally had to go through my entire closet and armoire smelling EVERYTHING. ( I would like to point out that my “closet” is actually a spare bedroom we converted, so we are talking walls of clothes here) I even made my husband come sniff in case I had become immune to the smell. He was none to pleased to be on pee sniffing detail.

  13. Laura B

    I can’t think of any specific examples off hand but I know I’ve done things like this more times than I can count! And now I have to wash my bedspread, since my son is far too busy having fun to hold still while I change his dirty diaper. Gross.

  14. jamie

    and the moral of that story my dear sweet beautiful amazing inspirational imaginary friend, katie, is this: never ever wear soggy clothes from the floor. this will having me laughing all week long! i can’t help wondering how your mom, chris, and ginny {after you told her the story} responded to this!

  15. Catherine

    Yep! This could totally happen to me! At least your kids are still young enough that you can pretend it was them!

  16. hahaha, so funny! I also love how you blamed the innocent toddler. Poor Gracie.

  17. Emily

    Clearly, Lucy must not have been a fan of her shining blog moments last week!! So sorry that happened, but I really appreciate the laugh on a Monday! 🙂

  18. marci

    Oh Katie! I was in a meeting when I read this and had to laugh out loud because this has happened to me! I pass it off to having 4 dogs and 4 cats since my younguns are 20 somethings. But oh how lovely that it doesn’t just happen to me! Sorry to have joy on your account!

  19. I’m so glad I’m not the only one this kind of thing has happened to.
    She was just making sure everyone knew you were hers 😉

  20. Valerie M

    Lol….thanks for the laugh!!

  21. And that’s yet another reason why I love reading your blog…. make me BUST out laughing in the middle of my insanely democratic day. Oh I appreciate your dog pee stories… really, I do 🙂

  22. Lindsay

    OH my goodness! Too funny! So sorry. 🙂

  23. cat pee. backpack. full day of college classes….. and all day long I was like, “What is that SMELL????”

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